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How to Protect Your Family From Alien Abductions

Updated on February 22, 2017

Have You Seen This Guy?

Last seen in local backyards.  Stands approximately 3'8" tall, weighs 80 lbs.  Large eyes.  No distinquishing marks or tattoos.
Last seen in local backyards. Stands approximately 3'8" tall, weighs 80 lbs. Large eyes. No distinquishing marks or tattoos.

NASA's Proof of UFO's

Why You Need Protection

According to various sites on the internet, the number of alien abductions has risen considerably in recent times. There are various theories as to the reason why.

  • Other lifeforms are stepping up their quest for a new planet due to their need to relocate in order to survive
  • They are colonizing and breeding with us to produce a hybrid race
  • They are evil, nasty beings
  • They are benevolent, spiritual beings doing these things for our own good

These are the short answers, obviously. I don't see any need to delve into each one, because neither the theory or reason matter. What's important is that you are able to protect yourself and your family in the event of an abduction attempt, or even more importantly - an anal probe.

Alien Abduction Poll

Have You Ever Been Abducted By Aliens?

See results

Alien Products

How to Know if You've Already Been Abducted

In case you're unaware, there is a list of telltale signs that you may have already been abducted. There are at least 58 different symptoms. I have read through the list, and frankly, I'm worried. I have several of the symptoms associated with abduction, many of them most noteable after a night of drinking.

Do any of the following describe you?

  • You have periods of time when you cannot remember where you were or what you did
  • You have marks or scars that you aren't able to explain
  • You wake up in a different place from where you fell asleep, and you don't know how you got there
  • Your physician or you find a small, strange object inside your body that can't be explained
  • You believe that you had sexual intercourse during the night or had semen extracted from you
  • You have had strange occurrences in your life that you don't understand and can't explain
  • You feel 'special' or 'chosen'
  • You have very low self esteem
  • You are paralyzed in bed with a being in your room
  • You were pregnant, now you're not - but you did not give birth

This is only a partial list. If you'd like to read further, check out one of the online symptom references. It gives a pretty thorough rundown of things to watch for. Don't forget to keep the kids in mind while you're assessing whether or not aliens have invaded the personal space of your family. Nothing is sacred to these aliens, and they don't mind abducting little, cute children. If you don't believe me, watch Jessie's video.

Jesse Long's Alien Abduction

Are aliens landing in your town?

Alien abductions are on the rise.  Find out now how to protect yourself, before it's too late!
Alien abductions are on the rise. Find out now how to protect yourself, before it's too late!

Alien Abduction Insurance

We've talked about why you need protection and how to tell if you've already experienced an alien abduction. The whole purpose for this hub though, is supposed to be providing a resource that lets you know how to better protect you and your loved ones, so let's get to it.

Believe it or not, it is now possible to purchase Alien Abduction Insurance. It's true, honest! Here, you can read about it on Wikipedia.

Buying insurance is probably a good idea. You can even get it for alien impregnation, medical exams and death. The downside is burden of proof. How the heck can you prove that it was an alien that gave you that anal probe?

My son is also my insurance agent. I called to ask him about alien insurance, but he doesn't sell it and doesn't know of any companies in Canada that do. Guess that means that we Canucks have to buy stateside or in the U.K. Be that as it may, the inconvenience might well be worth it. The Heaven's Gate folks purchased Alien Abduction Insurance. Although it didn't protect them from mass suicide, they left something behind for their loved ones....assuming any insurance company would pay out.

Home Remedies for Alien Abduction

Taking Matters Into Your Own Hands - Be Proactive!

It's reasonable to assume that many folks either can't afford extra insurance in this day and age, or are reluctant to purchase it out of fear of being ridiculed. Often, there is shame and secrecy after a person has toured the mother ship. So, what is a person and their family to do?

Well, there are a number of things for you to try. Some methods involve a little time and money investment, others do not. The following suggestions are just some that I found while researching online. If you know of some jim-dandy ideas that aren't mentioned here, please share.

