ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Facebook and Relationships - Benefit or Jealousy

Updated on June 5, 2010

"It's Facebook Official." We've all probably heard those words at least once, if not multiple times. The phrase, which is used to describe a relationship that has been announced to the world, was coined because of Facebook's use of a "relationship status" indicator on the profiles of its users. This interesting addition to our pages broadcasts to the world that we are in a relationship, single, or trying to figure things out (it's complicated). But with the ability to add a girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, or husband to our Facebook page, a whole new issue arises - the complications that a modern relationship faces, especially when at least a part of that relationship takes place on Facebook, Myspace, or other social media. Many psychologists have actually been studying the success rates of couples who are friends with one another on a social network. The results are incredibly interesting in that they suggest that many relationships are actually weakened by the use of a social network. Jealousy and over-involvement are some of the biggest issues that have arisen because of the presence of these sites in our lives. Ultimately, being able to see everything that our significant other does may prove fatal in terms of a relationship.

Facebook sometimes shows us what we would be better off not seeing. How many of us have honestly not browsed through all of our girlfriend or boyfriend's pictures and been at least slightly jealous upon finding a past photo of him or her with an ex? Facebook is an excellent means of preserving memories, but sometimes, we may stumble upon a memory, whether it be a photo or a status update, that we would have been better off not finding. The truth is that, while we could go and delete all our photos every time we began dating a new person, we don't. And instead we are left answering questions such as "why did you take your first girlfriend to that more expensive restaurant?"

Facebook also poses another issue besides simple past memories. It is also an "always on" means of spying. Without absolute trust in each other, a couple can begin to argue over Facebook. It may sound trivial, but the following situation is one I have heard countless times from friends and acquaintances: the girl or guy says she's busy. The partner settles for a night of watching TV alone, only to check Facebook later and discover that, at 7pm, his or her girlfriend or boyfriend posted a status like "going to the guys for a bit." This sort of information is excessive; without it, the problem would never exist. Now one could argue that the partner lied, but ultimately these incidents extend to even more trivial things.

The issue of changing our relationships status also brings about quite a lot of debate. Quite often a girl will want to change her status to "In a relationship" but the guy is just content leaving it as "single" or even not posting it at all. Another small matter can create quite a bit of turbulence in an early relationship. But Facebook's biggest issue is that it offers a continuous stream of information that sometimes can incite jealousy.

You may be wondering why people would become jealous over Facebook. I don't know exactly what happens, but the professional studies indicate that over 30% of people filing for divorce in the area studied indicated Facebook as a prime cause. This means that something needs to be done, or rather, a new set of understanding needs to occur that better matches our connected lifestyles. We need to be able to adapt to the style of living that Facebook has brought about: with its endless display of data and personal information.

In order to be dating in the "Facebook Age," the two partners need more trust than ever before. They need to accept the fact that the past is the past, and even if the photos still reside on his or her wall, there is nothing to be done to erase that past. The best thing that a new boyfriend or girlfriend can do is to not continually look at these pictures and wall posts. They need to realize that every relationship is different and soon, pictures of him or her and the new partner will drown out the older ones. It is not fair to ask someone to remove old pictures or posts.

The second understanding that a couple must have is that Facebook is not a tool to spy. While it is used as such a large portion of the time, Facebook should never be used to catch a partner in a lie (unless they're cheating or the like). The problem is that Facebook is a stress reliever for many people. As such, they get on, comment on posts, make updates, etc., when they need personal time. This is not the time to say "Hey, you said you were busy but I saw you just made a comment on so and so's post."

While this hub doesn't apply to everyone, it is something that new couples should keep in the back of their mind as they begin dating in a highly connected and revealing society. With the tips here, and the understanding that Facebook can become a wedge to a relationship, a new couple should be able to cross the bridge that Facebook creates to a better, more trusting relationship.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image

      LewyLewis 

      6 years ago

      That's a Joke, your wasting your time with a man like that. Your suppose to be his number one.

    • profile image

      sexy and I know it! 

      6 years ago

      I understand but at the same time i dont...my boyfriend has a facebook...but on the other i dont...so i dont see whst he posts on his exes walls or photos unlessim told by a friend...now you can say that friend is being a snitch or something...but really all my friends are here to protect me since this is my first realasionship...i dont think you should let facrbook interfer with your relasionship since it was clearly created to make unneeded drama for everyone! If you are still having troubles after this then you guys are clearly not meant to be and i dont knoe what else to tell you! Haha doo sorry!

    • xnotion profile imageAUTHOR

      xnotion 

      7 years ago

      Hi Martha,

      I understand your frustration. Communication is definitely key, and I would be annoyed also if my significant other didn't reply to texts but was on Facebook at the same time. It might help to just try and think of it from their view too. Sometimes Facebook is a stress-reliever for people and if they're on there commenting, they can do that in a few minutes. But perhaps they don't reply to texts because they don't want to start a conversation. If it happens a lot, that's when it's time to be concerned.

    • profile image

      Martha 

      7 years ago

      I'm going through this very thing:

      "Hey, you said you were busy but I saw you just made a comment on so and so's post."

      I find this very annoying. I have been in a relationship with this man for over a year and he will not reply to a text or answer his phone, but he will find time everyday to post on Facebook.

      I do not text or call that often because we both are busy, but it is extremely tiring because we live 5 hours apart.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)