LIFE Can Change In An Instant - Part 2

If you haven’t had a chance to read Part 1, you can find it HERE.

As we all know, life can change forever in an instant and look very different than it did just a minute ago. Instant changes typically happen when we least expect them. At times, the change is welcomed. Other times . . . the change is something we did not wish for . . .

November 7, 2005, began as a normal day. The only thing out of the ordinary was that I dropped off my toy poodle, Buttons, at the Veterinarian’s office to have his teeth cleaned. Since Buttons had seizures and was on Phenobarb for many years, his dental surgeries were considered more risky and extra precautions were taken to put him to sleep for the cleaning.

I hated leaving him there all by himself. I kept thinking “what if something happened to him?”

I called the Vet office way earlier than I should have. They told me that they were running behind and that Buttons will be going in to surgery shortly. I waited and waited and tried to keep busy.

At 2:30 p.m., the phone rang “Buttons did just fine! We ended up extracting a couple teeth that were infected. You can pick him up after 4.

I arrived at the Vet a little early, of course, just before 4 p.m. My little guy was so groggy and oh, so adorable. I was relieved that everything went well.

Later that evening around 8:30 p.m., I had my usual evening phone call with my Mom. She comforted me when I talked about my fear of something happening to Buttons. She loved him too. Everybody did.

Our conversation switched to how Mom and Dad were busy during the day running errands. Then her voice elevated with excitement when she told me that Dad cooked an awesome dinner. Even though Dad is a good cook too (when he feels like it), it was a rare occasion when Mom didn’t take on that responsibility. She was extremely delighted. Things seemed better with my parents than they had in a long time

You see, my Father is an alcoholic. Almost a year earlier, he was put on medication that he was told he cannot drink while taking. Much to his entire family’s surprise, he stopped drinking alcohol. I knew my Mom had gone through hell at times with Dad’s addiction.

At this time in their lives, things had definitely improved. They were actually planning things to do together, enjoying each other’s company.

Our conversation ended as they always did. “Talk to ya tomorrow, I love you.

I love you too.

Buttons was doing well, resting in his cushioned bed. Mom was happy. Things were good. I straightened up the kitchen a bit then headed upstairs to my computer.

At 11:30 p.m. my phone rang. It was Mark, my brother-in-law. He told me that Dad had called my sister Patti and said that Mom was having difficulty breathing. Living only five houses away from our parents, Patti ran over to their house. I hung up with Mark and called my parents. Patti answered quickly telling me that “Mom doesn’t look good and she’s not breathing well. I called 911.

Okay.” I was quite baffled. I had just spoken to Mom a few hours ago and she seemed fine. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.

While in route to my parents house 25 minutes away, I called my other sister Chrissy. She was already at my parent’s house as she lives just 5 minutes away.

Chrissy sounded more panicky than Patti did. “Sharyn, I’m not sure what is going on but it doesn’t look good.

“Oh my God, what do you mean?”

EMS is working on her. Don’t come here, just meet us at the hospital.

The rest of my ride to the hospital was a blur. When I arrived near the Emergency Room, I didn’t bother taking the time to park my car. I stopped at the main doors to the ER and ran as fast as my traumatized body would move. I found my sisters and our Dad in the hallway. All they could tell me was “they’re working on her.” We were all in disbelief.

I ran up to one of the paramedics who just came out of the room where Mom was. He tried to calm me down saying that they had gotten a slight pulse. A nurse came from around the desk and escorted my family into a small conference room. We simply sat there stunned, afraid, tears streaming down all of our faces.

I’m impatient. Less than 10 minutes went by and I went to speak to the nurse at the desk. “Please try to stay calm. The doctor will be in to speak to you.

Another 20 minutes went by. “We need answers, damn it, what the fu** is going on.” I stood up to storm out of the room when the door suddenly opened. A tall, thin fifty-something ER doctor came in closing the door behind him.

I am so sorry, but Virginia did not make it. It appears that she had a pulmonary embolism. We worked on her for a long time. We really tried to help her.

Why?
Why?

********ACCEPTING CHANGE********

Every possession and every happiness is but lent by chance for an uncertain time, and may therefore be demanded back the next hour. ~Arthur Schopenhauer

Without accepting the fact that everything changes, we cannot find perfect composure. But unfortunately, although it is true, it is difficult for us to accept it. Because we cannot accept the truth of transience, we suffer. ~Shunryu Suzuki

If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies. ~Author Unknown

The bamboo that bends is stronger than the oak that resists. ~Japanese Proverb


My head was in a whirlwind spin and felt as if it was about to explode. So many thoughts running through my mind. What? This can’t be happening. I just talked to her. Oh my God. This can’t be true. Someone please stop this nightmare NOW!