Action Steps When Being Abducted

  • Anger, rage and physical assault. If you do find yourself in the grasp or presence of aliens, it is recommended that you exhibit indignant outrage and demand (loudly) that they leave you alone. They feed on fear, see. Some people have physically attacked aliens, which seemed to work very well at getting them to leave for good.
  • Mental struggle. If you find yourself paralyzed, use all of your mental might to break the paralysis. You need only will yourself to move your baby finger the tiniest bit for it to work. Your capturors will vanish!
  • Relax. Some people have had luck with this one. Apparently, you're no fun at all to examine if you're not quaking with fear. You'll just get sent back home.

An Ounce of Prevention

  • Move to France. One website that I came across made this suggestion. Someone on the site's research team couldn't find any record of alien abductions in France, so it seems like a safe bet.
  • Pretend to be a tourist. From the same site as the one that suggests moving to France. They say that you should always carry a camera. Everyone knows that aliens hate having their picture taken. As I have no experience in any of this, I can't say whether or not it's the equivalent of poking them with a stick. This site also recommends waving a frozen chicken over your head.


Fashion Wear

Come on folks, just because you're fighting off alien abductions, it doesn't mean that you can't look your best. There are fashionable ways to protect yourself, so no excuses!

If you like to keep things natural, you may want to use a Native American method of warding off beings from another planet. Dress in deerskin, feathers, anything that makes you resemble an animal. The idea is that aliens will bypass you in their search for humans. The kids will love playing dressup, and you'll all be protected. It's fun for the whole family!

You say your situation is a little more dire than that? The aliens are talking to you and trying to take control of your mind? No worries! A seriously brilliant man by the name of Michael Menkin has developed the Thought Screen Helmet. It's a DIY project that involves about 4 hours of work, and a bit of money. The whole thing costs around $35 U.S.D. if you buy Velostat by the yard. Velostat, by the way, is purchased from Canada. Yeah, that's right, we know a good investment when we see one. If you'd like to see how stylin' this hat is, and get step-by-step instructions, visit the Stop Alien Abductions website.

Finally.....The Anal Probe

I can hear all the men out there saying, "Yeah, yeah, all this is fine, but how 'bout that anal probe protection you promised in the title?" (edit: those words had to be removed from title)

There were rumblings of an anal probe cork, but it didn't fly. Sadly, there doesn't seem to be any mass marketed products for protection from the anal probe. If any of you guys out there have discovered a sure-fire DIY suggestion, then please have the decency to share it with your fellow man.

Anybody tried duct tape?

Final Notes & Recommended Reading

_____________________________________________

A big thanks to ProCW for requesting this hub!

_____________________________________________

Some more sites that offer more information on how to resist and/or stop alien abduction:

Although I didn't touch on the Men in Black, it makes an interesting read so I've included a couple of extra links.

Remember folks, as Mulder used to say, They're Out There . Stay safe, and keep your feet on planet earth.

_______________________________________

Godzilla: Monster, Hero, Entertainer

____________________________________ 

 

They're Out There

© 2008 Shirley Anderson

Comments from People and Aliens

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    • profile image

      Michael Menkin 6 months ago

      See my latest videos on the thought screen helmet on you tube.

    • Shirley Anderson profile image
      Author

      Shirley Anderson 3 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      @Jefsaid....I'll never tell!

    • Shirley Anderson profile image
      Author

      Shirley Anderson 3 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Whoa, Alex! Sounds awful!

      You should write about your experiences, it might be cathartic for you and helpful for others.

    • profile image

      Alex 3 years ago

      I was abducted when i was in my second year at sunderland university. I was asleep in my room the next thing i knew i was on a table, and there was about 5-6 aliens all over me prodding and pulling me. Then I had a stick shoved up my arse. I didn't know anything about anal probing until i read about it afterward. Freaky or what. When I returned to my room I felt paralysed, like I had just had an out of body experience, the same sensation, with my soul spinning around til it fits back in my body. The aliens did look like the stereotypical ones you see, but more than that I could tell they were communicating telepathically with each other, and me a little, as i am quite open to stuff like that.

      Thats it. I had removed this from my memory this was 1996 as I thought no-ones gonna believe me. I have also had about 15 religious experiences and have OBE'd about 50 times in my life.

