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Gamergirl's Pre-Atheist Spiritual Journey

Updated on February 29, 2020

My spiritual journey may best be described as the winding path. I was raised by an Episcopalian and a near-Agnost, but my parents had a firm view that they would not thrust any particular religious path on their children.

These days, I count myself among the rational and earthbound minds on the planet. I shed all "faith" slowly at first, until roughly early spring of 2010 when I leapt off the cliff-side of religion and into atheism. I leave the recollections below intact as a matter of expressing my progress, and hopefully reaching out to any number of individuals out there whose footsteps have followed a similar path.

As a result of my parents views, I spent my early self-aware years with an open mind and open heart. At four years old I was moved by a service at a large Episcopalian church, and began reading the bible for fun. After elementary school my parents experienced spiritual changes of heart, both of them converting (if you can call finding the spiritual path that makes your soul feel free, loved and worshipful conversion) to Paganism. My father identifies more with shamanic teachings, my mother with Celtic Witchcraft. Imagine if you will a scrawny 11 year old girl, all limbs and uncertain angles, approaching a priestess of a circle and asking to be Initiated. Yep, that was me, 11 years old and I knew all the answers. Anyway, the end result of the two and a half hour discussion that this lady and I had was that she would accept my question again in three years, during which time I was to learn, read and explore as much in regard to world religion as I possibly could. I did just as she asked. For three years I read, researched and discovered an even wider world of religion than I ever thought possible. I read hundreds of books, from paperback pamphlets from churches to translated texts of Kabbalah, rubbings and translations of Egyptian myths and legends, you name it. During this time I was also introduced to a lovely lady who spoke to me about faith and religion as if I were an adult. After several hours of talking to me (at the expense of not speaking to the two dozen others around except when I went off to help my mother and when ritual occurred) she asked me to call her "Momma Silver." Later, when we left circle that night I asked my mother who the lady was, only to find out that it was none other than influential and wise Lady Silver Ravenwolf. I was shocked!

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I learned so much from the people in this circle, which was eventually named Ravenfain. Lead by a wise man named Steven Vaughn, this merry band of Pagans was like a second family to me. I grew up around these bright souls, learning each person in the circle's take on religion, faith, devotion, and life. I spent weekends camping at places like Serpentstone, talking and laughing and growing with individuals considered Elders in the pagan community. These were treasured years of my life, my teenage years filled with magic and glory.

It's difficult to express how my teenage years passed for me spiritually. During this time my walk down the roads of belief was interrupted by normal kid stuff, boys and high school, yet in my heart I always knew that out there in the aether there was someone who had given me all the keys to life, and like a brand new driver I was speeding along.

Have you ever looked at the ground and just watched the earth until it ebbs and flows in your vision? Have you experienced the shudder of excitement that thrills your body when the wind picks up suddenly around you? I have, and I attribute these things to the presence of the Goddess. I envision her with her arms wrapped around me, supporting and comforting, holding me as I make the tough choices in life, cheering me on as I make the right decisions, but remaining in my heart when I choose wrongly.

Anyway, after Ravenfain splintered, I withdrew into myself. I attended pagan rituals infrequently after returning from the military, and worshipped in my own special way. I have always believed that faith is more important than what brand name you place on your religion, and at the core - living a good life, treating your fellow human being well, and doing your part to treat the Earth we live on as if it were an extension of yourself... these things are important, and these ideals have been reinforced in my religious experiences.

While faith is a deeply personal and individual growth process, I find myself thinking about all the people who have impacted me, taught me, loved me for who I am along the way. Were it not for Momma Laura, Solitaire, Dawn Raven, Serpent, Rowena, Gwendolyn, Ember, Dragonstone, Ravenfain, Silver Ravenwolf, and literally hundreds of others, I would not have the vast knowledge and understanding I do today. If ever their eyes should grace this page, I want them to know they are on my mind, in my heart, and beloved to me always as brethren. We share in the Goddess, and in that there is bounty.