Many lives changed at that instant and will never, ever be the same. My Mother was only 68 years old with so much more life ahead of her. She had long, written lists of things she still wanted to accomplish. She just received her first Great Grandson that same year and was so thrilled to be a Great Grandma in addition to her seven grandchildren. And she had just recently coordinated a huge party for her Mother's 100th birthday.


A huge missing piece to our puzzle . . .
A huge missing piece to our puzzle . . .

I lost a genuine friend . . . my Mom, the only person in this crazy world that I trusted 100%. I am extremely grateful for the time I did have with her. She was the type of Mother everyone wishes they had. I’ve experienced other instant changes in my life. Some good, some not so good. But I have no doubt that losing my Mom will always be the most difficult transition I ever had to make.

My Grandma lived to be almost 103 years old. Obviously, she had to deal with many people in her life leaving this world before her, including her only daughter. I was always amazed at how she handled these types of life changing events. No doubt, her faith and spirituality played a major role.

We all have, or will, experience our lives changing in an instant. The most difficult is when the change smacks you right upside the head and you spin in circles until you finally are able to settle down, finding yourself on a new, unfamiliar path.

Then it is up to us . . . as to how we choose to walk that path.

Sharyn’s Slant

Listen . . . great song by Gary Allan!

Other Writing To Check Out By Sharyn's Slant

Life Can Change In An Instant Part 1

I feel my Mom’s love looking over me when she sends me: Dimes From Heaven

Mom also had a passion for writing: My Prison Cell

Everything Changed In An Instant: I Still Want My Way Especially On Mother’s Day

More by this Author


Comments 50 comments

tarrka1089 profile image

tarrka1089 5 years ago from Ohio

Sharyn, all I could think about while reading this is that your mother sounded like she was truly happy at this point in her life. A lot of different things had finally come together, which she was very fortunate.

Though not what anyone ever wants, losing a parent, but again she moved on with the knowledge she was loved, happy and it sounds like having finally found a peace and calm in her life.

I hope this makes sense - I too know what it is like growing up in that type of environment.

To go suddenly and not suffer pain - it is difficult for those left behind; to linger in pain until one dies makes those left behind wish he/she had not had to suffer. It is still difficult whichever way a loved one leaves us.

For your mother, I'm glad she was so happy; for my dad, I'm glad he is no longer in pain.

Thinking of you ~

Hazel


Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 5 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA Author

Good Morning Hazel,

Thank you so much for your comments. My Mom was happier at that point in her life regarding her relationship with my Dad. It does make me sad though because I wish she could have had more similar years. But I am thankful that things were different at that time.

She did have medical problems that were worsening and this caused much sadness and pain for her. Still, no one thought she would be gone so quick.

I'm glad for you that your father is no longer in pain. It is very difficult to watch someone suffer. I very much appreciate you stopping by to comment. Have a wonderful weekend!

Sharyn


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 5 years ago from Orlando, FL

Awwww Sharyn....I felt your anxiety and pain. Dealing with loss is never, ever easy. She was blessed to go quick. That might sound offensive to some but after watching my loved ones leave this world slowly and in pain I'd rather opt for the quick way. Thank you for sharing. I love that Gary Allan song. He wrote that for his wife who committed suicide. So sad.

OK now make us laugh!


Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 5 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA Author

Morning Sunshine,

I do not think that sounds offensive at all. Even the short time my Mom was alert and my sisters got to speak to her, she was extremely frightened. I wish she didn't even go through those moments.

I did not know that about Gary's wife. That is very sad. I just found it and thought it fit. And you are right, something humorous needs to come next :)

Thank you for your support!

Sharyn


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful

We lost my mom in that way, Sharyn. One minute she was sewing and the next she was gone. My dad suffered terribly for two years. It is amazing how one minute truly is life changing. But I continue to remember the Bible verse Jeremiah 29:11, For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

And I know whatever life brings my way is temporary and a good future has been promised to me.

I know from your Hub that your Mom was happy when she died. That is a great gift in itself.


