5 horrible truths about men
87As much as I love men and would never even imaging doing without them, the truth about men is not always pretty. Some women prefer to ignore it while others prefer to think that while any other man has his dark side, hers doesn’t and that is the reason why she has chosen him. But certain truths are ugly and it is better to know them to be prepared and avoid disappointment. After all, knowledge is power; if you know the truth about men you might even be able to work those ugly traits to your advantage. But I will show you that another day. Today I am just going to open your eyes to the 5 most horrible truths about men that every woman should know about.
1.- Men use women for sex
2.- When a man says "I'm Not Ready For A Relationship", he really means "I am not ready for a relationship with you!"
3.- Men judge you based on your physical attributes
4.- Men Cheat on Women They Love
5.- Men do not have a natural inclination to get married
If you are a man reading this, please bear with me and take the time to answer the questions for each of my truths. I would like to know if you support my view or if you reject it with your answers to my questions. If you have the time, leave a comment explaining why these 5 basic truths do apply or do NOT apply to you. In any event, rest reassured that we women love you and are willing to overlook any flows if you show that you are worth it.
For men only:
Have you ever used a women ONLY for sex?
See results without voting1.- Men use women for sex
It is not a secret that men can have sex with women for whom they have no feelings for. Men do not like to go without sex, and if they are in need for it they will take any available women willing to satisfy their sexual desires. Unlike women who most of the time link sex to love, men make love to women for different reasons like merely to satisfy a physical need, or because they feel lonely or even just to satisfy their ego.
Most men know at the start of a relationship what type of relationship they are going to have with that woman. Very rarely a torrid sexual relationship without attachments turns into a love story.
If you ever have the impression that a man is just using you for sex, probably you are right. If a man loves you, even if he doesn’t put it in words, he will find ways to show you that he cares about you and you are important for him. So if you feel merely like a sexual object it is probably time to abandon the relationship; unless of course, you are also looking only for a sexual adventure and nothing else.
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For men only:
Have you ever said to a woman "I am not ready for a relationship" when you really meant "not ready for a relationship with you"?
See results without voting2.- When a man says "I'm Not ready for a relationship", he really means "I am not ready for a relationship WITH YOU !"
Believe me, a man knows almost from the first date if the woman he is going out with is going to be just a girlfriend or if she has the potential to become one day his wife. When a man tells you that he is not ready to engage, he is just gaining time. It is not that he will change his mind later –that is rarely the case- it is just that he realizes that you are becoming serious and he needs a escape plan but he does not want to hurt you saying that.
Men –consciously or not- catalogue their relationships into serious and not serious. This of course doesn’t mean that he won’t have a non serious relationship. A man can have a long term relationship only for the comfort of the company and sex even if he knows that the relationship has no future because SHE is not her ideal girl. But he will keep the relationship going until he finds a “better match”.
3.- Men judge you based on your physical attributes
It doesn’t matter how much a man says that the first thing he notices is your personality, it is not. Let’s face it; before he notices your personality traits, he notices your body and face. Even if you don’t want to, it is the first thing one notices about someone else. Men are particularly good at this. If you don’t make a good first impression on him, forget it; there is not much chance that he will notice any other of your attributes.
Don’t despair here, this doesn’t mean that you are not pretty or sexy. It just means that you don’t fit his criteria of beauty. To get the man you want you don’t need to be a supermodel, it is just sufficient to attract his attention towards you.
Come on guys, be honest
The first thing you notice about a woman is:
See results without voting
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For men only
Have you ever cheated on a woman you love?
See results without voting4.- Men Cheat on Women They Love
I am not saying here that ALL men cheat, but most men at least think about it for only one reason: sexual variety. Of course there are many other reasons why men cheat on the women they love, but here I am concentrating only in good and healthy relationships where there are not any other problems and the man is in love with his partner.
Cheating does not mean that he does not love you anymore, it is only a way to satisfy his desire for sexual variety. Even when men are going out with their “perfect partner” and have a satisfying relationship they have a natural tendency to fantasise about other women and unfortunately some men take their fantasies to real acts.
It is difficult to accept that a man who loves you is after other women, but unfortunately that is the way it works for many men. You only need to open the gossip magazines to see how men who go out with gorgeous women are found out cheating with other women less attractive or at least physically different to the one they are currently going out with. The answer is the need for variety.
why men cheat ?
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5.- Men do not have a natural inclination to get married
A man is always very nervous at the idea of engaging for life with someone else. The idea of losing their freedom to become responsible for a home and family is not very attractive for most men. Most men get married not because they feel the need to engage, but because it is a social norm although biologically they are inclined to the opposite. They know that women need marriage to feel loved and secure. They know that if they do not marry her they might lose her, because women are socially and biologically conditioned towards marriage. He know that she is expecting that from him, so he proposes.
The difference between men and women
- Why do women want to get married?
