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PC Virus: Do You Need a PC Virus?

Updated on July 16, 2010

The colorful term hacker refers to folks who break into computer systems or create a type of computer program referred to as a virus. The PC virus rivals only free credit reports and Kevin Trudeau relative to internet popularity. Google and Yahoo have dedicated entire data centers to indexing PC Virus web sites. Congress is currently considering a constitutional amendment requiring all web sites to include a link to a free PC Virus remover.

Does Your Computer Need a PC Virus?

Typical computers include a word processor, a web browser, an email client, 10 or 20 chat room applications, and a few games. The vast majority of computer users employ a very narrow set of programs on a daily basis. Most users view their machine as simply another tool.

Very few computer users actually take the time to shop for a PC virus. Identifying the 'right' virus simply takes too long. The universe of infectious programs quickly becomes confusing; documentation tends to be shoddy and support is virtually nonexistent. PC Virus writers rarely provide online help files to assist their customers.

A modern PC is more than sufficient for a PC virus. Desktop PCs typically have 2 to 4 gigabytes of RAM, 500 gigabytes of hard drive space, and muti-core CPUs. Very few PC virus programs need more resources than that. A well-written PC virus nestles itself into your operating system with minimum fuss. It executes in a spare core that wasn't being used anyway. You'll never even know it's there.

Who Creates a PC Virus?

Someone has to program all these PC Viruses.The demand continues to rise; newer and more innovative software must be devised.

A typical PC virus writer fits this profile:

  • Lives in his parent's basement,
  • Flunked out of community college because the computer programming courses were too easy, and
  • Writes the worst looking code ever seen.

Sadly, few government programs (at least in the United States) exist to support the PC virus industry. Virus programmers generally live hand-to-mouth, subsisting on grilled cheese sandwiches from their mother. It's a hard life, but they derive tremendous satisfaction.

This is not a PC Virus
This is not a PC Virus

What Can a PC Virus Do for You?

If your computer is bored, perhaps a PC virus could add a spark to your desktop. Sure, an aquarium screen saver offers minutes of entertainment, but a mutating PC virus spices up every application on the machine. Nothing is more exciting than an unexpected pop-up browser window when the boss is looking over your shoulder.Knowing that every keystroke is being relayed to Thailand can make the workday fly by.

Cool stuff a PC Virus can do for you:

  • Secretly store gigabytes of illegal software on your hard drive,
  • Launch infectious attacks on other computers in the office,
  • Send spam to computers around the world,
  • Capture your keystrokes, including passwords, account names, and personal information,
  • Work in concert with other infected computers to attack sensitive government systems, and
  • Consume all your CPU time, causing your PC to become unresponsive and sluggish.

Where Can You Get a PC Virus?

Most computers don't realize how easy contracting a PC virus actually is. They think virus software is complicated to install and even more difficult to configure. Nothing could be further from the truth. Most PC virus software automatically installs. Configuration is typically not necessary; the virus adapts itself to your computer system and quickly makes itself at home. You almost never need to clear extra disk space; the virus happily overwrites extraneous system files to make room for itself.

Look for PC Virus software on popular disreputable web sites. Simply use Google or Yahoo to search for the term "Free PC Virus". Pick out a site that looks like fun. Click every link on the site, even the links that look like ads for Kevin Trudeau. In short order you'll have a virus of your very own. Take good care of it; someone worked very hard in between episodes of Family Guy to craft it for you.


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    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 7 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @dabeaner: Evidently you have discovered the virus that "they" don't want you too know about. Please keep your doors locked and your car in the garage. Change all your passwords. "They" are watching and waiting.

    • dabeaner profile image

      dabeaner 7 years ago from Nibiru

      My Dear Mr. Nicomp:

      I found your Hub only mildly amusing, but on the plus side, you and your readers have given me several new ideas for my late-night infomercial programs empire. I am confident that one or more of them will provide me with many more millions of dollars, increasing my already substantial lead over Joe the Internet Millionaire's wealth.

      And, I am not going to share even one cent with you. Bwah-ha-ha-ha.

      So, sue me, if you don't like that. But you will lose, as I have extensive experience dealing with legal harassment from the bankster cartel and big pharma.

      I repeat, bwah-ha-ha-ha

      /s/ Keven Trudeau

    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 7 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @drbj: I favor Cyrus.

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      My PC virus is enceinte. Thinking of naming the little one nic - would you mind?

    • dabeaner profile image

      dabeaner 7 years ago from Nibiru

      THAT'S THE ONE!!!

    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 7 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @dabeaner: Are you referring to "PC Virus that they don't want you to know about" ?

    • dabeaner profile image

      dabeaner 7 years ago from Nibiru

      I don't have a lot of time to shop for the "latest and greatest cutting edge kewl web 3.0" virus. Could you save me (and your other loyal readers) some time and just post the link to Kevin Trudeau's latest virus package offering in a comment below?

    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 7 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @breakfastpop : New topic: A PC virus in a Petri dish. ;)

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 7 years ago

      I prefer to keep my PC viruses in a Petri dish. They are fun to watch when things get dull.