    • eugbug profile image

      Eugene Brennan 4 years ago from Ireland

      I suffer from some of the symptoms you listed. I reckon I better inquire about getting alien abduction insurance before it's too late!

      Very informative hub!

    • profile image

      Michael Menkin 5 years ago

      Velostat is made in America. Linqstat, which is similar, is made in Canada.

      Any large hat that will hold 8 sheets of the material will work. You don't need a leather hat for an effective thought screen.

    • sparkster profile image

      Sparkster Publishing 6 years ago from United Kingdom

      Very informative, thanks.

    • Sun-Girl profile image

      Sun-Girl 6 years ago from Nigeria

      Great hub which is well shared .

    • Jeannieinabottle profile image

      Jeannie InABottle 6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

      This hub could potentially save my life, or at least save me from an anal probe. Thank you!

    • Jefsaid profile image

      Jefsaid 6 years ago from London, UK

      The question that strikes me is whether you are an undercover alien trying to provide us with a false sense of security? Great Hub!

    • Shirley Anderson profile image
      Author

      Shirley Anderson 7 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Haha, glad that I've been able to make your lives a little easier, Christopher. You'll probably start saving money, not having to buy missles, too. Although the helmet materials will be a bit of an investment...

      Thanks for coming by. My regards to the missus. :)

    • Christopher Floyd profile image

      Christopher Floyd 7 years ago from Kansas, Oklahoma, and Louisiana.

      Nice. All this time I had been depending on my wife's ability to fire Stinger missles. Now I think we'll be much better prepared. The missus thanks you.

    • Shirley Anderson profile image
      Author

      Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Generique, I'd LOVE to see that! :) You should do a hub on it, you'd get lots of traffic, I think. It's a popular topic.

      Thanks for coming by!

    • GeneriqueMedia profile image

      GeneriqueMedia 8 years ago from Earth

      I've a resident alien card, issued by Area 51. One of these days I'll pull it out and post it for you.

    • Shirley Anderson profile image
      Author

      Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      I just read your hub, Mr. Williams. You wrote things that I've never read about aliens before. Thanks for dropping by and sharing it with me.

    • mr williams profile image

      mr williams 8 years ago from Norfolk, Virginia

      Discussing Aliens and possible abduction has always been one of my favorite subjects. I actually wrote about aliens and hardcore evidence a few minutes ago

      https://hubpages.com/religion-philosophy/UFOThe-Ev

    • Shirley Anderson profile image
      Author

      Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      I've added it to my list of 'must see' movies, CW.  We used to watch X-Files every week when my son was younger, I loved it.

      Hey, did you see the weekly show in which Stephen King wrote the screenplay?  I hate to say it because I love Stephen King, but it stunk. 

      Thanks for mentioning this!  If it got you excited, then I just know that I'll like it, too!  :)

    • ProCW profile image

      ProCW 8 years ago from South Carolina

      Hey Shirley... me again... hehe

      Was wondering when you're gonna take time out of your busy schedule to see the X-files movie?

      I liked it! Finally got to see it last night... finally!

      ProCW

    • Shirley Anderson profile image
      Author

      Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Dr. Jim, have you been writing yourself prescriptions again?

      Your last sentence...I assume that's what you told your wife to explain an embarrassing breach of marital etiquette?

      Re the sneaky, shape-shifting buggers falling into the rarely discussed sixth stage of drunkeness, well don't worry, you're not alone.  Others have suffered that same fate.  That's why the poll above has the word 'tequila' in one of the voting options.  I'm not sure if there's a support group, but there ought to be a telethon or something at least.

      Please be careful from now on, unless of course you enjoyed it.  I'm not sure how to advise you on protecting yourself.  I think Richard Dreyfus made mashed potatoe mounds...he didn't get beamed up, either.  Something to think about.

      Thx for sharing your painful story.