It never stops to amaze me the urgency with which most women seem to want to get married. I have met several who would do no matter what to literally catch a husband. Like a friend of mine says, these women go around with their wedding dress in the - Quotes reflections and thoughts on Marriage 2
During courtship men talk and listen and that makes women happy. What women dont realize is that the only reason why they talk so much and are so attentive to your stories is because they are collecting...
Conclusion
I hope knowing these horrible truths about men do not put you off them. On the contrary I am warning you so you are not deceived or disappointed. Men are highly sexual creatures and if you understand them there is no need to say that “men are from Mars and women are from Venus”. Knowing your men gives you the power to enjoy your relationships with them.
Understanding men
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Why Does He Do That? The Key to Understanding Why Men Do What They Do In Relationships
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Comments
I have the picture of the "heart" thought bubble on my computer. I used it on an anniversarry card for my husband. Having been married to a mn I love very deeply for 10 years, and he claims to love me just as much, I have to agree with every point you make. like it or not,thats how it is. If I had read this about 5 years ago, I would have been all..no way, not MY man, he lOVES me, he's different...some lessons suck.. Awesome hub!! (ps, I still love my guy, I just had to rethink some realities..)
I am highly sexual and will use any woman that wants to be used, I have no shame and hey drop me an email anytime for a freebie ; )
Glad you enjoy them Scarlett :)
Understanding some truths just helps us managing our relationships. Men won't change, so why try to change them. It is easier to know them and use that knowledge to our benefit ;-) Congratulations on your 10th year marriage Justine76.
Thanks for the offer HealthTip. At the moment my little red book is fully booked but I'll keep your offer in mind.
Hi anathsmith!
After reading this article..I thought about my two failed marriages caused by infidelity, and I agreed with what you said in that sense. However, I feel that there are some Women out there too, as you said, that are doing the same thing the men are doing. I guess we can't all be PERFECT all the time right? There wouldn't be any room for IMPROVEMENT then!
Thanks for this article
Great hub. I loved the polls, just what we know to be true.
I totally agree that there are women who do the same cr8ve1. I admit that I am guilty myself of 1, 3, 4 and 5.
Thanks for commenting Pamela. The trick is not to be bitter about these truths, but to use them to our advantage.
Hi Anath,
Great hub with SOME truth, okay a lot of truth.
Here's the thing.
1.- Men use women for sex, YES, however there is TWO parts to the sexual activity unless it was rape! So with that being said, SOME women use men for sex.
2.- When a man says "I'm Not Ready For A Relationship", he really means "I am not ready for a relationship with you!" TRUE! Again, WOMEN just as guilty.
3.- Men judge you based on your physical attributes. YES, but two things here. First of all, most women spend an hour or longer getting ready staring in the mirror putting on makeup, blow drying the hair, lipstick, eye shadow...blah blah blah. Just like your "Avatar" the lips bright red! Now that is really sexy and of course you know it! If women didn't want to look sexy to men, then this ritual wouldn't happen-agreed? The second part of this is that WOMEN also judge men on their physical attributes, tell me it's not true!
4.- Men Cheat on Women They Love. Some do yes,however there is usually something missing in the relationship and not sure if the love is really there. The other thing is that when MEN cheat, they cheat with a WOMEN. The WOMEN is just as guilty!
5.- Men do not have a natural inclination to get married. Okay, you got me there. Marriage is more of a fantasy thing for the WOMEN. Most men when they get married, don't want anything to do with the arrangements. They leave it up to the WOMEN. But most WOMEN are fine with that.
Still a great hub!! I enjoyed reading it.
signed
MAN
Hi rvsource, thanks for the comment. I do appreciate a lot a man's opinion in here.
As mentioned in my previous comment, I do agree that women also use men for sex, not many of us, but yes, we do. 2,3 and 4 are also right. But this applies only to a small fraction of women. Probably the only point where there is a real difference is 5, as male and female views on marriage are so different from each other.
i wish more men would vote in your polls and give us women a clear understanding. I guess the first one is why most men visit a prostitue. You never hear of women doing this much. well written hub.
Don't worry Helen, they will be coming to vote and we'll know the naked truth :)
1. yes true but also for washing, ironing etc.
2. most of the men I know can't say 'relationship'
3. also true, but they drink a lot to give you a fighting chance.
4. this is also true, but if you didn't pretend you couldn't iron, you would probably have to do your own.
5. have you seen how much a wedding costs???
Before I get slaughtered for these comments I would just like to say :-)
LOL very funny Brian, I think you are right that most men don't even know the word "relationship" exists or what it means. I was laughing out loud when I read your number 3 comment. Thanks for stopping to comment.
hi Ms. Anath, i like the poll, do you think they will tell the truth if you ask them, if they ever cheated with the women they love, ,,hmmmm, Men are MEN and you really know it...
