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Once Upon a CMLL Running Diary

Updated on June 2, 2017

It's that time again! The time where I make another Animaniacs joke? The part where I do another CMLL Running Diary? No...well actually yes, but let's ignore that part. It's time for CMLL's Gran Alternativa, an annual tag team tournament where a veteran teams with a young dude to take on a whole lot of other teams featuring a veteran and a young dude. In the end the winners get a trophy, the winning young luchador may get a decent push or he may turn out to be Esfinge. The moral for all the young luchadors tonight; don't turn into Esfinge (especially you Esfinge!). With that, I think we're all set to get this Running Diary started. Moses, break out the meme and play the music you play when you've left home for the first time to fight evil gods with Chris Pine.

9:27: As per usual, I'm live from the Cult Cave. Also per usual, I'm currently listening to my pal Caleb go off on someone because they don't like Sami Zayn. Thank goodness I like Sami Zayn; otherwise Caleb would've had my skinned alive by now!


9:30: We're live folks! Head on over to Claro Sports if you want to watch the action in addition to me making a few Wonder Woman jokes.


9:32: Excellent news; Stukita and Shockercito are the technicos for this opener. Terrible news; Pequeno Violencia is one of the rudos (Mercurio is the other). CMLL giveth and CMLL take it away.


9:35: Stukita and Mercurio will start. If Mercurio isn't feeling bitey then we may have a shot.


9:37: Stukita owned Mercurio for two minutes. Now it's Shockercito's turn to try and get anything respectable out of the black hole of talent that is Violencia.


9:38: It barely takes a minute before Violencia is heading for the hills. Stukita and Mercurio are in and Stukita picks up the pace to get a near fall on the rudo. He then does the Tranquilo pose, because why not, before Mercurio kicks him in the head and does a weird dance.


9:39: Shockercito jumps in with a springboard hurricanrana. Mercurio tries to turn the tide with a roll up, but Shockercito rolls out and Stukita comes off the top with a Stukita splash. Lights out for Mercurio. Violencia comes in, terribly sells a Shockercito headscissors and then taps out to a La Mistica type submission. 1-0 technicos after a standard first fall.


9:41: Violencia did so well in fall one that he gets to start fall two getting his ass kicked by Shockercito. Luckily for him Mercurio is a good partner, and he turns the tide quickly as the rudos go to work on the double team.


9:42: Violencia just attempted a punch that missed more than Scott Norwood's kick in the 1990 Super Bowl. You're gorram right it was that bad.

9:43: Luckily Mercurio redeems Violencia twice in a row with two cool double teams; first a combo Package Piledriver on Stukita and then a Double Canadian Backbreaker on Shockercito. That's enough for a tie and this match is flying by. It's almost as if there's a big tournament later!


9:46: Fall three continues with more double teaming and more of Pequeno Violencia being the worst thing to happen to wrestling since Vince McMahon said "you know, I think I want to give the belt to Jinder!"


9:47: Stukita and Shockercito are rallying. Thank Grodd; I couldn't take another minute of Violencia trying to do offensive maneuvers.


9:48: Stukita and Violencia are trading slaps. Stukita eventually hits the ropes, hits an arm drag, takes a few slaps and then hits a nice Diamond Cutter. Mercurio comes in to break up the pin, but instead sees Stukita grab his foot and stomp it into Violencia! Spot of the match there.


9:50: Remember when this match was going quickly? Those were the days. Instead we're watching Shockercito do stuff to Mercurio that he was doing in the first fall.Well besides the cool headscissors.


9:51: Stukita plants Violencia with Wasteland and proceeds to hit the triple jump moonsault! Violencia is gone and immediately rolls out of the ring like nothing happened. Classy. Meanwhile Shockercito nails a nice Code Red on Mercurio and that's a technico victory! Man, if only the rudo team in this match had been worth a damn. Shockercito and Stukita both tried and were often quite good, but Mercurio was in coast mode and Violencia couldn't have been worse if he changed his name to Hayden Christensen. Mediocre opener. And to think; I could be watching The Crash right now if they had their streaming shit in order. GET YOUR STREAMING SHIT IN ORDER CRASH!


