Did any of you have soul destroying and totally negative parents who always put

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   gmwilliamsposted 11 years ago

   Did any of you have soul destroying and totally negative parents who always put a damper on
   
   your respective dreams, aspirations, and goals that you wanted to achieve?  You know the type of parents who always told you that your aspirations, dreams, and goals were too unrealistic and beyond your reach so to speak.   These are the parents who assert that people in a particular racial, ethnic, gender, familial, and/or socioeconomic background do not do such and such.   They often have an extremely narrow purview of life and circumstances and they believe that if they are in such circumstances, who are you to exceed such circumstances so to speak.

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   teresapelkaposted 11 years ago

   Parent figures have been exaggerated, especially in Freudist approaches (the Freudist stand being actually offensive);
   
   I don't mean that parents would not be important - they could make their kids' lives absolute hell
   
   I just think that present-day psychology should, and actually has growingly been making the progress, recognize the human individual as an autonomous entity.

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      Nick's thoughtsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I agree with you.  Most psychologist do go into the field to help them to understand their own down falls.

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   Nick's thoughtsposted 11 years ago

   Anyone who knows anything about conditioned behavior would realize that a child is being conditioned to think, feel, and act from the moment of birth.   It is the parenting of the first four years of a child’s life that is the most crucial in the development of that child’s personality and way of thinking. .  If the parents of the child were raised in a negative and limited image of one’s potential and self worth, than of course they are going to pass this way of thinking and behaving on to their children.   Now you add in environmental and biological factors.  These two factors can contribute to the success or failure of the child over coming the earlier negative preceived thinking of self, which was a result of the parent’s “unintentional negative conditioning.”  Most parents raise their children the way their parents raised them, and it is the only parenting skills they know.  So, in no way should anyone blame a parent for one’s self destructive behaviors later in life.  Once a child is an adult,  the brain has developed enough to have rational thinking,  and it is able to reason out any negative self image beliefs and not act on them. 
   
   However,  remember, conditioned thinking of self is no different than being brainwashed.   It takes, and will take, years of counseling and support from trained professionals to help you to recondition your brain from it earlier conditioned self beliefs.   It won’t be easy.
   
   How can I say these things?  I have spent my adult life going in and out of counseling.  I was raised to believe that my aspirations and dreams were out of my reach and unrealistic.   I was told that there was no way I could get a college degree, because I wasn’t smart enough.  I now have a degree in Psychology, and I have spent 15 years working with children encouraging them to believe in themselves.  Now that I am retired from that,  I am working on my other dreams of being an artist, song writer, actor, and writer.  Visit my you tube channel, http://www.youtube.com/utunderground ,  let me know if my new dreams have any chance.

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      teresapelkaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Some say that psychologists do this to resolve mostly on own problems, you only never tell a freudist
      
      I can agree that early problems matter; age 4 as so formative yet doesn't appeal. Humans learn language(s) to become part their personalities

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      gmwilliamsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      You should write a hub on your experience, it would be very interesting to read!

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      Nick's thoughtsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Someday I will write about my childhood experiences and abuse.  As one can probably infer from my answer to your question, the negativity was intense, but I over came the wounds and am only left with scares.

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      not0the0normalposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I wonder if Nick's "scares" was a Freudian slip...hmmm...

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      Mazzy Boleroposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I took a look at your YouTube channel, Nick, and it's very entertaining, really off the wall.  I particularly like the Stinko song and the dog who thinks you have dogophilia. The one with the killer bee attack reminds me of Benny Hill.

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      Nick's thoughtsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      No... it was a freudian fall..

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   Mazzy Boleroposted 11 years ago

   That's an interesting one because my mother tended to do that. She didn't mean any harm, but if I confided an ambition she tended to laugh, and say, "Oh, YOU couldn't do THAT!"  It was pretty deflating!  However, I did go to university, even though my entire family were bemused - I was the first one on either side of the family to do that.  So it didn't stop me, but it did mean I was alone and seen as a bit of a misfit. It's obviously better if your parents can help build your confidence and encourage you to aim high.

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      gmwilliamsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Yes it is.  I wrote a hub on this very topic!

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      Mazzy Boleroposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks, gmwilliams. I read your hub on the subject and it's very interesting and insightful,  well worth reading.

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   not0the0normalposted 11 years ago

   This description brings to mind the "helicopter" parent.  I credit mine with my predisposition to my anxiety disorder.

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