Understanding and Accepting Extroverted Personalities
What is an Extrovert?
An extrovert is a person who prefers to be around others rather than being alone. An extrovert has a very electric and magnetic personality who is very outgoing and is the “life of the party”. An extrovert is “energized by being around other people” (about.com). Without other people surrounding the extrovert, one starts to fade and become lonely and sometimes sad. Extroverts need to speak out loud to learn; they tend to only reflect on thoughts and life when hearing words aloud. Internal reflection does not take effect as it does with introverts. Extroverts do not think before they speak, but think and learn as they are speaking. Life's concepts need to be spoken aloud before they can begin to feel real.
Life as an Extrovert
My jaw moves a million miles a minutes spewing out words that hold little truth or knowledge, my ears are deaf to the noise until I finish. My soul laughs and cries as I realize that what I had just forced out of my face hole was complete bullshit. I quickly correct myself, apologize for my white lie, and chuckle. Most believe I like to listen to myself speak due to vanity, when in reality, I cannot learn or understand unless I hear myself say it aloud. Even when the room is empty, my thoughts become lost, my mind wanders aimlessly from one topic to the next, it is difficult to focus and pull my brain into one idea, one moment, one thought, one instant.
As I sit alone, my hearts sinks into my stomach, my smile tucks itself beneath my face, my eyes swell and my energy ceases. Boredom vibrates within my bones, my mind wanders, my limbs become antsy; I can not sit still. I can not pull my thoughts together, directing them into a string of words that makes sense, I am forced to say them aloud, carrying on a conversation with myself.
When I am surrounded by others I am energized and high, my heart feels whole, my smile jumps off of my face, my laughter fills the room forcing happiness out of every person in a five mile radius. My eyes sparkle and draw people toward me. When I flash a smile I am able to draw strangers towards me, inviting a conversation wherever I am. I can make a friend (even if it only survives two minutes) in the supermarket, the mall, WalMart, or a gas station; when I stand in line, I am bored, if and when eye contact is made, I can't help but smile and giggle; I love the connection. Another extrovert is immediately drawn in, feeding off of my energy, wanting more, and we converse and connect. I turn strangers into friends and friends into family; I love wholesomely and internally.
Even though I have an electric and eccentric personality, and even though I make connections easily with many different people, I can make it very difficult for others to carry on lifelong (or long term) relationships with me due to the fact that I tend to be and get a little crazy. I love and embrace change, I get antsy, and I need to move on quickly, people who want to be in my life need to keep up, run alongside me and support me. That may mean that one needs to put in just as much (or more) effort in maintaining a relationship with me, unless I may become bored, upset and angry. Some people find it difficult to maintain a romantic relationship with me due to the fact that I am very comfortable with others. I tend to hug, love and touch everyone I meet; I forget that others have a lot of strict boundaries, and I have little boundaries, so I cross others easily. It can also be difficult for another to carry on a relationship with me (romantically or not) because I can be very insecure. If communication is not open, I can easily misread a situation, building it up in my mind and I tend to separate from people if any tension is felt. For me to be able to maintain healthy and comfortable relationships with other people, there needs to be a lot communication, support, and compromise.
I am very sporadic, impulsive and indecisive which can make it very difficult for others to live with me. I can leave a mess sitting for days. I can never decide on an outfit, so I try many different combinations on, tossing the unwanted clothing on the floor, bed, or on top of my dresser. I feel comfortable in chaos and I am not disturbed by it. I easily procrastinate and make excuses for why I do not start and complete a chore or task; I start a chore or project, become bored and quickly move on to the next, leaving the first unfinished, and hopefully left for me to return to later.
I love to dance. I love to smile. I love to talk. I love to meet new people, I love to make friends. I like to drink wine. I like to be outrageous and crazy. I love to make others happy and laugh. I am caring and loving. I am respectful and forgiving. I love to learn. I love to teach. I most definitely like to speak my mind. I can not sit still. I embrace change. I am an extrovert.
Living with an Extrovert
Living with an extrovert can be difficult, even for another extrovert. It can become frustrating for some to share a space with another person who constantly desires to be surrounded by multiple people and who may become depressed when that company leaves. The extroverted mind is chaotic, and this is proven by the way an extrovert chooses to live. An extrovert tends to be sporadic and will begin one project with starting another without finishing the first.
When living with an extrovert there are no awkward silences. At first this can be a very positive living situation, but after time annoyance can build and therefore resentment can develop. An extrovert will talk non stop making it difficult for the other member(s) of the household to accomplish daily tasks and necessities. When a roommate (spouse or partner) wants to have quiet time it can be frustrating when the extrovert wants to talk, learn, and be social. The liveliness and excitement an extrovert feels when surrounded by other people can become unbearable and daunting making the living situation even more complicated.