I think they would prettydarkhorse, it is ME asking so they would. Now if it were their girlfriends or wives asking, you can be sure that 98% of men would avoid the question or simply invent a "escaping" answer. That's men for you, take them or leave them... I'll take them :)
Anath not all women are saints either ! And many equate your bank account as your character !
LOL I know tony, I am not saint; although bank accounts are not My thing, I do prefer other attributes ;-)
I mostly and reluctantly agree on the first three reasons but disagree regarding the factor no 4! I think, if the man really loves his partner, he'd never cheat or even think to cheat. I don't call this love, and the whole relation from the beginning is based on physical attraction only. Nice hub Anath. Like it like always.
So what are you trying to tell me here, a room at the Sly Fox motel isn't the setting for a perfect first date? And just because I just want to be friends with you, doesn't mean that I feel any different about your sister. I don't know why you are upset, all of those other women mean nothing to me. I don't even know some of their names. You are the one I love, and I'd marry you in a heartbeat, but we could do so many other things with the money we'd have to spend. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought your eyes were in your corset for a minute.
Thanks for an honest opinion shamelabboush.
You said it in only one paragraph bloodnlatex!
Hey Anath, I love the style and topics of your hubs! For me, I have never used a woman for sex and will never cheat on a woman I'm with. Having said that, the first thing you do notice about anyone is their physical attributes before you even speak to them. But even with that, I generally notice their mannerisms and how they interact with other people - whether they are massive flirts or down to earth etc. That's important too.
Really marcofratelli??? Well, thanks for stopping to comment.
Quite an accurate observation of male tendencies. I am hoping my husband is one of the non-cheating variety!
These are all good points but the same things can be said about women. As a woman in a long term relationship, I find myself doing just as my companion. I compare others attributes to his (muscle mass, rear end, hands, legs, hair, employment, etc.)
The ugly truth is we all have faults. Women are sneaky and undercover. Men are open and uncaring. Women are family oriented and personal. Men are out-going and impersonal. The only difference between the two genders are our attributes. So if you got it, flaunt it. If you don't then get it. It's that simple. I for one don't have it to flaunt. Wish I did sometimes, but glad I don't most of the time.
I think everybody is too busy and confused to know what they really want. Also we or I seem bombarded from left right and centre from an avalanche of information of what we should be doing all day and all night. If were not consuming! why not? and when are we going to the rest of the time we should be politically and fashionably correct...
u make valid yet slightly overgeneralized points.as a man id like to see u write this hub about women to illustrate the point that ur perspective as a woman alters ur feelings on the opposite sex.Had u been raised a man im sure u'd have an altered opinion on the subject.Im no more right than u by making the statement,'A woman's lack of emotional control limits her ability to reason',it just my perspective as a man.
I hope so Catherine R :)
Yes, depending on which country you are these 5 points can also apply to women elideneed34.
I know what you mean Barry, there is always someone telling us how we should behave and what we should expect :(
Yes, I know this is an overgeneralization Lovepocket. We are all individuals and it would be impossible to pretend that this 5 points hold true for all men, but in my experience most men I know are like this. I agree with you that our social expectations have a lot to do with it and appreciate your honest opinion.
Love the hub, very well done and attractive.
I fully agree with all 5 points and you've pointed out that all not all men take all these 5 points and you've also pointed out very clearly that some women fit these 5 points as well.
Can't criticize!
And BrianS nice comment lol :0)
very straight foward.. and harsh in a way
but so true... thanks for the great article!
Yes Stacey it is important to keep things into perspective, not all men are like this and some women can behave this way too. I think it depends a lot on cultural backgrounds.
You are welcome lchietenburger, I like being straight forward!
I'm only guilty of 2 for 5. Does that mean I'm only 40 percent male?
and there we have the truth, great hub
dori
LOL... That is only for you to tell us Jess ;-)
Thanks fortunerep, glad you enjoyed it!
Cool hub Anath!
But I disagree with # 5.
I never wanted to get hitched, simply never fantasized about it. Some women might be from Mars?
I'd say you have a clear perception of reality. And a beautiful avatar. Thanks.
i think that, on the whole, women are as guilty as men. However, regarding #5, I think that's more exclusively a men thing. I am sure that getting married is on the "to do" lists of many women, I don't think it features at all on the lists of most men. :)
LOL... Yes, some of us migh come from Mars Raven. I don't see why a woman would want to commit herself for the rest of her best years to only ONE man...
Thank you James :)
I think there are only a very few men -I have not men one yet- that think about marriage as something they need to do. As far as i can see, most men try to delay the "tragic" date as much as possible wandererh
Not me! I've been married all of my life since age 18—just not to the same woman. I'm a serial marryer. :)
Unbelievable James!!! glad you clarified that it was not to the same woman ;-)
I know a lot of men will disagree, but there probably just trying to make themselves look perfect. Men.... no man is perfect, and that is definitely true with relationships mostly. I will always be honest, and that is life.
