Are You There, God?

One would think that I would have learned long ago how to deal with major traumatic events. I've been through several. Still, they have a way of leaving me stunned, overwhelmed, and lost. Again and again, I find myself thinking "How will I ever recover?"

We've all been there, multiple times in our lives. And we know that somehow, the sun comes up the next day and, by the grace of God, we move forward. But if you are like me, I always wished that God would give me more actual guidance, especially during the hardest times.

I was raised Catholic. I was taught to pray and attend church regularly. The prayers were memorized. The church service was the same routine. Once, actually, I told my mom that I was just going to talk to God and not recite the usual prayers. She claimed that wasn't really praying. So, I grew up not knowing how to "talk" to God, how to pay attention for answers. As I grew older, I grew away from the traditional church. It felt like a ritual that simply took up time. What I really needed was guidance. Answers to my prayers. Yes, my prayers! I gave up the memorized verses and boldly talked directly to the Master. Why not?

Still, I had to get to an extremely low point in my life to actually stumble upon the possibility that we have the resources, the power to feel, hear, and see messages from God or from a spiritual energy!

All I had to do was

1) be open to the possibility of it,

2) then put my request out there into this energy field, and finally

3) be open to listening for an answer.

Once I realized that, I found that people had actually been writing about this for years! Where had I been? The thought of maybe actually having a way to feel guided through this life was all I'd ever really wanted. I finally didn't feel so alone.

Someone introduced me to the idea of animal messages, I was at a point in my life where I was ready of any ideas and this one totally intrigued me. I mean, have you ever had a certain bird seem to visit you often? Have you ever felt like that squirrel stopped to just look at you for the an unusually long time?

Once I opened up to the possibility that animals might be trying to tell us something, I paid closer attention. I carried my camera with one simple thought: If an animal caught my attention and then stayed still long enough for me to take it's picture, than I could take the time to read the message of that animal once I returned home.

So for three years, I lived next to a nature preserve and walked the same paths over and over again. What put me in that exact location was a bit of a miracle all by itself. Every day, I would take my issues along with me as I walked the paths. I walked my walk and I put my thoughts out there, into this energy field

I thought through issues of my divorce, then my brother's death, then a daughter's miscarriage, new baby, potential move, illnesses, and so on.

Every day, as I walked that same path, I would see different things and those things would feed my thoughts with guidance. Many times, I would enter the path with frustration, fear, anxiety, even anger but as I walked, somehow, I found peace and strength from this simple exercise of putting my problems out into the universe and then just being open to looking for signs that a spiritual power is trying to guide me to the right thoughts.

As I walked, I paid close attention to my thoughts but also was keenly observant to everything around me thinking, now, that there might be messages from a spiritual presence. In the beginning, I would read carefully the messages recorded by various authors about the animals I had seen on my walk and I actually relaxed. I was feeling guided by the messages as I read them. I felt as though I was being told what my next step should be and I felt the confidence to take that next step.

Then, some days, I didn't rely on another author's version of an animal message. I studied what the animal was doing and let my thoughts relay the message to me.

The purple flowers left in a tree were found by me on a day that I walked with concern for my daughter. She was heading into a meeting with her boss. I had a feeling the meeting wouldn't end well. I was just walking and thinking of her when I saw the bouquet. I took the photo thinking maybe she would like it, depending on the outcome of the meeting. When I returned from that walk, she called. "I quit my job." she said. "It was nasty. When she finally let me speak, all I could say was I think it's time we part ways."

I was glad I had taken a photo of those flowers. I sent them to her with a short little message that just said that no matter what I thought she was awesome.

Then, the next day, I walked the woods again. This time I had a deeper concern for her. She was really devastated by how she had been treated, used for her expertise and then driven into a corner so she had no alternative but to quit. I wanted some message, some guidance that I could share with her; something that would boost her spirits. It was then I saw the second bouquet.

This time, I saw the flowers as I was deep in thought. I stopped abruptly, stunned that, for the second day in a row, there was a bouquet of purple flowers; this time on the ground in a tiny stream of water. Again, I took a photo.

This time, though, I thought of my daughter's grandma. She had always loved the color purple. Perhaps these flowers were being left by her.

When I returned from my walk, I looked up the flower simply by doing a google search of Wisconsin Wildflowers. As it turns out, that flower is identified as "Dame's Rocket", a common wildflower that grows in Wisconsin woods and along the roadways and is highly invasive. The folklore attached to this plant is that it signifies "women's Independence" but some also say that it may stand for the "flower of deceit". Both messages fit perfectly with how my daughter feels right now. and how she had just been treated. It was as though her grandma was trying to tell her that although she had been deceived by a person she thought of as a friend and partner, she was a strong, independent woman and she would grow and spread her wings further and deeper because of this loss.

Typically, robins fly away as I step closer to them. On this day, this robin stayed ahead of me but stayed on the path with me. It was like it was wanting to tell me something as well. So when I returned from my walk, I looked up the message of the robin from "Animal Spirit Guides" by Steven Farmer, and this is what it said:

"It's time to let go of anything in your life that's outmoded and stagnant and plant the seeds for the new by setting your goals and intentions for the upcoming year. Let go of your attachment to drama and allow as much joy and laughter into your life as you possibly can. Your spiritual path is steady and slow, with challenges along the way, yet it inevitably leads to your achieving your spiritual ideals. You have a beautiful song inside you, so do whatever it takes to share it with the world. Expect new growth in a number of areas of your life. Make a wish, be patient, and watch how it comes true."

As I was coming to the end of my walk, I turned a corner and came up on a deer. This has become my reoccurring message saying to "Be gentle with yourself". This deer seemed to quickly run from me and that was unusual. Usually, they are calm around me. But, I visually followed this deer just to see if it would settle down as I passed.

And it stopped...in the middle of these purple flowers and just stared at me. Now, how could I not take a picture of that? Thank you, Grandma for that beautiful image and great reminder.

As my walk, for this day, came to an end, I had the clearest thought. I needed to tell my daughter that it was Time To Turn The Page! And then, I looked down to the path, just to make sure I wasn't going to trip over a large tree root that I knew coming up and this is the final photo.

Was it just me or did I hear messages from my walk in the woods? Well, I shared part of this with my daughter; the message of the robin and just a "thought" that the flowers reminded me of her grandma's love for the color purple. And then, I told her to just remember to "be gentle with herself" right now and that I loved her.

Message delivered...hopefully.

I felt totally guided to do and say the right things to my daughter. I believe that I have been guided through more than one tough time over the past few years.

I know that it just my thoughts. but I'm listening to them. And I know it's just a walk; but I'm paying attention in a meditation kind of way.

And I believe that I have finally found the guidance that I've searched for my whole life. I have finally turned the page on my life.

Thank you God. Thank you spirit guides. Your messages are finally coming through to me loud and clear.