A Work in Progress

© Deborah Turner

John 15:16

You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you.

God asked me to be His canvas. I looked back in wonder and asked … why? "Why me Lord?" My edges are crumpled, cracked, and worn. I am faded, discolored, and yellow with age. I have blotches and spots, and even some bare places where I tried so hard to erase my past mistakes. How could I possibly become a useful and beautiful work of Art? Pick another canvas I thought, a new canvas clean and bright with a smooth finish. One that God’s paint would glide over with ease. I could not conceive how God would fill in the cracks of my prior blunders. How He could remove the stains of my sins and give me a clean slate? I just wanted to hide. I was embarrassed. I felt like a spectacle, ugly. I could not possibly comprehend how God could see any beauty in me at all.

Ashamed and reluctant, I asked the Lord to work in me. To show me the person that He saw. I wanted to see myself through God’s eyes, for He surely must have thought that I was someone special. I desired to know this person that He loved so much, to behold the canvas in which He saw countless potential. I decided to overlook my flaws, and let God work with what I had. He said that would be enough. I knew that on my own, I would never achieve sufficient goodness or righteousness. On my own I felt unworthy, but He wanted me just as I was and not the person that I thought He needed me to be first. He said that was His job. My job was to have faith. So with my eyes shut and my heart wide open I let Him in.

He insisted that through Him I could exceed above and beyond my wildest dreams. I was relieved; it was as though a tremendous weight was lifted. I felt light; I had never experienced such a powerful Love before. I turned everything over to God, my weaknesses, my strengths, my voice, my love ... and my heart. I poured out my fears, my aspirations, my family, my marriage, my home ... and my mind and God embraced it all. I was embarrassed as I scraped up the regret, every mistake, every sin, and handed them over to Him. He said that He was present when I endured these pains and He wanted me to use my experience to administer to others in the same situation. He forgave me, and said that I must now begin to forgive myself.

God smoothed my crumpled, cracked, and worn edges. I began to see how everything that I had gone through, good, bad, and ugly had served to make me into the person that I am today. My edges were soft and supple now, not stiff and new. God said that I have earned softness, and it would be much more inviting than a sharp cutting brim. I was washed clean of all the blotches and spots. I was new again, and the old yellowness was replaced with a beaming satiny whiteness. I was curious about one thing though, God left the bare spots. The places that were worn thin because I had tried so hard to erase my mistakes. He said that they were appropriate for His needs. I did not understand why God would want to leave my weakest places for the entire world to see. He said they were not weak spots at all … they were the places where everyone would see His light in me.

I could finally see the potential that I had as God’s Canvas. I could become anything that I wanted to be through His Love. I understood that the journey of a lifetime begins with that one single step … in faith. Knowing, that once I let go of what I held onto so tightly my hands would be free to receive my Gifts. I now know that God uses both my strengths and my weakness, and I am exactly where I should be at this time. God told me that He doesn’t need perfect people, just faithful people. I knew that if God forgave my sin, than I should also forgive others, and myself. I chose to let go of those burdens and now my arms are open to embrace the abundantly happy life that God promised us. We are all a work in progress.