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Will I Be Able To Breastfeed and Other Nonsense

Updated on October 10, 2013
I am on the lookout for weirdness
I am on the lookout for weirdness | Source

I'm Back!!!!!

Well, it’s been awhile, but we are back with our latest installment of funny Google searches. It is time, once again, to find out what our friends and neighbors are searching for in their spare time.

I want to warn you, after you read this article, that you may be shaken to your very core. There are some strange people lurking inside of your computer. They may look normal, and they may sound normal, but during those quiet hours when they are left alone with their private thoughts, they turn into something decidedly not-normal. They are the antithesis of normal and they are walking around your neighborhoods. Be afraid….be very afraid!

Do not, under any circumstances, open your front door to any of these people. They will not physically harm you, but they most definitely could infect you with the same inane thought processes that are happening in their tiny brains.

With that warning out of the way, let’s take a look at what our friends have been up to lately. The partial Google search question I entered was “will I be able to….?” Here, then, are the questions that followed, and of course, my silly little responses to those questions.

Using my Business degree at UHaul....LOL
Using my Business degree at UHaul....LOL | Source

Will I Be Able to Use My Business Degree?

Yes, you will for sure; they are currently hiring at McDonald’s and Burger King, and business degrees are required. If that doesn’t work out for you, then try Exxon….not the corporation but the local gas station on the corner. They are hiring for counterperson on the Midnight-8:00 a.m. shift.

Maybe that’s not what the searcher meant. Maybe they were wondering if there was any practical use for that piece of parchment. Well, you could always use it to line your bird cage or cat litter box; you could also use it in the bathroom if you have run out of magazines to wipe with. Hey, I’m just trying to be helpful.

Will I Be Able to Get a Mortgage?

No! Not in the United States, so quit thinking about it….unless of course your daddy works for Exxon, the corporation, and then you can have a twelve-pack of mortgages. You can live in one of the homes and rent the other eleven out to your employees who work at the gas stations with their business degrees. It’s the latest in business opportunities, being a slum landlord, and something tells me that if your daddy works for Exxon you have the genes to be successful in this new endeavor. Good luck to ya, and don’t let the gas hose hit you in the butt on the way out!

But for the rest of the schmucks out there who don’t have parents working for Mobile or Exxon or Arco, no, you will not be able to get a mortgage, so kill that dream now!

And the weird just keeps on coming

Will I Be Able to Retire?

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! In the United States? Are you kidding me? Oh sure, you can retire….for about 80% of us it’s called death! The other 20% work for Exxon and they retire when they are thirty, and then live out their lives as slum landlords and they drive Hummers!

Listen, whoever you are who typed in this question, let this reality sink in now so you can wrap your brain around it: you will never retire! The credit card companies and mortgage companies own your soul, so you might as well get rid of those silly thoughts right now! Retire??? Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Will I Be Able to Breastfeed?

Well, if you are a man, no! I hate to burst your bubble, but if your name is George you won’t be breastfeeding in this lifetime. However, if your name is Georgianna, formerly George, and you are getting those treatments, then maybe, someday, you will be able to suckle a young one.

Wait! Maybe this question is being asked by guys who haven’t had a date in a long time! If that’s the case, I suggest you buy some mouthwash and toothpaste, do some grooming, learn to talk in a suave manner, and then maybe, just maybe, you’ll have a shot at breastfeeding.

Haven’t researchers determined that there are great psychological benefits to being breastfed? That explains why I’m so screwed up, being adopted and all.

Will I Be Able to Walk After Ankle Fracture?

Sure, but it’s going to hurt like a mother…..!

Who asks these questions? Now this writer has never fractured an ankle, but if I did, I would imagine they would put a cast on it, give me some crutches, and tell me to hobble around as best I could. Am I missing something? Unless you are in a full-body cast you usually can get around. Duh! You won’t be able to do any line dancing for a few months, but you can still visit your slum housing and evict people just like you always have, Mr. Exxon Butthead!!!!

How did you fracture that ankle Mr. Rich Breastfeeding Momma’s Boy? Did you slip on your spilled daiquiri at the Lawn & Tennis Club while planning your next vacation to the Bahamas?

Will I Be Able to Travel?

