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How To Survive a Break From Facebook
Facebook has been around for about a decade and many have been using the social media platform for at least half of that time.
Studies find that the average American user spends about eight hours a month on Facebook. That’s a full workday for most people.
But recent trends have shown that Facebook’s popularity may be waning. Many young people are turning to apps more suited for mobile devices.
In the light of this troubling news, I have some valid and real concerns about a world without Facebook.
Can we possibly survive?
How Will I Know What My Friends Have For Dinner?
People like to eat. This is a known phenomenon.
Before Facebook, however, most of us didn’t know what the other person ate every single day.
Thanks to Facebook, we now know that people also like to talk about what they eat before, during and after the consumption.
I do see some disturbing trends though. I think the Smiths might be eating a bit too much pizza---three times in one week Cindy*?
And Tracy is going a bit overboard on the casserole pictures. Does she think this is Pinterest?
If there is no Facebook, how will I feel guilty about the hamburger I’m eating as my raw vegan friend, Lanie, simultaneously shares a picture of her dinner plate full of the things I wouldn’t eat as a kid and the latest PETA video?
How Will I Unfriend Someone?
Before Facebook, we actually had to tell someone we didn’t want to be their friend any more—to their face!
If I decide that I don’t like someone, how will I unfriend them? Will I avoid them at work or perhaps move to an undisclosed location?
I can’t just tell them I don’t want to hang out anymore. I certainly don’t want them to know I don’t want to be their friend, at least not until I can safely block them.
And furthermore, what will I do with the time I save trying to figure out who unfriended me? When that little friends’ number on my profile goes down it might take me hours to locate the rude friend who couldn’t tell me to my face she didn’t like pictures of my cat all over her newsfeed.
How Will I See Every Moment of My Friend’s Kids’ Lives?
Before Facebook we were only subjected to the 50 page photo album of our friend’s funny-looking kid at birthday parties, baby showers or accidental meetings in the mall. Now, we get to find out what they are doing every day.
I’m concerned that I might not know that little Jacob is playing his 45th soccer game of the week or that Carlie made straight A’s and got to be hall monitor.
What if I miss the one hundred newborn pictures of Angie’s new baby that all look the same—like a tiny little prune man who wants to kill someone.
With no Facebook I could miss out on little Amy’s recital pictures or miss the fact that Janelle lost a tooth.
I won’t even find out that Lonnie potty trained in just three weeks or that Katrina threw up every hour last night.
How Will I Get My News?
Before Facebook many people actually got, and sometimes read, a morning newspaper.
Without Facebook, what will I read in the mornings?
The morning newsfeed goes so well with my cup of coffee and scrambled eggs. That is until I read Bob’s post about how bad coffee really is for you or Jennie’s thoughts on eggs and cholesterol.
How will I know what’s going on in the world if I can’t depend on someone else to complete the bothersome task of turning on the news or even going to one of those news websites.
Who is going to tell me what’s going on?
How Will I Keep Updated on Everyone’s Relationship Status?
Before Facebook we had to have that awkward conversation with a friend we haven’t seen in years.
“Bobby and I divorced last year. He ran off with the nanny. Thanks for asking, jerk.”
Now, thanks to Facebook, those awkward moments happen way less often.
With no Facebook, how am I going to know that the Jorges are fighting again because Phillip changed his status to single.
How will I know that Maddie is back on the market after that nasty divorce with her husband last year? I still have screenshots saved from their page-to-page fights.
If Greg changes his Facebook status back to single, does that mean that he and Lori are split or did she just delete her page again?
How Will I Find Out Just How Crazy My Friends Really Are?
Before Facebook you might never know that Carole worshipped frogs on the weekend or that Zenny went to the CCAPB-Concerned Citizens Against Peanut Butter-meetings last week.
If Facebook goes away forever, how will I find out that vaccinations are an abomination/godsend and only bad/good parents subject their children to them?
How will I know how Burt’s new religious epiphany has led him to believe that light bulbs are evil?
Where will I get the information about Callie’s new “anti-internet” Facebook group or Bob’s campaign to get all books taken out of schools?
How Will I Talk to People?
Before Facebook, we had to call our friends or meet them at the mall or even go over to their houses to chat.
Now, we don’t have to bother with such inconveniences.
If I get lonely and want to message someone, how will I talk to them without Facebook?
Call them, maybe?
We all got rid of our landline phone years ago and I can’t hear a thing on those darn cell phones so that’s out.
Will I have to actually be physically present to talk to someone?
Will that mean I have to get out of the house?
Maybe I can just write a letter.
Problem: I don’t even know where my mailbox is.
These are just a few of my growing concerns about the demise of Facebook. If it does go away, my prediction is that many people will suddenly find themselves adrift in the world.
Eight hours a month? What will I do with that?
*Names have been changed to protect the innocent and the guilty.
Do you think Facebook is here to stay?
References and Further Reading
- Is Facebook Over? Why Facebook Is Less Popular
The social media platform swept the world. Connecting us in ways we never thought possible. But is its popularity waning? Will there be another, better way to communicate just around the corner?
- Facebook Will Disappear by 2020, Says Analyst
- Facebook Losing its Cool Cachet Among Teenagers | TIME.com
Baret Steed is tired of Facebook. She’s had an account since she was 13, but isn’t a fan of the fact that the social network now includes not only her friends, but also her parents, aunts, and uncles. “It’s almost like they’re the only ones on there,
- Facebook's Era Is Over; Now What? - WSJ.com
Investors are looking for the next big idea. It is nice to see Facebook shares break $30 again, but investors have moved on.