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 5 years ago from Jamaica

This is so touching, I feel for you. I lost my Dad when I was little but a few weeks ago we lost a friend y violence.

I don't know when we will heal but by the grace of God I am sure we will and so will you.


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 5 years ago from Wales

A beautiful if sad piece, and my heart goes out to you.

I wish you all the strength that i know you have found.

Take care,

Eiddwen.


Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 5 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA Author

Hi Hyphen,

Thank you so much for your inspiring comments. It is a gift to know that Mom was much more content in her relationship at that time. She had other issues, but that one was much better. We never know when life is going to change in an instant just like it did with your Mom. And it can be so difficult. But no doubt it was extremely difficult watching your Father suffer also. I hope you have a beautiful day!

Sharyn


Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 5 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA Author

Morning Cardisa,

Being reminded that some people grow up without a parent(s) certainly reminds me how lucky I was for the wonderful time I did have with my Mom. And losing someone to violence is extremely difficult to understand. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I knew someone that I worked with that was brutally murdered a few years ago. I wasn't close with this person. But I was "closer" with the person (another co-worker) who committed this horrible act and will be spending the rest of his life in prison. It still haunts me at times. I wish you the best in your healing process. Please take care,

Sharyn


Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 5 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA Author

Hello Eiddwen,

I appreciate you stopping by. Time brings more strength and for that I am thankful. It would be horrible to be in the same place I was - going on six years ago. It was extremely difficult to get to that point of acceptance . . . Thank you so much for your comments. Hope you are enjoying your weekend!

Sharyn


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Sharyn - I am so sorry for your loss! I do understand how insane that feels - and the anger while you wait - that waiting is terrifically painful. Then when you get answers you're back to wishing for the not knowing. Recently, while I sat in that waiting room I just kept thinking - see no matter hard hard you try you can't be prepared for everything.

Keep the faith in yourself lady! You're a tough cookie!


Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 5 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA Author

Hey RH,

You are right. There are many things that you just cannot possibly be prepared for . . . unfortunately. Thank you for stopping by. How is everything going with you? I hope things are calm :)

Sharyn


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 5 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Sharyn, my friend,

I understand all too well losing your best friend in a heartbeat, when all is seemingly well. I am convinced that our Mammas have become as good friends as we, very proud of their daughters as they guide us from above.

I love this, as I love you! Voted UP and UABI, mar.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 5 years ago

Oh Sharyn, I'm so sorry for the loss of your Wonderful Mother...how sad when we are robbed of them and have to go it alone. But I do think they still watch over us and send a message when it is most needed to us. When I see a Monarch Butterfly and it follows me, I know it's her, still watching over me.


barbergirl28 profile image

barbergirl28 5 years ago from Hemet, Ca

Sharyn - this absolutly brought tears to my eyes. I can tell that you had a very close relationship with your mother. That is something that is definately a treasure. Thank you for sharing your story.


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

It's going Sharyn - thank you! It's a lot of hard work - but I'm determined to get Mick back to 100%! In addition to the brain injury he had a stroke which has affected his speech and causes much confusion but I'm doing everything they said and day by day I see progress! I'm encouraged and I know he is too! I'm feeling a complete role reversal and it's weird but I love the guy and I have always said I would do anything for my loved ones. It's put up or shut up time! Lol I really feel good about it though - and I'm feeling pretty happy and grateful for so many, many things!!


Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 5 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA Author

Hi Maria,

Thank you! Of course we are supposed to realize that our Mom's are in a better place. I try to be thankful for that yet at times, it's still hard. I do believe that our Mom's are watching over us. Thank goodness because I still need her. I hope you are doing well. Thank you for your sweet comments. Love,

Sharyn


Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 5 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA Author

Hi B,

I do receive "signs" from my Mom, especially in the form of "Dimes From Heaven." When I find a dime, it always seems to be at a time when I need it most -- when I can actually feel my Mom guiding me in her own way. I have a feeling that you understand this. I wish you many, many monarch butterflies near you always. Thank you for stopping by.

Sharyn


Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 5 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA Author

Good Morning BBG,

I was really close with my Mom as was both my sisters. It was a huge loss for all of us. Lots and lots of very fond memories to treasure. Thank you so much for reading and commenting. Take care,

Sharyn


Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 5 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA Author

Morning Kelly,

I'm glad that you are doing okay, i.e., feeling happy and grateful. That is really important. I'm sure it's been a difficult change for you and your family. I give you a lot of credit and hope that you are able to find a balance to make sure that you are taking care of yourself too. Best wishes!