Well, if you are a member of the Bottom 80% Club, then no, you will not be traveling again in this lifetime, mainly because you can’t retire, you have no money, and your car is about to be repossessed! Welcome to America!

If, however, you work for Exxon, then you can travel all over the world, looking for new sites to drill those wells and destroy the environment. For fun you can drive around in your limo and toss crumbs to the McDonald’s workers who are making paper airplanes out of their Business diplomas.

Will I Be Able to Play the Piano?

If you are tone-deaf like my Uncle Ralph, then no, you will never be able to play the piano. Well, let me correct that; you can play the piano but no one will ever know what tune it is that you are playing. It will just sound like two cats mating in the backyard at three a.m.

If, however, you work for Exxon, you can hire one of the poor people to play the piano for you. Just pay them minimum wage like you do all of your grunt workers, and if they hit the wrong notes just fire them. Don’t worry, there are millions like them, so you’ll be able to fill their shoes very easily.

Let's Take a Poll, Shall We?

Seriously, are you related to any of these people making these searches?

See results

Will I Be Able to Speak at All?

Yes, you will! Just move your lips and let air come out….that’s called speaking and you’ll get the hang of it eventually. Unless, of course, you are still breastfeeding, in which case it’s a bit difficult to speak while sucking on that teat. I had a roommate in college, though, who could talk and suckle at the same time. It really was rather amazing. How do I know this you ask? Because he used to let us watch when he brought his dates back to the dorm, that’s how? You don’t think I make this stuff up, do you?

For those of you in the bottom 80%, speaking is a pretty important trait, especially if you plan on begging for the table scraps left by the slum landlord on his way to the Bahamas for vacation.

They are everywhere you look
They are everywhere you look | Source

Until Next Time

Yes, there will be a next time, and I know this because there is no end to the weirdness all around us, and as long as there is weirdness you can count on me to record it.

So until then, do whatever it is you do, but make sure you don’t get caught doing it. If you are bored you can read my new book. It’s called, “A Survivor’s Guide For Adoptees Who Were Never Breastfed And Now Do Janitorial Work At Exxon.” I’m pretty proud of it and I hope you like it too.

2012 William D. Holland (aka billybuc)

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    • Janine Huldie profile image

      Janine Huldie 4 years ago from New York, New York

      Bill, I do truly love this series and am with you on who asks these questions!! Seriously, there are some crazy people out there, not that I didn't know this already, but your article does indeed confirm this. Anyway, I thank you as always for the humor and laugh this morning. Have of course voted, shared and tweeted too!!

    • Lord De Cross profile image

      Joseph De Cross 4 years ago

      Hahaha! Oh My Gosh! Billy!! Will I be able to stay alive after December 21st? I don't care about Mortgages and Wall St. I 'm debt free.... see? it did rhym like a bee! Thanks for the breastfeeding imagination and all the nonsense! Take care my friend! Still laughing!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Janine, thank you so much; keep on the lookout for these people; don't let them anywhere near you. :)

      Seriously, thank you for being so loyal; I value loyalty highly and appreciate you.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Joseph, you did indeed rhyme like a bee. Glad you enjoyed and have a great day!

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 4 years ago from Singapore

      I think there will be people who search for these because they need some assurance in their circumstances e.g.. throat cancer. But yes, there are the weirdos too. And it's these who should be kept off the net! Thanks for the share, Bill.

    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 4 years ago from Nashville Tn.

      This is a good series Billy. And I'm staying out of the way of people like this :) Enjoyed!

    • carol7777 profile image

      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      I would believe anything these days. These are tremendously funny and I got a good laugh this morning especially with your great comments to follow. We expect people to be intelligent..However it is amazing there are many people in the United States that don't even know who the president is. Thanks again for a great hub. A vote UP.

    • Jeannieinabottle profile image

      Jeannie InABottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD

      Another super awesome hub! So many people need so much help! So what did these people do before Google? Hmmm.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thanks as always Michelle!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Audrey, thank you! Why is it I read so little of your work; every time I read something by you I love it, but then I get distracted and forget to read more. I will have to work on that!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Carol, you are different from me....I don't expect people to be intelligent. LOL Glad you enjoyed my silliness!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Jeannie, that's an interesting question.....what did they do???? Hmmm, that's going to bother me all day long. LOL Thank you Jeannie!