    • DrJim profile image

      DrJim 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Thank you for bringing the close encounters to the forefront of the blogging world. Information like this is not often forthcoming on the North American continent and bacause of you I am now free to openly discuss this. Just this evening, as I was coming home from work on the long country road to my house I had an encounter. I was alone, of course, so I have no one to collaborate my story. The UFO was rapidly approaching at eye level. Two bright white lights moved towards me at a rapid rate. They got within a few feet of me and then just vanished. I looked in my rear view mirror and then noticed two red lights leaving as rapidly as the white lights had approached. The UFO looked alot like an '87 Volkswagon Jetta. They are shape shifters we all know but sneaky...or perhaps this could fall into the rarely discussed sixth stage of drunkeness. Just after the invisible state come the alien abduction stage. You know...."and that my dear is how I got probed last night"

    • Shirley Anderson profile image
      Author

      Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Thx, Barranca!  I had to laugh about the union, that's hilarious.  Sounds like you'd make a good union president - if we're taking votes, I vote for you.

      LOL, oh what a visual, Cris!  Can't wait to see it.

    • Cris A profile image

      Cris A 8 years ago from Manila, Philippines

      Sure will! I'm sure it will go well with my nephews's laser sword! LOL

    • barranca profile image

      barranca 8 years ago

      Very funny. We probees should unionize. Insist on vaseline and better working conditions. Perhaps a vacation on another world every three years. etc.

    • Shirley Anderson profile image
      Author

      Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Cris - You need a Thought Screen Helmet! It'll take all the worry out of it for you. The instructions are on Mr. M's site. Let me know if you need some of that material that's sold here in Canada. :) Oh, and please upload a pic of you wearing it, okay?

      Lgali - thanks!

    • Lgali profile image

      Lgali 8 years ago

      interesting hub

    • Cris A profile image

      Cris A 8 years ago from Manila, Philippines

      yeah good thing some of us are what Mr M above claimed they are! do you think he can somehow... hear us?! LOL

    • Shirley Anderson profile image
      Author

      Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      LOL, that was funny! Well, ya know it'd be a dull world if we were all the same.

    • Cris A profile image

      Cris A 8 years ago from Manila, Philippines

      Sheesh! I read his comments and...well to each his own they say. whatever floats his boat or shall i say morthership?

    • Shirley Anderson profile image
      Author

      Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Ay caramba, Chris! You don't really want to find out....it means just what it sounds like.

      If you read one of the above comments, we had a real authority on aliens drop in. He says that aliens don't really do anal probes, so I guess we're all safe from them.

    • Cris A profile image

      Cris A 8 years ago from Manila, Philippines

      Ay caramba! i really don't know what this expression means but it sounds apt for the title alone! Nice one! :D

    • Shirley Anderson profile image
      Author

      Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      TOF - Ah, yes, but he's more human than the ones that were in there before him. Newer model with updated features. I think he took a different course in Earthling studies.

      Re your cover...we aren't scared of you, you're a little mouse. We've suspected all along, but if you get out of hand we know just what to do. Does the word, 'squish' make you sqweemish? Besides, you're too short to do anal probes.

    • The Old Firm profile image

      The Old Firm 8 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

      Bugger, me cover's been blown. I don't look all that different do I? I mean to say, look at 23KZ5 who arrived on the next transport after mine. He doesn't even have a birth certificate that stands up to close scrutiny and you're about to make him President.

    • Shirley Anderson profile image
      Author

      Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      I imagine for the same reason that anything unfamiliar does - it's unfamiliar. Our culture does not adapt to the 'different' or 'unusual' well. Throw in the stories of procedures and practises that are so 'out there', so foreign, and many people just dismiss it. Fear comes into play for some, as well, I think.

      Bottom line, it's easier to joke about it then contemplate it. Whenever humans are faced with something big like that, there is the added stress of not being able to predict the implications because it's a new thing. It's like anything, religion for example, some will believe and some won't.

    • profile image

      Writer Rider 8 years ago

      I don't know why people would be thrown off. They would obviously have to look different than us in order to adapt to the climate of the planet they're on, unless it looks like earth, which is doubtful considering what we know about the planets in our solar system.

    • Shirley Anderson profile image
      Author

      Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      That's a hoot about the computer chip. There are a lot of planets in a lot of galaxies. The question of whether or not Earth is the only inhabited one has to be at least considered.

      I think what throws people off is the 'little green men' thing.

