Just Be With Me

Just Be With Me

When was the last time you heard the Lord whisper to you "Just be with Me?"

I sat on a red picnic table bench under the roof of a plank wooden beam shelter. The wind rustled the leaves and random pieces of trash littered on the ground making for a chilly but peaceful afternoon. A train whistled and roared past in the background. A couple play in the distance of the park with their energized, healthy, white dog. I went there to spend time with Jesus in this new and foreign space I've been in since coming back to the States. I was celebrating the beginning of a new week as the past week while good had been somewhat of a roller coaster.

I spent nearly three hours one day that week browsing merchandise at Lifeway Christian Store in the hunt for a good bible study and devotional book. I wish I could take over half of the stuff in that store with me back overseas. I decided on a study written by Melissa Spoelstra on Jeremiah "Daring to Hope in an Unstable World." I planned to do my first lesson on this bench at the park. "Week One: Raising the White Flag Surrender. Day One: No Excuses." It was a look at the first chapter, the calling of Jeremiah.

It turned out that the first day's lesson couldn't have been better timed. Nor could Pastor Helen Musick's sermon earlier that day on community from portions of scripture in Acts 2 and Hebrews 10. If I may be honest and this is hard for me too, that felt like the first time I've been in church instead of it feeling like I'm in the middle of Walmart since my first trip back from Ethiopia. It turns out you are not alone sister in not wanting to go to life group, as there are times I don't want to be on the continent. You unleashed so much hope there.

You see its hard being "professional Christians." I've been in this season of feeling like I don't fit and that I had outgrown my life group. After being really honest about some hurt and disappointment, it got so bad I pulled my leader aside and talked about taking a break. I get to learn and experience more in how to love as Jesus loves and give them freedom to be themselves where they are even when everything inside me wants to scream. I haven't fully gotten to the bottom of this inner screaming match but I have some reasons behind the cause.

After my time in study and looking at excuses, I sat talking with Him. I got to ask Him more about what He is calling me to do. I got some answers to some of my ministry but what struck me the most and I heard Him clear as day - "Just be with Me."

What if for this season we are called not only in what we get to do, but just be?

"Just be with Me."

I sensed Him mourning. His heart hurts when my heart hurts. He is offended when I am offended. He holds every tear I have cried over these kids in Africa in His bottle, and I get to rest in knowing He cried them first. I get to remember His cross, the truth that He bled out over our selfishness. In this season of not understanding a lot of things and the unbelieveably, undeniable hard of it all, I just get to be with Him.