    • Austinstar profile image

      Austinstar 4 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

      JIB - before Google, they were probably peeping Toms. They were all over your neighborhood looking through any open curtain.

      billybuc - Did you ever do a study for "How do I make a....." I wonder if the word bomb would show up? Gotta go check that out.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      One of the first ones I did, Austin, was "How do I...." and the number one search is "how do I make chloroform." Think about that one the rest of your day. LOL Thank you for the visit!

    • rajan jolly profile image

      Rajan Singh Jolly 4 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

      I'm enjoying this series Bill. I really enjoy your takes on these searches.

      Voted up.

    • Austinstar profile image

      Austinstar 4 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

      Oh yes, I read that one. I think someone made some chloroform and hit me with it. I have to watch that Bob of mine, closely :-)

    • Made profile image

      Madeleine Salin 4 years ago from Finland

      Bill, you are an entertainer. I wish I could come up with all these wonderful ideas you have for writing your hubs. Really crazy searches. I'm one of those people doing these kind of searches all the time. I hardly have time for anything else. I'm a Google addict, lol! :)

    • Dr Pooja profile image

      Dr Pooja 4 years ago

      Joined work after a gap of one year and right now the question I have on my mind is .. Will I be able to work and adapt in the new environment .Your hub on Will I ??? Made my evening .Thank you Bill

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Rajan, thank you my friend; I'm glad you are enjoying this series and I appreciate you.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Austin, for sure, keep your eye on that guy! LOL

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Made, I would have never guessed....no way are you a Google addict, not with little kids and school and a household....where would you find time? You don't have me fooled. :) Thank you dear one!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Dr. Pooja....I'm glad you enjoyed; now, best of luck with that question on your mind. :)

    • Made profile image

      Madeleine Salin 4 years ago from Finland

      I was just out shopping for groceries and now I have to start cleaning up after our dinner. Then it's time for the children to go to bed. After that I might find som google time, but I prefer HubPages. :) I'll be back later if I don't fall asleep or start folding clothes or start picking up the Lego pieces or something else. There's always something to do, but life's good. I wonder if anybody has searched for "Will I be a good parent?" :)

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Made, I only had one son, but as a single parent it was an endless job keeping the house clean, playing with him, picking up after him, all the while working full time. Yes my dear, you are, and will be, a good parent. :)

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 4 years ago from sunny Florida

      O, my. And some of those who do open those mouths and let the words come out you wish you could silence!!

      And I am sure we are all grateful that you shared the information about breasting feeding. Inquiring minds want to know these things. Thanks for the chuckles.

    • lrc7815 profile image

      Linda Crist 4 years ago from Central Virginia

      Bill Holland! I wish I had written this. But...I would not done nearly the job you did. I guess I missed the previous one but oh what a giggle you got out of me. Even the concept for doing it was genius. You are my writing hero. Hugs, hugs, hugs. Good freakin' job!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Irc, you had me laughing with that comment. Thank you so much! Actually there are about ten of these floating around my site; the one on chloroform is still my favorite. :)

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      PS, I am here to inform! LOL I get a big kick out of these; my fellow human beings never let me down when I need a laugh. Thank you my friend!

    • lrc7815 profile image

      Linda Crist 4 years ago from Central Virginia

      Read the hub you inspired. It's my new quickie.

    • Julie DeNeen profile image

      Blurter of Indiscretions 4 years ago from Clinton CT

      This is one of my favorite series. Truly strange peopple in this world! LOL

    • samnashy profile image

      Sam Graham 4 years ago from Australia

      Ha, very funny. A good Stratton to the day. Thanks.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Samnashy, thank you so much; glad you enjoyed!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Stranger that reality? Because if this is reality I am very concerned. LOL Thanks Julie!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      I will do that Irc; thank you!

    • Crystal Tatum profile image

      Crystal Tatum 4 years ago from Georgia

      Very funny - you are a genius for coming up with this as an idea for a Hub series.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Crystal, thank you....genius or warped sense of humor? LOL

    • Mama Kim 8 profile image

      Sasha Kim 4 years ago

      You have one heck of a sense of humor! ^_^ so funny! It's hard to believe people actually make these searches!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Sasha, I hope they continue to make them so I have something to write about. :) thank you!