I hate to admit it, but everything that you have discussed is absolutely correct, but this only applies to most men, not all men. There are some rare male fishes out in the sea that will be faithful, and will be the prince of her dreams, but I have never seen it. My mother and father have been married for 26 years, but I see him looking up porn all the time, and they fight all the time, but they stay together, because that is what they are use to. My brother is a cheater, and I am a witness to this. It disgusts me, because his wife knows that it has happened on 3 different occasions, but she stays with him for financial security. I believe that men use women for sex, because when a man meets a woman, even though she might have beautiful eyes, and a man constantly compliments her. At the end of the night, when he goes back home alone, he is thinking of what it would be like to sleep with her. A man is constantly thinking how good is she in bed?, When it comes to marriage, it just signifies that sex is permanent, but when a man gets that confidence of being loved by a woman for so long, He ventures out sometimes, and will sleep with another women, because he becomes curious, or he is falling out of love with his wife, but he does not want to admit that to himself. Men who have low self esteem, or are a little insecure about themselves will almost every time say that if they found a woman they love , they would never cheat, or do anything wrong to hurt her. These men are watching too many fiction love story movies. Life and love is not an instant happy ever after. It takes a lot of hard work, but its human nature to slip up, even women cheat on their men to feel that fantasy she has always dreamed about. So to conclude this, most men do think what you have written, but there are men who are not like that, Are there? I don't know, but there might be, somewhere in this world. Only a man in his heart knows if he has never done anything wronng to a woman. We can never judge, but we go by what we are shown in life, and different experiences.
Thank you for such an honest comment fratjoe18. As I said before, not all men are the same, but at least the ones I know are mostly like the ones I portray. And despite that... I still love them!
I wish I wouldn't have read this..now I feel really insecure.
Great hub, and wonderful feedback. Congrats... I look forward to reading more.
Hey Anath, you wrote quite a hub here. I was actually more interested in the results of your poll and I can't help but notice that majority of them are guilty of what you wrote :). But the last poll on staying faithful got me mystified, because majority who answered says they never cheated on the woman that they love - after they admitted to using women only for sex and looking first at their boobs and being afraid of a relationship. The results are kind of inconsistent. Either different guys answered the questions or same guys answered and they turned over a new leaf or same guys answered and they're not telling the whole truth :).
I would like to make some honest comments based on my experience, introspection, and observations.
1. Quoting You: "It is not a secret that men can have sex with women for whom they have no feelings for."
I have met many women who can have sex with men that they not only have no feelings for, but who they are not even physically attracted to, and they have sex with them while not even being aroused. Prostitutes for example?
2. Quoting You: "Men do not like to go without sex, and if they are in need for it they will take any available women willing to satisfy their sexual desires."
It's true that "Healthy" men do not like to go without sex.....but that also applies to women as well. Prostitutes have sex with men that they are not attracted to all the time. I have been picked up from male stripper bars many times by women who just wanted sex with no strings.
3. Quoting You: "Unlike women who most of the time link sex to love, men make love to women for different reasons like merely to satisfy a physical need, or because they feel lonely or even just to satisfy their ego."
Women do the same thing. I've seen it over and over again. I've experienced it even in Christian churches. One night I received a phone call from a 26 year old (very attractive) single mom from the church I was attending. I have no clue how she got my phone number. Anyway, we talked for a while and she ended up coming to my apartment. We talked some more and then ended up making bim bam! We only had a casual relationship after that....which was friendly and mutual. I let her take the lead if she wanted sex.
If a wife or husband is denying their spouse sex, they should expect their spouse to look elsewhere sooner or later.
4. Quoting You: "Unlike women who most of the time link sex to love, men make love to women for different reasons like merely to satisfy a physical need, or because they feel lonely or even just to satisfy their ego."
Many women are intelligent enough not to link sex with love. Sex is sex. Love is love. Sex is an appetite that life depends on, just as life depends on our eating food. Without sex there would be no life, but life exists without love. Life without love is a miserable state. Life without sex is also a miserable state and it leads to all kinds of problems.
I have experienced shallow sexual relationships with women who were only looking for sex with someone they found reasonably sexually attracted to...without any love involved. I who would go to the male stripper bars to meet women, and what I observed and experienced would probably make you pull your hair out for having made a lot of your statements in this hub if I were to reveal it here!!
It's a fact of life that men and women are attracted to each other(most are), but after after having sex once or twice, and after getting to know them a bit better, all kinds of things can happen to cause them to not want a serious relationship. A few examples: A guy meets a woman that he is attracted to mentally, physically, spiritually, etc. He might think she is beautiful....but then....sees her in a dress and discovers she has zero lower leg development(no calves)....BAM!! Something is triggered in his sub conscious and there is no way he can see himself married to her. It could be bad breath, crooked teeth, eye color, a missing toe on your right foot, a scar on your belly from surgery, skinny thighs, big butt, a flat chest, incompatible associations with organizations, your friends, your family, your philosophy on life, etc. that triggers this response. It works both ways and applies to both genders. I personally have been the one rejected many times, and I also was the one telling the other person that I don't want a serious relationship....many times.
