All Good Women are Taken

Life is full of surprises

Naren had stepped in to my life as an unexpected shower of happiness and fulfillment. His mere existence in my life gave me enough strength to put up with the broiling heat in my personal life. I used to look forward to meeting Naren whenever we could take time out of our busy schedules. Being a doctor, he had to work under tight schedules and as for me I had to slog as a lawyer, in the court building, from dawn to dusk. A mere sight of him always made me wish (secretly) I had met him before… before Ronny came into my life. I had been married to Ronny for almost eight years.

It felt so right

With each passing day, I could sense the bond between me and Naren getting stronger. Strangely enough, I found nothing wrong in being with him. Normally such relationships (outside marriage) are conventionally seen as the most derogatory ones but I never felt that I was cheating on Ronny as I strongly felt that Ronny wasn’t worth the love, affection, integrity and loyalty I offered him all these years. What had he given me in return of all that I offered him on the platter? Instead of appreciating me for my significant contributions and helping me out of my situation, he had only been instrumental in curbing my individuality and trampling my emotions to the extent that I had literally become a suicidal maniac.

Emotional dependence

All I knew was, that for the time being, Naren was the only source of happiness in my life and I was not prepared to let go of it at any cost. With him I felt like a love-stricken bird, always waiting to be kissed and loved. We started spending hours together holding hands and sharing love and warmth with each other. His love had given me the power to face the animal inside Ronny, without any retaliation and to absorb his brutal words without getting burnt much.

In a span of just six months, we felt as if we had known each other for years; crossing our parameters and crashing into each other’s arms seemed inevitable. It felt so right with him. He gave me a strange sense of completeness which I had never experienced ever before. It seemed as if all my desires, long since buried, had risen back to life. I felt completely alive and in harmony with every small fragment around me. The feeling of oneness with him was inexplicable.

Crashing in love

I felt his presence even when he was not around; I carried his memories to my work, my home, my daily errands and every place where my physical being existed. We had started seeing each other more often than before, and while at home, long telephone conversations had become a daily routine. No matter how much I got out of him, there was some part of me always being left insatiable. I had begun to crave for the unattainable; a longing to spend every single moment of my life with him but deep inside, I knew it was not possible. It was difficult to visualize a life with him but even more difficult was to imagine one without him. He had become a part of me; it seemed as if he lived inside me as a part of my physical and mental being. I was definitely head over heels in love with him but I never made him believe that our relationship had a future.

True love brings more pain than joy

Naren was already aware of my state of affairs at home and he wondered why I continued living with Ronny. I had told him several times that I did not want my son to get burnt with the splinters of a broken home. Although Naren tried his best to convince me that it would be in the best interest of everyone if I broke up with Ronny and married Naren, I never felt that divorcing Ronny could be a proper recourse.

“I am willing to do all it takes to bring you in my life.” Naren had held my trembling hands in his, and implored me with those desperate eyes which had made me look away from him for a moment.

Somehow I could never visualize myself, my son and Naren, living as a family underneath one roof. This picture didn’t seem right!

He had to move on

It had been almost four months I had been forcing Naren to get the thought of marriage out of his mind. It seemed impossible for him. I had never seen a man crying in my life before, but I did see Naren, bursting into tears amidst all those people in the restaurant. We were having our usual conversation and I was trying to explain to him that it would be better for him if he moved on. I loved him to the extent that I was willing to let him go for his own good. I could not keep him hanging with me for an indefinite period of time. He had his whole life ahead of him and I had no right to take it away from him. From the day I first met him, I knew that he deserved the best, and as such I mustered the courage to ask him to find a nice and suitable match for himself. All the while, I tried hard to look unaffected as I knew that even a single tear rolling down my cheek, would have again drawn him closer to me and in such a crucial and fragile moment, succumbing to our emotions would have proved disastrous. I knew very well that if I lost him I would lose my life but I guess I was destined to make sacrifices for the people I loved the most.

Goodbye for ever

I did my job as promised. Naren’s divorce came through and he was much relieved after I handed over the decree to him. It had taken us almost eighteen months to get what he wanted. (Yes, he had come to me as a client; that’s how we had met)

“So, you are a free bird now. Go and fly.” I said to him the day I handed over the court order to him.

“I don’t want to fly. Cage is better if you are there with me.” He always made it difficult for me to breathe, with his loving words.

“Please, don’t start it.” My choice of words was definitely curt but it was essential for the moment.

