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Designer Discounted Watches They Dont Want You To Know About

Updated on March 2, 2011

Life, Liberty, and Designer Discounted !

Along with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, the right to a designer discounted watch ranks right up there as one of the basic human accommodations. You won't find it in the US Constitution, but historians suggest that Ben Franklin used up all the extra parchment composing Valentine's Day cards for his french girlfriends. Had they not run out of continental paper, the continental congress surely intended to legislate high-tech wrist wear for every man, and some women too. Founding fathers understood the concept of telling time. They sincerely regretted leaving Paul Revere with only two lamps in a church steeple.

They Don't Want You To Know

Many years ago an evil cadre of middle aged industrialists (all men, of course) coalesced into a shadowy force with the single goal of keeping you from your divine right to a cheap designer watch. They meet yearly in an undisclosed location that we're pretty sure is on a remote island or atop a remote mountaintop or deep beneath a major city. Each member of this evil enterprise wears a unique one-of-a-kind Rolex that they fear will one day be devalued by an outbreak of cheap designer watch knock-offs. Their abject terror drives them like cattle in a John Wayne movie.

They are known simply as "They". This works out very well, since, "they" get blamed for everything anyway. In this case, however, this "they" really does exist and they are coming after your designer discounted watch. Be on high alert.

Coming Soon - The Designer Discounted Watch Channel

Digital High Definition Television fills a huge gap in our otherwise drab lives and also provides a public service. Instead of actually putting on shoes and leaving the house, we can watch a moderately attractive male human battle cartoon-sized cheeseburgers in a corner restaurant. Missing from the pantheon of cable TV infotainment is a channel dedicated to Designer Discounted Watches. We proudly introduce CDWTV.

The Cheap End: Young attorneys sporting inexpensive designer Rolex timepieces struggle to succeed in the cutthroat world of chronology law.

The Chronologist: A narcissistic private investigator solves crimes using only his cheap designer watch and his massive intellect, but mostly his massive intellect..

(Lost) My Cheap Designer Watch: An unlikely band of castaways find themselves stranded in a world of low-priced Patek Philippe knock-offs. Something named Jughead claims to have reset time, but is really hard to take seriously because he wears a Timex.

Time Heroes: An unlikely band of well-meaning normal-seeming average-looking well-scrubbed episodic characters travel through space and time providing much needed time checks just in the nick of time.

Deadliest Catch: Realty TV at its really most real; cameras follow unfortunate human beings as they contract bizarre infections from cheap designer watch bands imported from real foreign countries.

The remainder of the broadcast day will be filled with HSN reruns.

What's in it for you?

As a regular schmuck, what benefit might you accrue from purchasing a Ralex or a Rilex or a Rylex that looks remarkably like the real thing but costs less than the packing peanuts that gently cushion a genuine Rolex as it travels from Switzerland to Kokomo?

Do you even have to ask?

Honestly, you could stop by Walgreen's on the way home from Wal Mart and pick up a $12 digital device that synchronizes with government satellites, monitors your heart rate, points out historical sites along the roadside, tracks your 401K, and tells you what time it is in Switzerland and Kokomo. On the other hand, you could order a discount designer watch from a web site. The gears might be made of cardboard and the numbers might be pasted on backwards, but strangers will like you better. The choice is yours.

Some photos may be courtesy of


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    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 8 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @The Old Firm: if I getta pick... Walter Williams.

    • The Old Firm profile image

      The Old Firm 8 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

      So, which one is YOUR satyr, which party does it represent or is it an independent, and will it be running in the next presidential?

      BTW a fine Chinese crowd called DesignWatchCopy put out a pretty good line of same name lookalikes quite openly. Can be found at (that name) dot com. (I haven't given a direct link so I can't be accused of affiliate gain.)


    • sheila b. profile image

      sheila b. 8 years ago

      I like your satire.

    • profile image

      FrazzledMom 8 years ago

      absolutely hysterical!! Loved it! -

      and by the way. 100% agree with you regarding BOM and Palin both.

    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 8 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @drbj: Sweet! We are planning a Very Special Episode of Blossom, where she buys a bridge.

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 8 years ago from south Florida

      When your DDDW channel is up and running, nicomp, count me in as one of your charter advertisers. Hope you don't mind, I added another D for Deeply Discounted Designer Watches.

      My products are two lovely bridges - one in Brooklyn; the other in Oakland, CA. The latter however is not guaranteed against Richter surges exceeding 2.0.

    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 8 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @partisan patriot: fair enough. I'm Libertarian and I respect your right to self-determination.

    • profile image

      partisan patriot 8 years ago


      Sorry my friend but it's black and white for me; Democrats are Black (as in evil not in a racial sense) and Republicans are White (also in a non racial sense)

    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 8 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @partisan patriot: The world isn't black and white. Palin was as unqualified to be vice president as BHO is unqualified to be president.

      And my criticism was merely a statement of the facts. Sarah cut and ran, Bayh has enough class to finish his term. Palin told the world she wanted more time with her family, now we see her in every corner of the country raking in the appearance fees. Duplicitous behavior is duplicitous behavior, regardless of which side of the aisle is acting out.

    • profile image

      partisan patriot 8 years ago


      I can’t figure you out; one day you are unfairly criticizing Sara Palin for resigning amidst a plethora of frivolous lawsuits and the next you are praising self reliance and condemning socialism. You truly are unique in you positions!

    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 8 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @lmmartin: They understood the simple tenets of personal freedom. Self reliance trumped socialism.

    • lmmartin profile image

      lmmartin 8 years ago from Alberta and Florida

      Very funny, though I have trouble believing the founding fathers of this great nation (and you) said yes to designer watches and no to health care. Hmmm -- must have had some strange priorities way back then.

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 8 years ago

      Very funny, indeed. I'll take the real thing every time!