    • profile image

      Writer Rider 8 years ago

      Yeah, funny thing is the UFO hunters came out with a series which investigates Roswell. According to the UFO hunters not only did we discover aliens at Roswell, we discovered alien technology that we use today. An example of the so called techology that was borrowed from the aliens is the computer chip...I mean, if that's true it's so ironic that people are blogging or surfing the web all the while refusing to consider the possibility that aliens visit this planet. Of course, it would probably challenge peoples' concept of God but if God can create us, of course he can create an advanced civilization somewhere else.

    • Shirley Anderson profile image
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      Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Oh, I think it's safe to say they cover anything like that up. Think Roswell.

      Thx, Writer Rider.

    • profile image

      Writer Rider 8 years ago

      There is an end to it if we understand what is going on but the information that the governments have made public are at times undiscernable....like they're trying to cover up their own disclosure.

    • Shirley Anderson profile image
      Author

      Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Geez, there's no safe place! Thx for letting us know, Sabreblade, at least now I don't have to learn Parisian French. And no, there is no end to it.

    • sabrebIade profile image

      sabrebIade 8 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Well, cancel the trips to France for safety....

      Helene Guiliana was abducted by aliens in France on June 11, 1976 in the region of Valence, Drôme. She experienced a period of missing time which was later explored during hypnosis. A few years ago, when I spoke with Helene by telephone, she complained about the behavior of certain ufologists at the time.

      http://www.ufodigest.com/news/0807/helene.html

      ::sigh:: Is there no end to the madness?

    • Shirley Anderson profile image
      Author

      Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      TOF - Thanks for coming by and sharing that invaluable knowledge!! You may just have saved a lot of people....from aliens and romance.

    • The Old Firm profile image

      The Old Firm 8 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

      A diet of blue vein cheese, garlic, picked onions and baked beans is a tried and true preventative of anal probing (by aliens, or anyone else) taught to advanced CIA agents at Langley Field. Any venturer into that area was likely to get more than they bargained for. Admittedly, very few of these agents ever marry, but hey, you've got to make some sacrifices to keep the little alien buggers at bay!

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      We shall see! We shall see!

    • Shirley Anderson profile image
      Author

      Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Hehe....pretty evil, eh? I'll have to hone up on my methods, though - you weren't supposed to be able to tell that this was a mind control plot! Maybe your song hub will call the elders .... and maybe it won't. :) Try it and see. Dare ya!

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      What evil plan is this your hatching Shirley Anderson. I'll have to give it some serious consideration. The force generated from such a project might be a signal to the Mother Ship to send reinforcements?

    • Shirley Anderson profile image
      Author

      Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Thx, Mytube!

    • mytube profile image

      S.M. Tanvir Farhad 8 years ago from Dhaka, Bangladesh

      wow good hub.

    • Shirley Anderson profile image
      Author

      Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Amanda, I think that's an excellent idea.  Thx for suggesting it....and Rudra for seconding the motion.

      You're on, Ag.

      Moon Daisy, what a coincidence!  Men in Black at the same time you're reading a hub about aliens.  Mr. Menkin mentioned in his comment that aliens don't actually do anal probes, rather they're after sperm and eggs.  So, you may not see any mention of the fabled anal probe.  But if you do, you know what to do to protect yourself.

      Thx all!

    • Moon Daisy profile image

      Moon Daisy 8 years ago from London

      I really enjoyed reading this hub, and I feel much safer now with this knowledge! Just watching Men in Black while I type this, and it's not seeming so much like fiction any more... No mention of anal probes yet though.

    • Rudra profile image

      Rudra 8 years ago

      sounds like a good idea

    • Amanda Severn profile image

      Amanda Severn 8 years ago from UK

      Using inspiration from this hub, perhaps Ag could do another of his '10 best' music hubs. You know the kind of thing 'Life on Mars', 'Fly me to the Moon' and so on. That would be fair dinkum!

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      From our conversations I would not have thought otherwise!

    • Shirley Anderson profile image
      Author

      Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Careful, you're protesting too much.

      Of course, just for cuddling....what else? I agree re real live human flesh (I prefer male, myself).

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      Real live human female flesh. For cuddling purposes of course. Can't beat it! :-[)

    • Shirley Anderson profile image
      Author

      Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      :)

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      Oh no I don't think I could ever go down that path.

