How Getting Respect From Kids, Bosses, and Family is Not Always Easy

Getting respect from children, family,  bosses, and friends is like the song
lyrics “You’ve got to give a little, take a little, and let your poor heart break a little.  That’s the story of, that’s the glory of love.”

With times of economic turmoil and emotional stress at an all time high, it’s hard to sit back and think before you speak, or write (at least we usually proof read).  Sometimes it seems like you just have to bite the bullet especially when it’s the boss. Being one who is known for always speaking my peace (not always peace believe me) that’s normally something I’m not willing to do when backed in a corner until I had a huge (for me) incident at work one day.  

Awhile ago I used to work at Westgate River Ranch (an incredible dude ranch/resort in Fl) which had different mangers for different departments. Although we were not each others bosses there was a mutual respect for that individual and their employees. One day when I was keeping my stud horse there (to be cut) I wanted to let him out to run while it was slow. When I did, in the pasture I was told to by someone in charge of the stables, our GM pulled up and let me have it, and I mean have it. He was also known for speaking his peace and losing his temper periodically. What shocked me beyond belief was as he was reaming me a new one, although I told him why I did what I did, and who told me to do that, I stayed amazingly calm. After he was finished I sat there for a few minutes and seemed to be in a state of shock. The thing was I didn’t know if it was my reaction to his rant or him ranting that I was more shocked by. Then as I called my horse to get him “off the property” as instructed, he pulled back up on his golf cart and started to apologize. You see the woman who told me where to put my horse was his wife, and one of the other employees had lied to him about knowing why he was there.

I learned two extremely valuable lessons that day; 1) That it took a bigger man/woman to admit he was wrong and to not only to apologize, but to ask for acceptance of that apology, than to just let it go, 2) When people are ranting and raving about something what they’re hollering about is usually not the real issue at hand. You see, the real reason he was so mad was because there was a VP (who knew about horses) there and had seen my stud in the pasture. Now not knowing my stud, (didn’t act at all like a stud except when necessary) someone might have thought he would jump the fence or act like numerous other studs and bite or kick someone. I am sure that this was brought to his attention as an impressionable liability. The twist is the GM’s wife now owns the gelding (once stud) and wouldn’t sell him for anything (I miss that horse). I became a better person that day and will never forget it for that reason, and the respect I gained for him from the apology. Do I still get “fired up” sometimes? Yeah, but not like I used to

It takes a lot to admit your wrong, (believe me I know) but somehow since that day I never realized how much more I respected him for that than anything else, (including the hollering).

My point is that when you think you’ve lost all the respect from your kids, your spouse, or your boss sometimes it’s because were not always listening to what’s really going on.  It’s like the “fight or flight” philosophy we want to buck up and stand up for what we believe in, or sometimes what we think is right, or just walk away and not even deal with it. 

I remember when the putting your hand up to someone meaning “talk to the hand” was so popular, I hated that as most people did. Why?  Because it’s a means of cutting off your feelings and not having the respect to hear someone out.

I saw and was a counselor for several years, because I believe coming to know ourselves and the true reasons behind some of our reactions is such a blessing to discover that it is beyond comprehension. Don't forget sometimes the ones that are listening need some voice time to. Does it work all the time?  Absolutely not, but the times that it does are the ones that are the most meaningful.

Respect is about allowing others to express what they really feel and think, and not to think any less of them for doing so. It’s about trying to find out the real reason someone comes home from school with a chip on their shoulder, or the other half after a day of work that we couldn’t imagine, or your boss when he‘s blaming you for something because in reality he just got his butt reamed by his boss.  It’s about taking the time to care and listen, even though sometimes it breaks your heart.  I know we have bad days to but part of getting respect is giving it. 

As I said in the beginning, “You got to give a little, take a little, and let you poor heart break a little. That’s the story of, that’s the glory of love.”

Talk to you in the funny papers, that’s where I’ll be.

If you would like read some information on "Parents getting respect"  just click on it.