We all have certain niche interests that can cause us to be attracted and certain niche incompatibility with others that cause them to back away.
I learned to curb my expectations and go with the flow. If a woman only wanted me around to fulfill her sexual passions now and then, I was fine with it. And I admit that there were women that I spent time with while knowing that I had no interest in a long term relationship with them. It has to be a mutual understanding based on honesty and respect for the others feelings. I never led anyone on in order to get sex. If I was not interested in them as a sole mate, I would explain that to them. I would flat out tell a woman that they should continue searching for Mr. Right BUT, in the meantime, if they wanted to meet as friends and satisfy each others sexual needs, go out for dinner and chat about things going on in their lives, etc. I would enjoy that.
If you find yourself chasing or stalking someone and you find that you are always doing the calling, pursuing, etc. then that person is not right for you.
On the other hand, if you find your new friend is becoming a leach, getting in your way, bothering you, smothering you, stalking, etc. they are not right for you.
When it's the right sole mate, you won't be feeling like you are being stalked or pursued, or like you are the one doing the pursuing, because you won't be able to get enough of each other.
6. Quoting You: "Most men know at the start of a relationship what type of relationship they are going to have with that woman. Very rarely a torrid sexual relationship without attachments turns into a love story."
This is true for both genders....not just men.
6. Quoting You: "If you ever have the impression that a man is just using you for sex, probably you are right."
This also works both ways. But come on.....let's get real here. Women and men are portrayed as sexual objects in films and media all the time.....ads for candy, chocolate, chewing gum, ladies underwear, jeans, make-up, weight loss products, exercise products, perfume, camera's, cars, etc. etc. all exploit and objectify women and men as sexual objects. Why do you think that is? It's because it's that is a very big part of what we are. In fact, I would love to have someone around that I am attracted to who considers me a sexual object. Of course, it should go without even having to say it, that we are more than that. But without sex, you won't have a marriage for long, unless both partners have no interest in sex, but the love remains.
I don't have the time to deal with every point you made on this thread. But. Every single point you made can also be applied to women. It would be more correct to say, "some women and some men" do this or that, but stop blaming men exclusively!!
Your comments do nothing to bridge the gender gap, and I fear that impressionable minds, could be infected by what you have stated.
Remember, there are more North American men living today who have been brought up by single moms than there have been in the past. If men are such a problem, maybe you should look at what single moms are teaching them...or not teaching them.
My comment above is submitted respectfully of course, and I would like nothing more than to discuss this further with you some time.
How much do you weigh?
The problem with all of your questions are they are confirmation bias set ups.
1. Have you ever used a women ONLY for sex?
Yes, BUT they also used me to fulfill her sexual fantasies and requirments too. It was always mutual....in fact...many times I felt pressured to service a woman....and being the empath that I am, I did it out of sympathy for them, and felt good about helping them out afterwards too. DO you see how your Yes or No question is loaded to prejudice men now?
2. Have you ever said to a woman "I am not ready for a relationship" when you really meant "not ready for a relationship with you"?
WHat difference does it make if I say I am not ready, or I am not ready to have it with you? Take the hint and don't push it for crying out loud.
Another loaded question designed to prejudice men who answer it honestly without an opportunity to explain.
3. The first thing you notice about a woman is:
The first thing people with eye sight notice about anyone upon first meeting them is their physical appearence such as face, hair, clothing, hieght, weight, musculature, symetry, proportions, and other physical attributess. Then as you get closer you notice finer details incuding odors.
Then as you begin to talk to them you size up their intelligence, their ability to articulate, their sensitivity to others, their ego, knowledge, wisdom, philosophy on life, relationships, marriage, the kind of food they like, their interests, activities....oh...and their bank accounts.....let's not forget that!!
4. Have you ever cheated on a woman you love?
Another loaded question that does not take into account that women manipulate and abuse men emotionally by using sex as a weapon. Women know the kind of power they have over men, and many use that power improperly.
My answer, Yes, HOWEVER, only because she used sex as a weapon to manipulate me and I could see the marriage was going down the tubes because of that dominance and manipulation.
I understand it's difficult to find a marriage partner for a lot of people. A lot of times it's due to a persons own negative attitude, an over inflated self image, not caring about what they look like(overweight, poorly dressed, poor grooming habits, low self esteem, cigarette smoking, drug using, acne) or not having learned about the elements that make a relationship stand the test of time.
I thaught this was great and right on. It is true that some women have some of these same qualities, from what I have seen from relationships of everyone I know, it is more usually the man.
