Hi ptosis; Great image and SO true! Although I haven't reached 50 yet, I have had to deal with toxic family members. I'm going to guess that the things you long for in the relationship with your mom are, sadly, things you probably never had with her in the first place:
* a sense of trust built from being treated with respect;
* a sense of belonging originating from being with someone of like mind; and
* a sense of being important which comes from being taken seriously.
In my family, these were nice ideas, but never a reality. I also struggled with the whole, "Honour Thy Parents" thing and eventually learned that a) honouring doesn't mean subjecting yourself to their nasty behaviour; and b) you can still honour someone and keep them at arm's length.
There is so much that I'd like to share with you, but with the limited character count, I will say this: Sometimes the only thing that keeps us attached to toxic people is the memories of those brief happy moments with them and the desire to see if we can experience a similar moment again (forgetting or ignoring all the pain and misery between those moments). While we feel obligated to stay in contact with family members, but we're not. If your morals and values don't mesh, you are only making both of you unhappy by sticking around.
I have two hubs that discusses with what I went through and what I've learned to stay healthy, happy and sane. One is called, "Freeing Yourself From the Influences of Harmful Relatives," and the other is, "How to Honour Your Parents (or Spouse)". I hope they will help you ~*~