    • Shirley Anderson profile image
      Author

      Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      LOL....a llama that looks like you? That's something different that I probably shouldn't put in a public hub. Naughty boy.

      Maybe you should get one of Christoph's dolls to break that habit.

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      Well I did see something the other day that looked a bit odd.

      No hang on!!!!....... I remember now swmbo said it was a llama!

    • Shirley Anderson profile image
      Author

      Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Have you noticed any aliens running around that look a lot like you, Ag? If so, I'd love to see a family photo.

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      Well I'm sure gonna get me one of those helmets!

      And I'm gonna wear it next week when I go and get that implant tuned up!

      I don't want none of those little tadpoles being abducted now do I?

      Then again I might be too late!

    • Shirley Anderson profile image
      Author

      Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Mr. Menkin, thank-you for coming by and also for the information for those who are interested in learning more, both about aliens and your Thought Screen Helmet.  Your site was hyperlinked into the content of the hub when it was written, and there is a video of you, as well.

      We like to poke fun at things sometimes.  No offense was intended.

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

      Well....you've gone and done it now Michael Menkin. You have left me no choice but to report you to my leader.

    • profile image

      Michael Menkin 8 years ago

      Aliens do not do anal probes. Aliens take sperm from men and eggs from women and fuse them with their own genes and create a transgenic race. Their human transgenic creatures are now integrating into our society. They are even driving cars on the highways! The aliens have fantastic and nightmarish mental and telepathic capabilities. The thought screen helmet can stop them from controlling and taking humans. I make a thought screen helmet and give it to abductees for free which has stopped aliens from taking humans. For instructions on making a helmet, see my site, stopabductions.com. For information and indirect evidence of alien abductions, see my other site, aliensandchildren.org. The only other site I recommend for information about alien abductions is Dave Jacob's site, ufoabduction.com.

      I also recommend his book, The Threat.

      For all of the people making comments on this site with no knowledge of the subject, books by Dave Jacobs and Budd Hopkins are the best. I recommend you start with one of their books before making any foolish comments.

    • Shirley Anderson profile image
      Author

      Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Oh Ag, that's too bad, I really feel for ya. Do you think they got the ends confused? Sixty seems to be the only one here who has a pulse on what the space guys are doing, perhaps he knows if they're changing tactics. Could be that they found out about the public warning issued with this hub and are getting even more diabolical. I suppose this alien was impersonating your dentist - how dasdardly!

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      Shirley I went to this scary place today. They sat me down in a big green chair.

      Then this huge light came on and blinded me! This voice kept asking me questions but with my mouth forced open how could I protest. I'm sure something was put into one of my teeth cos now it hurts like hell!

      Next thing I know I was home. I'd lost about 3 hours. My bum wasn't sore though, it was my mouth do you think the aliens might be changing their tactics?

    • Shirley Anderson profile image
      Author

      Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Um...thx, B.T., I think.  Normally, I tell them to hold the fur when I order coffee, but hey, you went to all that trouble to get it for me so I'm sure I'll enjoy it. Sorry your fur got messed up.

      Ag - Very appropriate link, thx.  :)  Perhaps that's all the aliens are really doing - offering free colonoscopies.

      CJ - I read and commented.  I love horror stuff and really enjoyed your hub.  As I mentioned in the comment that I left, it makes the aliens' anal probe look pretty mild.  Vlad was a really people person, wasn't he?

      Benson, I read your hub on colonoscopies that Agvulpes linked to above, very good information.  You're right about anal probes not being as bad as some things....CJ's hub about Vlad the Impaler makes that pretty clear!  Don't go to any dinner parties that Vlad invites you to!

    • Benson Yeung profile image

      Benson Yeung 8 years ago from Hong Kong

      Shirley,

      interesting hub. Anal probes are OK though, compared with the things some of my fellow surgeons to for a living.

    • CJStone profile image

      CJStone 8 years ago from Whitstable, UK

      Hi Shirely I wrote my own "anal probe" story, in case you want to read it:

      https://hubpages.com/education/Vlad-the-Impaler

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      Aw gee Mum you went to a hole lot of trouble to get me take that test, I told you I was OK.

      https://hubpages.com/health/Thw-What--Why-and-How-...