I believe that this journey is one which will never end. Should the day come that a monumentous update need be done here on this hub, I will do so. Until then, trust that every day is a new experience that I cherish, every spiritual revelation held close to my heart and bringing me another step along the path.

Love and Light... Merry Meet, Merry Part, and Merry Meet again.

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    • betherann profile image

      Beth Morey 

      11 years ago from Montana

      This hub was well written and honestly shared. Thank you! What's more, reading through the comments and your replies brought a smile to my face, especially the last. :)

    • gamergirl profile imageAUTHOR

      Kiz Robinson 

      12 years ago from New Orleans, Louisiana

      YAY!!

      I love you mommy!

    • profile image

      Dahlia Kitchenwitch 

      12 years ago

      Wonderful testament Young Lady.....

      Mommy

    • gamergirl profile imageAUTHOR

      Kiz Robinson 

      12 years ago from New Orleans, Louisiana

      Oh Gwendolyn.. I love my bestest dancing buddy. ((HUGS))

    • profile image

      Lady Gwendolyn 

      12 years ago

      What a wonderful journalizing of your path of love and enlightenment. The fair haired maiden who sprinkled fairy dust in my hair the first time I met her. (Took me a good while to get all of that loving glitter out of scalp.) You were always racing down the driveway of Grannie's when we arrived. My heart will always hold fond memories of Elfchilde, and continues to love and cherish Charlotte - the mystical too.

    • gamergirl profile imageAUTHOR

      Kiz Robinson 

      12 years ago from New Orleans, Louisiana

      Thank you so much, Patricia! Think about those who have passed and the bounty of the year to come - when you eat the cakes and drink the ale, be thankful and set your mind on the prosperity of the new year! :D

    • Patricia Costanzo profile image

      Patricia Costanzo 

      12 years ago from Behind the Redwood Curtain

      gamegirl, Thanks so much for sharing. I am jealous of your childhood! I was raised Catholic for 18 years, my dieing mother's wish. It took me another 18 years to shake it off. Its only been in the last 6 years that my spiritual growth has hit high gear. Oh, that it could have happened when I was 11! I'm invited to a "cakes and ale" bonfire this week, should be mind expanding!

      Love & Light, Patty

    • gamergirl profile imageAUTHOR

      Kiz Robinson 

      13 years ago from New Orleans, Louisiana

      Thank you all! The response from my sharing here has been so positive, so awesome, and I am very glad I was able to share it with you.

      I want you all to know that no matter the label we place on our spiritual leanings, we are all walking similar paths. When you strip away the outer dogma of every organized religion, the tenets upheld are more similar than you may think.

      Bless you all!

    • Bonnie Ramsey profile image

      Bonnie Ramsey 

      13 years ago from United States

      Charlotte,

      While I was raised in a family of Baptists, I don't prefer to call myself a Baptist but just a Christian. This is because I believe many things of different religeous organizations and I feel it is not important what organization you belong to. I believe we are Christians through salvation and not by the religeon we practice.

      That being said, I was in awe of this Hub and your excellent talent in sharing it with us. I truly respect you for posting this Hub and look forward to hearing more about your journey. Thanks for sharing.

      Bonnie Ramsey

    • Marisa Wright profile image

      Kate Swanson 

      13 years ago from Sydney

      I was about to cut and paste a section, then noticed that Kenny had already cut and pasted that exact same piece. To my mind, adhering to those principles is much more important than what organised religion you belong to. Great Hub, thumbs up!

    • debrakcarey profile image

      debrakcarey 

      13 years ago from West Plains, Missouri

      I too have explored the teachings of the earth based religions and respect them greatly. I am of Native American and Irish descent so it was a way for me to acknowledge where and from whom I come from. I did learn much about true spirituality. I was unable to deny the power of their teachings. I used these things I learned and applied them to my Christian faith. The only difference between you and I, is that I believe in a Creator God...who became one of us. I will enjoy reading more from you...and hope to see your comments on my blogs. Debi

    • Inspirepub profile image

      Inspirepub 

      13 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Fantastic experiences, Charlotte, and well told!

