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The WWE Quarantine Comedy Poem

Updated on March 26, 2020
BadNewsSmitty profile image

Screenwriter. Sometimes I'll write something up on here when I'm feeling inspired. Check out all of my past WWE articles on my profile

This virus spreading across the world has really made me go crazy,

what could I possibly do to pass the time and make sure I don't get too lazy?

Should I teach myself how to cook like Renee Young? Boy, that would be hard,

the food would reek of suckiness so bad that she'd want to kick me in the nards.


Wondering how to entertain myself with music, I shouldn't have to think too long,

I'd just have to get in the Hardcore Country mindset & put on a Mickie James song.

It would put me in such a good mood, you could see it in the face I'd make,

at that point, there would be only ONE thing left to do....DANCE BREAK!

That would then spark a memory of when Truth and Carmella were a team,

crying would then ensue while sucking the air out of a bottle of whipped cream.

As soon as I'm done, I'd need something to make my face smile,

The only thing that would work is staring at pictures of Taynara for awhile...


I'd then have to get my body moving around, maybe cause a little mayhem,

by getting together all the pillows in my house and just start RKO'ing them.

I'd then study Paul Heyman promos on the Network until they hit my very soul,

which would then fire me up so much that I start rambling into my remote control.


I'd then go searching through my fridge and take out some applesauce,

go sit down on the couch, wishing Alexa came over with Larry-Steve & Nikki Cross.

Cooking attempt #2 would then happen as I'd try to make a Baron Corbin steak,

until Otis crashes through my wall, steals the meat, & kicks me in my one-eyed snake.

(I should probably not try to cook. I'll always end up getting hit in my male parts)

Speaking of getting kicked there, I'm sure Corey Graves does this every day too,

re-watching Stone Cold stun Byron Saxton after kicking him in his cockadoodledoo.

I'd then stand in front of the mirror and flex hard like I'm The Hulkster,

Then think about Dana Brooke and how I don't even have half the arms of HER.


I'd then suck down some adult beverages to make me feel wild and free,

attempting to become as hyped up as Mojo Rawley and Rob Gronkowski,

I'd then think I'm Goldberg and headbutt my front door, knocking myself out though,

leading to a dream where my name is Angel and I'm stared at by Charly Caruso.


I'd then wake up and think that it's a normal Tuesday night on WWE Backstage,

start cursing up a storm to the point where I need a swear jar, ya know, like Paige.

I'd challenge my girl Mia Yim to a video game and tell her that it's mandatory,

even when she's kicking my rear-end, I'd just keep yelling at her to Bask In My Glory!

This quarantining thing has got my life all twisted and made me such a slacker,

what I really need to do is stand up and walk around like I'm a Bushwhacker.

That would get my blood flowing again, that would make me not feel like a crock,

maybe then I should pretend I'm Lana and keep posting on that weird app TikTok?!


Perhaps I'll binge-watch Total Divas and enjoy Nattie, Nia, and each Bella,

then stand up and Brogue Kick my lamp after, pretending I'm that Sheamus fella.

With nothing else left to do inside my house as the TV is my only friend,

I'll just start singing to it, "I'm really glad that you're my friend and this is a friendship that'll never ever end!"


I really hope you enjoyed this ridiculous comedy poem, I hope it made you laugh,

there's nothing more I can say about these amazing WWE stars in this paragraph.

They're still going out there and entertaining the fans, not changing their persona,

I think I speak for every person out there when I say...Screw you, Corona.

________________________________________________________________

I hope everyone out there stays healthy and safe. Much love, people.

...and enjoy WrestleMania!

© 2020 S Smitty

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