Basic White Bread Recipe For a Basic Whitebread. |The Making/Baking of a Forty Three Year Old Male Survivor.
The most white bread recipe ever.
My son once said about my cooking, "You try hard daddy, but your cooking is yucky." He was four years old when he gave me that critique of my cooking. Now he says things like, "How can you overcook macaroni?" In addition, he loves his grilled hot dogs burned, because I used to burn the hot dogs when grilling. So, when I saw that Hubpages was having a recipe contest, I thought... Well, I thought that there is no way in Hades that I would/could join a cooking contest.
Then, I did something dangerous, I started thinking, and I started writing a recipe for a forty three year old man. After all, most Hubbers have to write at least one poem and one recipe, right?
Ingredients
- 2 cups of Angst, The non teenager variety
- 1 cup of Rum and coke, Captain Morgan or Bacardi
- 1/2 a tablespoon of Midlife crisis, The male variety
- 1 Stick of Confidence, Melt to most of it burns off
- 2 Whole loaves of High School Sweet Hearts, Mix the two WASPS together
- 1 Pound of Divorced parents, After 16 years of marriage
- 5 teaspoons of High School, Buy the Pure Hell brand.
- 1 Pound of Christianity, Acts as a binder
- 1 whole Grapefruit of existentalism, Adds acidity
- 1 Bottle of Excedrin, Keeps the recipe from melting down
- 1 Bottle of Pepto, Balances acidity
- 1 dash of Hillbilly, Can't take the country out of the boy
- 1 gallon of Temper Pepper Juice, You will never taste it
- 1 quart of Romanticism, Probably should add more
- 1 whole Library of books, Keeps the recipe from biting back
- 5 Gallons of Cynicism, Adds flavor
- 5 Gallons of Optimism, Creates balance
- 10 pounds of Realist, Keeps bread from being a flat bread
- 5 Bushels of Celtic Heritage, Adds color (or lack of).
- 50 Pounds of Pride, For my son (the third greatest gift given)
- 1 whole Wifey, Crazy enough to marry a knucklehead
- 1 22 year old Marriage, The second greatest gift given to me.
- 1 whole Hard life time, Makes it Survivor White Bread
- Lots of LOVE, Enuff said
- 1 old Dog, Keeps the bread from being coarse
Cook Time
Prep time: 9 min
Cook time: 42 hours
Ready in: 42 hours 9 min
Yields: Makes one 43 year old man.
No nutritional value(s) at all.
| Nutrition Facts | |
|---|---|
| Serving size: 1 | |
| Calories | 9999 |
| Calories from Fat | 89991 |
| % Daily Value * | |
| Fat 9999 g | 15383% |
| Saturated fat 9999 g | 49995% |
| Unsaturated fat 4444 g | |
| Carbohydrates 1000 g | 333% |
| Sugar 9999 g | |
| Fiber 500 g | 2000% |
| Protein 1000 g | 2000% |
| Cholesterol 1000 mg | 333% |
| * The Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet, so your values may change depending on your calorie needs. The values here may not be 100% accurate because the recipes have not been professionally evaluated nor have they been evaluated by the U.S. FDA. | |
Instructions
- Mix all of the ingredients together in a giant mixing bowl and stir until soft and gooey. Leave the bread alone and it let it rest in your warm, safe, and well-lighted kitchen.
- After 12 years, um, I mean minutes beat the Hades out of the bread. You might want to use a baseball bat to beat the ego,oops, I mean bread properly. Beat the bread for a good nine minutes.
- Let the bread rest for seven minutes and then throw the bread into an oven that has been set to broil (not bake).
- After letting the bread broil for 22 minutes take the bread out of oven. Inspect the bread closely and you will notice that all of your preperation has given it character(or made it a character).
- Put the bread back into the oven, because you ceartinly do not want to eat it (Bath Salts are Bad).