Sharyn


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Thanks Sharyn;) I swear all you hubbers have helped so much!! It helps keep me moving forward with the positive attitude and I get lots of smart, helpful advice. I'm trying to work late and Dave gets up with the girls and works early! Ha!


Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 5 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA Author

Kel,

So glad to hear that you have Dave's support. And you have many hubbers virtual support too. Take care,

Sharyn


jean2011 profile image

jean2011 5 years ago from Canada

A very touching story! I am sorry that you lost your mom; Indeed life is unpredictable and can change for better or worse in a flash.


Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 5 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA Author

Hi Jean,

It's great to meet you. Thank you for stopping by, commenting and following. I will check out your work also. Have a great day!

Sharyn


prasetio30 profile image

prasetio30 5 years ago from malang-indonesia

Beautiful and very inspiring hub. There's nothing instant in this world. We must hard work to achieve our dream, even a good life. But I got something refreshing from your thought above. I learn much from you. Vote up!

Peace, prasetio


Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 5 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA Author

Hello Pras,

Thanks so much for stopping by to read and comment. It is very much appreciated. I hope you are enjoyed your weekend!

Sharyn


Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Sharyn,I am so sorry for your loss. I think loosing a parent is one of the hardest things in life that we have to go through. Take care and I am so glad that you have many wonderful memories to hold on to.


Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 5 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA Author

I agree Susan! Losing my Mom was really difficult, still is at times. I do have wonderful memories! Thanks,

Sharyn


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 5 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Dear Sharyn,

Thinking of Mom today, realizing I hadn't touched base with you in so long and that doesn't mean you are not frequently in my thoughts and prayers.

You are special and hope all is well, mar.


Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 5 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA Author

Dear Maria,

Thanks so much for stopping by. I think of you too. I know it's difficult missing our Mom's. I really needed my Mom more recently than I have the past six years. But we know they are watching over us. I haven't been around much but hope to get back my "creativity" soon. Hope all is well with you.

Love,

Sharon


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Hi Sharon - just checking in...haven't seen you on a while:). Hope all is well with you girl!


Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 5 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA Author

Hi Kel,

Life has been rough lately and I appreciate you noticing I haven't been around much. Maybe someday I will write about it. But know that I am doing okay and I hope you are too. How's your uncle doing? Kids? Hubby? You? Thank you for checking in ~ you are so sweet!

Sharyn


Happyboomernurse profile image

Happyboomernurse 5 years ago from South Carolina

So sorry that you lost your mom/best friend so suddenly. I don't think we are ever ready to lose a parent no matter what age they/we are. And once we do lose them there are always times in our life when we will be more acutely aware that they are no longer with us such as at births, graduations, marriages, and during difficult time periods in our lives. Sounds like you are currently experiencing one of those difficult times so it's especially touching that you shared this with us.

My Dad almost died from a heart attack when he was 40. He recovered, lived another 15 years then died suddenly in his sleep. I have always thanked God for those additional years. We had not been close during my childhood as he was rarely home, I felt he didn't love me/us and Mom & he had a lot of marital problems and fights. But after that first heart attack Dad completely changed and he let us know that we, (his family) were the most important thing in his life. We could now feel his love for us in his actions and words and I know that brought a lot of healing to the family. Having worked as a nurse for many years I know that my grief would have been much worse if Dad had died when there was so much dysfunction in the family.

Thank you for sharing your personal experience and reminding us how important it is to cherish the time we have with loved ones as none of us knows when our time or theirs will be up.


Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 5 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA Author

Hello HBN,

Your comments are so sweet. Thank you. It is SO important to cherish the time we have with loved ones. Too often, instant changes happen and leave us bewildered and wishing we did things differently. Thank you so much for your heartfelt words. Have a great evening.

Sharyn


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Sharyn - Well I haven't seen you anywhere! So I knew something was up or you had a serious case of writers block:) Keep writing - for now or later cuz it always helps!

Things are stressful here - and it has cut into my writing time as well...but like you - I know it's just a matter of holding my breath and soon it will all be back to normal! lol I am always ok Sharyn - I just keep laughing! Even when it is inappropriate:) ha!


Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 5 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA Author

Hey Kel,

Well, it is writer's block I guess or "brain block" or "brain overload" or something like that. I'm trying to get back in to it. Thanks for the reminder about laughter - great FREE medicine I need more of . . . appropriate or not is okay with me. Take care!

