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Love’s Fragrance – By Nicky Bantham
If a synchronization of sound creates harmony in music, then the elegance of its delivery, usually determines the success thereof. So it is with love, the one emotional instrument, we have all encountered, in different forms, and, which, like music, can only be successful when delivered with elegance.
For centuries love has been depicted as a pendulum of extremes, where sanity and insanity usually inhabit the same person, where its sweet aura captures the hearts of rich, poor, young and old alike, and its essence far-reaching and without confinement.
Countless tales of love’s scorn and passion, its poison and rich fragrance, dominates 16th century theatre, where highly acclaimed playwrights such as William Shakespeare, entertained Elizabethan society, both high and low in stature, with scripts like Romeo and Juliet, proving that the search for solutions to love’s complexities, do not only preside in modern day ‘co-dependent’ relationships.
So how is it, that the length, depth and breadth we humans go to for the experience of this emotion, aware of all the pitfalls, landmines either of us could trigger in the other, still makes the quest all the more intriguing to those known to hold high levels of intelligence? The all-time low of course being, that I, prime practitioner, victim and volunteer to the profile described above, have learned nothing which warrants dignity in matters of the heart.
I’ve delegated my way through relationships, completely oblivious to delusions that have shaped my impressions to date. Many suitors from far and wide, have been part of this delusory phase of my life, all starting out with great enthusiasm, promising to hang the sun, moon and stars, but somehow falling short, without fail, each predictably panting for breath, as marathon runners do during the final leg of their race! If I didn’t know better, Id accuse each of them of secretly conspiring to destroy my mental balance, which I have to mention, has been highly questionable.
Despite the effects of regular surreal events constantly catapulting my life into a different romantic direction, coated in promise, hope and well, more delusion, I find myself, face to face with yet another experience of what love is not. ‘Taking time out’, to ‘heal’, would be widely regarded as the wiser course, after ending a relationship or four. But how does one apply love’s rules, which has no logic, definition or basis, to experiences, which are clearly designed and orchestrated by fate, keeping in mind all of the above?
As an evolved species, blessed with high degrees of wisdom, we spend our time in relationships, fuelling our ego with beliefs that separate us from the truth about ourselves. We become dependent on partners who really have nothing to teach us, because they have no interest in growing themselves, but because of societal pressures, stay happily ensconced in relationships no longer serving or making us happy, then wilfully take steps to walk down that aisle, spending thousands of ‘borrowed’ funds to be contractually bound to an institution which says: Till Death do us part?
Living unconsciously in love’s house, means we never have to take responsibility for mistakes, issues or choices we’ve created. We watch our sense of peace slowly eroding as more and more violations to our personal constitutions become apparent. We flatter the ‘lie’ we’re mostly living towards ourselves and mask our identities with ideas which only reflect our poor self-image, as we parade our lists of conquests within a society where judgemental practises are paramount.
If we could view relationships as lessons for personal growth in this Earth School’, then our ‘teachers’, aka former incongruous suitors, would be seen as enablers of our present development, rather than enemies of our pasts. We often turn a blind eye to situations which are clearly signposted as NO ENTRY zones, convincing ourselves that we are quite capable of living untrue to ourselves at the cost of having’ a partner,or worse yet, a husband/wife we have nothing good to say about.
With all of the above in mind, I entered the doors of yet another new conquest, only this time, my modus operandi was completely different. I was going to act out the script of this relationship, as myself, lead star in my own life, for a change, forgetting the iconic figures from ‘Hello’ magazine, that have greatly influenced my idea of what happiness looks like in an airbrushed world.
copyright © November 2010