Practise Makes Perfect- Short Story

 

Creative Writing

A park, where a predator can become the victim

This short story touches on some adult themes, so please take that into account before reading.

The footsteps sounded ominously in the night air, turning I looked around. My eyes flickering, over the empty street, stretching out brightly behind me, searching for who was following me in any shadows that I could see.

The store fronts proudly displaying their wares behind locked glass, The Light not leaving many places to hide.

It seemed empty but I knew I wasn't alone. Pulling my long jacket around me tightly I moved on. My heels clicking against the concrete as I hurried my steps loud on the tar as I crossed the road. Moving out of the way, of the blaring sound of a car horn, its tyre's squealing on the wet road as it swerved to avoid me.

Swearing as dirty road water splashed up my legs as it sped off, I hurried to the curb. Unable to help the shiver as the water trickled down over my knees., The black stockings doing very little to protect my already cold skin from the icy water, that was now seeping through the silk, adding to the overall misery of the damp winter night.

Looking up I hesitated a moment, before stepping thought the gates of the park. Not as well lit as the street, but I knew it better. It was used with confidence as a short cut for many locals day or night. A lovely park in the daytime it stretched for almost three blocks of city space, but it was just memorizing in the cool night air the scent of fresh flowers and wood filling the air like a perfume. If it wasn't for the time and the smell of incoming rain, I might have lingered in the beautiful gardens that dotted the walkways, the statues normal and peaceful by day, seemed Gothic and sinister after midnight. Moving on reluctantly, my feet slow on the stone path.

The sound of whistling behind me, made me stop, my senses alert as I turned slowly.


My eyes narrowing with suspicion as a man crossed the path behind me, nodding at me, the older man made his way to a lower path. His whistling fading into the dark of the night as his shoes crunched over wet broken leaves. Sighing heavily, I shook my head at myself, that man was no more dangerous than a canary. Running a hand over my hair, the curls large and frizzy in the rain I made my way along the path.

Stopping slowly I bit my lip, Unsure. The Lamp post which normally lit up the area had been smashed. The news from the night before filling my mind, shaking the memory and the old pain it brought with it away. I had to continue, there was no going back now, and all the choices had been made.

Stepping onto the dark path, my eyes moving from shadow to shadow, trying to peer into the darkness for the eyes I could feel watching me.

The tread of footsteps sounded behind me again, heavy, sure and much closer. Looking over my shoulder, I broke into a run as his teeth flashed at me in the night. Dressed all in black with dark sneakers he laughed, as he gave chase

The high heels that looked so good with my new black mini skirt now hampering my progress, as the heels sank deep into the soft turf. Pulling my feet out of the shoes, I kept running. My stockinged toes sinking into the damp grass as I veered blindly off the path.

Glancing over my shoulder as he yelled at me, I slipped, my body rolling down an embankment as his face disappeared from sight in the tangle of my dark hair. Landing heavily, I pushed myself to my feet slowly, flicking my hair out of my eyes as I scanned the top of the embankment. Where had he gone?

Damn it, moving fast, with no idea of where he was hiding, I stayed low in the small gully I had fallen into. Wincing every time I stepped on a twig or made more noise then I wanted to. For minutes I snuck from shrub to bush to tree, my eyes consonantly searching the darkness for him. I knew he was hunting for me, every shadow a potential threat as I made my way to the edge of the park.

Pausing the sound of the street and the lights of traffic just a few steps past the tree line, I still hesitated. The lights of the streets promising safely from the dark, yet I let slow minutes drag by, as I waited as quiet as I could be. I had to get the timing just right; the lights were so near…

Finally unable to sit still anymore I inched forward

Screaming briefly as his hand clamped down hard over my mouth. His other arm snaking up around my waist, ah he lifted me easily off my feet.

Throwing us both backwards, we rolled back further into the park, away from the street, away from help. Struggling against his weight as we tumbled, I screamed again. before he slammed me firmly under him one last time.

His legs pinning mine as he fought for control of my flailing arms. Locking them in one hand over my head, he looked down at me.

“Please don't do this” I forced myself to gasp out, as he reached around to the back of his pants. “You don't have to do this” Whimpering as the sheen of the blade now in his hands waved in front of my eyes. My entire body going still under his threat

“I like what you’re wearing” trailing the knife over my new top, he traced the outline of my breasts with his knife. “I know you wore it for me,” Lowering the blade he teased the small hint of skin above my skirt, with the sharp edge. Hissing in pain, I turned my head away “You want me to do this, why else wear it?”

“Please let me go, I won’t tell anyone, Please!” a cry of pain broke the last word off, as the blade nicked my skin. Gasping I struggled against his hold.

