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Divorce getting ugly! (Personal Testimony Continues : Part 3)
I was speechless!
On a day I saw that two men were sitting in a white car in front of my house for hours. Me and my wife was not divorced at that stage.
Later I went out to see if they needed something or if I could help. They were embarrassed and told me that they were sent to keep an eye on me in case I tried to murder my wife.
I was speechless.
I said that if I wanted to kill her I would have done it the night I asked her to leave. I couldn’t believe that she went so far as to humiliate me.
A few days later, on a Saturday evening, my children and I was sitting watching TV. The next thing there was a knocking on the door. I went out and saw my wife standing there with the SAP and they demanded that they come in. I did not want to open the security door but when I saw that the police were going to break it open, I unlocked the door.
They stormed past me and stood between my wife and I. They said that they had come to fetch the children. I was shocked to my core.
For about 4 months she did not even want to speak to them on the phone, now there she stood, proud and fearless, backed up by the police, to fetch “her” children. I stood there, and all power drained from my body, my children were all I had left.
I started to protest but I saw that she had the police on her side. I could see that they were looking for a chance to beat me up. I would not give her that satisfaction and backed off. I looked at my children and they were crying and confused.
I then decided that they would choose where they wanted to live. I gave each one a chance to choose between mommy and daddy and both chose mommy. I was now even more broken than before. I just stood there for a while without words and then I told them that they must take all their stuff because what was left, I was going to sell.
They left with all their stuff; even their beds were on the roof of the car.
My last hope was gone; I knew deep inside something like this would happen, but wasn’t emotionally strong enough when it happened.
I stopped living, did not sleep nor eat. I do not know for how long this went on.
One day I decided this pain and the loss were too much a burden to bear and that I must stop the pain at all costs.
I just wanted this pain to go away.
I wanted to drive into the desert and keep on driving till my petrol was up and die there in peace. I packed my 4×4 and as I drove out of my yard, a man came up to me. He asked me to go and buy him some batteries. I looked at this man and I thought if he could only know what my plans were. I said to him that I couldn’t because I was going away.
He would not take no for an answer and kept on nagging me. I wanted to drive away but he was bugging me and begging me. I looked at this man going on and on and decided that this would be my last goodwill to mankind.
I took the money and drove to the shop and I bought him his batteries. On the way back I decided, I believe, driven by the Holy Spirit that I am not going to end my life for a woman’s sake. As I came back I parked the car and went into the house.
I gave up on life, because life gave up on me, but God did not give up on me.
I was so tired I could die, but I could not sleep and I was weakened because I did not eat nor drank anything. I did not look after myself nor did I bath or shave. I did not pray or look for the face of the Lord. I can’t remember what I did those days but I was half asleep, half awake, when I had a vision.
In this vision, I saw myself lying on a bed, hanging in the air, without legs. I had peace for the first time after all of this happened. I looked at the vision and I saw that all around the bed there were flowers. Hundreds of daisies like flowers. I was watching them in amazement when I saw that they all came alive. All the flowers became like little faces and out of the faces little arms with human-like hands came out and they all started to cuddle and to pat me.
A peace unspeakable came over me and I fell asleep for the first time in weeks.
Isaiah 40:29-31:He strengthens those who are weak and tired. Even those who are young grow weak; young people can fall exhausted. But those who trust in the LORD for help will find their strength renewed. They will rise on wings like eagles; they will run and not get weary; they will walk and not grow weak.
I do not know for how long I slept but after I woke up I felt new strength. I had hope and new life from the living God. I was still cross with God; because I thought that God was allowing all this pain to come into my life, not knowing the He was forming and shaping me. He could have spared me from it all, was my thought.
But I was thankful towards God for giving me peace and rest and I stood up and I started to eat. I had lost so much weight that my clothes hung like rags, I looked sick.
In this time I needed to do something with my hands, so I decided to dig a KOI dam. I started digging a hole and parked my pickup on the other side of the fence so I could transport the dirt away. Without tiring I worked out the anger and hurt, digging deeper and deeper. Every spade-full represented hurt, hate and the pain. I was trying to throw it all away from myself, spade by spade.
A friend came by and he almost fainted when he saw me. The sweat running from my body mingled with the red soil, looked like blood running from my body. He stormed into the hole where I was feverishly digging away, unaware of the world and time and pain. When he got in the hole he saw that it was soil and sweat and not blood, he was relieved.
He stopped me and we sat in silence, then he started telling me of his life. I was shocked and amazed and realised that my problems were not as bad as his. We later discovered that I had buried the pickup and that we had to dig it out under the heap of soil. My hands and body was badly bruised and for weeks I was in pain but that did not bother me because my heart was bruised inside.
For some reason I wanted to have pain in my body as well.
God restored me.
One day I decided to go to church, having this deep longing for God and His peace in my life, but not to my old church. It seemed as if I had become an enemy to them since I was in the process of a divorce. I felt as if everyone had deserted me. All the men thought that I was after their wives and the woman were cold because I was a man divorcing his wife. I was looking for a church where people did not know me.