9:54: We've moved onto despair and back to hope. Fuego, Drone and Guerrero Maya Jr. are next, taking on Virus, Misterioso Jr. and Disturbio. At worst, it'll be solid.


9:58: Virus and Guerrero Maya Jr. are captains.


10:00: Maya and Misterioso will start. We're already at 10 p.m. East Coast time, so I guess CMLL isn't that concerned about getting stuff in quickly, even with the tournament looming.


10:03: That was a nice three minute chain wrestling sequence between Misterioso and Maya. Drone and Disturbio enter now to try and recreate their Lightning Match from a week and a half ago.


10:04: Much quicker, less eventful sequence. Now it's Fuego/Virus time.


10:05: Fuego making Virus wrestle his pace, connecting with a bunch of arm drags and a missile dropkick. Eventually Virus sends him to the floor though and before you know it he, Disturbio and Misterioso are ganging up on Maya and Drone. The beat down ends with Disturbio kneeing Maya into oblivion to give the rudos the 1-0 lead. Okay start. Hey, at least it wasn't the first match!


10:07: Fall three starts with the rudos still in control while Caleb and I discuss beer commercials. Not a good sign for this match when I'm discussing beer, something I've never had once in my entire life. Straight edge for life yo!


10:08: We're in "It's time for a comeback" range. So early too!


10:09: Fuego ducks a pair of clotheslines and a double clothesline. THE TIME IS NOW!

10:10: Fuego sent Virus to the stage, allowing Drone to hit the Hombre Bala knees on Misterioso while Maya connected with the springboard back elbow on Disturbio. Just like that we're tied! The rudo beat down was merely a bunch of stomps, so it's difficult to say this fall was anything other than "meh." Hopefully Maya, Drone and Fuego are given more to do to put this over the top in fall three.


10:11: Drone and Virus start and MY GRODD VIRUS IS TAKING OFF THE SHIRT! He means business.


10:12: He meant so much business that Drone sent him to the apron! He comes back when Fuego comes in though, and the two trade shots before Fuego gains control, sends the maestro to the floor and hits him with a backbreaker.


10:13: Misterioso now in with Maya. The rudo had control, but quickly lost it as Maya hits a series of moves off the ropes. Misterioso goes to the floor, Maya poses and now it's Drone/Disturbio time again.


10:14: Drone taking it to Disturbio. The rudo hits a back elbow and a chop, but control is temporary as Drone sends him into the ropes and hits a running knee attack.


10:15: Drone tried to hit a suicide dive out onto the ramp, but Disturbio moved, got back in the ring and instead hit one himself! Crafty.


10:16: Back and forth action in the ring ends with Drone hitting a splash on Disturbio and Maya hitting one on Disturbio AND Misterioso. Only a near fall.


10:17: Maya and Virus finally find themselves alone and THAT IS A BRAINBUSTER TO THE KNEE! Gotta love Maya. That's enough to put Virus to bed and give the technicos the win. Some nice moments, but overall this was merely okay. In other words, it's what everyone but me though Stuka vs. Polvora was last week.


10:19: The sound is dead as Rey Cometa comes out for his Lightning Match with Dragon Rojo Jr. Sound or no sound I'm just happy this bout exists; it'll likely be the best match of the night by miles.


10:22: Edgar is reffing this match! I'm feeling even better about it than I did a few minutes ago. The match begins with Cometa and Rojo trading slaps.


10:23: They quickly transition into some nice chain wrestling before El General floors Cometa with a clothesline and a big boot. He plays to the crowd, which gives Cometa enough time to recover, force Rojo to the floor and hit a nice suicide dive. Our first dive of the night!