I have been guilty of 2 and 3, but I think it would have been more accurate for you to say some men, or even many, but the fact is not all men engage in the behavior you describe in fact most do not. A man can not get away with any of the things you mentioned above without having a willing female partner. Women know when a man is really into them or not, whether they choose to acknowledge that is another story.
Do not feel insecure donotfear. Not all men are like this, and in any event, knowing that men cheat in a search for variety gives you the opportunity to introduce variety yourself so he doesn't need to look outside for it.
Thank you one2recognize2.
Just because has used women and enjoys looking at her curves doesn't mean that he will cheat emievil.
John Matrix, thank you for such an indepth analysis, I feel privileged that you have taken so much time to analyse the points I made here.
Lisa, I have no problem talking about my weight... but what is the relevance of my weight here?
Thanks Sandi.
There are too many variables to take into account Scott and that is why not all men behave this way and why some women do behave this way. At the end, that is what make US so interesting, we are all individuals we our own values and history.
3.- Men judge you based on your physical attributes.. very true :) enjoyed your hub.. keep posting :)
This hub is terrible. Women do it too! Women cheat, women judge men on physical appearence, women use men for sex. Women only want relationships because of social pressure. Men don't have a natural inclination for marriage because marriage is not natural. Thats what I think!
Anath,
Great hub. I know what the intent is when you wrote this one, as all of these do not apply to every man, but men (from my male friends mouths have all said they are shallow and base things initially on the physical attributes of a woman)...
I hope that the men reading this do not take offense, as this hub was not intended for that, it's just that there are a lot of women out there that lie to themselves about certain men.
Another thing to mention, in the commitment component is a man is not going to settle down/propose to you if he is not where he feels he should be at in his life... Meaning, if he doesn't have everything aligned, (career/title/finances), he's definitely not going to be in the mindset of marriage... No matter how long the relationship has gone on...
Well I voted but, I don't think I really fit in here. I fell in love with my wife in high school. Had kids early and figured mine as well get married too. The only profile I fit here is that I would have loved her just as much and it wouldn't have mattered if I we didn't get married. Well I guess it is nice that she has my last name now. Oh and I guess I do look at bOObs before the personality. But, doesn't everybody?
Why you don't like men?
And women use men for babies and homes and screen out people for their body language. The human race is shallow and warped all around.
The good news is these five horrible truths about men cannot, and should not, impact your self esteem. Not all men do these things too, which is good!
You should call it 5 horrible truths about PEOPLE. Why be sexist about it?
I think women are every bit as shallow as men if not more so. Or are you going to tell me that you'd go out with a 5foot tall guy?
As for marriage, well would you marry if it brought so many risks, obligations and restrictions to your life? I think not. I'm surprised so many men go for marriage considering that they only loose from it.
All the other points are the same for both sexes.
Like you said Anath, LETS BE HONEST.
Thanks for the answer Vizey.
Thanks you for letting us know your opinion troyseph0.
You made a very important point Mocha Momma, thank you for the remainder.
I think it is impossible not to look at physical attributes before knowing a person jim10, it is just a fact that men go for it, they cannot avoid it.
I like, I love, I adore men Plavix. Sorry if I gave you the wrong impression!
Yes, we are all guilty to a certain point sumosalesman.
Exactly SweetiePie, you got it! The fact that your man looks at another woman should not affect your self esteem, it is nothing to do with you it is just a trait that men have and only some of them can control. And like you point out, not all men are like that.
Hi Lucy83, I am not being sexist and NO I would not go out with a 5 feet tall man. I am too shallow for that. The thing about women is that we don't just judge a man for his physical attributes, for women socio-economical status is also very important and even an aphrodisiac. You don't see many men going out with women just for their money, but you do see lots of young girls going out with men based only on their wallets!
Is that honest enough?
I would have to say that 1-4 apply just as much to women as they do to men. And number 5 is true because most women won't acknowledge that 1-4 applies to them as well.
I Love this hub so honest and true.
I declare the fifth. LOL
I am going to start by saying that I do not fit the typical male you have identified in your hub but to be honest all of my former girlfriends and current girl friend thought that I was gay when they first met me. I believe in romantic love. I believe that there is a person out there for each of us that will complete us in every way that we fall short. I am 27 now and can still count my sexual partners on one hand. This isn't because of lack of willing girls wanting to but because the one night stand has never appealed to me. I'm not unattractive or unable to talk to women. I am a very charismatic person who always attracts a crowd. I've always wanted the two story white house, the nine to five, and the kids and the wife. That's just me though.
That's a point Wayne...
Thanks Vicky.
Why I am not surprised Ralwus?
I am absolutely delighted to see you here The Agro one. There are not many men who would admit that they like romantic love and had less than 5 sexual partners. Thank you for stopping to leave a comment and show us women that not all men are the same. Good luck to you!
