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Forgiving Her! How I coped with Divorce. Powerful Testomony!

Updated on August 27, 2013

Forgiveness is a choice!

Forgiving is a choice and it is not always easy to do but with God, all things are possible. Remember that you are hurt; badly hurt, it is as if you are deadly wounded and you have to heal, slowly, to recover - step by step, opening the wound, over and over again so the filth, the pain, the hurt and the shame can come to the service it must come out, painfully slow.

Here follow my testimony how God helped me to overcome and to forgive.

You must remember that I was a Christian (reborn), loving God, active in the Church, prayer group and in a home cell. I was serving God with all my strength and I did not expect anything like this would ever happen to me.

After my “ex-wife” left and I was alone with the children things started to settle down. I was not divorced at that stage but the process was in motion. We settled in and it was school, work, making food and coping.

One night it all fell apart as she came with the police to snatch my children away, she did not speak to them for 4 months. The children were hurt and confused, so were I, but she convinced then to go with her.

After my Children had been taken away from me, I came to hate my “ex wife”.

I tried to resist it but slowly the hatred grew stronger and stronger till it was like a raging monster inside me. I hired a lawyer to deal with the divorce. My lawyer was slow to act, not being in a hurry. The next thing I knew she had made a divorce case against me first, giving her the advantage of maintenance est. over me. We went through a messy divorce with much fighting.

Everything I had worked for 15 years was lost. That angered and hurt me more, building the hatred against her. The divorce agreement was that I could keep my house, but she will take all the furniture and the new car I had just bought her and I would pay all the existing debts. She even claimed half of my pension fund.

That made me so bitter that I openly hated her. After the divorce I was left with my empty house and a lot of debts, and child maintenance. She got all the household goods (everything I had worked for), and no debt. Just before our divorce, she had a major operation and the medical aid did not pay the operation. It came out in court that it was a cosmetic operation and that the medical aid did not pay these operations. She had her genitals made smaller and the scars due to the birth of my children removed. I was bitter over what she had done, knowing it was to humiliate and ruin me financially. I hated her more with each new treachery that was uncovered.

After the court case she phoned me and she asked me if I would move all her household goods with my pickup to her place. At first I was shocked to think that she had the audacity, and that I had to move all the earthly goods I have worked for 15 years with my pickup, to her. In all the years she had not worked for more than 6 months. I paid for it all and it was my sweat and blood that I was moving to her new place. I did not believe that she deserved anything, but the court order said differently. I hated her so badly that I wanted to get her back at all costs. I decided that I would be spiteful.

The hatred inside of me made me physically ill. After a few days she phoned again and I decided that I did not want anything that belonged to her in my house so I moved all the furniture to her new home. She even took all the curtains, cutlery, pots and pans and left me with an empty house, a bed, a few chipped cutlery and a base and mattress.

She took everything and with it, all that was left of my dignity. I hated her more than ever. After my restoration with my Creator (Jesus), He spoke to me and said that I must forgive her. I thought that that was a very hard thing to ask of me in the state that I was in. I returned to church and asked them to pray with me so that God could soften my heart. I went to home cell and there I was taught to grow and I saw in the cell leader and his wife that there is true love in this world and that forgiveness was possible.

One night the Lord showed me a vision on forgiveness, the vision started as I was walking home one morning after nightshift. I worked very close to my home. As I came around the corner of the block where my house was, I saw some activity down the street. As I came nearer I could see police vehicles, rescue and even a fire truck. I saw it was all in front of my house I started to run. As I came charging into the yard a policeman stopped me. He asked if I was the man of the house and with trembling hands and mouth, I peeped out yes. He looked at me in a shameful way. I could read the pity in his eyes. Sorry sir but your children where beyond saving and your wife is critical. She was raped and hammered close to death.

I looked and saw the bodies of my two children lying motionless. They were smashed to death. The rescue people were working in vain on what appeared to be my wife. Then one of the policemen showed me the man that they arrested for these crimes. He looked me in the face and he started mocking and laughing at me. The policeman gave me his service pistol and he said “we will look the other way”. They all had sympathy with me and they all hated that man as much as I did for what he had done. I took the pistol and as I looked at this man mocking me, the Lord said “forgive him”! I couldn’t believe what the Lord was asking me to do, forgive this man? The Lord said “The way you forgive him I will forgive you”.

I gave the pistol back to the policeman and he said that I must use his baton, thinking that I wanted to kill this man slowly and painfully. Again, I took the baton. The Lord said “forgive him”, and again, “the way you forgive him I will forgive you”. I gave the baton back also and the policeman showed me how to hit this man without making marks and it will also be fatal. Again “forgive him even if he killed your whole family”. As I looked at this man mocking me, I saw myself forgiving him and the vision was over. I realized the Lord had spoken to me.