    • B.T. Evilpants profile image

      B.T. Evilpants 8 years ago from Hell, MI

      I got your take-out, Shirley. But I'm afraid I spilled it all over myself, going through the wormhole. I went ahead and scraped it back into the cup, though. No extra charge for the fur!

    • Shirley Anderson profile image
      Author

      Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Hi Beth. Yes, some of the stories sound funny. Guess there won't be proof until one is caught alive or something. Even then, I don't think the government would let anybody know. Thx so much for the thumbs up!

      Sixty, I'm glad to hear that the coffee is so good in the cafe. I hope B.T. remembers to bring me back the take-out cup I asked him for.

      Re the Mexicans and Mayans....well, I can't respond to that. I don't have any contacts in the alien nation, but as you seem to perhaps you could find out what's up with the whole anal probe thing. Why not ear and throat swabs or something instead? Is it their race's sick and twisted way of dealing with boredom on a Saturday night, or is there some real scientific data being sought. Or do they have Hitler complexes and do it for the sheer enjoyment of inflicting terror and torture in order to encourage the writing of hubs that Google refuses to put ads on? Enquiring minds want to know.

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      Clive Fagan 8 years ago from South Africa

      Coffee in the cafe (at the end etc) is outstanding. The intergalactic brew is true! BT your seat is, as always, is reserved - No strings attached. BTW the aliens are confused they want to know why Mexicans are also aliens. They say they conquistadored them centuries ago and elmininated all signs of their origin. Mayan nasal impalnts excepted of course! This is not a pyramid scheme!

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      betherickson 8 years ago from Minnesota

      It interest me a lot of this issues. I'm really amused every time I hear stories about alien abductions since I was still a kid. There's been lots of case but the evidence is not confirmed. Great topic by the way. Thumbs up! :)

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      Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      It's okay, Writer Rider, no one would be offended! We know it's a joke.

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      Writer Rider 8 years ago

      It was a joke, no offense to any of the guys here.

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      Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      It's okay, Christof...easy enough to confuse the two - they're practically the same thing, aren't they?

      Nice Spryte, you're probably saving your hubby from a beating by staying away from the Schnapps.  Didn't you say that you beat up short men under the Schnappy influence?

      Jewels, that's EXACTLY what I would do!  I'd die of embarrassment if my friends and family knew I'd died with a cheese grater tied to my hiney.  I wonder...would the other afterlifers mock me?

      Great idea, Sixty!  Do a little undercover detective work and expose their evil plan.  Don't forget to come back and let us know what it is.  By the way, didn't know they had a cafe.  What does alien coffee taste like?

      B.T. would you please bring me back a large with milk?  Thx-a-lot!

      Ohhhhh, really Writer Rider?  Handsomer?  AND brains?  AND heart?  Wow, are you sure that's not an alien myth perpetrated by insecure alien guys who have trouble picking up women in bars?

      Thx all for stopping in!

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      Writer Rider 8 years ago

      Frankly, I wouldn't mind meeting these purported aliens. I've read that some look like us but handsomer. Shoot I'd like to meet a man who looks like a firefighter with the brains of an astraunaut. Oh, and heart of gold to.

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      B.T. Evilpants 8 years ago from Hell, MI

      Sixty, I'll be there in time for the long, dark tea time of the soul. Save me a seat!

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      Clive Fagan 8 years ago from South Africa

      I am off to the cafe at the end of the universe again. I'll  just hang out with aliens and try to find out what their posterior (um I mean ulterior or is that derierre) motive is. Sphincter, splinter oh dear I think you guys are staying up way too late and are turning into a splinter group!

      I off through my wormhole now!

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      Jewels 8 years ago from Australia

      Alien subjects seem to be creeping into hubpages all of a sudden. Hope it's not a preminatory phenomena. Bit concerned about death by alien though. Imagine being found dead with a cheese grater strapped to your behind. I'd be trying to jump back into my body for fear of afterlife embarrassment.

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      spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

      Hmmm...

      The cats HAVE been acting rather odd lately. 

      Oh.  I don't drink schnapps anymore.  My husband is shorter than I am and it would be too risky.

