Feedback on Self Defense Hub

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   kbdressmanposted 9 years ago

   I just wrote a hub on basic self defense principles.  I put it under martial arts/sports because I couldn't find a better location for it.  Does anyone know of a better location for it?  Or know how we could get a self defense category?   
   
   And, what feedback would you have for the hub?  It's available at: http://kbdressman.hubpages.com/hub/5-El … Understand

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      csmiravite-blogsposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I read and I like it. I understand what it is about since my only daughter is into martial arts and kickboxing. Give it time, people who are interested in self defense, will read it. I don't know about the location, but I think being categorized under self defense is just fine.

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         kbdressmanposted 9 years agoin reply to this

         Thanks, csmiravite-blogs!  I'm pretty new so it's hard to know how long to wait for hubs to get traffic. :-)

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2. 81

   JBRUUposted 9 years ago

   You have good information and layout, but your sentence structure and vocabulary are simplistic. It gets the job done, but isn't very interesting to read on its own.

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      csmiravite-blogsposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      The words are alright and it's readable. It is just fine as it is, probably an addition of SEO could generate more views. I cannot be specific, but that's what they say in the HB manuals.

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3. 61

   kbdressmanposted 9 years ago

   Can you give me an example of a change you would make?

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4. 61

   kbdressmanposted 9 years ago

   Thanks, csmiravite-blogs!  I'll work on that. 
   
   JBRUU, I'm not quite sure how to improve based on your comment.  Can you give me an example of what changes you would make?

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      JBRUUposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      For example, the way you use "unfortunately" in the first paragraph. I get what you're trying to do, but I don't think it works well here. Your sentences tend to be short, which is fine, but they don't "flow" when reading. An example of this is  your second paragraph on adrenaline. Try reading your hub aloud to yourself and see how it sounds. You can fix a lot of this by combining your sentences (they're quite short) and adding transitions.
      
      Here's a good article on that http://owll.massey.ac.nz/assignment-typ … y-flow.php
      
      Now, this isn't to say that it isn't a good hub - I'm just nitpicking some of the finer aspects of your writing

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         kbdressmanposted 9 years agoin reply to this

         Thanks, JBRUU!  I see what you mean.  I made a fair number of edits and will finish after class.  I appreciate the constructive feedback!

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