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SCREWED!!! Tonight's Episode -- The 1992 Chicago Blackhawks

Updated on October 30, 2009

Bill Wirtz is a shnook.

Don't televise the home games.

Don't televise the road games if they don't sell out.

Don't pay the best announcer in all of sports who's like Roenick shoots he SCORES!!! Roenick with the blah blah blah.

Don't have the tomahawk chop just to prove you're better then the South when you're already the biggest Zed LaGree there has ever been. Bill Wirtz is so hated in Chicago that his son gets threatened by people and he didn't even do anything.

The Chicago Blackhawks during the late 80s were right up there with the rise of Pippen's Chicago Bulls. They got better each and every year until 1992 when they beat St. Louis, swept Detroit, and then swept Edmonton to get to their first Stanley Cup Finals since 1963. They lost to Pittsburgh, and Chicago fans had to listen to Game 3 and 4 in Chicago on the radio. Of the Stanley Cup Finals. Yes, Chicago sucks.

Yet because hockey contains players who have alot of consonants in their names and wear helmets, almost nobody in Chicago knew who they were even when they were good. In Chicago it's the Wolves. The IHL team. They cost 30 dollars at the most to see, and you're right on the glass. How the IHL managed to outdo the NHL in a major city that has weather made for hockey all year long and has legends like Mikita and Hull, that's bad.

Jeremy Roenick, Chris Chelios, Steve Larmer, Dirk Graham, Brian Noonan, man I can't even remember them all. And then look at their goalies. LOOK at their freaking goalies--

Eddie Belfour, Dominique Hasek, Jocelyn Thiebault

Right?! They were like the '80s Montrael Expos.

The Life With Derek girl who grew to be FOXY, as well as the fat girl on Full House with the pretty face, are both into hockey players. There. I did my part to save the NHL, source of some of the best blogging material there could be. But I'm willing to bet anything -- nobody gives a damn at hubpages about hockey.

I don't blame you.

The games are 60 minutes long! There are powerplays! Imagine if Jordan committed a foul, and the penalty was for him to not play for eight minutes. That's what hockey does. They stop and take the best players out so you're left to watch ICING calls. Icing is ridiculous. You can't throw the puck down the ice to get it out of harms way. You can't go offsides -- no forward passes, NHL hockey has problems.



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