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 4 years ago from southern USA

      LOL, now I needed a good laugh today, billybuc - You had me laughing from start to finish. I will be happy when I am able to retire, as with this two hours a day on the road and then trying to juggle everything is starting to get to me, so I do not know how I could spend any more time doing such. I will have to go back and and visit your previous hubs on these, on the days I need a good laugh, which will be a lot of days, I am sure. Keep these coming. Thanks for spreading the joy here. "A joyful heart is good medicine." Oops, have to watch those quotes. God bless. In His Love, Faith Reaper

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Faith, I would be a raving lunatic if I spent that much time driving to and from work....I did it for a great many years and now all I have to do is walk to the studio in the backyard and I'm at work. Heaven!!!!!

      Thank you my friend; I appreciate how loyal and encouraging you always are.

      Peace and happiness always,

      bill

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 4 years ago from southern USA

      LOL, billybuc, I am afraid I am about at that stage in the game. You are so blessed to be able to do this and, thereby, even more so, blessing all of us here. I have not been up to par lately, due to late nights and not enough sleep. I need to read your simple life hubs everyday before I run out of the door in the early a.m. and arrive home in the late p.m. Hey, what a good reminder. I am so looking forward to retiring In His Love, Faith Reaper

    • Suzie HQ profile image

      Suzanne Ridgeway 4 years ago from Dublin, Ireland

      Hi Bill,

      Loving your series here, think I am probably a candidate and should send you some of mine which in my defense I put in for curiosity for crazy hub ideas!! This is hilarious, it is truly amazing what searches go on and no better nut job to try to decipher them!lol Well done my friend another Bill Series that ticks all the boxes and them some! voted and shared :-)

    • J.S.Matthew profile image

      JS Matthew 4 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

      I haven't read one of these in a while. Nice to see this back again. Very sharp and very Exxonogenic. Voted up. Shared too.

      JSMatthew~

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 4 years ago from England

      Hi Billy, if I want a good laugh I always come over here! the ankle one made me laugh so much, I will have to take a look at some of those stupid questions myself, I used to write for some of those answer sites, and the questions were hilarious, nell

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Faith, I'm not sure what I do qualifies as retirement, as I write ten hours a day, but I'm working for myself and loving my life, so those benefits are huge! Bless you and go get some sleep! :)

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Suzie, I have so many darn series going on I can't keep up with them all. LOL Such is the burden we writers carry, right? I need to check your site and make sure I haven't missed any new hubs. Thank you so much!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      J.S., I haven't written one of these in a while; I couldn't think of a new question to ask. LOL Thank you my friend, for sharing too.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Nell, I love doing these, but I had reached the point where I couldn't think of any partial questions to ask....finally one came to me and here it is. :) Thank you my friend!

    • J.S.Matthew profile image

      JS Matthew 4 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Here are some prompts for you:

      "When is it safe to..."

      "Where/When should I..."

      "Is it safe if/to..."

      "Do I have to..."

      Just some ideas. Good luck!

      JSMatthew~

    • Sally's Trove profile image

      Sherri 4 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

      Another bunch of great twists on a simple search. I love these. Voted up and funny, but "funny as hell" would have been a great vote, if it were an option.

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 4 years ago from southern USA

      That is a blessing to do what you love doing and sharing it with all of us here. In His Love, Faith Reaper

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Sherri.....I'll send an email to HP and see about adding that button. :)

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      J.S....thank you! This old mind needs all the help it can get. :)

    • Vellur profile image

      Nithya Venkat 4 years ago from Dubai

      Enjoyed reading and had a good laugh!! Awesome :).

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Vellur, I'm glad I entertained you. Thank you!

    • sholland10 profile image

      Susan Holland 4 years ago from Southwest Missouri

      Bill, do I sense some tension with you and Exxon? LOL This is hilarious and WEIRD. BTW, my first name is George... don't lift that blanket!! LOL

      Votes and shares!!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Susan, your comment is funnier than the hub! Okay, George, thanks for stopping by and glad you enjoyed my WEIRD sense of humor!

    • Barbara Kay profile image

      Barbara Kay Badder 4 years ago from USA

      I think I'll share this one on Facebook. It should give my friends a good laugh. Thanks for the humor.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      My pleasure Barbara, and thank you!