10:24: Rojo puts Cometa down with a Spinebuster in ring and goes for the double stomp off the top. Cometa moves, sends Rojo to the floor and there's another dive! All we're missing is the Brillo Cometa now.


10:25: Cometa is up top and hits a tornillo. He tries to roll up Rojo, but the rudo moves out of the way. Rojo attempts a shotgun dropkick, but Cometa rolls out of the way and then hits a super kick to the side of the head. Near fall.


10:26: Cometa is up top again and hits a moonsault! How very Oro Jr. of him. That gets him another near fall. Poor Rojo has done little thus far, so naturally he sends Cometa to the floor and starts wailing on him as soon as I type that! Dammit El General; you're making me look bad.


10:27: Cometa sends Rojo to the corner and hits a clothesline. Rojo is unphased and quickly hits one of his own. Cometa is also unphased, leading to a super kick/leg drop combo that gets him another near fall. Cometa goes up top again, but crashes and burns this time going for the Swanton. Rojo now up...AND HE HITS THE DOUBLE STOMP! He lays on top of Cometa's chest and gets the three count. Victory for El General at the six minute mark. Decent match; I wish they got more time, but they made the most of it and Cometa looked really good.


10:29: Flyer got to do the hype video for next week! The greatest moment of Flyer's life I tell you! Guess he'll be in Gran Alternativa Block B, which is cool.


10:30: Up next is the odd match up of Vangellys, Rey Rey Buc and Negro Casas taking on Rush, Pierroth and Hechicero. Only in CMLL could you have a match featuring three awesome dudes (Casas, Rush, Hechi), one of the worst luchadors alive (Pierroth), whatever Rey Rey Buc is now, and M. Bison. At least Bison is happy about this development.

10:34: Rush and Negro Casas are captains. To my surprise, no one jumped anyone prior to the bell. A minor miracle.


10:35: Grodd is kind; Negro Casas and Hechicero are starting this match. This is going to be an amazing three minutes.


10:37: Scratch that, it was a great two minutes. Hechicero worked over Casas' ankle while Casas tried to escape, and once he did Rush and Pierroth came in to start the beat down. Eternal sadness.


10:38: Rush looks as motivated as Gary Oldman in Lost in Space.


10:39: Pierroth just pinned Negro Casas with the worst powerslam ever. Now I'm even more depressed! 1-0 Team Hechicero, and besides Hechicero and Casas have a great two minute stretch this was a bore.


10:40: Hechicero just broke out a running shooting star press. Grodd bless you Hechi.


10:42: Will this beat down ever end? No, and I'm fine with that as long as it's Hechicero just dishing out punishment to Rey Rey Buc in the ring. How is it Hechi's been so good and everyone else in this match has been so bad?


10:44: Rey Rey Buc avoids a Hechicero knee and the comeback is on! Casas takes Rush to the floor and wails on him as the crowd goes nuts, all while Rey Rey Buc does the same to Hechicero. Pierroth seems to be in trouble in the ring...but wait! M. BISON JUST TURNED ON CASAS AND HIT HIM WITH A BRAINBUSTER! Pierroth gets the pin and Team Hechicero has won 2-0. Is M. Bison the new Ingobernable?!


10:47: I'm still not sure what has happened, but Casas is in the ring riling up the crowd while Rush, Pierroth and Hechicero are hanging around the stage. Vangellys has come back out and he has a mic. EXPLAINING TIME! My Grodd does he have heat.


10:49: Pretty interesting that Hechicero is paling around with these guys too though. Maybe Rush got them both as a package deal? No sooner do I say that does Vangellys start teeing off Pierroth. Did Vampiro start booking this show?! Rush, Hechicero and Pierroth kick the shit out of him and now I'm really confused.


10:51: My goodness; Rush just went into the stands, got a shit ton of drinks thrown at him and then continued to get drinks thrown at him as he went back up the rant. What a segment that was; I have no idea what happened and I'm not sure any of it was good, but it was something. Now I know what seeing The Chase in theaters must've been like.