Placing the blood covered knife against my lips his face turning angry. “Don’t make me kill you before we have had our fun”

“Why? Why are you doing this?”

Drawing the blade through the soft material of my shirt he answered absently as he caressed my now exposed breast. Enjoying how I shrank away from his touch.

“Because I can”

His words ran through my head as his hands molested my chest. But I no longer felt these things the way I used to. His hands moving on my skin barely registering to me, as I tried to look at his face. It looked just like the sketch they had shown on the TV. There was no mistaking the handsome face, now distorted into a cruel tight mask.

His knife cut away the sides of my skirt. The garter belt I had worn to cater to his fetish making his breath catch. Pure black silk stockings, with a matching garter belt and underwear. A trophy worth keeping, I had made sure they had fit his compulsion when I had chosen them. He was known for strangling his victims with their own stockings before stealing them for his morbid collection. Black was his preferred colour. The news had told me all I needed to know to begin my search.

Because I can, He had said. Well so could I

With that thought I broke his distracted hold on my legs, catching him off guard as he stared at the sight of my pale white skin draped in black silk. Getting my feet under his stomach before he had a chance to even realize I had moved.

With a force I had never possessed in life I kicked him off, watching still impressed by my new strength as he went flying though the bush's, His face a mask of shock, quickly turning to panic as I leapt to my feet in one easy flip.

Clearing the distance between us, I landed over him. My hand around his throat as he desperately tried to reach for his dropped knife, laying inches away from his stretched out hand.

Summoning the blade to my hand I slammed it into his open palm, enjoying the sound of fear that rang out with his cry of pain.

“Because I can” Pulling it free, I licked the blade, letting the growth of my new fangs fill his vision. Satisfaction running through me at his growing terror, the wide eyed panic that gripped him was encouraging me on.

Digging my fingers into his throat I leaned down my mouth inches from his as I ran the blade down his face.

“You should have let me go when I asked” I hissed teasing the fangs in my mouth with my tongue, savouring the taste of fear radiating off him.

“You should have let them all go”

“I’m s..s..sorry” his eyes frantic as he struggled uselessly against my hold.

“Someone like you killed me” I hissed, moving the blade lower over his chest “Now men like you are going to die,”

He wasn't the one I wanted to kill, he wasn't the one that had stolen more than my virginity, but he was cut from the same dough. A monster worse than anything I would ever become. Or so I told myself as I sank my fangs into his vein. Ignoring his gargled pleas, as I drained him, the stain of his evil filling me, as the faces of his many victims danced through my mind. Their pleas ignored as mine and now his had been. His blood rich and potent .despite the taint of his soul, I savoured every mouth full. It had been so long since I had fed properly, every drop was precious.

Gasping for air, I raised my mouth from his neck. The dark clouds finally letting loose the rain, as it sprinkled then poured. Raising my face to the fresh water I closed my eyes. No longer feeling the cold, the horror of my own past abating a little, as his blood coursed through my veins. Buttoning up my long coat I stood, my stockings stained with blood and mud as I dropped the knife onto his chest. The police would need that to tie him to the multiple rapes and murders he had committed.

The hunt had only begun, I would find the monster that had raped my body and warped my soul. But in the meantime, I had to kill to survive and there where hundreds of lowlife's like him to feed on,

After all practice would make perfect

More by this Author


Comments 26 comments

tnderhrt23 profile image

tnderhrt23 6 years ago

nighthag, This is another great story.The atmosphere of suspense you created hooked me early and drew me in. I loved your unexpected twist. Again, the only problems I see are strictly technical, sentence structure and tense usage. You have the makings of a great creative writer!


nighthag profile image

nighthag 6 years ago from Australia Author

Thank You so much for the compliment, *blushing*

having spent many years as a secret writer it means a lot that you not only take the time to read my stories but to leave constructive criticism as well.

the technical side of writing is the hardest part for me, but as the title says...practise makes perfect.

and lots of work :)

again thank you


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK

Very disturbing stuff :-)

If only such an avenger truly existed exclusively for the inhuman predators who infest society :-)


nighthag profile image

nighthag 6 years ago from Australia Author

Thanks so much for stopping by, glad you liked it :)


4elements profile image

4elements 6 years ago

That was a very good story. i enjoyed it , I see you like vamoires, So do I, blessings. That's like My darkside of the law


nighthag profile image

nighthag 6 years ago from Australia Author

:) I have had a love of vampires for years! I am really glad you liked this story, I enjoyed writing about my dark avenger :)


Stephen Crowley profile image

Stephen Crowley 6 years ago from Wales, UK

Stephen King proved 30 years ago that tense usage and structure rules can be broken... he introduced the film-like effect to evoke a movie style scene-to-scene feel to his stories. I think creative structure should always take precedence over sentence structure or it can kill the original creative flow.