Sharyn


prasetio30 profile image

prasetio30 5 years ago from malang-indonesia

Very inspiring hub and I got new motivation after reading this hub. Thanks for writing and share with us. I learn learn much from you. Vote up and success for you!

Prasetio


Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 5 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA Author

Hi Pras,

Thank you for your sweet comments. I hope you have a great weekend!

Sharyn


thebluestar profile image

thebluestar 5 years ago from Northern Ireland

My dear friend Sharyn, I am sending you all my love and energy to help you heal. God was very good to your mom, she didn't suffer. She passed away after having a lovely evening with your dad. That means so much doesn't it.My mom suffered for 7 agonising years and the devastation that all of my family felt was so powerful that it left me very scarred. You are a strong woman, as am I, and we support each other at times like these. Look up to the sly and know that the brightest star shining down on you is only a touch of your mother's love. Net xx


Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 5 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA Author

Good Morning Blue,

It is so great to see you. Thank you for your awesome, heartfelt comments. I still miss my Mom so much and do feel her presence at times. Today actually, 11/8, is six years since she has been gone. Amazing how time flies. Thank you so much for your support. I hope all is well with you.

Sharyn


Dee aka Nonna profile image

Dee aka Nonna 5 years ago

Sharyn, I know what you are feeling. It has been many years but, I still remember the feeling when I got the word my mom had passed. The great thing here is that you have recorded this, not only to share with others, but as a way for you to either begin or continue the healing process.

Blessings to you and your family.


Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 5 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA Author

Hello Dee,

Thank you for your wonderful comments. It has been just over six years since my mom passed. Of course, it gets easier but yet to me, there is nothing like losing a mother no matter what age, etc. It is a loss like no other. Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment. Wishing you a wonderful Thanksgiving Day!

Sharyn


Melovy profile image

Melovy 4 years ago from UK

Hi Sharyn, I am somewhat at loss for words, but I’ll try. As so many others have said, it was good that your mother was happier in her relationship when she died, but I can appreciate it must have been a huge shock, especially when things seemed to be going so well. Thank you for sharing your story.


Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 4 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA Author

Hi Yvonne,

Thank you for your heartfelt comments. I really think that no matter when you lose your mother, whether they are 30 years old or 100 years old, it is one of the most difficult losses to experience. I am somewhat comforted that things were "calm" with Mom & Dad at that time. I appreciate you taking the time to read my story. Thank YOU!

Sharyn


PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

PDXKaraokeGuy 4 years ago from Portland, Oregon

Sharyn, so sorry to hear about your mother. It must have been shocking, but, at least she didn't suffer from a long, lingering illness, if that's any kind of comfort. My grandmother died gardening at age 76... the way she would have wanted to.

Thanks for sharing!


Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 4 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA Author

Hi Justin ~ it really is difficult no matter how someone leaves us. I do believe when we hear of something like your Grandma, doing what she loved best, it is comforting in its own way. Thank you so much for your feedback!

Sharyn


PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

PDXKaraokeGuy 4 years ago from Portland, Oregon

Sharon, I hope that can be a comfort to you and others!


Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 4 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA Author

Definitely, thanks Justin!


albertsj profile image

albertsj 4 years ago from Pittsfield, Ma

Wow, I'm so sad for you. I too lost my mom somewhat suddenly, but we had about 2 weeks warning. Everything was absolutely fine up until that point. She died so peacefully, for which I am very glad. 4 months previous to that, my Dad, who she had abeen amicably divorced from for years had suffered in the worst, most gut-wrenching way, and my brother & I had to sit helplessly by him, watch, and literally wait for him to die. By the time he did die, we were so thankful, that finally hbe didn't have to suffer any more. Thankfully your mom did die, relatively peacefully. I got chills when I read this. Excellent, heart felt hub. Thank you for writing it. It brought back memories of how close I was with my mom also.


Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 4 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA Author

Hi Jacy ~ Gosh, your story sounds devastating to me. To lose both your parents in such a short period of time, well I could not imagine. Those are huge "instant changes." For everything to be fine and two weeks later, your mom is gone. And to have to watch your father suffer, that is extremely gut wrenching.

My mom was gone so quick, it just didn't seem real. It was very difficult to face reality. I'm glad to hear you were close with your mom and that my writing brought back fond memories. Thank you so much for your feedback. Wishing you the best always!

Sharyn

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