10:52: Good news Gran Alternativa fans! I'll let Bruce Buffer let you know what's up.

10:54: We're doing the lame battle royal to start. It's the young guys, so that means it's Star Jr., Esfinge, Stigma, Pegasso, Espanto Jr., Sanson, El Cuatrero and Forastero.


10:56: We're off and please can we just get this over with. I wanna get to the good stuff!


10:57: There goes Pegasso. And there goes Star Jr. Blue Panther/Pegasso vs. Mistico/Star Jr. will be the opener.


10:58: Stigma dumps Espanto as the Dinamitas start doing cool stuff because they can. Cuatrero then accidentally dumps Sanson though, giving us UG/Sanson against Kraneo/Espanto. Whoever will win that one?!


10:59: Forastero and Cuatrero do some nice double teaming and then toss out Stigma. Esfinge is the only one left with the rudos and my Grodd can we just end this already?!


11:00: And it's over! Forastero is thrown over and Esfinge cares little as he tosses out Cuatrero and dives on him! How about that? That may be the first time the battle royal has been entertaining!


11:03: We're onto the matches. Blue Panther and Pegasso are first (with Pegasso dressed in Blue Panther colors) to take on Mistico and Star Jr. I smell an early exit for Panther.


11:05: Not to state the obvious, but this is a big opportunity for Star Jr. He and Mistico likely aren't winning, but it's a prime spot for him to showcase his stuff. Here's hoping he goes all Soberano on this shindig, especially since he's starting with Blue Panther.


11:07: Nice stuff between Star Jr. and Panther. Pegasso and Mistico are in for another interesting match up. And by interesting I mean batshit weird; who'd ever thought we'd see Pegasso tangling with Mistico.


11:08: Nice fast paced work; Pegasso is determined to make the most of his minutes. Mistico sends him to the floor and then hits a dive! UH OH! Dives are generally not a good sign early.


11:09: Star Jr. and Blue Panther are back in. Star sends him to the floor and nails a suicide dive. I'm getting very concerned here!


11:10: Pegasso and Mistico back in. They show off their speed before Pegasso sends Mistico to the floor and hits a dive of his own. Panther and Star Jr. back in and Star Jr. gets a couple of near falls. He then ties up Panther in a pin and HE GETS HIM! STAR JR. PINNED BLUE PANTHER! Mistico then comes in, gets Pegasso with La Mistica and that's all she wrote. Star Jr. and Mistico are onto the next round. Fun match while it lasted.


11:12: UG time! He and Sanson are out next to tangle with Kraneo and Espanto Jr. If I were, Kraneo and Espanto, I'd just do this and save myself the trouble.

11:13: Espanto and UG tie up to start. I'd like to imagine UG is picturing La Mascara or Maximo as he takes Espanto to the woodshed.


11:14: UG just put Espanto in a Romero Special! BEAUTY!


11:15: Sanson and Kraneo in. What a weird contrast that is, eh?


11:16: Kraneo overpowered Sanson for a moment, but the youngster eventually hit the ropes and got the advantage, culminating in an awesome backdrop of the 9,000 lb Kraneo. He presses his luck though going for a Wasteland, but recovers with a kick to the outside and a suicide dive on the big man!


11:17: UG and Espanto now in. UG looks to be in control, but he misses a knee in the corner that sends him to the floor, and the next thing you know Espanto is hitting him with a dive. Espanto Jr. just hit UG with a dive. WOW!


11:18: AND NOW ESPANTO IS HITTING GUILLOTINE LEG DROPS TO THE FLOOR! IT'S ESPANTO TIME ALL THE TIME! Meanwhile Kraneo and UG are in the ring, with UG hitting an amazing dead lift brainbuster that nearly keeps Kraneo down till Espanto interfered.