“Right. I’m sorry”. He looked down, cleared his throat a bit and said, “I guess I don’t have a right to ask you out for a quick lunch…….so….. let me take your leave”.

I could clearly see that he turned around slowly, expecting me to call him from behind but I did not. I saw him walking through the long corridor of the court building, towards the elevator and my eyes followed him till he turned round a corner and vanished from my sight. In a span of few minutes of watching him leave I had probably dug my nails in the palm of my hand so deep that blood had started oozing out of those tiny cuts. These wounds could at least be seen but no one could see my bleeding heart at that point of time. I could almost hear his words in my mind, loud and clear, which he had once blurted out while holding my hand in an intimate moment.

“Why is it that all good women are taken?”

Comments 31 comments

jayb23 profile image

jayb23 7 years ago from India

This is so very touching. Sometimes even I feel like Naren, "why is that all good women are taken?". You have described your thoughts and emotions beautifully. I just loved it


kristenkiya profile image

kristenkiya 7 years ago from India

great Story......


ladyvenus 7 years ago

I wondering now if you still have contact with that naren guy as if I want a continuation of this story. As the lyrics of the song "oh its sad to belong to someone else when the right one comes along".


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 7 years ago from New York Author

jayb23: Thanks Jay for liking this story.

Kristenkiya: Thanks so much for stopping by.

Ladyvenus: Well, till now (I guess) you must have only heard that 'all good men are taken'. I just wanted to show that this could hold true for the other side as well. lol. It's always better to move on in life and that involves saying goodbye to your past. Thx for your kind comments.


Laila Rajaratnam profile image

Laila Rajaratnam 7 years ago from India

Anju..A poignant experience . Tho’ it will be easy for everyone to say..'Tis better to have loved and lost ,than never to have loved at all.’ the losing part is something no one would care to experience.It is really brave of you to let go for the sake of your son..yes, that’s how we are conditioned. Time heals.. and maybe you are richer for the experience..:) Cheers Anju for sharing a part of you!


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 7 years ago from New York Author

Hi Laila: "That's how we are conditioned.." Absolutely right. No option but to move on. Life's like that. Thx very much for taking out time.


my-success-guru profile image

my-success-guru 7 years ago from Upstate NY

Hi Anjali,

Very touching and poetic " I did not want my son to get burnt with the splinters of a broken home. Although Naren tried his best to convince me that it would be in the best interest of everyone if I broke up with Ronny and married Naren, I never felt that divorcing Ronny could be a proper recourse."

I understand your tortured soul feeling you had no choice but to choose the love of your son over the love of this man but it really doesn't have to be this way. A piece of paper that says you are divorced isn't what would make your son in this story feel he has a broken home. Instead  it's the brokenness between his parents. I can tell there is a very strong bond between you and your son in this story. I believe if this story continues you and this man should meet again and give it a real chance. It sounds like you love each other so much that your lives will never be fully lived without each other. I'm sure this man must have some things he could work on with himself but it sounds like he would do anything for you and your son. A love like this only comes once in a lifetime and it sounds like he has a really big heart. Of course every child wants to see their parents together but trust me there is a time when even the child would be happier seeing them apart when it brings more peace. I have experienced this myself. Please, you must focus on the peace when the time is right and your son will be so much happier when he sees how much happier you are.

Bye For Now,

Jim


goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

Fabulous Anj. I always enjoy how you flip the script.


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 7 years ago from New York Author

my-success-guru: I just hope I'm brave enough to follow my bliss. Wish everyone could tow the line of Joseph Campbell. I'm so much touched by your comments and the way you portray your feelings. Thx very much for your kind comments.

Goldentoad: You're just being generous. My script, no matter what, can never be as good as yours.  Thx for liking it though.


my-success-guru profile image

my-success-guru 7 years ago from Upstate NY

"Be brave! You can never go wrong when you follow your bliss."

A wise old sage named Jim


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 7 years ago from New York Author

my-success-guru: Thanks for supporting me and giving me that kind of assurance. I already feel strong enough. Thx for coming back.


RAJ 7 years ago

good story (dont know if it is real or.....) but I believe had Ronny been aware of this silent or secret love, he would have probably made things easier for u. Life can be started afresh from any point if the desires emerge stronger. The bond between u and ur son seems to be very strong and he would also respect your decision one day.Love knows no bounds and everything is fair in love. So, feel like a free bird or feel like a caged bird with Neren as u too have a right to be happy in ur life.

