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Things I Wanted To Be

Updated on April 4, 2011

She Was So Lovely

My eyes were locked upon her. My ears were tuned to her every word. She appeared , so modern and fashionable. She was a walking definition of success and of femininity. She was pretty, with her dark locks falling across her blue dress.

Surely, songs were written for her. Poets longed to define her. Hearts must break over her. She was everything a young girl wished to be.

She was my second grade teacher.

I would spend many hours, with a piece of Granddad's whet stone in my hand, though I called it, in my childish voice, stone chalk. I would face the blackboard, which in reality was a rain barrel.....long before the benefits of nature were gaining their own movement and national attention.

Standing before dogs, cats, raccoons, elderberries, clucking chickens.....the audience was not important. I stood there, in reality, talking only to myself, giving lessons in spelling, math, geography.......I was in charge, and authoritative.

I was like her......the woman of a childish fantasy.

A Trip to the Airport

She descended the steps, looking both, glamorous and professional. Indeed she was both.

Her blonde hair was pinned neatly above her dark blue uniform.   Oh, those golden locks...dow dreamy they seemed.  She showcased, she owned, confidence, ability, hospitality and a knowledge of the world. How kind she was to escort my Grandmother to her airline seat. She alone, brought beauty to the world. If I could not be 'her', I would not be anything at all.

With her as my inspiration, I traveled the world, and came back again.

I was at home anywhere.

Crowds would welcome me back.

Shops would invite me in, seeking my worldly advice.

She took me everywhere, then she brought me home.

She taught me how to pack.

She coached me on the different languages, that I would fluently speak.

She exposed me to the wines I would drink, the dishes i would taste, the beaches I would lay upon......

She took me there and she watched over me.

 

In The Doctor's Office

She smiled at me. She promised it would not hurt. She was kind.

Her hands were soft and gentle.

So were her words.

Doctors snapped to her orders.

She was in command. People respected her. They asked her questions.

They listened to her words.

They sought her advice. Doctors asked her for the benefit of her hands own experience.

She had everything that I wanted.

She had a fabulous career and a family of her own.

She was balance in motion.

She would take me from backwoods healing and

straight into the face of modern medicine.

She was the force that drove me onward.

She was smart!

 

The Piano

How cool it would be......

When the people threw money at me, just to hear my song.

I would play for myself, of course.

With my words, and my song,

I would right the world.

It would be ME who united the world.

Expressing heartache, grief, loss......

Only to heal human emotion again.

I would be loved, and I would sing and

play of love in return.

All I needed was...... a piano.

I could right the world, if only, I  had

that piano.

Witches

I was accustomed to getting shortchanged by bigger, older and wiser brothers.

Someday, I would 'fix' them.....they would be sorry.

Through her cauldron, I would right the wrongs.

I would turn them into toads.

Their tears would fall in my name.

Hair would fall out.

Balls would be fumbled, and hoops missed.

Shoes would come untied at critical moments.

I would be in charge, righting every childish wrong done to me.

I could use Grandmother's wash-pot.

All I needed was the magic spells.

All they had to do was..........wait!

Then, they would be sorry.

They would apologize.

She had it all..
She had it all..
Give me this...
Give me this...

This Woman

Beautiful woman.

Fabulous home.

Obedient children.

Adoring husband.

Kool-aid houses.

Spacious green lawns.

Groomed dogs.

Directing careers.

Guiding dreams.

I would be the woman of leisure.

There would be nothing to worry about.

I would be pampered and spoiled.

Too much money to count.

Team captain.

Brownie leader.

Summer camp counselor.

Vacations on a whim.

Latest, modern inventions would be mine.

Fine furniture.

Diamond encrusted jewelry.

Fabulous tableware.

Exotic art.

Fashion.

Tools that others would operate.

The Sears catalog........give me every other page.

Send the bill to my husbands office.

He would pay for my gold.

What I Am

Like you, I have many facets.

I am a daughter, a wife , and a mother, a sister.  Those are roles, they are not my essence.

Within myself lies an appreciation for things that have gone before me. Tolerance and rejection are at my fingertips. Hope for the tomorrows are alive inside me.

It is now enough, to be here, among those I love, who love me, and you.

I grew up to be a part of your world, even if you never see my face or hear my voice.

It is the same for you, you are my neighbor, therefore a part of my world.

Shall we live peacefully beside each other, love, comfort, encourage one another?

The very least we can do, is to cause no harm........

My 'real' life is bigger than my dreams and admirations ever dared to be.

It is now a gift to just...........be here.  As I am.  Expecting no more and accepting no less.  This is my life and my journey.  I shall embrace it.

I have grown up.

What did you want to be? Are you that person?

working

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