A Skype Dream
Skype is new to me and in case you live in a giant bubble hidden from all the cool stuff in cyberspace (as I apparently I do), Skype is a service that allows you to call anywhere in the world for free, if the person you are calling has a Skype account too.
If you both happen to have a web cam you can feel as if you are sitting in the same room. It's great fun to meet my internet friends face to face and to keep up with family and long lost friends, whether they are across the country or across the pond or down under.
An idea crossed my mind after using Skype a few times. It was way too persistent. This thought went through my mind again and again. I want to Skype Heaven.
Yeah. Heaven. The one person I so deeply desired to speak to, the person whose voice I needed to hear just one more time, the smile I needed to see flashing at me, I just couldn't get to. Not even with Skype.
Give sorrow words. The grief that does not speak whispers the o'er fraught heart, and bids it break.
It may sound childish and silly. I know it does, but isn't there someone you miss like that? It has been a year and six days since the death of my grandmother and this is the first time I am even able to write about her. And that is fairly significant, considering writing is my therapy.
My heart still hurts when I think about it, so I can't even tell you much about her, except that she continues to inspire me daily by the legacy of wisdom and encouragement she left behind. I miss her.
She was a force of love and patience in my life since...forever really. My earliest memories are of being with her, walking with her, listening to her tell stories. She eventually came to live with me and my husband and children a few years back and I am so thankful for that extra time. So much of her is still here, floating around my home in the form of Japanese tea cups , small ceramic vases she made, bird figurines and tiny little scarves on my daughter's baby dolls.
If only I could Skype her. Just once. To hear her call me Jane (the name she alone called me); to see her smile and tell me everything is going to be just fine, I would surely believe her, as I have since I could first comprehend her words.
Who will tell whether one happy moment of love, or the joy of breathing or walking on a bright morning and smelling the air, is not worth all the suffering and effort which life implies?
Skype to Heaven
So this thought remained constant in the shadows of my thoughts for days. I want to Skype heaven. I want to Skype Heaven, just once. And finally I did. Sure, I was sleeping, but does that really matter? It was one of those vivid dreams, strikingly real with detail.
I was sitting in my favorite comfy kitchen chair, at my laptop when my Skype phone rang and the little box popped up Nan Calling with a small picture of a bluebird. I rushed to answer, knocking my Japanese tea cup filled with coffee to the floor. And there she was. And I was speechless. "Jane, oh how I've missed you! " Tears began to flow and I couldn't speak. "It's ok. How are those girls of yours? " I cried some more. I managed to mumble something which she clearly understood but I can't remember and she replied "You didn't need to say goodbye. We will meet again. Not too soon though!" she said, waving her hand and laughing.
She went on to tell me many things that I cannot recall at the moment, but seemed to sooth my broken heart. Then finally, "Everything is going to be fine, Jane. " I woke up, still crying. This time my tears were different, somehow healing. I Skyped Heaven. Well, I guess Heaven Skyped me. Either way, that one simple conversation was precisely what I so desperately needed.
Maybe we can't use Skype for such communication, but we can use it to stay close to those we care about. I know I am being just plain corny now, but we can use it to bring us together, to build relationships, to heal old wounds, to smile and say I love you to a friend who really needs our encouragement. It can be a bridge, changing strangers into friends.
So you can call me a crazy corny idealistic dreamer.
Or you can call me on Skype.
Just don't call me Jane.