    • sholland10 profile image

      Susan Holland 4 years ago from Southwest Missouri

      Not your weird sense of humor... Well, maybe because it fits mine. ;-) No, the weird searches. I am still giggling at what you found and your great spin on each! :-)

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      I know, Susan, but I couldn't pass it up! :)

    • tammyswallow profile image

      Tammy 4 years ago from North Carolina

      This is funny. I feel bad for the person trying to walk with a fractured ankle. A better question would be "Can I use my business degree while breast feeding and filling out my mortgage application." Makes me want to say DUH!!!!!

    • kellyteam profile image

      Willette 4 years ago from Michigan

      Hey Billybuc you are funnnnnnyy! This was a good read. I guess i need to catchup on the series. Good job. Keep us laughing!! Shared!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Tammy, I wish I had thought of that line. LOL Great fun! Thank you my friend; I hope I haven't missed any of yours; need to go check on you now.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Kelly, thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed my whacky sense of humor.

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 4 years ago from San Francisco

      You're too, too (as apposed to tutu or tooo tooo) much. Don't forget this is going on google. :))

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      I'm counting on it, Martin! :)

    • profile image

      Sunnie Day 4 years ago

      This is such a witty hub! You definitely made me laugh this morning..thank you...I hope my Google searches will not end up on here! hehe One of my latest..what does Lizard poo look like? Now reason behind question if I may? Big globs of poo mixed with berries of some kind on a garden path, big round piles...Does not look like dog poo..or even human poo, I have no idea... not that I find myself checking out poos but this is some weird looking poo...

      Are you smiling..well good!

      Have a great day Billy

      Sunnie

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 4 years ago from New York

      Of course I voted up and funny but then I got thinking, never mind worrying about Uncle Ralph being tone deaf, what about your neighbor and close friend George who wants to breastfeed....he's the one to be afraid of. You never have to worry about the Exxon exec cause he won't live anywhere near your neighborhood, slumlord or no...oh wait, maybe he's the one that owns the only run down house on your block!

      As always fun to read.

    • rcrumple profile image

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Bill -

      Very funny stuff, my friend.

      The breastfeeding one got me here, and usually does everytime I walk into a restaurant and witness it happening. Shame I gave up milkshakes a long time ago.

      Keep 'em coming, big guy! Enjoyed!

    • algarveview profile image

      Joana e Bruno 4 years ago from Algarve, Portugal

      Hello, Billybuc, loved this hub, I was really needing to have a good laugh... Voted up and funny and really hope there is a next time... See you then and take care!

    • The Invincible profile image

      Hitesh Bubbar 4 years ago from New Delhi, India

      Whooo Whooo! Mr.Buc. I had to bother my mouse and scroll for long before I reached out this space to comment. I'm glad you came up with such a hilarious topic to write about. Magnificent creation. :) Thumbs up!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Sunnie, I'm laughing, not smiling! I can picture you out there checking out the poo on the path. Way too funny!

      Thank you my friend, for reading and making me laugh!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Mary, that's why I love this series....the comments I get back are hilarious, like this one! Thank for the laugh and enjoy your weekend, as we will!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Ewwww. Rich, the milkshake had me laughing out loud! Great line! Thank you buddy!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Algareview, I'm so glad you enjoyed my humor and yes, there will be a next time. Thank you!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Invincible, I have a lot of loyal friends who take the time to comment; very much appreciated, and thank you my friend. I'm glad you enjoyed my silliness.

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 4 years ago from Central Florida

      Oh, my goodness, how did I miss this? Too funny, Bill! I just love this series. It's amazing the stupid things people google on the internet. I wonder what it's like to have nothing better to do, huh?

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Sha, I think that about me sometimes when I'm doing one of these hubs....don't I have anything better to do? LOL Thanks buddy and have a great weekend.

    • MizBejabbers profile image

      MizBejabbers 4 years ago

      Yes, you made me laugh! You know what's scary? These people breed! Very imaginative hug, and now I have hub envy. Voted you up and funny.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Miz....LOL yes, they do breed, and that should frighten us all very much! What a great comment...thank you for the laugh!

    • profile image

      Sueswan 4 years ago

      Hi Bill

      So glad your back!

      "I suggest you buy some mouthwash and toothpaste, do some grooming, learn to talk in a suave manner, and then maybe, just maybe, you’ll have a shot at breastfeeding." LMAO I see the sell of mouthwash and toothpaste going up.