No matter the living situation, boundaries are very important, but an extrovert personality has lower expectations for boundaries (and some tend to not have any boundaries at all). It is easy for an extroverted person to cross boundaries and not understand the reasoning behind an argument (or upset) and may become very uncomfortable around the tension. Therefore communication is key when living with an extrovert personality.
Living with a serious extroverted person can become complicated and difficult but with patience and time one can survive the extrovert and discover balance, peace and happiness within the household.
Loving an Extrovert
Living with an extrovert is very different from loving an extrovert; one can live with a person without loving that person. Extroverts make it very easy for others to love and care for them, but being in love with an extrovert can be more complicated than being in love with an introvert. Sharing a life with a person who shares their life with everyone is difficult but with compromise, communication and support it is possible and even rewarding.
Extroverts Loving Extroverts
Love between two extroverts is easily shared, but hard to maintain, since both personalities are loud , outrageous, and outspoken. A relationship with two extroverts can become messy, and arguments can escalate quickly. The key is to keep calm when one is upset, communicate with one another, and move on after the issue is dealt with.
Introverts Loving Extroverts
Love shared between an introvert and an extrovert is very difficult to find and maintain, and usually takes a little more effort. Love shared between introverts and extroverts can become difficult because one girl is very outspoken and loose with their words, thought, and actions while the introvert is very quiet, calm, and intimidated by the behavior of the extrovert. Keeping a relationship between introverts and extroverts is possible with time, patience, acceptance, and compromise.
Supporting an Extrovert
Extroverted personalities need constant support, guidance and reassurance to ensure happiness and avoid depression. This is because the extrovert tends to be a little insecure (at times) and cares deeply what other people think about them and they constantly wish for the people who surround them to be happy also.
It is important for those who love the extrovert to support them in the extroverted lifestyle. One does not have to enable outrageous behavior, but one does need to support the extrovert in seeking friendships and new experiences with different types of people on occasion. Not only should one support the extrovert in their relationships, but one should also support the extrovert when it is necessary to become introverted (which is the most difficult time to support an extrovert).
Becoming an Introvert when Necessary
There is a misconception that extroverts cannot, will not, and refuse to be alone all the time, this is simply untrue. Even though an extrovert has more energy and personality when surrounded by family, friends and strangers, does not mean that an extrovert doesn't want or need personal time. It is not always appropriate to be extroverted and even the most extrovert personality needs to understand when it is necessary to control oneself and become an introvert at times. One can not always surround themselves by other people and the extrovert must learn how to comfort themselves when others are not around to help comfort them.
Being constantly surrounded by people is exhausting for anybody and those feelings are felt by even the most extroverted personalities at times. In times of exhaustion it is important for an extrovert to take some personal time and focus on a hobby or activity that makes the individual happy. Keeping the mind busy and focused on an activity or hobby that personally makes the individual extrovert happy, one will not have the feeling of loneliness. The extroverted mind must stay busy in order to stay happy, and that is true even when the extrovert is in solitude. Days of solitude are highly important (especially for an extrovert) because it allows a personal to gain emotional independence; teaching one to control personal actions and emotions. The extrovert must know and learn the feeling of being overwhelmed with the world and separate themselves from it by introverting their personality, because if an extrovert does not have “down time” the extrovert will tend to become outrageous, crazy and overbearing for those who they surround themselves with, which will cause discomfort for everyone involved.
Introverts and Extroverts are Different
Introverts are very different from the extrovert, and many take the personality differences personally when in reality these differences clash and rarely connect. Sometimes no matter how hard one works at creating and/or maintaining a relationship, personalities differences can cause many issue making it impossible. This should not discourage others from avoiding relationships with introverts (or extroverts) but one should learn from past mistakes and work on them in the future making relationships easier to create and maintain later in life.
It is important for the extrovert to understand that introverts tend to be more quite and internal (as the extrovert is very outspoken and loud). Introverts have many boundaries, and may feel uncomfortable around extroverts who have little to no boundaries. The extrovert must control their behavior and be respectful of the introverted boundaries. On the other hand, the introvert must understand that at times the extrovert finds it difficult to control their behavior and can unintentionally hurt or upset the introvert. If this happen, the introvert must explain and communicate with the extrovert so it can be corrected and avoided in the future.
If introverts and extroverts can understand, respect, and support each other in their individual lifestyles it is possible for the opposites to maintain close relationships with each other.