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Why the Swiftpoint GT Rocks the Gonads Off of Every Mouse on the Market

Updated on November 20, 2014
Photo from the museum of crappy outdated electronics.
Photo from the museum of crappy outdated electronics.
You're not the only one, Bill.
You're not the only one, Bill.

Blue Pill or Red Pill Type Scenario

I only have one question for you, punk. Are you ready for the future? (Yes or No)

If Yes:
AWESOME. You know that sorry, worthless mouse you're currently using? Throw it in the garbage can. Better yet, throw it in a burning barrel to keep the hobos warm. It's the holiday season, and sharing is caring.

If No:
UGH. Grow a mullet and buy a VCR. Oh wait, you probably already have those covered. Toss in your VHS copy of Back to the Future 3 and explain to me why a trilogy was necessary. Or better yet, make like a scale and GO WEIGH.

The Red Pill

Wise choice, my friend. The future, she is a beautiful bitch, I promise.

On a scale of 1-10, how interesting do you find input devices on your computer? Personally, I think they're about 2/10.

Usually, you'll find me dumpster diving for a new keyboard or mouse. Goodwill is a great second option.

I mean, who cares? A mouse is a mouse, right? The stupid things just moves around your stupid pointer on your stupid screen to clicks on all your internets. What's the difference?

I'll tell you who cares. Me, motherf***er!

Is this guy EVER going to tell us about the Switfpoint GT?
Is this guy EVER going to tell us about the Switfpoint GT?

The Future Is Touchy Feely

I can tell you right now, the future is going to be a SENSUAL place. Your devices are becoming self aware and they NEED your love.

What do you think is keeping your phone and tablet alive, the battery? Hardly. The fact that you caress your fingers up and down that silky smooth screen is what your device LIVES FOR.

You think Billy Gates at Microsoft doesn't know this? Windows 8, and the upcoming Windows 10, are worse than your girlfriend. If you aren't finger deep on a touchscreen you definitely aren't going to have the best possible experience.

Seriously, if you don't start talking about the Swiftpoint GT I'm clicking back, I swear to God.
Seriously, if you don't start talking about the Swiftpoint GT I'm clicking back, I swear to God.

Impatient Much?

Just watch this video. I need to take 5 anyway, writing is REALLY hard work.


If I know ANYTHING, I know my readers. Watching a video just isn't enough. You need me to massage the words into your cerebral cortex with the precision of a textual archer.

I'm happy to do so, really. I have nothing better to do. I live to serve. Money is no object when it comes to your happiness. Why don't you love me?!

I picked your a flower. Now the flower is DEAD.
I picked your a flower. Now the flower is DEAD.

Really Real Stuff

Ok, ok, enough fooling around, I swear. I'm going to rip this page a new one with some highly factual facts.

The Swiftpoint GT engineers did something really amazing with this mouse. They created a stylus tip on the edge of the mouse which enables touch capabilities.

You know all that cool stuff you can do with a touchscreen, like flicking and zooming? Now you can do it with your mouse.

Swiftpoint GT uses Bluetooth 4. If you don't know what Bluetooth 4.0 is, maybe you should go to wikipedia and read their BORING article about it. No, I'm NOT going to link you to it. If you care enough, you can search for it yourself.

Bluetooth 4 uses barely any energy at all. This means your wireless mouse stays wireless, for a really, REALLY long time.

If you don't have Bluetooth 4, don't sweat it. Bluetooth 4 devices are backwards compatible with previous versions of Bluetooth.

Don't have Bluetooth at all? The USB dongle doubles as an interface AND a charger for your awesome new mouse. There's even a 30 second rapid charge mode which charges your device for one hour of use. It's like using a microwave to recharge your mouse.

My Brain Hurts

Yeah, I know. Thinking about touch enabled devices is really boring. I feel you.

You know what's really great? Bacon.

I Love Bacon!

Let's Wrap this Bitch Up

You watched the video, I threw some facts at you, we all laughed at the dog. I think at this point we can call it a day.

In summary, blah blah blah touch stuff, Blue teeth, ergonomics.. (wait I forgot to mention the ergonomics.. oh well.. nobody's perfect).

You know you want this mouse, and if you don't, you're an idiot. I mean that.

Best wishes, champagne dreams, and futuristic touch mouse realities to all my faithful readers. Until next time, be as bad as you want to be.


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