To What Extent Does Inner Beauty Play?

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   L a d y f a c eposted 14 years ago

   Given that humans, on a primal level are wired for physical attraction, in a world where beauty is becoming generalized, to what extent does inner beauty play?
   
   Do you think it should be expected that men and women be attracted to people who don't care about their appearance, because they know they would help the homeless, or save a kitty? Or do you think there is a general, standard level of self-care that should be expected?
   
   Would you approach with sexual and romantic intent, one who doesn't take care of themselves? Greasy, or messy hair, over sized sweats and messy clothes every day, unclean nails, completely un-fit physically, very little mind for what anyone thinks of their public personal habits - but they're super nice and would do anything for anyone.. Or would you approach the one who appears to care about their appearance? Combed hair, clean clothes that fit well, appears hygienic, seems to be at least basically fit, minds themselves in public - and they're super nice and would do anything for anyone..
   
   Exactly how far does 'love me for who I am' go in partner selection? Should people still be allowed to have standards?

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      Dr. Poeta Diabloposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I agree with many of the points made earlier by other posters. There has to be a healthy balance between caring for others and caring for yourself. No one likes a self obsessed person, but if he or she has no respect for himself then how would anyone else respect that person also?
      
      However, the majority of the time I guess it comes down to short vs long term.  In the short term such as the first few seconds, there is only the external physical appearance to judge someone by. It is the long term where we have the opportunity to not just meet but actually get to know that person is where we can really find out what his or her inner beauty is like. Most people value inner beauty and personality much more than physical beauty, but we simply do not have a chance to know most people long enough to be able to get to this stage.

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      Stevennix2001posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      It depends on the person, as everyone is going to react differently.  While sure it's easy to say, "I don't have standards."  The reality is EVERYONE has standards.  Some are just higher than others.  From the scenario you just described though, I think it would be safe to say that 999 times out of 1000, the person that's good looking and nice is likely to get asked out more often than the person that's just nice, and a slob.  However, it also depends on what your definition of beauty is exactly.  What you might find attractive in some, someone else might think that person is ugly. So that's kind of subjective. 
      
      Personality is kind of subjective too.  After all, the nicest person in the world will still come off as nothing more than a pompous jerk to somebody else.  Regardless of how you try to be nice to someone, there's always going to be somebody that thinks you're a jerk.  Therefore, your entire question is merely subjective and impossible for there to be a definitive answer, as each person has their own unique tastes.  What I might find attractive in a person may not be the case for everyone else here, or vice versa.  Therefore, I don't think there's an easy answer to your question. 
      
      To answer your question though.  I'm going to speak merely for myself here.  To me, personality plays a huge role in determining what kind of girl that i like and if I know for sure the girl is even interested in me.  As I've met a lot of hot girls that could easily be models, but they have the personalities of cold b**ches if you know what i mean.  Those girls, I would never waste my time on, as any girl that feels she's too good for me, is not someone that I would respect or want to be with. That's just me.  I think a girl's personality is a lot more important if you ask me.

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   b. Malinposted 14 years ago

   Sometimes not caring is called "eccentric" if it's a sloppy looking writer or poet.  However, appearance does count...you don't have to be handsome or gorgeous, but you shouldn't look like you might have FLEAS...a happy medium.
   
   Yes, standard is important, and most people want someone they are proud to be with...they might not be handsome or beautiful, in your eyes...it's all in the eyes of the beholder...and nice looking people also care about animals too.  I say that from my own actions...a little humor there!
   
   In marriage, or dating...yes, I'd say look good for your partner...don't take them for granted, and be a SLOB...we all have our "let it all hang out days"...but then we get back some sense of balance!

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   L a d y f a c eposted 14 years ago

   Hahah. I guess I should've specified there. I certainly didn't mean that nice looking people don't care about animals. Or the homeless! lol

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   b. Malinposted 14 years ago

   I know, I know...I was trying to be funny!  I just check out your Poetry...I enjoyed it...I too, took a chance on love...the second time around..and it's been great!  Hope you'll check me out.

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   Diane Insideposted 14 years ago

   I think physical attraction is the first instinct, that we feel. But it quickly fades if the person we are attracted to turns out to be a jerk. 
   
   I have been attracted to very handsome men but who turned out to be very shallow.
   
   I am now with a man who I thought was good looking but he was a mess when we first got together. He hardly ever shaved, he didn't keep himself very well but he had a heart of gold.
   
   Once we started going out though he got better he shaved more and kept his appearance up more. I think he had a feeling of not caring because he thought nobody cared so what does it matter.
   
   I of course help him along because I made sure his clothes were cleaned and pressed, and stuff like that and I could tell he appreciated  it and actually enjoyed the change. As he appeared more confident.
   
   But to answer your question, after getting to know him and his heart. He became even more physically attractive to me. To much so, I'm afraid. lol

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      L a d y f a c eposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Completely agreed, and as you, have been there too. Looks can certainly be deceiving, and 'books' are often mis-judged by their covers.
      
      I like your story. Growing up I knew a lot of people whose motto's were 'Don't like it? Don't look'. Fine, but to an extent where they were completely and utterly uncompromising about anything for anyone. Your handsome man sounds like a real gem.
      

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   FelineFranceposted 13 years ago

   I think personality is the most important thing when looking for a friendship. If you are looking for a sexual or romantic partner, I do not care how  "unsuperficial" people claim to be when it comes to appearance you have to have standards. As a tall girl, I would find it very weird to date a guy who was a lot shorter than me, some other girls won't mind, but I will. I think people also need to be realistic with themselves. Do not expect to date a very attractive person if yourself are not good-looking either, do not expect them to see or appreciate your personality if you are clearly pursuing them for their appearance. I do not think it is wrong to ever reject someone because you think they are ugly, unless they have minor imperfections but if they have very crooked teeth and too much acne or wrinkles, i personally do not see anything wrong with not wanting to date someone like that. In the end, I think personality along with chemistry and compatibility wins.

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