BYE


BrianS profile image

BrianS 7 years ago from Castelnaudary, France

Some things are just meant to be, children grow up and when they do they understand why some marriages fail. Better to seek happiness I think.


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 7 years ago from Washington, USA

Anjali- Coming from the Indian background I can understand your dilemma. I don't know what else to say but I will certainly wish for you to find peace and happiness in life.


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 7 years ago from New York Author

Raj: Yes, you are right...I have a right to be happy. I guess I have always been making simple things difficult and difficult things complicated. (This is what someone very close to me commented once). Can't help it. That's the way I am. lol. I did not chose the easier way out. Possibly, I find it more exciting to find happiness in my adversities. Thx for being supportive.

Brian: I believe I had been groomed in a way that it was never difficult for me to chose between my own interests and of  those whom I loved; mine, of course, always took a back seat. I'm not sure what would have made my life better. I guess I live in the moment and try not to put my present at stake for the future. Thx for being so kind.

Countrywomen: Where have you been? I had already started missing you. (Hugs & Kisses). Thx for wishing peace and happiness for me. I really need loads of it. lol


Earthscribe profile image

Earthscribe 7 years ago from Tampa, Florida

Bitter like tears, but with the power that irrigates deserts... the sweetness blossoms in time, through Understanding.

It is quite difficult, incarnation. I sense it was worth it for both of you, despite the pains of separation. After all, as may be said of all things, "this too shall pass."


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 7 years ago from New York Author

Earthscribe: Life is a journey in which we meet many people on the way. Some, become an integral part of our lives while the others play their part and move on. It's essential, sometimes, that we let our head rule the heart. :) Thx for your kind comments. It was nice of you to have stopped by.


jbullet profile image

jbullet 7 years ago

Wow, emotional and fantastic hub!


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 7 years ago from New York Author

jbullet: Thx very much for appreciating.


Rashmee 6 years ago

It was quite interesting article.


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 6 years ago from New York Author

Rashmee: Thx so much for stopping by.


Scott.Life 6 years ago

How sad, are all the good ones taken? It seems that way sometimes for sure.


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 6 years ago from New York Author

Scott.Life: I don't want to be patronizing here but alas...that seems to be true sometimes. :)Thx for taking time to read my thoughts.


Pradeep Ch 6 years ago

Very nice one..

what is a good choice and bad choice..

If i were in that place;; I donot know what i would have done..i would be confused definetely..

one side son's wellness and another side your own...

I being a boy if i have to pick..i would have choose to divorce Ronny :-)

anyways..how did you marriage with Ronny happened..i am just being curious..if you can reveal only...

my email: pradeep414@gmail.com;

thanks;


Pradeep Ch 6 years ago

By the way: opinions change;; the post is a year old;; now your opinions on some aspects would have healed or changed..may be;;

thanks;;


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 6 years ago from New York Author

Hi Pradeep!

As they say...'all for a reason'. There are no accidents...everything is predestined which leaves a limited scope of exercising one's own free will, but if that is done correctly, it changes the future for better. I guess thats what happened in this case. We all want to have the easier way out but its more challenging and rewarding to embrace the adversities (sometimes). Thx for stopping by and for being empathetic. :)


C V Singh profile image

C V Singh 6 years ago

Anjali, I fully support decision taken by you. Although you won't accept it but its true that despite your love for him, it could not be guaranteed that your life after marriage would have been full of joy alone. I agree your decision was very difficult to take but this has made bonding between two of you stronger than earlier. Anyways, it was a good read.


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 6 years ago from New York Author

C V Singh:

I agree with you. Thank you for taking time to read this hub and leaving wonderful comments.


neeleshkulkarni profile image

neeleshkulkarni 5 years ago from new delhi

right or wrong you Took the decision and to me that is the only reality.WE all live with the results of the choices we make and it is only torturing ourselves to think of why we made them.so live with the consequences of that decision. life leaves us no other options.

i do not know your complete reality and hence any comment may be superficial and false but did you give weightage to the fact that both he and you were particularly vulnerable at that point of time and hence the escape seemed very very intense?

i have a mental image of anjali chugh that is slowly taking shape and all i do want to do friend is to reach across the oceans and hold you in a tight hug.


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 5 years ago from New York Author

@ Neelesh: That was very sweet. All I can say is ...Thank you for your wonderful words. :)


Sherly 19 months ago

Its not only Germany ,even US has a racial difcreenfe among white and blacks, if quality education would be considered for a healthy society ,well such content are hard slap for these ideologies.

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