I forgave my “ex-wife” and even went to her house to get forgiveness but she saw that as an opportunity of weakness in me and she used that to hurt me even more. She made deals outside the court order and she placed my son back in boarding school. She arranged with me that in the place of maintenance to her, I should pay my son’s boarding fees. After 6 or 8 months she made a court case against me for neglecting to pay maintenance. When I got in court they demanded the money immediately. I did not have that kind of money. I already had to pay maintenance, her doctor bills, our debts, a medical aid fund, and living costs for myself. The court forced me to put the children on medical aid. That was a further blow, but the Lord said that I must forgive.

I forgave her over and over again. It was not easy and her last words were always in my mind “I will destroy you” but I knew that I was in the Hands of the living God. She couldn’t destroy me even if she had all the hordes of hell to back her. This would be the pattern for the duration of the time I had to pay maintenance; she would always have some or other evil plan to try to destroy me. I went and I forgave her, every time. Then one day I went to donate blood.

Till then I really thought that I had forgiven her totally. The day after I had donated blood the blood bank phoned me and they said I must come in and let my blood be tested again. With a trembling heart I listened, hearing the person say that I had “Hepatitis B”. Before I could think I jumped into my pickup and drove to where she lived. I kicked the door open seeking to destroy, kicking tables and furniture in my rage and as she came into the room trembling, I snapped at her that she was a low life form and that she had given me “Hepatitis B”. She was begging me to calm down and she denied it. That made me even angrier than before. I jumped in my car and drove away.

The Lord was testing me. The next morning I discovered that donation centre had switched my blood sample with someone else’s, by mistake. I went for the blood tests and it was negative. The Lord showed me that I had not completely forgiven. I had to go back to my “ex wife” and ask for forgiveness for my bad behaviour. It took all my inner strength to do so. She did not want to forgive me but the Lord showed me that I had to forgive and I did, even though she did not.

As I forgave it was as if a mountain was lifted from me and God’s peace came over me.

Today I have nothing against her. She was an instrument to form and build me into what God wants me to be.

Even though it is a very difficult thing to do, God wants us to forgive.

So forgive others and remember to forgive yourself.

God gave me a new love go read this Poem for my wife Cavell .

Earthly Wisdom!

Those who study bees tell us when a honeybee drives its barbed stinger into flesh, it becomes so firmly imbedded that the only way the bee can escape is to leave the stinger behind.

This, however, is sure to cause the death of the bee. It receives such a wound that it cannot possibly recover. So it is with us.

Sometimes we sting others because they are a little better than we are. Being jealous of them, we not only leave the sting in those who happen to disagree with us, but the act brings about spiritual harm to ourselves.

If our zeal embitters others, it will multiply bitterness within our own hearts.

Thus, when others feel the bitterness of our zeal, they will surely come to the conclusion that we do not possess Jesus Christ who descended from heaven to give us new life

Illustrations is taken from 2000 + Bible illustrations (E-SWORD)

How to forgive!


Did you learn something from my Testimony?

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    • profile image


      8 years ago

      sjoe dit was a moeilike situasie en goeie getuienis van hoe mens moet vergewe

    • profile image


      8 years ago


    • louisxfourie profile imageAUTHOR

      Louis Fourie 

      8 years ago from Johannesburg, South Africa

      Thanks for reading my Testimony.

    • louisxfourie profile imageAUTHOR

      Louis Fourie 

      8 years ago from Johannesburg, South Africa

      Thanks. I love poems and it helped me to heal after the divorce,Go read the poem, Under Louis poems; "Anger like a monster", that was how I was emotional then and also, "You made me whole", after I met Cavell.

    • louisxfourie profile imageAUTHOR

      Louis Fourie 

      8 years ago from Johannesburg, South Africa


    • Mekenzie profile image

      Susan Ream 

      9 years ago from Michigan

      Amen Brother! He is Faithful "He who began a good work in you WILL complete it"

    • louisxfourie profile imageAUTHOR

      Louis Fourie 

      9 years ago from Johannesburg, South Africa

      Mekenzie thanks for reading my testimony, Yes God love us more than what we can imagine or think, He is patient and the point I want to carry across, is if He did it for me, He can do it for you also, you anly have to believe.

    • Mekenzie profile image

      Susan Ream 

      9 years ago from Michigan

      louis, powerful testimony of how God works with us step by step to get our attention. Through your writing I can clearly see how He followed you and showed you how vital it is to completely and utterly forgive. God is so patient with us and He loves us with an undying love. He wants us to love and to forgive as He has loved and forgiven us. Thanks for sharing how God works in your life.




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