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Should I Confront Someone Who Unfriended Me?

Updated on January 22, 2016

Everybody's Facebook Pet Peeve: The Sudden Unfriending

Imagine this scenario:

You wake up, pour yourself a cup of coffee, and sit down at your laptop. And, like every other day, you check your Facebook. There are 2 messages, one friend request, and 12 notifications. Once you take care of those, you go back to your friend Rebecca's page to see what her status says on her profile and that's when you see it...

Rebecca's profile no longer says 'Friends' at the top...now it says 'Add Friend.' She clearly let you go from her friends' list, without any warning. But why? What did you do? Did you make her angry somehow? You check your own personal profile for something offensive, such as a mouthy comment, a questionable photo or any other kind of hate speech that would prompt said unfriending, but you turn up empty. Now what?

What are your options?

Well, you have four choices:

  1. You could send Rebecca a message and ask her why she unfriended you.
  2. Or, you could block her. Yep, that will show the little wretch!
  3. You could write an angry status about her. The more vague, the better. After all, that's what Facebook is for, right? Drama?
  4. Or, you could let it go. (Don't worry, I'm not going to sing).

I think it's pretty obvious what I think the best option is. The first 3 just make you look silly. Option 4 helps you to continue to enjoy your day, even though you might feel a little hurt by Rebecca's choice to cut ties.

Newsflash: No matter what age you are, Facebook makes you look 12


In the eyes of social media, everyone suddenly becomes a middle-school girl, whining and sniffling to her besties (and her diary--aka Facebook wall) about how this person posted something mean, this boy hates me, my friend unfriended me, everybody hates me, I am so depressed!!! So let's back up: don't become a 12 year old little girl.

Omg...so awkward

I mean, you could try option one. But that's more awkward than two kids on a first date. It would likely go something like this:

You: "Hey, Rebecca, I just went to your page and saw that you unfriended me. I'm kinda curious why? We were just talking the other day, and you didn't tell me you had a problem with me. So, yeah..what's up?"

Rebecca: "Umm, it's not you, trust me Felicia (see what I did there?) it's OK. I like you. It's just...stuff."

You: "Stuff? What stuff?"

It goes on and on like that. So why make things anymore awkward than they really are? If you message the unfrienders, it just makes you look desperate. Don't do that. Social media isn't real life. And Rebecca probably does like you in real life, she just may want some space, and maybe if you add her as a friend again a year from now, she'll accept. That has happened to me before, and there were no hard feelings.

Exit Stage Left

Everybody cuts Facebook ties for different reasons. Some want space (as I previously mentioned), they want a new dynamic to their friend's list, they may not know you that well, etc. It's not always about you; sometimes it is, but not always. Same is true for people who decline your friend requests. I've had people whom I've known all my life reject my friend request; it doesn't mean that in real life, we wouldn't get along just peachy. In fact, I bet we'd get along better in person than over the interwebs. Sure it hurts when someone says "nah, I don't want them on my friend's list." But why? Why does it hurt? Is your worth and value wrapped up in how many friends you have, and how many likes you receive on a photo? If so, it shouldn't be. Because it makes you 12.Don't act like you're 12.

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