11:19: Leg drop by the big man. Sanson is in for the save. Espanto sends him to the floor, but gets thrown into the barricade by Sanson. That may be the turning point...and it is as Sanson hits Kraneo with a Guillotine Knee Drop! Bye bye big man. UG quickly gets Espanto in Pulpo Guerrero as Espanto comes back in, and the favorites are moving on. Another fun match! The tourney is exceeding expectations right now.


11:20: The great Titan is next with Stigma to take on Shocker and Forastero. No offense to Forastero (who I like) but there's absolutely no reason he and Shocker should be winning here. Zero. Nunca.


11:22: Shocker wearing a face protector. Guess he's still not all the way back to health. He acts like he's gonna fight Titan, but then bails so Forastero can face him instead.


11:23: Takes a moment, but the pace finally picks up between Titan and Forastero. This is naturally the time Shocker comes in to prance around. Have I mentioned I didn't miss him?


11:24: Stigma is in and thankfully he's taking it to Shocker. He sends the vet outside, but walks right into a big boot from Forastero preparing for a dive. He does duck a Forastero attack though AND THAT'S BRILLO DORADA! Titan immediately follows it up with a suicide dive and I'm both excited and nervous now!


11:25: Titan tries the same pin on Forastero Star Jr. got Blue Panther with, but Forastero is out at two. Titan immediately gets another near fall and now I'm even more worried.


11:26: Shocker trips up Titan, allowing Forastero to hit a kick and get a near fall. This displeases Shocker, who comes in and yells at the ref. Titan positions himself for the headscissors, but Forastero becomes the first in history to counter it and then taps out Titan with an arm bar.


11:27: Stigma valiantly fights back for a moment, but Forastero plants him with a powerbomb and then hits a Swanton, allowing Shocker to get the pin. Shocker and Forastero move on because...why? I like Forastero, but Shocker can barely move while both Titan and Stigma are pretty cool. Wouldn't that have been a better match for Atlantis and Esfinge? Whatever; CMLL gonna CMLL.


11:29: Atlantis and Esfinge are taking on Mascara Ano 2000 and Cuatrero next. CMLL couldn't be stupid enough to have Mascara Ano and Shocker in the same match, could they?


11:30: Mascara Ano 2000 and Esfinge have started on the mat, which luckily protects the limited Ano. Atlantis and Cuatrero are now in, so the match now has a shot.


11:31: Atlantis is tossed outside, allowing Cuatrero and Ano to double team Esfinge. The two hit a few nice double teams before Atlantis comes in to be isolated himself.


11:33: All Dinamitas all the time.


11:34: Finally Esfinge hits a big dropkick. The tide turns as the teams brawl on the floor, then continues as Esfinge isolates Cuatrero in the ring befor ethe young rudo dives for safety.


11:35: Esfinge sends Cuatrero to the floor, then scares him with a fake dive. Old man lucha will now take place between Atlantis and Ano.


11:36: Cuatrero is back in and is taken to backbreaker city by Atlantis. This is going WAY too long. Esfinge is in whiff completely on a kick, some stuff happens and next thing I know Atlantis and Esfinge have won. They get out of the ring quickly and I don't blame them; that sucked. Randy Savage's rap album was better than that.

11:38: Back (hopefully) to the good stuff. Mistico and Star Jr. take on UG and Sanson. I'd love to see Star Jr. and Mistico win, but there's a better chance of AAA having a card that doesn't change then that, so let's just try to enjoy the ride. UG and Sanson dominating to start.


11:39: Technicos have turned the tide and MY GRODD WHAT A TORNILLO BY STAR JR.! I think that seals his fate sadly.


11:40: Star Jr. in there with UG and he's actually getting offense. It's too good to be true. UG ends up luring him to the top and that's a top rope gordbuster. Star Jr. kicks out though!


11:41: UG tries to lure Star Jr. to the top again, but the youngster is ready and HITS A SUPER RANA! UG is only saved by Sanson, who then slugs it out with Star Jr. before hitting a Enzugiri for a near fall. Man Star Jr. has looked great here.


