Monday Morning Booking: SummerSlam 2015.
My last name isn't McMahon.
Or... Levesque for that matter.
I'm not a booker, and I never have been.
I'm just saying, this is what I think the WWE should do as we approach the biggest pay per view of the summer.
The Diva's Title.
Screw this title.
Screw all the stupid finishes.
Screw giving a boob job the record because CM Punk went on a podcast.
Blah blah blah Paige blah blah blah Nikki blah blah blah the wrong Bella was pinned blah blah blah.
If the words Charlotte, Sasha, or Becky aren't involved, nobody cares.
The United States Title.
Moving forward, it's pretty obvious what the WWE has to do with the United States Championship.
With Battleground two weeks away, the writing is on the wall.
Kevin Owens has to defeat John Cena and become United States Champion.
With the NXT Championship now in Finn Balor's extremely capable hands, Kevin Owens' incredible push is in danger.
I know that sounds ridiculous considering he's only been pinned four times, and all four times by champions, but now that he's being moved up the main roster, he needs some direction.
Before I move onto Owens and who I think he should face at SummerSlam, I need to vomit something I'd never thought I'd say.
I really enjoyed this title run by John Cena.
One of the best things about Monday Night Raw is how unpredictable it is, and having the open challenge every week made the show fun. Mid-carders like Cesaro and even NXT newbies like Sami Zayn and Adrian Neville got a chance to put on great matches with a main event talent, and John Cena got to prove that he is actually capable of more than five moves.
I think that in many ways, Cena is starting to slow back away from the main event picture, letting the *cough* young bucks take over, and I was able to actually enjoy his performances. His mic-battles with Kevin Owens have been fantastic lately. I'm aware that Cena's departure from the U.S. Title and the mid-card mean he'll probably move back into the main event, but it was nice being able to enjoy the leader of the Cenation for once.
Back to Owens.
There's a sad trend developing in the WWE.
People slave for months and months in developmental, working on a gimmick that the front office likes and perfecting the "WWE style" of wrestling. They work their asses off, desperately trying to get over with the NXT crowds and the big wigs, hoping to get a shot on Raw and Smackdown. They work like this for years, and finally they get their shot. They debut, they have a built in story that temporarily gets them over because they're something new and exciting, and then their first feud ends. They try to move on to something else, but they're just repeating the same stale story they ran before, the crowd gets bored, and they end up either back in NXT or jobbing to the next guy to get called up. It happens far too often.
A perfect example of what I'm talking about are "The Ascension."
The Ascension were the longest reigning tag team champions in the short but excellent history of NXT. They ran through the entire NXT roster with a gimmick that was part Undertaker and part Shield, electrifying Full Sail audiences.
At a time when the Tag Team Championship was bouncing back and forth between the Usos and the team of the Miz and Damien Mizdow, the Ascension should've been able to run in and absolutely destroy the tag team division.
Instead, they were handed a TV-friendly gimmick that was closer to the Road Warriors than what they had so much success with in NXT, they were thrown into squash matches against local independent wrestlers on Smackdown and were dead in the water long before they were ever given any kind of angle.
I've been to Raw live twice this year, both times in Washington D.C.
The first time, I saw the Ascension debut to a completely indifferent reaction in a squash match against Miz and Mizdow halfway through the show.
Last week, I saw them squeak out a win over Sandow and Axel... I mean, Machodow and Axelmania... in the pre-show.
They're dead in the water now.
Now obviously, there's a difference between Kevin Owens and the Ascension.
Kevin Owens is one of the most natural heels I've ever seen.
He doesn't come out and go out of his way to piss off the crowd like Seth Rollins, and he doesn't back babyfaces into a corner like Triple H.
Kevin just comes out and plays Kevin.
And it's gotten him from NXT to Raw in eight months.
Here's what worries me.
Kevin Owens is not what Vince McMahon looks for in a superstar.
Despite being an amazing athlete, he doesn't really look the part.
He's not exactly a body-builder, is what I'm saying.
And I worry that if he doesn't beat Cena for the U.S. title, he's going to get lost in the flow.
