Recipe Hub Envy

Confessions of a Bad Cook

I have a confession to make: I am secretly jealous of all the Hubpages writers that are good cooks. They constantly post these awesome hubs about food. They are forever cooking and creating clever recipes. That is right. I admit it. I suffer from Recipe Hub Envy.

Recipe Hub Envy is a new term. Actually, I just made it up today, but this is still a serious issue. You see, I am not a great cook. If it is in the freezer, I can take it out the box and pop it in the oven with the best of them. Sure, I might occasionally burn something, but I at least know how to put food in the oven properly. I also know how to use just the right amount of baking soda to put out any kitchen fire now.

As far as recipes go, I can usually follow someone else's directions. Sure, there was the time when I used baking soda instead of baking powder to make a cobbler, but let's not dwell on that. Seriously, how could anyone know the two are so different? OK, maybe everyone in the world knows that, but I didn't. I tried my best. The cherry cobbler was... well... different. We will leave it at that.

Since I am obviously not capable of creating my own delicious recipes, how can I ever contribute a recipe to Hubpages? I want to do so very badly, but what can I do? I do have a broccoli and cheese muffin concoction I invented, but I am told it is too stinky and no one else will eat it. I think I need to keep that "recipe" to myself.

I really do want to contribute to the recipes on Hubpages, so since I am not capable of doing anything else, I will explain how to "cook" something:

How to Boil Water

Ingredients: water

  1. The first step in boiling water is to acquire some water. So get a pot, fill it with some water from the sink, and then place the pot on a burner.
  2. The next step is turn on the burner. I like to set it at the medium temperature.
  3. Third, you just wait. Once you start to see the water bubbling, it is boiling. Congratulations! This process usually takes about 10 - 15 minutes depending on your stove, the pan, and the amount of water.

This can all be very helpful for you if you would like to boil some eggs or make a pasta. Coincidentally, these are the two foods I cook best! Best of luck to you!

Just Try Your Best

I hope you've enjoyed my hub about other hubs. If you can't cook well, it is not the worst crime ever. Just keep trying your best. Even if you are a little jealous of other Hubpages writers, that is completely normal. The first step is admitting you have Recipe Hub Envy. The next step is just making something up and pretending it is a recipe.

If we were all great cooks, all the frozen food companies would go out of business. In a sense, we bad cooks are helping this economy! So go out there, and continue to use the wrong ingredients and burn your food. Then you can just pop that TV dinner in the oven and keep Swanson in business.

Copyright ©2011 Jeannieinabottle

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Comments 35 comments

Cogerson profile image

Cogerson 5 years ago from Virginia

Finally a recipe we can all use, I wish I had this recipe a long time ago.....I bet this is a family secret that has been passed down for generations.....I might never use the microwave again....please post your brocolli and cheese muffin recipe sounds like a winner too...another winning hub....made me smile.


nycgrl profile image

nycgrl 5 years ago from New York

i think in the kitchen as in life you just have to have confidence that it will turn out well and you have to take chances, experiment. Even those with the amazing recipe hubs messed up countless times before they got that kick ass recipe.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Cogerson - Yes, I like to create recipes that appeal to everyone. Honestly, it has been passed down from generations. My mother and her mother were expert water boilers! Thanks for the comment!

nycgirl - Yes, this is probably true. I think I don't take cooking seriously enough. I start out with the best of intentions, but then I get distracted. I did actually bake my first turkey last Christmas and no one died from eating it, so maybe I am getting better. Thank you for the comment.


Samantha_Marie profile image

Samantha_Marie 5 years ago from Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada

You had me laughing all the way through this. Good Job on teaching us how to boil water.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Thanks! Boiling water can sometimes be a challenge, but I did my best. :-)


Movie Master profile image

Movie Master 5 years ago from United Kingdom

Hi Jeannieinabottle, one of the most useful hubs I've read, the recipe was well written and easy to follow instructions, the photos too are very helpful, I'm just off now to boil my first pan of water! love it and pressing all your buttons.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

I am so glad I could share a favorite recipe with you. Just remember, the more you boil, the more bubbles! Very exciting stuff! Thank you for pressing all the buttons, too.


Sunshine625 5 years ago

Impressive hub!! Kudos to you!! We all know that waiting for a pot of water to boil takes forever there is a small trick to speed up the process...place a lid on the pot to reduce the wait!! Woot! I hope this wee bit of info helps with your recipe. Happy cooking :)


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Hey, thanks! I need all the help I can get. Thank you for the advice and the comment!


kittythedreamer profile image

kittythedreamer 5 years ago from the Ether

HILARIOUS. You are just too creative and funny, Jeannie. Love it.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Thanks! Every now and then, I am inspired to write something completely ridiculous and this was an example of just that.


Weekend Reader profile image

Weekend Reader 5 years ago

You mention eggs and pasta. These are usually beyond me. I have figured out how to toss a teabag into the boiling water, though. It only took me about ten years to realize that tea made with boiling water tastes much better than that brewed in the microwave. This boiling water stuff is fantastic!


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Really? I still make my tea with the microwave. I will give the old fashioned way a try someday. Thanks for the info and the comment!


billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

I am right there with you my dear. I have this theory that all these people who post recipes have never actually made the stuff...they just post recipes and then go to McDonald's for lunch. Great hub and thanks for the plug!


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Maybe that is what really happens with recipe hubs! Mmmm... now I want McDonald's food. Perhaps that should be my next hub...

Thanks for reading and no problem. Your Google search hubs are hilarious. Now maybe people will understand how to boil water.