      I resonate with a lot of what you have written. My path has been completely outside of any organised religion, and I have found the same truths hidden in all of them.

      It's rare to find someone who has taken the time to research a wide range of religions - bless the wisdom of the woman who sent you on that journey in your tween years!

      I am constantly amazed at the quality of people who are posting Hubs here.

      Jenny

    • Misha profile image

      Misha 

      13 years ago from DC Area

      This leaves me speechless, too. And envy, cause you managed to start your way in your early years, and you got so good mentors to help you with this :) I started to think about these things in my late twenties probably... I guess I want to read what Silver Ravenwolf has to say. I found her website, will give it a try :)

    • gamergirl profile imageAUTHOR

      Kiz Robinson 

      13 years ago from New Orleans, Louisiana

      Thank you very much. It was truly a pleasure to put these words to text capsules, and your comments are all so wonderful. I am blessed to be part of such a diverse community here.

      Love and Light -- Charlotte

    • Kenny Wordsmith profile image

      Ashok Rajagopalan 

      13 years ago from Chennai

      "living a good life, treating your fellow human being well, and doing your part to treat the Earth we live on as if it were an extension of yourself... these things are important, and these ideals have been reinforced in my religious experiences."

      That's very moving and the truth. Real spitituality.

      Thank you for making this a hub, Charlotte.

    • Archbob profile image

      Archbob 

      13 years ago

      Interesting article on your Journey in Faith. I, myself, was mainly agnostic until I truly converted to Christianity in college. Its been a great journey and it helps me understand others religions and faiths better than most people.

    • LisaG profile image

      Lisakg 

      13 years ago from Caribbean

      Thanks for publishing gamergirl. It's almost poetic. Really inspires me. I hope one day to publicly voice my spiritual journey.

    • Earth Angel profile image

      Earth Angel 

      13 years ago

      GREAT Hub GamerGirl!! Thank you for sharing!! You have struck a similar cord in many of us!! Thank you for being so authentic with your experiences!! Blessings on your continued journey!! I am glad our paths have crossed along the miles!! Earth Angel!!

    • AuraGem profile image

      AuraGem 

      13 years ago from Victoria, Australia

      This is a beautiful dialogue of inner journeys. I feel great empathy! Your voice could almost be my voice!

      Smiles and Light

    • Mark Knowles profile image

      Mark Knowles 

      13 years ago

      Well, you have left me almost speechless. And as you know, that's a mean feat. Thank you for sharing. I mean that.

      Mark

    • funride profile image

      Ricardo Nunes 

      13 years ago from Portugal

      I´m so glad you have put it into this great hub, thank you!

      As I told you on the forum you´ve got it well written but more important you make us all think about our own spiritual journeys!

    • In The Doghouse profile image

      In The Doghouse 

      13 years ago from California

      The quest for truth and light is an on going journey, "keep on keepin' on".

    • Stacie Naczelnik profile image

      Stacie Naczelnik 

      13 years ago from Seattle

      This is an intresting journey you have been on. Amazing how it continues on, isn't it? Silver Ravenwolf's books were a part of my religious explorations as a teenager. Thank you for sharing.

    • coolbreeze profile image

      Rik Rodriguez 

      13 years ago from Hawaii

      Yes you are a gutsy person . While we might not see eye to eye, I respect people who are confidant enough to tell their story.

      My love and respect goes out to you. gamegirl

    • gamergirl profile imageAUTHOR

      Kiz Robinson 

      13 years ago from New Orleans, Louisiana

      *blush* Thank you, C.M. I really enjoyed typing it up, and this is by no means the whole of it, but some experiences you really just can't type up no matter how hard you try.

    • C.M. Vanderlinden profile image

      C.M. Vanderlinden 

      13 years ago from Metro Detroit

      I visited this hub earlier, and I wanted to leave a comment, but I didn't know what to say. What do you say to someone who has shared their spiritual growth? All I can think of is to say thank you---your journey has been inspiring, and your spirituality shines through in this hub. I really enjoyed reading it.

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