Great little story, and i prefer these vampire tales to the not so gripping Twilight series.


nighthag profile image

nighthag 6 years ago from Australia Author

Thank you so much :) I enjoy the creative process of writing but struggle at times with the technical side, I want to improve on it without losing my style, so thank you for the encouragement, it means a lot.

I am so glad that you liked it, thanks for reading and taking the time to leave such kind words!


Docmo profile image

Docmo 6 years ago from UK

Good story, great atmosphere. love the title and the twist. Few parts could do with fine tuning but it has all the ingredients of a suspenseful nugget.


nighthag profile image

nighthag 6 years ago from Australia Author

thank you so much, I am so very glad that you enjoyed it even with the fine tuning needed :)


AmieLynn profile image

AmieLynn 5 years ago from Edgewood, WA

awesome story! love how the victim became victorious


nighthag profile image

nighthag 5 years ago from Australia Author

The unsuspecting victim the true predator in disguise, it was a lot of fun to write and I am thrilled that you liked it :)


Ladygale 5 years ago

This was a witty twist on the vampire story. The protagonist played it very cool. I loved the tension build up, description, setting, and characterization. It needs a little clean up, but it's a dynamic piece. I've read my fair share of vampire stories and have written a few, and I think it's a genre that you can be very successful with.


nighthag profile image

nighthag 5 years ago from Australia Author

Thank you so very much, I love a good vampire story myself, both reading and writing them...

thank you so much for the great critique, you are very right this piece could do with some clean up which I keep putting off, but with such great encouragement I will try and get to it sooner...

Again thank you


jg555 profile image

jg555 5 years ago from New York

Great story. I'm hoping to get some followers and readers for my stories. I only have one so far but more are coming.


nighthag profile image

nighthag 5 years ago from Australia Author

I am glad that you liked and will make sure to pop over and read your stories :) thanks for the visit


jaykay37 profile image

jaykay37 5 years ago from Canada

this was amazing, and completely unexpected! Good job!


nighthag profile image

nighthag 5 years ago from Australia Author

Thank you as a writer I could hope for no greater compliment :)


Dan Barfield profile image

Dan Barfield 4 years ago from Gloucestershire, England, UK

Great stuff - loved the victim/hunter switcheroo. May have to have a go at a vampire story now. I've not posted a horror story yet. Thanks for the inspiration! :)


nighthag profile image

nighthag 4 years ago from Australia Author

so glad you enjoyed this,it was a lot of fun to write, but being one of my very first short stories its a bit rough and after re reading it i am itching to some editing :)

Thrilled that you enjoyed it anyway, thank you


Ausseye 3 years ago

Hi Nightlagsday: Avenging rabbit I am an enthusiastic reader who has discovered you vamps’ apish rumble ( reminds me of a Rumble in the Jungle) and see it becoming a play or movie that has vigour as its main game. The victory is a bit of a worry as I have a pet Whippet who has her way with a plague of rabbits, will there be one that come back for her and plays the role of avenger, as you portray, a rabbit hero? Hey you might want to work on a terrorist rabbit ( in black like cat-wo-man) that bring all the dogs of life to heal or hell, if only there was a high heaven or low dell. You have made my walk in your park an experience that appeals to my idea of a hero-ist , made my day or night which ever the case.


nighthag profile image

nighthag 3 years ago from Australia Author

Ausseye

I am so glad you enjoyed my hero here , and I have to admit the idea of your pet whippet hiding in fear from an avenging rabbit has had me smiling all day :)

thanks for being such an interested reader, your comments and thoughts are appreaciated :)


Kwalin11 profile image

Kwalin11 3 years ago

You're a great artist of suspense and setting an atmosphere! I'm a fan of a good vamp story that doesn't dress up the theme. Your hero was one I heavily rooted for before the turn was obvious.

Look forward to reading your other works!


nighthag profile image

nighthag 3 years ago from Australia Author

Thank you so much

I had a lot of fun writing this short story and I'm always so thrilled when some else enjoys reading them

Thank you!


Lee Cloak 20 months ago

A truly amazing story, very enjoyable, great writing, thanks, voted up, Lee


nighthag profile image

nighthag 20 months ago from Australia Author

thank you so very much, it has been a while since i last wrote a short story perhaps i should attempt another :)

thank you so much for letting me know what you thought

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