11:42: HUGE HURRICANRAN BY MISTICO! Sanson just kicks out. I'm near delirious here! Sanson hits a nice double stomp on Mistico but the veteran kicks out. Mistico then explodes with a Shotgun Dropkick for a near fall. It's too tight!


11:43: Sanson with a slam...Mistico kicks out! GET ME OXYGEN DAMMIT! Finally the fun is over though as UG gets Star Jr. in Pulpo Guerrero and Sanson hits an awesome spinning powerbomb for the win. Can't be mad though; that was a super fun match, Star Jr. looked great and everyone else was really good too. Best match of this whole thing thus far.


11:45: Atlantis and Esfinge vs. Shocker and Forastero is next. I don't have high hopes for this one, especially since the rudos start off with a gang attack.


11:46: Shocker sets up Forastero for a Frog Splash. The youngster connects, but only gets a near fall. The rudos send Atlantis to the floor to focus on Esfinge, who Shocker clotheslines to the floor. They dance, then Forastero comes back with a suicide dive.


11:47: Shocker rolls Atlantis up with a small package for a near fall. Forastero comes back in to double team Atlantis, which they do. The work isn't bad, but this is again feeling like it'll go a little too long.


11:48: Atlantis breaks free and the comeback is on. And by that I mean they're doing THE EXACT SAME COMEBACK THEY DID IN THE LAST MATCH THEY HAD!

11:49: Esfinge quickly gets Shocker in a reverse bridging Death Lock while Atlantis rolls up Forastero. The technicos win and quick to spare me from passing out. It will indeed be UG/Sanson vs. Atlantis/Esfinge in the final.


11:50: We're off! Sanson starts taking it to Esfinge while UG goes for Atlantis' mask. Old habits die hard, huh UG?


11:51: The technicos comeback quickly, with Atlantis hitting Sanson with a backbreaker and Esfinge dropkicking UG to the floor. We brawl on the outside again, with Atlantis and Esfinge Irish Whipping their opponents into each other.


11:52: Back in the ring, UG and Sanson return the favor by running Esfinge and Atlantis into each other. The tide turns quickly though as both Sanson and UG spill to the floor so the technicos can hit stereo suicide dives.


11:53: Esfinge in there with UG. I predict this ends poorly for Esfinge. Sure enough, UG successfully lures Esfinge up the top, catches a hurricanrana and powerbombs his ass! Esfinge gets out at two though. The signature moves ain't working for UG tonight!


11:54: UG sends Esfinge into the ropes, but the technico reverses and drops UG on his head. He then turns him over for the bridging Death Lock, but Sanson is in for the save. He and Esfinge dodge a few moves before Sanson knees Esfinge in the ribs and hits the Overdrive. Atlantis is in to break up the fall.


11:55: Now it's veteran vs. youngster. Atlantis spinebusters Sanson for a near fall. He drops and elbow and goes up top for a moonsault! UG comes in for the Guerrero Special, but Esfinge makes the save and drops UG down, allowing Atlantis to hit a crossbody. Dueling near falls for the technicos.


11:56: The rudos clothesline the technicos twice before the technicos return the favor. The rudos then counter a pair of hurricanranas into powerbombs, but they can't get the three counts even using the ropes for leverage.


11:57: Wow! Sanson just successfully rolled up Atlantis to get a pinfall. Big pin for Sanson. UG then destroys Esfinge with a beautiful Guerrero Special and the favorites are going to the finals. Who could've guessed?! This was a decent match, but it wasn't as good as the match UG and Sanson had with Mistico and Star Jr. and, much like this Block, it was highly predictable. I guess all we can hope for is that Sanson and UG get some good opponents to face in the finals; otherwise it's going to be a big bummer to anyone who isn't a Dinamitas fan for the next few weeks.


Wow; that was a long ass show. And I don't mean that in a good way. Thank goodness Lucha Underground is back right? I'm off to play Uncharted 4 and to spend some time looking forward to next Wednesday when LU is back. Till we meet again, THIS!

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