Anath,
I see you already have plenty of feedback, but I will add mine.
1. Using someone for sex is not a gender issue, it's a maturity issue. I have been used for sex by many women in my life. Some have even gone so far as to say it's all I'm good for, citing my financial situation as their exclusive justification. This is a sign of selfishness and immaturity.
2. Not being ready to be in a relationship is also not a gender issue, it's a trust issue. I've dated many women whom I've said this sort of thing to and mostly for reasons of not feeling right about being with that person. I have also been on the other side of this where I got too attached too quickly.
3. Judging someone on their physical attributes is nothing unusual and is a sign of shallowness. The number of women who judged me in this way goes on and on. I've dated a few women who ask that priceless question, 'Why do you like me?' and have offered my genuine opinion on that. When asking the same question in return I have, on occasion, gotten the answer, 'Because you're cute', and that was it.
4. If you cheat on someone, you don't respect them . . . end of story. And I don't think you can love someone you don't respect. I had cheated a few times and got caught. We all have to make mistakes in order to mature, right? It all starts w/ self-respect, and I've met many people of each gender that have very little self-respect and that's a shame. Often, I've dated women whom I've given the benefit of the doubt to only to have my initial suspicions of their being shallow, manipulative, deceptive, materialistic and self-centered be all too brutally confirmed. For the last two years I have not dated or had sex or even kissed anyone mainly because I have felt the need to work on myself so that I can be available to that one true love that I know I will someday find because . . .
5. I do actually want to get married. I haven't yet mainly because the right feelings simply have never been there in any of my previous relationships. Close, but no cigar.
Again, I'm not going to suggest that there aren't many men who fit these characteristics, but such men are just overgrown boys who are no different than the overgrown girls who are often guilty of the same things.
I hope this feedback is helpful to you and your readers.
Sincerely,
Jonathan.
Thank You for your feedback Jonathan. I am discovering a new type of man here. I didn't think that men could go for so long without intimacy ,but you and The Agro One are showing me different. Thanks again for taking the time to write down your experience.
Interesting hub. Thought I better see how I fit in.
1.- Men use women for sex
Yes, definitely but I find women use me too and I'm not complaining.
2.- When a man says "I'm Not Ready For A Relationship", he really means "I am not ready for a relationship with you!"
Could be I don't want to hurt her feelings and would depend how long I had known her.
3.- Men judge you based on your physical attributes
The word judge here is a bit confusing. I love looking at beautiful women but prefer relationships with interesting ones. One truth I have learnt is that beautiful young women are much less exciting as lovers than older interesting women.
4.- Men Cheat on Women They Love
Initially for 30 years I did not. After divorce in subsequent relationships I cheated. I was making love for sexes sake and not falling in love.
5.- Men do not have a natural inclination to get married
I still think the best thing I ever did in my life was to get married. Would I ever again? Only if I could fully support them. I presently have two 'wives'. It is a complicated relationship.
Thanks for your time Peter. Now you left me curious about your two wives relationship...
Anath....as I said, its complicated. One day I will hub an explanation. Actually I did already but quickly unpublished it due to a flurry of comment and email.
First and foremost, I would like to say great job on the article.
Now, I will offer my $0.02 as a male on these 5 topics.
1. I understand men do this and do it often and so do many women. I understand this isn't a battle of the sexes but needed to add that to make my point. Again, most women are often okay with the "casual sex" lifestyle as long as they are AWARE of what exactly is taking place between both parties. I think this is often where men mess up because they never convey to her from the beginning that they are just friends. When a woman understands this and somehow ends up sleeping with you, she understands it's not going to go any further than that. While I don't really "sleep around" per se, I do have many female friends that I have gotten fairly passionate with but due to the fact that I made the friendship clear from the start, they are able to accept the situation and often times end up finding boyfriends that they really enjoy later on. While I agree that men are biologically driven to play Johnny Appleseed, it's true men that learn to take control of these drives and emotions. Just because a man gets aroused doesn't mean he has to go sleep with the next female he sees as if he's some animal in heat during mating season. As humans we have the ability to utilize discretion and true men understand that. Also, if a woman is in such a situation and isn't sure as to whether or not she is being used, it's important that she express her thoughts and feelings because most men probably won't realize that she may be expecting more out of the relationship.
2. This also goes hand in hand with number 1 in the sense that men need to make sure they set the ground rules with a woman. Whenever I meet a female for the first time, regardless of whether or not I ever intend to get involved in a relationship with her, I always make sure to tell her that she "Seems like an interesting individual and that I'm sure we could develop a wonderful friendship". That simple sentence has changed so many things for me and saved me plenty of mixed up emotions and teary eyed conversations.
