Let's Put an End to Zombie Prejudice

Zombie Prejudice

We've all heard about it: the zombie apocalypse. I've seen a number of articles, books, and even hubs about it on this very site. There are so many ridiculous ramblings about how you can fight the zombies, how the zombies are coming to get you, and how you can stay safe during the zombie apocalypse. Well, I want you to know this is all crazy.

Zombies are actually lovely people. Yes, I said it. Some of you do not have the nerve to admit you have a problem, but you do. You sit there judging the zombies and spreading vicious rumors about them. Have any of you taken the time to get to know the zombies? I daresay you have not!

Sure, sure, maybe you have been nice enough not to run any of them over with your car. Perhaps you've even waved at your zombie neighbor when they are in the driveway eating an arm or two off a corpse, but that is as far as it goes. I'll bet you would not allow one in your home. You certainly would not let your son or daughter date a zombie. Well, looks like you are not so open-minded after all. My friend, zombie prejudice is real and running rampant. Let's put an end to zombie prejudice.

Ways to be Friendly

Have you noticed cats and dogs (the occasional person) missing from your neighborhood? Has a new family moved in and they keep to themselves? Perhaps you see one of them slowly staggering down the driveway to get the mail. Maybe an arm or an ear falls off along the way. Well, looks like you've got a zombie family in the neighborhood!

You will certainly find some neighbors are going to be less than pleasant with the new folks. You may hear them use terrible terms like, "killer" or "walking dead." How unfriendly is that? You can show you are different by giving them a gift. For instance, what zombie wouldn't appreciate a nice package of ground beef thrown on their doorstep? You can even wrap it in a bow! What makes this the perfect gift is the more ground beef you give, the less likely any of your neighbors will turn up missing.

When you walk past one of your new zombie friends, make sure to smile and nod as you walk by. If the zombie starts to reach for you, just give them a friendly wave and walk briskly. Zombies typically cannot run very fast, although I suppose that is a zombie stereotype and I should not mention any stereotypes. Wow! See, we all have so much to learn about ending zombie prejudice!

Dating a Zombie

I don't just sit here on my high horse and lecture against zombie prejudice. Oh no, I practice what I preach. I've dated zombies in the past and I am not ashamed to admit it. Of course, I did not realize I was dating a zombie at the time, but now that I look back, all the signs are there.

I've often found myself hanging out with guys in dark basements (usually owned by their parents). In many cases, what I thought was just body odor must have been the stench of rotting flesh. After all, these guys that live in their parents' basement often don't want to go outdoors and they move quite slowly if you force them off the couch. Yes, all the signs were there! I have dated zombies... maybe that was what happened to the neighbor's poodle. Hmmm.

Films that Promote Zombie Prejudice!

Zombies Everywhere!

I hope this has been an educational moment for you. After all, I am here to help. Let us all do what we can to end the terrible prejudice that has plagued zombies for years. If we can do that, I am sure that zombie apocalypse we've all heard so much about will never happen.

You see, zombies are people just like any of us. Sure, they are not really alive and they like to eat brains, but we can't hold that against them. They have a terrible zombie disease coursing through their veins. Don't they deserve to live out their last days in peace?

Copyright ©2011 Jeannieinabottle

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Comments 26 comments

nikki_m profile image

nikki_m 5 years ago from Kansas City, Missouri

Loved this so much I had to read it out loud to my boyfriend! He's a zombie-hater himself (always coming up with plans on how to destroy them on large scales!) Great Hub! Thank you.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Hahaha... I am glad you enjoyed it that much. I had a strange nightmare last night about zombies. There were more zombies than humans and I attempted to befriend them. I woke up and decided I needed to write this hub. I hope I've opened your boyfriend's eyes and he no longer wants to destroy zombies. Thanks for the comment!


jimagain profile image

jimagain 5 years ago from Hattiesburg, Mississippi

OK! This was great! I suppose if we must embrace multi-culturalism and diversity in the spirit of tolerance, then who are we to discriminate against the dead? Very entertaining! I voted UP and FUNNY!


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

It's true. Zombies may be a little smelly, but they are people, too. Sure, they are dead people, but people nonetheless. Thanks for the votes and the comment!


Greensleeves Hubs profile image

Greensleeves Hubs 5 years ago from Essex, UK

Jeannie, have you thought of opening up a shelter for destitute zombies? Or a guidence counselling service for human/zombie couples who are having difficulties in their relationships? Or a branch of Zombies Anonymous for those who want to kick the habit of eating brains and integrate into conventional society? The possibilities are endless and clearly Government funding is required to help with all these issues. Petition your local Governors and Senators.

