When you have come to the edge...

Have you ever felt like somewhat you’re on the verge of giving up? I had not once, twice or thrice, but many times felt and thought the same. Life has not been easy and has been a long journey for a gettin' old woman like me. Friends & families hardly recognize my age, because amidst my age, they say i don't look so, something i feel innately proud being complimented. I am a naturally happy person, but I am human just like all of you are, who gets emotionally weak and gets drained at times, fighting for survival , trying to do their very best especially for the sake of family. And I bet ALL of us do.

The quote i used here inspired me to write these thoughts after not having written for over a week in these pages, nor in my facebook. Fate’s not been to lucky as I had been busy for two weeks entertaining and assisting four lady guests from our UK offices who came for some new training of SAP. Well I am thankful anyway, for being busy levelled down the moment of my frustration anyhow.

I've been feeling so stressed and depressed about life and how it’s going on. I am grateful i am blessed with a great family, a mom who loves and takes good care of my children, two beautiful loving daughters who stands by me, even I haven’t been part of their physical lives long enough I can remember…good friends I know who’d understand me, comfort me and stand with me no matter what…but still there are times when you tend to stick things to yourself and let it sore until you feel you have to get rid of your troubles, your worries…your fears…once and for all.

The daily inspirational emails I get from catholic christian fellows help me go through with my days. It shames me to feel so negative and low when apart from your problems, there are millions of others who have the same or suffer even more than our miseries. Sometimes I hate to read the daily news, as it hurts me to see photos of sick, dying, troubled people all over the world, or listen to sad stories and frustrations of other people as it affects me and wish I am a superwoman who can make wonders and solve every problem and unpleasant situations of people around me.

Well, it is a fact. In reality, Life has been not too pleasant for most of the whole population in the world, that either comes because of savaging natural disasters, man-made problems, greed and power of authorities that eats the flesh of the poor, unstable economy that leaves a lot of people with no jobs, mass workers sweating it out only to pay increasing debts and fees, loneliness, sadness, empty pockets, hungry stomachs… too many reasons to mention and enumerate as all these factors are behind one person’s life being unbearable and unhappy. And to think about all these makes me feel relieved to think that somehow,,,

I am not ALONE in this world who cries…who suffer.

Life is a cycle we’ve been struggling hard to cope since God knows when. I refuse to think tho’ that I was born unlucky or I was destined to have a hard time with so many areas of my life. But when I get to the bottom of the pit and look up, there's only one way to go. Keep up the FAITH!

Luke 17:6 says, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree…”be uprooted and planted in the sea” and it will obey you.

I’d like to think GOD never wanted to give us the gifts served in a platter of gold, but with wisdom and a heart that discerns all feelings we have been given, and we only have to make use of these gifts that are just there for us to feel, believe and wait for its proper time.

So just like ME, and all of YOU…heed well for God’s signs and calling.

Would you rather be blessed with a house full of gold that you won’t need to suffer and toil your sweat out every day? Or... would you rather, have the STRENGTH to carry on each troubled times, as our Lord Jesus walked along the hard way to Calvary, that saved us ALL from eternal damnation and gave ourselves the chance to walk not necessarily with the same toll, but with the same amount of FAITH that will help us carry through?

I have to keep going, so i stand by to choose the latter of course.