      Voted up across the board and sharing.

      Have a good weekend. :)

    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 4 years ago from Nashville Tn.

      I absolutely love your humour billy. I've read this twice :)

    • sweethearts2 profile image

      sweethearts2 4 years ago from Northwest Indiana

      Oh my, you really are a Timex Man (I'm working on a Timex hub in your honor). You just keeping tick, tick, ticking and that just keeps us laugh, laugh, laughing. Will I ever get the picture of breastfeeding college student out of my mind? And, I have you to thank. Thanks for reminding me of the lighthearted side of life or is it the scary side of life.

    • Vinaya Ghimire profile image

      Vinaya Ghimire 4 years ago from Nepal

      Billy,you not only write inspirational personal narratives, but also do wonderful research articles.

      Good work!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Sue, that's my old college humor surfacing....and little sophomoric in nature but I'm glad you find it funny. Thank you my dear and have a great weekend yourself.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Audrey, thank you! I think I have a split-personality....serious....serious....wacky....wacky....can't decide which is more dominant. LOL

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Sweethearts, I have to remind myself of that too; I get so worked up over causes that I forget to take a deep breath and smile. I'm glad you find my stuff worthy of a laugh or two. Have a wonderful weekend.

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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you so much Vinaya; you are greatly appreciated!

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      Hendrika 4 years ago from Pretoria, South Africa

      A good laugh is always healthy, so thanks I am already feeling a lot better.

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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      My pleasure Hendrika, and thank you for the follow!

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      danielleantosz 4 years ago from Florida

      so, the real question here is : How do I get a job with Exxon? Right? Thats what I got. :)

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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Danielle, that's the question alright! LOL

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      Devika Primić 4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Laugh is said to be the best medicine a good feeling after reading this Hub. Thanks for sharing such good humor.

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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      DDE, I am always happy when someone gets a laugh from my sense of humor. Thank you!

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      Leni Sands 4 years ago from UK

      Hilarious - I, too, have funny neighbours, and it never ceases to amaze me what my colleagues search for on the internet. So yet I nearly split my sides reading this. Thanks for making my day!

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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Leni, it is my pleasure. You have made my day; what writer would not be happy with that comment.

      Thank you and have a wonderful Sunday in the UK.

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      Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      OMG....I can't breathe...help....oxygen, please.....OMG, my cheeks hurt so badly. Laughter tears are burning my eyes and skin (I must have a lot of acid in my system for not having been breastfed)

      bill-this IS, without a doubt, your very best...F U N N I E ST.....google search hub yet! I need to take a nap. I'm worn out. You're getting too much sleep....something....I don't know. Jim just asked me what I'm reading and I can't answer him without choking on laughter....just as I thought I was pulling myself together...I get to your last line and your new book title.............ROFLMAO. I'm CRYING.

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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Paula, I swear, I had forgotten about this one; when I read your comment I had to go back and read it, and then I was laughing. Is that bad, for me to be laughing at my own inane humor? Oh well, it's cheap entertainment, right?

      I so appreciate you; tell your husband I said hey and thank you on this Sunday afternoon.

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      Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      bill.....I don't care WHO wrote it....you HAVE to laugh at it! I haven't laughed that hard in months......and I hope I don't again, until I heal.

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      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Paula, after I commented I had Bev read it again; I thought she was going to wet her pants. LMAO....great fun and I'm glad you enjoyed it!

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      Honey Halley 4 years ago from Illinois

      LOL! This is hilarious! Thanks for sharing! It has me wanting to go to google and type in "Will I Ever Have Enough ... " and see what comes up. I can imagine the things people feel they don't get enough of...some could be mighty funny. You could start a google search book and at least the 80% can have a good laugh.

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      Honey Halley 4 years ago from Illinois

      LOL! This is hilarious! Thanks for sharing! It has me wanting to go to google and type in "Will I Ever Have Enough ... " and see what comes up. I can imagine the things people feel they don't get enough of...some could be mighty funny. You could start a google search book and at least the 80% can have a good laugh.

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      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Honey, I'm glad you enjoyed it! I do have fun with this series, but I have so many series that I write that I rarely get to this one. Anyway, thank you my friend.

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