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The constant fight to be yourself

Updated on July 18, 2013
Purple Falcon profile image

An experienced integrative healthcare professional & Member of the International Alliance of Holistic Therapists


We've all had our own version of unrequited love, false assumptions and empty promises and came across our own share of indecisive and/or unreliable people. All of these experiences could very well scarred us for life. However, this does not mean that it is the end of the world or that we should just throw in the towel and give up. One thing I have learnt is that life demands struggle so that we may grow to become the best versions of ourselves and be better people in general.

It is a sad fact that most of us fail to reveal our true intentions, fail to express ourselves like we hope to in our dreams and to ultimately achieve our dreams turning into reality. Many of us lack the courage to even express gratitude to someone who has lent you a listening ear when you are down and need to vent and have a caring and listening ear. I, myself am trying to do this more often and every chance I can for it may be just this simple gesture that can differentiate between giving someone else a sense of worth and being an integral part of your life.

We all hide behind our masks, a different one for different occassions for work, that guy or girl you like, to those people who have wittingly or unwittingly hurt us, too many different personas we have to wonder so many are depressed or turning to drugs , alcohol or some form of addiction.

I know I too, from time to time (probably more often than not) still struggle with my moments of insecurity or days when I feel I can't function or speak or think especially if I am around someone I like or want to get to know better. Yes, it does not just happen to guys, it happens to us girls too. You know the moments that make you all hot and bothered, weak at the knees and you can hear your heart pounding.....the moments when your mind suddenly shuts down and you can't speak or only manage to muster up a few words and you just feel like running or hiding in case you blush or blurt out something crazy for fear that the guy or girl will think you an idiot. I have my moments, some days I can face anything whilst other days I just feel like hiding in my safe room. Oh, the agony!

It is just so exhausting to even think about! Let alone the constant re-adaptation that occurs.

The Mask we wear

Let us all recall the many comics we've grown up with; from Batman to Catwowan and Spiderman, it is apparent that these heroes and heroines all wear some form of disguise to protect their own secret identity for both their loved ones and also themselves.

Even though our disguises may not be so obvious in our real lives, it is inescaply present in some form or another. Call it a defence or protective mechanism, all of us have a mask we hide behind to protect ourselves from emotional or psyvhological hurt or disappointment.The extent at which thid disguise appears differs from one person to another and it is largely based upon our own experiences, fears and failures or previous hurt or disappointment whether in love or any other aspect of life.


All of us are driven by fear which may already be a built-in defence mechanism. We are all afraid to be rejected, unacknowledged, embarrassed and ridiculed. Even though we may have grown up from our childish ways, the "security blanket" DNA inevitably lingers in the form of facade we portray in society. For some, this may be virtually non-existent but for others it may be layers thick just like some would hide behind thick make-up and special effects.

We are all human. Nobody is perfect although there are plenty of those out there that think they are. Most of us are equipped with the modern version of fight flight response that causes us to retract into our 'rabbit holes' or caves once things get close to our hearts and emotions or gets serious because of the innate fear of getting hurt such as seen in early courtship or even later in relationships. We all do this to some degree, a self-preservation mechanism to shield us from possible heartache and torment.

We all have souls, We all feel. We all have hopes and dreams and fears and our own opinions and beliefs.

Things used to be so much simpler in the old days just like in the canine pack and the animal kingdom where affections and emotions are expressed freely and without restraint. Life used to be so much simpler without the extent of hectic we all face whether within or from external sources. We live in times of speed where one second can instantaneously change the nature of our lives, as quick as a text message or an email, the days of snail mail are history. However, our basic wants and needs stay the same despite modern advancements in technology and science.

Fear and adrenaline are necessary for survival and it had been built in our DNA in the aim of promoting surviving in the old jungle days when we were cavemen and women. Today, we still live in a jungle but one consisting of concrete and buildings, one of electronics and politics and adrenaline is not being utilised in the same way as it used to. Fear helps us discover our true character and allows us to overcome our barriers of life to progress into a higher state of consciousness.Fear is to be utilised in a way to be overcome so that we may learn from our experiences and hopefully become the better from them.


It is like many worthy things, easier said than done. But life is short so don't you think that there is no point of living if one cannot be true to oneself and to those they love or like? I have to agree. We tend to regret the things we don't take a chance with rather than the moments we have stayed true to ourselves and summoned up the courage to do so. At least this way, we can say at the end of the day that we have tried our very best in the hopes of achieving our true soulmate, dreams and aspirations. So love, laugh, dream, do; say to that special person or people in your lives: "Thank you", "I care about you", " you are what makes my life worthwhile" , " I love you"....... .

Seize the moment, express yourself truly from the deep recesses of your heart. There may be disappointments or you may very well achieve all you have dreamed of and hoped for. The key is taking the first step, taking the chance, having a moment's courage to follow your instincts and heart. If you don't have the courage to even take the first step, you will just never know the possibilities that may ensue or blossom from it.

Follow your heart, your passion in life and the money, love and/or spoils will follow.

May all of you stay true to yourself so that you may blossom to be the very best version of yourself, your individual unique nature that cannot be replaced by anybody else. Be yourself and not everybody else!


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