      I would hope I would remember a discussion about sphincters. But I don't...

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      Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

      Did he ask about you splinter or your sphincter? I'm confused!

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      Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Well, Spryte, I don't want to alarm you, but it's a very real possibility.  Have you noticed any large spaceships in your rearview mirror, or hovering outside your house?  You being followed by short men with big eyes?  I mean, when you're not drinking schnapps.

      Perhaps you got it while touring around inside the mother ship.

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      spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

      Shirley - Thank you for asking about my splinter. I'm not sure how I got it...but it's metallic and in my foot and it won't come out. You don't think it's some sort of tracking device do you? I hadn't really thought of that...

    • Shirley Anderson profile image
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      Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Writer Rider, I didn't see that program, but if it was Larry King, I'm sure it was probably very good, as well as informative.

      I don't personally feel in any threatened by them at all, but many people do. All but one link that I put in this hub are serious sites.

      Thx for reading and commenting!

    • profile image

      Writer Rider 8 years ago

      I've never been abducted but I believe UFOs exist-especially after watching Larry King and hearing what the astronauts and pilots have to say. For some reason, I don't feel we have anything to fear-maybe I'm wrong, but that's what I sense.

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      Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      @Ag - Compu-Smart tried to teach me Cockney slang...it didn't work, either. What the heck is a dog's eye and dead horse?? Sounds gross.

      @Spryte - you have a splinter? Did you get it while being abducted?

      @Sixty - If you think Google disapproves of this hub, I hate to think what opinion they would have of one that involves Misty and kitchen utensils. I'd read it though, out of sheer curiosity. Brilliant advice for Hot Dorkage - she needs to be proactive and take responsibility for her own abduction!

      @Mytube - Thanks!

      @Which4u - You've noticed it, too? Aliens seem to hang out in bars a lot. Hey, maybe Hot Dorkage should start going to clubs!

      @Lorboy - Sadly, no ads. Next time, I'll take more care in choosing a title. I don't think they like the words, Anal Probe. Maybe they're aliens.

      Thx, everybody! :)

    • Shirley Anderson profile image
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      Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Wow, you guys were (once again) busy while I was gone. I have to go get a beer before I start answering all the comments.

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      lorboy 8 years ago from New Jersey

      Won't run ads on this Hub?

      As usual, it seems the folks at Google know far more than they are letting on.

       

    • Which4u profile image

      Which4u 8 years ago from Leicester, UK

      Some very interesting points there, although you are right, I think I may be getting abducted at least once a weekend, usually I begin in a bar...then bang, I wake up and I don't know how I got there

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      S.M. Tanvir Farhad 8 years ago from Dhaka, Bangladesh

      Good topic.

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      Clive Fagan 8 years ago from South Africa

      Misty and kitchen utensils in the boudior. now there's an idea for a hub!

      @Hot Dorkage. Would it not be easier to find a hubber near you who could abduct you. Most of us here are aliens too I mean look at BT, Spryte, Shades, Christoph (the urban cowboy alien or briefly baby alien!) then there was 3rdalien, I could go on.

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      spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

      Damn thing is still in there and I think it's planning on hanging around for a while.

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      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      You wouldn't want me to make it easy for you now would you?

      Hows your splinter?

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

      You do know I have an Aussie slang book at my disposal don't you? I'm just too lazy to get up and get it.

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      Hi spryte didn't see you peeking out there howyadoin?

      No not exactly beer but getting warm! P|)

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      spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

      Hmmm...not sure, but doesn't everything somehow relate back to beer with you guys anyway...?

      :)

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      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      Ok Shirley, first thing is most Ozzies don't speak English or Aussi-speak we call our language Strine! We also tend to use a lot of rhyming slang. As an example what do you think you would get if you asked for a "dogs eye and dead horse"?

    • Shirley Anderson profile image
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      Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Hey Misty, whatever works. That sounds a lot less chafing and painful than the whole dairy dicing equipment route.

    • Shirley Anderson profile image
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      Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      OHHHHHH!!! Ridgy didge. Of course, why didn't you say so?

      WHAT??? Speak English, man!

      Tell ya what, you teach me Aussi-speak and I'll teach you Canadian.