Owens lost to Cena at Money in the Bank, then he lost to Balor and Samoa Joe in a tag team match on NXT, and then he lost to Finn Balor in the NXT Championship match at "Beast in the East".
If he drops this match to Cena, then what?
What does Owens have going for him?
Does he trudge back to NXT and take his re-match with Balor? Why? So he can lose a fifth match in a row?
Let's be honest, Owens needs the U.S. Title to stay relevant.
Now that Cena has restored relevance to the once-forgotten title, Owens could be king of the mid-carders with the U.S. belt.
The following night on Raw, they could have their rematch, and either Owens completely destroys Cena or just walks away from the fight, content to end the rematch with the title in a losing effort.
And for his first feud? For his opponent at SummerSlam? Well... It's obvous.
He's got a red-hot feud with Samoa Joe on the back-burner.
It's taken a backseat to his feuds with Cena and Finn Balor but with both titles switching hands, there's no reason why Samoa Joe can't follow Kevin to the main roster.
Samoa Joe doesn't need to spend time in developmental, he's been wrestling longer than most Cena fans have been alive.
Owens vs. Joe at SummerSlam is a marquee match.
Fans of Ring of Honor and independent wrestling will definitely pay 9.99 to watch that.
Obviously Owens goes over, because he can't be dropping the U.S. title that quickly, and I don't think Joe has long-term WWE plans.
The Intercontinental Title.
Ya know, it's funny.
When Brock was WWE World Heavyweight Champion, the I.C. title was the most prestigious title to make regular televised appearances. In many ways, Dolph Ziggler and Bad News Barrett were the biggest champions on the show.
However, since Daniel Bryan had to vacate the title back before the Elimination Chamber, it's faded into the background.
Not that Ryback hasn't been a good champion, he's been fine. But the booking... It's been questionable.
In 2015, there's no reason for the Big Show to be involved in a championship feud.
Don't get me wrong. I love the Big Show.
I know everyone's sick of him, and they just wish "The Big Slow" would retire, but he's given most of his life to this business, and will surely be missed when he does hang up the boots.
But, let's be honest, he's just not a viable contender for any title.
He hasn't been any kind of champion since dropping the World Heavyweight Title to Alberto El Pat- I mean Del Rio on Smackdown in 2013.
That's right, the last championship he had doesn't even exist anymore, and he lost it to a guy who isn't even in the WWE anymore.
So you're telling me we're supposed to believe that they're going to take the strap off of a young guy they're really high on and give it to the Big Show?
The Miz is a little more convincing, but at this point, he wrestles about as frequently as the Divas, and wrestling has taken a back-seat to his B-movie career.
And are we really supposed to believe that someone like The Miz could beat Ryback?
I'm not a McMahon, so I am all for little guys beating big guys, but the little guys have to be able to wrestle.
Daniel Bryan? Sure.
Dolph Ziggler? Absolutely.
The douchy guy from "The Real World?"
Nah, I'm good.
So what we need here, is a valid contender for The Big Guy.
The first guy that came to mind for me was Rusev.
The two were building a solid feud before it was hijacked by Cena at Fast Lane, and it would be easy to microwave.
The only problem is that Rusev is already locked in a feud with Dolph Ziggler, and is on his way to a win that he desperately needs.
So that means no Bulgarian Brute on the menu for the Feed Me Moron.
Here's an idea.
What about Cesaro?
During Cena's U.S. Open Challenge, Cesaro put on two amazing matches, and with tag-team partner Tyson Kidd sidelined by injury, I think he's earned a main-roster feud.
Cesaro's incredible in-ring ability will keep him over with fans regardless of whether he wins or not, and Ryback can add an impressive win to his title reign.
The WWE World Heavyweight Championship.
This is tough.
Because unlike the U.S. and I.C. titles, I have no clue what's going to happen between Brock Lesnar and Seth Rollins at Battleground.
On one hand, Brock isn't allowed to lose.
Since he beat the Undertaker's streak at Wrestlemania, and then destroyed Cena at last year's SummerSlam, he hasn't been pinned. He's taken everything the WWE has to offer and only lost the title because Rollins pinned Reigns in a triple threat match.