Deep inside me I was looking and longing for God. I needed the Lord so much. I visited a home cell and they invited me to their church. I went to that church and I sat alone. It was a large church. I was alone in this big wild world, so it seemed. The church was empty and I saw a black man stood up and he came to sit next to me. I was angry because there were hundreds of seats open but he wanted to sit next to me. He looked at me and he said the following words to me, “you have all these millions of questions, but there are no answers. The answer is Jesus Christ”. He stood up and he went his way.
I was stunned and yet I knew it was God speaking to me.
I enjoyed the service and I went back often. Later I prayed to God and asked Him if I must come to this church or stay where I was. The Lord spoke to me and He said that I must go to the new church. It was difficult because I loved the people in my old church so much, but it was as if God had cut me loose from them by allowing these things to happen in my life.
I started going to the new church more often and I grew every week from glory to glory and from strength to strength, spiritually and also physically.
Louis & Cavell 2008
I started to look like a man again.
One day, after doing night-shift, as I got into bed, the Lord said to me that I must go to my spiritual mother.
I got up again and I went. When I got there she was expecting me, because the Lord revealed it to her. I sat for half an hour or so and eventually asked her, “are you not going to pray for me or prophecy over my life?”, “I know the Lord has sent me to you”. She said, “I have nothing to say to you”. I was confused because I know God’s voice. We were sitting and drinking tea when a guy drove into the yard with his motorbike. He came up the steps and she opened the door for him, he came in without a word and he sat down. She looked at me and I looked at her, she asked me if I knew the guy and I said no. She asked him if she could help him, but he just sat there with his leathers and his helmet in his hand.
So we sat in silence drinking our tea.
Shortly afterwards, a man drove up and stopped on the pavement. His car was full of patches, green bonnet, red door and yellow fenders. He came up the steps and she opened the door for him. He said to her, “the strangest thing happened to me, I was on my way somewhere and the Lord told me to turn back and to come here”. As he walked into the room, he looked at the silent biker and then at me.
He stopped in his tracks and he said, “Oh”. He asked for tea and sat down, looking at me. He told me that he was a prophet of the living God. I looked out of the window towards his car. It was an old patched up Peugeot. I looked at this guy, looking at his clothes and noticed that he was wearing a suit, but it was old and faded, probably washed in a wash machine. He must have seen the doubt in my eyes. He looked me straight in the eyes and he said, “You doubt me”.
I looked at him and I said, “To be honest, yes! I doubt you”.
He looked at the strange silent guy and he said “I will deal with you later”. He looked at me again and he said, “Because you doubt me, the Lord is going to tell you your prayers and what His answer is”.
I thought to myself that he could guess some of my prayers because we all pray for the same things. So I said to him, with a smile on my face, “go ahead”, still doubting him. He started to tell me what I had prayed for. I know that millions of Christians are praying for the same thing. He told me God’s answer.
The second thing he mentioned was a specific prayer that nobody except God knew of. I had told God that I did not want to go to an ordinary Bible school that taught theology and head knowledge, but I wanted the Spirit to teach me and I wanted to learn from the word of God, I wanted to pray for the sick to be healed and when I walked and where my shadow fell on the sick, they would be healed, like in the apostle’s time.
He gave me the Lords answer and I was in tears, how could I have doubted God or His methods. (These prophecies came to pass when I went to Bible school in 2005. A part of this Bible school’s practical ministry was hospital ministry. I found myself praying for the sick.)
He prophesied over my future wife, he said that the Lord showed him how she looked and that he was not to tell me, but because I have prayed for a woman rich in knowledge and wisdom and not earthly riches, He will give me more. She will be obedient and submissive to me and she will be beautiful and he also mentioned some personal requests I had asked for concerning my new love. (These prophesies came to pass when I was married in 2003)
He prophesied judgement over my first wife, if she did not repent. He said the Lord showed him that she would be left as a tree on a hilltop after a terrible storm, stripped clean of all its leaves and branches. She would stand naked and lost.
He prophesied over all the material goods that I had lost, saying that the Lord would give it back to me in 8 months, and that I would have more than I had lost, and that it would be new. (This prophecy came to pass when everything was replaced within 8 months).
He also prophesied over my broken heart and that the Lord will mend it and that I would have peace and a wonderful life, in Christ.
I was amazed that the Lord had sent me here and sent a prophet to come and prophesy over my life.
Who am I, to be treated so special?
I looked at the strange silent guy and I realised that the Spirit had also led him to this place, I realised that he did not even know that he was sitting in the presence of Almighty God. I do not know what happened to him, because after the prophet was finished with me, he asked me to leave.
All of this had to happen to me so that God could build my character, like a Potter washes and shapes the clay, God shapes and forms me and He wants to form you. Sometimes it can be difficult, sore and frightening experiences, but God is in control. I am now a man with Character and God can use me, I know where I came from, and where I am going.
Never lose hope; if you ask God to be in your life, He will come restore you unto Him. God has brought me through this; he will also take you through whatever you are going through.
- Forgiving Her! My Personal Testimony how I cope with Divorce.
Forgiving is a choice and it is not always easy to do but with God, all things are possible, even overcoming Divorce.