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Surrendering and Accepting Change

Updated on March 31, 2011

Today, an online friend shared that the house that she fought to keep after her divorce is no longer hers. She is packing and has to be out by March 1, as the court ordered her to leave, so her ex can sell the house, and is moving in temporarily with her mother until she finds a new home. This house represented her security after her divorce, and the comfort of the familiar while she finishes raising her children, a daughter who is her best friend, and a son who is a warrior and her teacher in patience.

She is scared, upset about her temporary loss of independence, and wonders where God is in all of this. Yet, this woman is aware at the same time, that perhaps letting go completely of her past, will help her to move on. Listening to her experience and understandable fears, reminded me of my own changes at various points in my life; some I planned, others which surprised me pleasantly, and yet others which had me complaining at how "unfair" life sometimes can be.

When I look back at my life's experiences, it all turned out to be just what I needed for my personal growth and sometimes for other doors to open; how much better it would have been to ease into change had I known then what I know and experience nowadays, that change and sometimes struggle is inevitable, but suffering is optional. With this in mind, I responded to her: "the first thought that came to me when reading of your change, that as uncomfortable as it can be, is life will either flow for you or not, depending on your resistance, much like when one loses a job or leave a relationship. We can go on a downward spiral or use it as opportunity to reinvent oneself, and totally let go. I know its easier said than done, but I have found in my life experience that this is just what life give us, the option to surrender or to struggle, when we face those turning points in our lives, and it looks like you are in one of those points." To me a scary part of living is stagnation; staying stuck in anger, in fear, in self doubt, never venturing into the unknown, because from this non resourceful state we miss evolving and creating the lives we wish to experience.

One example, that I can give of a sudden change that took place in my life, was when I turned 33. Three days, after my birthday, as I commuted to my stressful corporate job, I had a sudden vertigo spell for the first time, and staggered a bit to the office in the early morning. As one of my co-workers walked me to the medical department across the street where we worked, I suddenly went deaf in my good ear. I was already hearing impaired, and was plunged into a new level of deafness. A trip to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesotta, confirmed it was a membrane bursting in my ear which destroyed hair cells crucial to hearing. I wondered what my life would be like now, how would it affect my career, relationships, how could I communicate when I already had trouble hearing?

I allowed myself to grieve, while being thankful I could speak normally in two languages, but then asked my management two months later, to give me vacation time, and off I went traveling alone, much to the dismay or rather the horror of my friends and family. Yet, no one tried to stop me, not even my dear mom. I found out about everyone's concern after I returned home. I needed to do this, so I would not lose my sense of independence, to do the things that most take for granted, such as communicating with a ticket agent and negotiate a good seat, or check into a hotel that has the amenities I enjoy. I figured, I could stay stuck, lamenting the loss of hearing, or move on and lead a normal life, which I have done. The years following that sudden drop in hearing had me moving up in the company as I was very driven, until I finally walked away from my job where change took place, and my decision that the corporate life with its stress, politics and new negative management, was not in alignment with who I was.

Change, I have mused, is a part of life as most of us are by now aware, the little "deaths" that keeps clearing our paths, whether we like it or not in order to give us room to learn and experience growth. What we do with the good changes and the more challenging ones, such as "loss" is up to each one of us, do we surrender and accept what we have no control over and transcend a situation, or do we cling/resist to it and talk about it 20 years later, without having made any significant progress, at least spiritually or emotionally?

I raise a champagne glass to change, it has led me to a very beautiful place for the past 5 years. Thank you, God, who is in me and in all of Creation.

The Awakened Life - Wayne Dyer

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    • VioletSun profile imageAUTHOR

      VioletSun 

      6 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

      Usha, I am so glad that you found me and that my words helped. I understand that deafness is not something we ever get "over", it's more of a learning how to deal with it and do the best we can with our lives. It's not easy at all, it's a heavy burden at times. ;) I have written two articles here in Hupages that touch on my deafness, one is "Being Hearing Impaired in a Noisy World", and the latest one is "When Life Sets Us A Challenge", perhaps it will help. I lost more hearing in April of this year, and it was very difficult, so it's a new adjustment process. However, I rely on my inner spirit to guide me through life and so it gives me courage and many moments of peace. ~Marie

    • profile image

      usha 

      6 years ago

      violet sun..It is scary to read about your life experience, Because i went through the same (hearing loss)at the age of 23 and still learning to cope...I live in a very conventional society where deaf people are laughed at or frowned upon or..this is the worst..ignored altogether. I am 47 now. Anyway you gave me a lot of confidence. Thanks

    • VioletSun profile imageAUTHOR

      VioletSun 

      6 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

      Hi unstoppable, speaking for myself, when I have experienced change (good or bad) I simply accept it, try not to go into mental struggle with. It is the resistance to change that causes struggle and suffering.

