Life-Altering Tips on How to Start Your Day

Although it may not feel natural, it is best to force a smile if necessary upon first opening the eyes in the morning.

This will trick the brain into thinking it is happy. A happy brain is a healthy brain as they say, and who doesn't want a healthy lump of grey-cells between their ears?

Not ME you say?

Well read on!

Have a cup or two of coffee. Yes that's right, coffee! Coffee is not bad for you provided you drink it in moderation. In fact, many scientists believe coffee cures/relieves such wide-ranging problems as: depression, repression, arthritis, bursitis,sterility, fertility,myopia,dystopia,utopia and cornucopia, to name but a few. So have a jolt of caffeine to get your motor running in the morning and give a Colombian migrant worker a job in the process.

If you don't like coffee you can always drink tea or even just a glass of hot water. I wouldn't myself because I have tried it and find that hot water tastes just too much like hot water for me. But some people seem to enjoy it's lack of ingredients and taste. In any event, have something hot because the heat will, like a steam engine, convert the still-sleeping cells of your body (those cells that refuse to wake-up having been out all night partying) into wide-awake cells with plenty going for them. Or so I believe. Prove me wrong. I dare you.

If you find yourself lacking energy during the day, it can sometimes be a good idea to start your day with a small aerobic workout. Pump and grind, push and pull, jump and jack-up those muscles! Work-up a sweat and then bounce into the shower and refresh yourself! (Note: Remember the shower. Otherwise you may find yourself being voted off the elevator by your fellow 'elevatees')

When you are showering, try singing. I sing in the shower and get great reviews from the soap and shampoo all the time, although my sponge is a regular 'Simon' and usually points out that I should pack up and try another career like pearl-diving in a bat of acid. What's up with him anyway?

Finally, while you are in the morning shower, go over a few things in your mind that you might want to do during the day. This never works for me but you might want to try it if you find you can't remember the lyrics to "I Am a Walrus" and don't know what else to do.

Don't watch the news. The news is full of sad stories, conflict, crisis and horrific sights. You get enough of that on the subway.

Try something different. How about switching from CNN to Nickelodeon , where you can watch Plankton try to wheedle the formula for a Crabby Paddy out of unsuspecting Spongebob Squarepants . It beats watching Obama eating 'breakfast with the common man at Joe's Din er' for the 29th time any-day.

As an alternative, turn off the TV and eat your breakfast with something of more, shall we say, substance? Marcus Aurelius's "Meditations" goes good with a bowl of Wheaties, I find.

Spinoza's deep philosophical ruminations are great stuff with a bagel and cream cheese, or if you are up for it, try T.S.Eliot's "Sweeney and the Nightingales" while you munch on a cinnamon bun. It will make your day start with a thoughtful aspect, just the thing if you expect to be asking for a raise.

The boss will be sure to sense your 'sincerity and depth of character.' And then he will say no anyway, but you will have impressed him no end.

These are just a few of the many helpful tips I could give you on how to make a good start to your day. In fact I have a whole trunk-load of others, which I am saving for when I run out of ideas for writing articles. Until then they are going to remain locked away and I'm hiding the key. Just try and find it. I will give you a hint, it's not up my sleeve. The last time I checked all that was up there was my arm.

At any rate all this talk of getting up, getting going and getting it done has exhausted me.

Wake me in an hour.