Brilliant fun! Well done.

(I voted up as funny and awesome, but not useful)


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

This is so true. Zombies do need our help in so many ways, and the government would certainly have to fund such important activities. Good idea. And thanks for the votes!


Greensleeves Hubs profile image

Greensleeves Hubs 5 years ago from Essex, UK

I would have voted 'beautiful' as well, if only you'd included a few more pin-up zombies


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

I will keep that in mind next time. I would like to improve the amount of "beautiful" votes my hubs receive. Thanks for the tip.


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina

Really adorable! My kids and their friends are a zombie loving crowd. I am going to share!


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

It is good to know your kids are not promoting zombie prejudice in anyway. Good for them! :-) Thanks for dropping by!


VaginalDevourment 4 years ago

Ghouls would kick zombie's ass.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Hey, let's end ghoul prejudice, too. :-)


TToombs08 profile image

TToombs08 4 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

Jeannie, this was great! I think I've dated a few zombies and actually married one. Thank goodness, I was able to finally bury that one and move on. :) Shared near and far. :)


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Z is also for Z'sssss!


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

TToombs08- Thanks so much! Hahaha... I am starting to wonder if zombies really are among us everyday. :-) Thanks so much for sharing! I really appreciate it... and so do the zombies.

RealHousewife - Hahaha... yes, that is so true. My poor zombie hub!


Relationshipc profile image

Relationshipc 4 years ago from Alberta, Canada

Good one. I personally don't mind zombies, as long as I am not dating them. I too look back and realize I have date many zombies in my life - unintentionally of course. But again, I hold no prejudice against them. I say live...errrr, die and let die.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

That is really the healthiest way to view zombies. With people like us, we are going to prevent that zombie apocalypse from taking place. Prejudice is something we can all do without. :-) Thanks for the comment!


barbergirl28 profile image

barbergirl28 4 years ago from Hemet, Ca

Ha ha - This is awesome... and I don't understand how this hub could have been a sleeper... I mean - I thought everybody was searching for zombie hubs. Well, ok - maybe I do - but it is in every intention to end zombie prejudice!


AudreyHowitt profile image

AudreyHowitt 4 years ago from California

HeHeHe!


Sunnie Day 4 years ago

.I was once a Zombie hater I am ashamed to say...I look back and think how in the world did I hold such malice in my heart towards these grotesque creatures...they need love too. It wasn't until one of my family members became a Zombie when I had to change my tune. This is how we broke down the barriers...next time we had a family BBQ...we invited them...putting some fresh meat on the side..They loved it..and it kept them from eating our guests. I am sure they will feel welcome and part of the family, no longer an outcast..lol

I loved this hub..so funny and such a great way to shine your creativity and humor..Thank you ..smiling big!

Sunnie


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

barbergirl28 - I know... why are people ignoring zombie hubs. I feel it is the prejudice taking over again. If this was a hub about being anti-zombie, more people would read it. I dare to go against zombie prejudice and my hub is being punished. Sigh. I will continue my crusade. I have no choice! Thanks for your support!

AudreyHowitt - :-)

Sunnie Day - Sometimes it helps to have a member of your family become a zombie before you realize what wonderful, almost productive members of society they are. I am happy to hear you are a part of my anti-prejudice team. We can change everyone's opinion if we work together. ;-) Thanks for the comment!


DMVmimay 4 years ago

wew.. rough! funny hub..

what do you mean about Dating a Zombie? i mean you didnt realize youre dating a zombie? jezz.. wew


bishopkmb profile image

bishopkmb 4 years ago from Maryland

This was fantastically written! Now I feel terrible about all of the Zombie killing video games I have played over the years! Zombies have feelings, too!


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

DMVmimay - Hahaha... yeah, it can be tough figuring out if you are dating a zombie. There are a lot of guys out there without any life in their eyes, so who knows? Hehe. Thanks for the comment!

bishopkmb - It is OK. Now that you realize your mistake, you can try to fight for the rights of zombies everywhere. Thanks for joining my crusade!


jimagain profile image

jimagain 4 years ago from Hattiesburg, Mississippi

Had to go back and read it again. What a classic!


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Thanks! We can prevent zombie prejudice together!

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