    • profile image

      Unstoppable 

      6 years ago

      Is true, the only thing that is constant is change, but we always pray for change fore the better. Hw can we adopt to changes?

    • VioletSun profile imageAUTHOR

      VioletSun 

      7 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

      Enjoyed reading you wise comments. The image of the mountain and the variations in the path is a good example of how life can be. Thanks for the follow! :)

    • carolp profile image

      Carolina 

      7 years ago from Switzerland

      A great and inspiring hub. The path of life is not always going straight ahead, sometimes we take curves right or left and it would still be okay but once we reach the rocky or green mountain up high one cannot stay all the time at the top, one might go down to a dangerous path or one can fly a sky diving as part of an adventure. The same way as when one is climing a hill to the top one might not have the same path to follow. Life is filled with ups and downs, sometimes changes is a must to make things better, do for good to live a good life to be healthy, happy and successful.

    • VioletSun profile imageAUTHOR

      VioletSun 

      7 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

      Unchained Grace, I have had the occasional friend who expected nothing but the worst so they missed the blessings they had such as a comfortable home and their general good health. I guess when one does not have a spiritual foundation, its easy to be sucked into the troubles of the world and develop a negative outlook.

      Aguasilver, Its a wonderful place to be in, to trust while the challenges are taking place; this is living in awareness of a higher Being, God.

      Thank you both for your in depth comments, and Happy New Year!

    • aguasilver profile image

      John Harper 

      7 years ago from Malaga, Spain

      Like UG I've had a few rapid changes in my life, normally when I had gotten too comfortable or complacent, and they have all EVENTUALLY been Romans 8:28 moments.

      I also lost everything when a relationship broke up, and I knew that God wanted me to surrender all that I had, though it took me seven years to understand that, and readjust to what was a simpler life.

      He stripped me again two years ago, took the lot from me and left me dangling, until I accepted that ONLY He has the right to bless me or not bless me, my efforts are temporal, His direction is eternal, He really does know best.

      Tell your friend to hang in there, and TRUST God to bring her to the right place.

      It's a good place to reside, under the shadow of the wings of the Most High.

    • Unchained Grace profile image

      Unchained Grace 

      7 years ago from Baltimore, MD

      I've seen much change in my own life while at the same time watch closely as to where it comes from and what the outcome shall be and guess what? The outcome shall be what you will it to be. When you speak distater and downfall into your future and into your life, that will be what you receive.

      Marie, ain't nuthin' easy but then was it ever supposed to be? The grieving, sense of loss and the void(s) that need filling all come down to not just who God says you are but who you believe yourself to be. Great one and thanks!!

    • VioletSun profile imageAUTHOR

      VioletSun 

      8 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

      Eiddwen: Glad you could relate! Read your profile and can see you went through many changes. Thanks for the vote up!

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 

      8 years ago from Wales

      I thought this hub was brilliant and on a subject very close to my heart.I think that if we listen to our gut instinct and carry on that road which may sometimes be a little rocky we will reap the benefits when we reach our destination. I am going to bookmark this one and vote you up.

    • VioletSun profile imageAUTHOR

      VioletSun 

      9 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

      Sweetiepie: I was going to go to sleep, but decided to check my G-mail and glad I did as there was this comment from you. :) Change is hard sometimes, I understand. I left NY to be with soulmate who lives in a tiny rural town, and this has been a harder adjustment for me, living in a small town, this after 4 years; but my personal life with him is so peaceful, and supportive, the change was worth it. We are thinking of moving out of Oregon to a house near the beach, possibly California or North Carolina, but not yet, when the money becomes available. Hey, I found real love in my late 40's, so I deeply appreciate this blessing. :)

      Thanks for your comments, its appreciated.

    • SweetiePie profile image

      SweetiePie 

      9 years ago from Southern California, USA

      It is very hard for us to accept change sometimes. I know even turning thirty there are little things I have a hard time adjusting to, and major things such as being older and not a kid anymore. I have been pretty much responsible for myself financially since I was eighteen, but now in this economy it is scary thinking about how when your hours are cut at work you have to find supplementary income. To me these are just small worries though because you have went through major things such as hearing loss and have no bitter feelings. I think you are one of the most positive people I have read, which is a very refreshing thing in a world filled with much negativity.

    • VioletSun profile imageAUTHOR

      VioletSun 

      9 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

      Hi, Bruce: Thank you so much for your comments! I understand exactly what you are saying about non attachment, it is the attachments that creates suffering.