So does Brock crush Rollins?
See, that's the other hand.
Because Brock can't lose, it makes him a questionable champion.
He's rarely on Raw, never on Smackdown, and he doesn't work every pay per view.
Here's an example. Battleground will be Rollins' fifth title defense since becoming champion Wrestlemania back in March. That's five defenses over four months.
Brock was champion for 6 months, and he only defended the title three times.
A DQ loss to John Cena at Night of Champions, a triple threat win over Cena and Rollins at the Royal Rumble, and then the loss at Wrestlemania.
It's no secret that the product is better when Brock is on TV, but not when it means the title isn't.
So what do we know?
Brock can't lose, but he also can't become champion.
There are rumors of Reigns vs. Lesnar and Triple H vs Seth Rollins at SummerSlam
Here's what I think they should do.
I don't think they'll actually do this, but it just makes sense.
I think Brock should absolutely destroy Rollins at Battleground.
It should make Brock vs. Cena at SummerSlam look like Bret vs. Shawn.
Let's face facts.
The WWE have ruined Seth Rollins.
Seth Rollins is the total package.
He's got the right look, he's tall enough, he has perhaps the most complex moveset in the whole damn company, and when he's allowed to riff on the mic, he's amazing.
Is that what we see on Mondays, Thursdays, and occasionally Sundays?
No. We see a coward who doesn't use heaters to cheat because it's easy, but because he needs them.
He lost clean to J&J for Punk's sake.
Here's what I say.
I say Brock comes out and absolutely destroys Rollins to become champion again.
The Authority tries to interfere, but they get suplexed to hell. Kane catches an F-5 and Paul Heyman's beast becomes the very first two-time WWE World Heavweight champion.
The following night on Raw, Seth comes out alone and tries to say he's still the man. That he wants his re-match and he feels like he can take Brock down.
The Authority come out and tell him they'll give him a re-match, but he has to earn it.
Out comes Sheamus, and much like Randy Orton in 2014, Rollins finds himself on the outside of the Authority looking in.
Rollins puts on one hell of an effort, but at the last minute, the Kane interferes and costs Rollins the match. The Authority puts a beat-down on Rollins and name Sheamus the face of the company.
What's a Rollins to do?
Turn face of course!
This leads to the next part of my plan.
Who is supposed to challenge Brock Lesnar for the title at SummerSlam?!
What about the man who never got a real shot at Mania?
What about Roman Reigns?
Of course, the Authority would never book Reigns in a title match like that, so they give him a similar offer. They put him in a handicap match against Sheamus and the Authority with Dean Ambrose banned from ringside.
Roman Cena's out and dominates early, but slowly the numbers game wears him down Sheamus gets the dirty pin.
The Authority beats Roman down until Dean comes to his rescue. The babyfaces fight back early, but... numbers.
The next week on Raw, the Authority give Roman another chance, putting him and Dean in a no-DQ handicap match against alllllllllllllllllll the heels.
Roman and Dean hold their own for a bit, but eventually... numbers.
Who should come out to help Dean and Roman but their old buddy, Seth Rollins.
The Shield clean house and Roman gets a title shot at SummerSlam.
The next week, Rollins comes out and explains his actions. He says he doesn't want to get the band back together, he just wants revenge on the Authority. He remembers why he started wrestling (justice, of course) and wants to get back at Triple H.
If you haven't been paying attention to my hub, or the product for the last 3 years, I'll tell you where this is going.
Against Kane and J&J.
And in case you haven't paid attention to allllllllllllll the other handicap matches, I'll spoil this part too.
Roman and Dean save Seth.
Roman vs. Brock for the title.
Rollins vs. Triple H.
Ambrose vs. Sheamus in an Extreme Rules match.
Ambrose beats Sheamus, because... We'll get to that.
Rollins beats Triple H, because Triple H doesn't need a big win as badly.
And Roman beats Brock... but Deja Vu, Sheamus cashes in.
To me, that's what would be best for business.
Roman vs. Sheamus sounds like a main event match, Seth gets a re-match at some point, Ambrose is hovering around the main event, and a Shield reunion could happen as soon as the Royal Rumble.