3. This is true in the sense that a woman's appearance is the FIRST thing we notice, but there are many other things that quickly follow that (on a quick side note, "eyes" would have been a nice option for the voting as it's one of the first things that I always notice). For the sake of simplicity, I'm going to use the infamous 1-10 scale. Say there's a woman who is a 7 on the APPEARANCE SCALE. As a man, you see her and think to yourself that she's above average but not incredibly beautiful. After that, you quickly notice her posture, mannerisms and demeanor. Does she seem conceited? Down to earth? Genuine? Annoying? Intriguing? Then if you decide to approach her (or she happens to appraoch you), you begin talking to her and get a decent taste as to what kind of person she is. Believe it or not, but probably the most appealing thing in a woman is KINDNESS (remember it ladies). So if you approach Ms. 7 and she is sweet as can be and makes you feel comfortable, then she has just transcended to an 8-9 on the (as I like to call it) ATTRACTION SCALE. This also works in the opposite way, so if there's a girl who might be 9-10 but has a terrible attitude or personality, she can EASILY fall to a 6 and will be seen as nothing more than an expendable hook-up. Now when it comes to a man, the Attraction Scale is where you want to be as a woman. Most women don't understand this and think "well I'm not that pretty so I'm never going to find a really great guy" which is very far from the truth. I consider myself a pretty decent looking guy and have had some pretty beautiful women after me. My point is that despite the fact that I could have dated these women, I didn't because I wasn't really all that attracted to them overall. The majority of my girlfriends have been "cute" but their attitudes and personalities are what truly set them apart and gave them an edge over the competition.
4. This is not a need. It might be a desire, but never a need. In all honesty, I think this is actually due more to a lack of discretion. Again, a man might be in a relationship with a gorgeous woman, but if he's not all that attracted to her then chances are he will be seeking other avenues. I've been in quite a few relationships and can honestly say I never fantasized about other women. Instead, I would actually fantasize about ways that I could make things more interesting with the woman I was currently with. I have never cheated on any of the women I love because I actually loved them and that is not something you do to someone you truly love (please note when I say love I am also including: respect, admire, enjoy, care for, etc.). Actually, I have been cheated on twice by women who had been cheated on themselves and who also asked me if I would tell them I ever cheated on them. After I learned that they had cheated on me I immediately broke it off despite the fact that they claimed to "really love" me.
5. We all know that dreaming of wedding days is a woman's business both emotionally and biologically, not to mention that it's good business for her. True men really don't think about marriage all that much and men are naturally inclined to procreate, but at the same time men are also naturally inclined to lead and that's exactly what a fathering role calls for: leadership. I think men do desire marriage in some ways although definitely not for the same reasons as women. I think that argument could easily be made by the fact that marriage is such a widespread concept throughout so many cultures and has also been around for so long. Now whether or not men are faithful in marriages and whether those marriages last is another story and probably more of an ethical one at that. In essence, men desire marriage more than most people think.
On a final note, I would like women to think about this: I'm not denying that these things are true, but rather trying to give insight into the male mind. Also, instead of accepting these things as universal truths for all me, these should be considered 'warning signs' if nothing else as most of these topics will vary due to the principles, morals and personalities of each individual. If you're looking for a relationship or marriage, don't date a guy who shows these traits. Find a man who has made the choice to lead his life in a different direction. Now if you're looking for a fling, I'd say just find someone you click with on a decent level and make sure they're not a cereal killer ;)
Again, enjoyed the post Anath.
I need to tell you that your avatar is Hot! What a lovely mouth it is. Nuff said.
Wow! Great hub! For me, the question is not so much whether or not I am guilty of one or all five. You could have thrown in there, men are ax murderers as well!! For me, the issue is, whether men or women, we all have parts of ourselves that can be absolutely wonderful and "mawvelous" and other parts of ourselves that can be awful and destructive. I look at other women and notice their physical attractiveness, and if I get to know this person, I also begin looking beyond. My first wife (27 years) was not the physically attractive person she was when we first met, and I still loved her dearly and enjoyed taking care of her body right up to the end. My current wife has gained quite a few pounds since we met and I still enjoy cuddling, making love, and feeling HER skin which feels totally different from my first wife. I suppose I COULD have sex with every woman on the planet of Venus or Mars, but I wouldn't, for all kinds of reasons, some probably honorable and some not.
The bottom line for me is being conscious of all the honorable parts of myself and all the not so honorable parts of myself. All parts have a place and a time so to speak, so one does not want to get rid of any part.
My question is do women want us to look at their boobs? It certainly seems so with all the cleavage exposure. The other issue to look at is how we raise men. What are Mom's doing to raise men so these not so honorable parts find a place and what are men doing to raise their sons to be other than dogs and what are parents doing together to model healthy relationships? Okay, I guess that is enuf!! Thanks again for the interesting and provocative hub!
Most of the points, it's okay and I believe you.
However, we should not forget that every story has two sides of it. Not bad at all. Really read all your words, nice.
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Scarlett Black says:
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Good points and yes enjoy them!