Daisy Mariposa profile image

Daisy Mariposa 4 years ago from Orange County (Southern California)

Jeannie,

What a fun Hub! Since you're an expert at boiling water, how are you at cooking boiling bag rice?


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

And here I thought I was a great cook until I read this hub. I realized I never knew how to boil water. Oh my, thank you Jeannie for the lesson. You taught me more than the cooking channel ever did!:)


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Oh, wow. I don't know about that. Rice is pretty advanced. I am an expert at boiling eggs though. :-) Thanks for checking out my hub!


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Daisy Mariposa - Thanks for sharing this, too! :-)

Sunshine625 - You know, the cooking channel tends to skip over the most important lessons. Hehehe. Thanks for the comment!


Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

Glimmer Twin Fan 4 years ago

This is really funny. All I have to say is that if I could get my recipe hub photos to all look like the top one then they might be more popular! If you made all of those I'm really impressed and you shouldn't have any envy at all. I think I have limerick hub envy. Thanks for a laugh!


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Hahaha... yeah, I totally did not make any of that. That is an old stock photo I found long ago. :-) If you see stuff like that at my apartment, trust me, I bought it from the bakery. Thanks for checking out my hub!


Millionaire Tips profile image

Millionaire Tips 4 years ago from USA

Jeannie, I have recipe hub envy too, especially when the contest is going on and everyone else gets a chance to win prizes. I think I am an excellent cook, but somehow the other people that eat my food don't tend to agree. Hmm maybe it is my tastebuds and not my cooking skills that are the blame. Maybe I need a transplant or something. Eww, never mind.


moonlake profile image

moonlake 4 years ago from America

We use to have friends that always stopped by at meal time. Once they stopped and I was trying to make meatballs in sauce. The meatballs collasped in the sauce and it tasted awful. They never dropped by for a meal again. I once made cookies they were hard as rocks my friend came over and she dunked them in our coffee so we could eat them. I still make these crazy mistakes but I keep trying. My husband swears he tought me all I know and that I could not boil water when we got married.

Your hub was great voted up.


mary615 profile image

mary615 4 years ago from Florida

This is a very enjoyable Hub. Loved it.

My husband always claimed he only knew how to boil water. He just didn't want to cook!


Uninvited Writer profile image

Uninvited Writer 4 years ago from Kitchener, Ontario

That coconut cake in front is very appetizing :)


AudreyHowitt profile image

AudreyHowitt 4 years ago from California

Funny!!!


Cogerson profile image

Cogerson 4 years ago from Virginia

Do you know how many times I have returned to this recipe....every time I have to boil water.....as your detailed instructions make it seem so easy.....where would I be if this recipe was not out there on HubPages.

I think this is one of the first hubs that I read from you....and I loved it then and I love it now....no zzzzzs here.....only up up and up.


Marina Lazarevic profile image

Marina Lazarevic 4 years ago from San Francisco, CA

Funny Hub! I especially laughed at the pasta and eggs comment: that's pretty much ALL I make. One of my favorite comfort foods is pasta with feta cheese. If you like feta you'll be surprised at the returns: 15-20 minutes of cooking for a delicious twist on mac n cheese (with less effort because you don't need to make any "cheese" sauce).


Janine Huldie profile image

Janine Huldie 4 years ago from New York, New York

Sorry I am one of those people who love to bake and cook and do contribute recipes on here, but that said this was so cute and very funny. Seriously enjoyed it. I have shared, tweeted and voted up much :)


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Millionaire Tips - I usually just overcook food, but I don't know that I am a horrible cook. I recently cooked a meal for someone and did not hear from him for a few days. My mother told me my cooking probably killed him, but thankfully, he lived. :-) I guess cooking is just a matter of opinion. I happen to like my burnt food. I can't help it if no one else does. Sometimes I also like to substitute ingredients. I guess others just don't appreciate creativity! Thanks for the comment!

moonlake - It sounds like you have some good strategies on preventing people from coming back to eat more of your food. I think that is a good thing. I say, as long as you like what you eat, that is all that matters. Thanks for the vote up!

mary615 - Yeah, some people just like to use that as an excuse. I know what you mean. Thanks for the comment!

Uninvited Writer - I love coconut cake, too. I have been trying to find a good coconut cake (since I can't cook one), but haven't found one lately. Thanks for the comment!

AudreyHowitt - Thanks so much!

Cogerson - That is why I create these hubs... I am here to help! When I hear an inspiring story like this from someone that would not be able to boil water without me, it makes me realize why I started writing in the first place. Thank you. Also, thanks for the votes up! :-)

Marina Lazarevic - Hey, that does sound like a good idea. I do like feta cheese. I will have to try that sometime. Thanks for the tip!


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Janine Huldie - Don't be sorry! I am just envious of your cooking abilities. I am sure I've probably read some of your recipes. Sometimes the recipes on HubPages help inspire me to attempt some cooking myself. My food usually never looks like the picture, but hey, I try my best. Thanks for sharing my hub and voting it up!


ignugent17 profile image

ignugent17 4 years ago

Jeannieinabottle,

I envy you too because you can boil water. :-))) Well I am not a cook good but my husband says it is edible so that is fine with me. I enjoyed reading your hub. Have fun cooking. :-)


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Hey, as long as your cooking is edible, you are doing great. Thanks for visiting my hub!


Randy Horizon profile image

Randy Horizon 21 months ago from Philadelphia

I love your hub, its great. How to boil water is funny. Your humor is the best. Your hub page is a classic. Great job and thanks for the humor. :)


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 21 months ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Thanks so much, Randy Horizon. I've managed to step up my cooking skills since then, but still, it is always good to teach people how to boil water. :-)

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