- Gender and Relationships
What not to do or say to your wife or girlfriend
Various things I have learned about my wife and women in general. There are things you shouldn't do or say. I learned a lot the hard way, hopefully you won't
I've been married for over 10 years to my wonderful wife. Before marriage, I had dated and had relationships before and trying to share some tips and examples on what not to say or do to your wife or girlfriend. Some of my miscues cost me relationships and a lot of yelling and sometimes physical attack. I like to think men are simpler creatures in regards to wants and needs. Of course we should love our significant other and children, that should be a given. We like to eat, play/watch sports, hang with our friends/have a few beers and get our needs addressed. I'm going to keep this G rated but that pretty much sums up a lot of men I know. I've learned a lot through the years and there are some absolute truths in what not to do or say to the majority of woman in general, regardless of what ethnic background or country they are from.
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List of No No's in no particular order
These are things you shouldn't say or do to your significant other. Some of these are applicable for a man as well but this lens is focusing on women. If you have more suggestions for me mention them in the guestbook. Here's my list.
- 1. Never discuss what your ex-girlfriend or wife did. Do not speak of them in a more favorable fashion than who you are with. It will only cause problems. If your ex was more romantic or a better cook, keep that to yourself. If she asks about your ex, keep it simple and don't fall into the trap of giving out to many details. They will ask and on more than one occasion.
2. Don't compare her to your mom. That will make her hopping mad. She will say things like, "I'm not your mother", "Why don't you marry your mom then". This is a fine line for us men. Most of us love our moms but in a relationship we are caught between 2 important women in our lives. Use discretion and try not to compare how your mom raised her children, her housekeeping or cooking with your significant other. No good can come from this. I used to do this in the past and the most yelling I've ever heard was when I compared a woman to my mother. I don't do this anymore. I learned the hard way.
3. Don't knock her cooking. If it's bad, try to eat it. I don't care if the food is so burned you are afraid to chip some teeth. My wife will get mad and throw the whole thing in the trash, pan and all, if I say anything about her food. "Cook for yourself then." When she isn't looking throw some away or claim you are ill. If I see something suspect in the kitchen before it is done I will start mentioning that I am sick to my stomach. That way I will only have to eat just a little. Now if her cooking is bad all the time and not just occasionally, you have to let her know.
4. Don't mention former lovers. This was kind of mentioned before but seriously stress this. If you have an idea that is new to her, they will want to know if this is your own idea or something you did with a previous ex. It is always a new idea. If your ex was a better kisser or more romantically involved, don't mention it.
5. If you don't like her parents, fake it. Hopefully you won't have to deal with them all the time unless they are living across the street like in Everybody Loves Raymond. If so, you have my condolences. It makes your relationship better to not belittle her parents and if you really love this woman and want to keep her, don't express your true feelings for her family if you do indeed dislike them.
6.Don't say she looks fat or bad in an outfit unless if you didn't it would be embarrassing to you and them. Actually never say they need to lose weight. You can hint at it but go to far and it's not a good thing. I hate shopping and probably have bad taste in clothing. When shopping with the wife I will pick up an outfit that is so ugly and say "hey honey, this looks pretty nice". Do this enough times and she won't ask your opinion or take you shopping with her. If she does ask you what outfit you like try to pick up her hints by the ways her face and tone are when showing you them and choose the one that she probably likes better. Again, don't mention the weight thing. I personally don't mind full figured but at times in the past have made reference to the weight of a previous ex and instead of getting mad, they started to cry. That made me feel like a piece of garbage. I don't like to make a woman cry and it's never a good thing to mess with anyone's self esteem.
7. Don't lie to them blatantly. You can omit stuff to spare her feelings or would do more harm than good. If you start lying about things and she catches you in a few lies, then she'll always be suspicious of everything and that's not a fun feeling. Relationships are built on trust and once that's totally gone, you have nothing left but a shell.
8. You shouldn't cheat on them. If you do, you can man up and admit it especially if it was a mistake that you truly regret. This can go both ways though. If she finds out because you didn't tell her, that is never good and more worse than telling her to begin with. If you don't think she will ever find out and don't want to hurt her and ruin your marriage potentially, that is your call. I will say that if you plan on having another woman on the side or getting attention from any woman whenever you can get it, because you are unhappy with your wife, you should probably end your relationship. It would be more fair to both parties this way.
9. Don't forget important dates like birthdays and anniversaries. This is never good. I am bad at this and my dear mom will call me on occasion to make sure I remember certain events coming up. Write them down on a calendar if need be. You forget her birthday or wedding anniversary and you will be sleeping on the couch. Make sure to get her something as well. That should be a given.
10. Don't live on the computer, watch TV, or play video games obsessively. You'll end up sleeping on the couch or be given a cold shoulder if they continuously have to tell you to stop playing video games. That is my downfall, playing old video games. I try to play when she's not around so that I can spend quality time with her. They like the attention and knowing you put them first.
11 .Don't overdo it with friends. I kill 2 birds with one stone with this. Since I don't like some of her friends and she doesn't like some of mine, we set up in advance girls and boys night out type of things. This way if you like to play cards, watch big games with your friends, etc it won't cause a big problem if she can have her jewelry and perfume parties, etc.
12 .Don't be controlling. Besides not being a healthy practice it will eventually ruin your relationship. If they love you and you them, you should be able to trust each other. You may lose the best thing in your life because you tried to control them.
13 .Don't be abusive. This should be a given and this includes verbally/emotionally and physically abusive. If you do these types of things a relationship won't last and is wrong. You should seek counseling to correct these issues.
14 .Not listening to them and ignoring their hopes and feelings is not a good thing. Even if you are bored out of your mind with something she wants to talk to you about. Try to pay attention and go through the motions. She's probably done that a few times as well when you are telling her about a big Nascar wreck, a fishing trip, etc. If you listen and show concern, it will reap its rewards.
15. Arguing with them can be a no win situation. This is different than being verbally abusive. Woman are very vocal and I would rather have a man punch me in the face than having a woman nagging/yelling at me for hours. You just fuel the fire if you get involved in an argument. Let her cool down and broach it later if it is something important. If it's not, just let it go and keep yer trap shut, lol. I have found out that if someone is yelling at you and it's not stopping that going to the bathroom for a long time or making up an excuse to help your son with his homework, etc can stop it. She might bring it up later though so be prepared. Now if she yells and argues excessively and not just on a rare occasion, you must address this otherwise your life will be miserable and its not right.
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Concluding thoughts and suggestions
Some of these things mentioned above are no brainers. I've ruined a few early relationships early on by doing some of the former stuff though. I am happy with my wife and long in the tooth with knowing how to act but I still mess up on occasion. I am sure I forgot some things and will be updating when I think of more. If you are reading and have some suggestions whether male or female, feel free to mention them briefly in the guestbook at the bottom and when I update again can use them if applicable.
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