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Actual announcements taken from church bulletins

  1. Make  Money profile image70
    Make Moneyposted 8 years ago

    Actual announcements taken from church bulletins


    Don't let worry kill you - let the church help.

    Thursday night - potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

    Remember in prayer - the many who are sick of our church and community.

    For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

    The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Mis Belzer.

    This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

    Wednesday the ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing "Put me in My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.

    Thursday at 5:00pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study.

    This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the alter.

    Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.

    The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.

    A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

    At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

  2. laringo profile image81
    laringoposted 8 years ago

    I thoroughly enjoyed this post. What's wrong with a little innocent freudian every now and then. Now you make me want to go and pull out my church bulletin.

  3. Rochelle Frank profile image88
    Rochelle Frankposted 8 years ago

    These are always fun. Thanks for the smiles. The Easter egg one di make me laugh aloud.

  4. Make  Money profile image70
    Make Moneyposted 8 years ago

    Here's a couple more.


    When you pulled out of that parking space your karma ran over my dogma.

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    Fundamentalist Hindu-- born again . . . and again

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    Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

    -Benjamin Franklin

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    A barber gives a doctor a haircut. The doctor thinks it's the best cut ever. he asks what he owes the barber. The barber replies, "Nothing! You doctors do such good, important work, I never charge doctors." The next morning he finds a bottle of wine and a thank you note from the doctor on his doorstep. That afternoon, a firefighter gets a haircut and thinks it's the best cut ever. he asks what he owes and the barber replies, "Nothing! You firefighters do such good and important work, I never charge firefighters." The next morning, the barber finds a bottle of wine and a thank note on his doorstep. That afternoon, a priest gets a haircut, thinks it's the best cut ever, but after asking what he owes is told, "Nothing! You priests do such good, important work, I never charge priests." The next morning the barber finds twelve priests on his doorstep!

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    One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking in a beautiful garden with God. He asked God, “Lord, what is wealth and money to You?”

    God answered, “It is nothing, it is dust, it has no value whatsoever to me.”

    They walked further and the man asked, “Lord, what is time to you?”

    God answered, “A moment is millennium and millennium, a moment.”

    Then the man asked, “Lord, since money has no value to You, may I have a million dollars?”

    God answered, “In a moment.”

  5. Make  Money profile image70
    Make Moneyposted 8 years ago

    http://tallskinnykiwi.typepad.com/.a/6a00d8341c5bb353ef010536ed3696970c-pi

    http://tallskinnykiwi.typepad.com/.a/6a00d8341c5bb353ef010536ed3633970c-pi

  6. Make  Money profile image70
    Make Moneyposted 8 years ago

    This guy says to the priest, "I would start to go to church again father but there are too many hypocrites there."

    Priest replies, "well there's always room for one more".

 
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