    • Bruce Elkin profile image

      Bruce Elkin 

      9 years ago from Victoria, BC Canada

      Hi VioletSun. I loved this hub. It is so well written and personal. It is informative and engaging. It also is in snych with the recent resarch on happiness by Dan Gilbert and others. They say that if you win the lotto you will be happier than you are now for about 6 months to a year, but by then, you will be about as happy as you are now. Also, if you get paralyzed, you'll feel awful for about the same amount of time, and after a year, you'll be about as happy as you are now.

      So acceptance and non-attachement to events is truly an important skill in life. And thank you for illuminating the accepting, non-attached way you dealt with your hearing loss. Very impressive!

    • VioletSun profile imageAUTHOR

      VioletSun 

      10 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

      too now rejoice that I have discovered the joy of surrendering -which is not being passive-but learning how to accept the flow of life. :-) >>>

      "not being passive - but learning to accept the flow of life" I like the way you worded this. Thanks for your comments!

    • ripplemaker profile image

      Michelle Simtoco 

      10 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

      What a beautiful sharing VioletSun. It made me reflect about my life and my experiences. I too now rejoice that I have discovered the joy of surrendering -which is not being passive-but learning how to accept the flow of life. :-)

    • VioletSun profile imageAUTHOR

      VioletSun 

      10 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

      Thank you Marlo for your comments and welcome to Hubpages! :)

    • MarloByDesign profile image

      MarloByDesign 

      10 years ago from United States

      When one door closes, another one opens - you clearly demonstrated that!

      What a wonderful hub. I can relate...

    • VioletSun profile imageAUTHOR

      VioletSun 

      10 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

      "Chilly in the hallway" I like this because this is the way it sometimes is, when we are in the middle of change. LOL! Thanks for your comments!

    • robie2 profile image

      Roberta Kyle 

      10 years ago from Central New Jersey

      Hello Violetsun-- I like your image of the "little deaths" that clear the way for growth--beautifully put....and I am in complete agreement. One door closes and another opens. It's just sometimes a little chilly in the hallway LOL. This was great. Thanks.

    • VioletSun profile imageAUTHOR

      VioletSun 

      10 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

      Thank you Princessa for stopping by, and I am assume having the cultural experience you have of living in different countries has enriched you, I love diversity.  By the way, I am originally from South America, but immigrated to USA when I was a child. 

    • Princessa profile image

      Wendy Iturrizaga 

      10 years ago from France

      Very inspiring hub, and it is so true. Changes are difficult, but after we overcome them we feel stronger.

      The first time I moved from South America to Europe on my own I was very scared to leave everything for the unknown, I was only 20 and my whole life packed in a suitcase following a dream...

      A few years later, again I left everything to start again in a new country. This time stronger and less scared. Nowdays, I actually look forward to changes, even if it means start from scratch again.

      Great hub and all the best for you and your friend!

    • VioletSun profile imageAUTHOR

      VioletSun 

      10 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

      Rapidwriter: Yes, bereavement is the hardest to handle, as the loss of a loved one is so final in our human minds, but when we think we can't handle it, something higher than ourselves gives us strength and often grace. At least that has been my experince.

      Evelyn: Thanks for the thumbs up and your comments. Yes, change keep us growing; I actually enjoy change nowadays.

    • Evelyn Lim profile image

      Evelyn Lim 

      10 years ago from Singapore

      Violet, your hub is so beautiful. It can be hard at the point of change. But it is often in change, that we learn to grow and toughen up! I've rated your hub up for the wise message that it contains!

    • Rapidwriter profile image

      Rapidwriter 

      10 years ago from UK

      A very moving and wise hub, VioletSun and so beautifully written. It is so much more empowering to explore the possibilities and potential of a silver lining than to struggle with the unchangeables of life. That's why people find bereavement so hard, don't you think? And so it is for the 'little deaths'. Your hub communicates your serenity and sense of fulfilment. It's really warmed me on this brutally cold London morning. Thank you.

    • VioletSun profile imageAUTHOR

      VioletSun 

      10 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

      pgrundy: Thank you!  I was thinking of you when I wrote the part about leaving my job; my significant other wrote in a forum that years after an experience. many find themselves looking back and can see how it worked for out for the best.

    • profile image

      pgrundy 

      10 years ago

      What a wonderful hub! I agree wholeheartedly. It's funny how we all think we want comfort and predictability, yet so often if we get it, it is very bad for us. Every single crisis in my own life has also, in retrospect, been totally necessary to who I am today.

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