Are Men Intimidated by Successful or Smart Women? - Relationship Advice

Dear Veronica,

I'm having a very difficult time finding a serious boyfriend. I am 32 years old, have a very successful career, I am financially stable and I am extremely intelligent. I meet men and I am asked out all the time. After only a few dates most men are just so intimidated by my intellect and my success that they never call again. I've tried to utilize dating sites so I can target other intelligent and successful men but this hasn't helped.

I am extremely honest with my dates about what I want in life. I am focused and driven. I know what I want. I tell them I want to be married in the next couple of years and I want to start having children right away. I'm very clear about how much money I earn and I let them know that I am not going to sacrifice my career. I've researched daycare facilities in my area and I know there are several very good ones. I am not up for nonsense and immaturity. I expect people to be as honest with me as I am with them. But men don't want to be honest. They don't want to admit that they are intimidated by a woman who knows what she wants.

Is there any man out there that can be with a strong successful woman?

Elaine

Dear Elaine,

I seriously doubt that there are many men out there that are intimidated by your success or intellect.

It's more likely that after a few dates, the men you are dating are discovering they don't like you.

Let's start by going through exactly what you said. You wrote that you tell dates early on that you want to be married in 2 years, you want kids right away, you've put the cart before the horse and have already decided that the kids will be in daycare, and finally that you expect the guy not to be immature.

Even if you met someone that was very into you, you've crushed a good deal of the possibilities by date #3. Getting to know someone can be romantic and fun. Telling them that they are time frame restricted before they can even decide if they might want a serious relationship with you is very controlling. You reinforce that by lowering the gavel on other decisions that should be things a healthy couple discusses and decides together. Whether or not to have children and how they will be raised are the kinds of things you discuss with a partner, not the kinds of things you list off in a matter of fact way when you've only known each other a couple of weeks.

There is Catch 22 here. If you feel strongly about having children you certainly do not want to let yourself get involved with and fall in love with a man that feels very strongly that he never wants children.

The reasonable time frame to share things like this varies. Sometimes these things come up naturally in the course of a normal conversation. Sometimes you have to get to know someone a little bit before these conversations are comfortable; perhaps a couple of months. When you lambaste a new acquaintance too quickly with your check list, you aren't coming across like a person with the potential to be a partner. You aren't appearing to be calm and together and rational. It's more likely you're coming across as inflexible, desperate, and agenda driven.

No guy is going to be attracted to you by being made to feel he fits into your agenda. No guy is going to want to spend his life with you if you make it sound as if he's only going to have his say in the relationship when he happens to agree with you. Even if he's on the same page about wanting marriage and kids in the next few years, he is going to be completely turned off by your approach. You didn't weed-out a non-contender. You scared off everyone.

It's hard for some people to find that healthy balance between too soon and too late to express their feelings about issues that are important to them going forward. It's a talent to read the other person and assess the comfort level of the dates. Additionally, it's sometimes just as hard to figure out how to express yourself.

No one wants to be told what to do, or what's acceptable, especially someone you're considering as a potential partner. There is a way to bring up your feelings on things without barking them as if they were the law.

You don't mention if you've even asked any of these dates what their thoughts are regarding marriage, careers, kids, or day care, for example. You only say that you told them what you want. The ability to listen is just as important as the ability to express.

Women use excuses to make themselves feel better when a guy is "just not that into them." They come up with things like how he's too busy, or just not ready, or that he's intimidated by her success. None of these are ever valid. If a guy is really into being with you, he'll make the time. No question. If a guy says he isn't ready, there's a good chance he means it's you, not him. And anytime a women tells herself that the guy was too intimidated by her, she's lying to herself. She doesn't want to admit that he, for whatever reason, didn't like her. It's easier to blame him, or circumstance, then to say, "Maybe it's me."

You said you are "not up for nonsense or immaturity." I have the feeling your no-nonsense dates translate as not very fun. Are you the kind of woman that tries to make the guy feel immature if he mentions that he likes playing Halo or World of Warcraft? If he says he and his friends are into paintball or beer pong, so you turn your nose up and make sure he's aware that you're not up for that? By that third date is he not even telling you about himself because he's just tired of hearing how immature he is?

Elaine, really what this comes down to is attitude.

The fact that you are an independent successful career woman is a very cool thing. It's not the reason you can't find a boyfriend. It should attract a great pool of guys. It doesn't scare them off. What does is the attitude.

I wind up giving a good deal of advice to women about how to work on themselves first. You can't be a good partner until you can be a good You. It feels to me like you've accomplished the You part. You've built a life for yourself that's exemplary. You sound like you're very good at being You. You aren't looking to someone else to give you a life.

Perhaps you've worked so hard independently that you've lost sight of how to be a partner. And that can be fixed.

When you're out on a first date, you aren't on a job interview. It's not all about you, and what you can do, and what you want. A date is a partnership of sorts. It's two people seeing how they do together. You aren't there to showcase your "me" skills. You're more likely to do well if you focus more on your "us" skills.

If you listen, ask questions, and get to know him as a person, you have a better chance of his wanting to get to know you, too.

I wrote a Hub called The First Date - Don't Scare Him Off. I hope you'll check it out. There's a certain order and timing element involved with revealing yourself to a new person, whether you're dating them, working with them, or living near them. Whatever the relationship dynamic is, you don't jump head first into the biggest baddest issues. Additionally, you don't present them in an "it's all about me" way, when you're goal is a partnership.

Long Term Relationships are about compromise, listening, growing together and unfolding each other. If you're making it clear that you are not a team player, you can't be surprised when no one wants to play on your team.

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43 comments

Krandall 6 years ago

All Hail Veronica! This is so onpoint for so many women out there. I'm happily married and was googling breakfast casserole recipes. I have no idea how I got here but I did. Before I found my wife I dated so many women that scared the bejeebus out of me on the first or second date with the agenda and the pressure. It's enough to scare anyone off. My wife has 3 single sisters and every single one of them will tell you the same thing that guys are so intimidated by how smart and beautiful they are. What a crock! It is like you said exactly. Guys just don't like them because they are so pushy and intolerant. Thanks for putting this out there.


Veronica profile image

Veronica 6 years ago from NY Author

Krandall,

Ha! Ok that made me laugh out loud.

I do have a breakfast casserole recipe posted. Here's the link

http://hubpages.com/relationships/Breakfast_Recipe...

You must have started there and then wandered. And I'm glad you did! Congrats to you and your wife on a happy life. And I do with the best to her sisters. Hey maybe you could do me a favor and forward my hub to them? But if I get hate mail I'm blaming you ;)


septembergurl 6 years ago

I was very successful as well.... BUT the difference Of me was I never told any man that I wanted to have children at any date because at that time I was too busy working and traveling and partying that I would have made a horrible mom, and I hated cooking and had no time to give any partner any real time. Guys fell all over me, and I just was never interested... My Ex how ever,, came into my life by accident while vacationing here from Italy. I was smitten. Tall, handsome, sexy accent...mmmmm, well... I didn't check the real him...he was such a baby! He was so jealous of me I couldn't stand it! I finally left him. But we do have two absolutly wonderful twin boys. I am enjoying my life as it was before I met him with my boys now!!!!!! I am a strong and independent women. But I don't TELL men what to do. That's the best way to turn a man off. Men hate needy women, but I think they hate bossy ones more...I LOVE strong powerful men that have a presence. That look you in the eye. I am seeing one now and we are having the best time ever!


Veronica profile image

Veronica 6 years ago from NY Author

septembergurl,

Thanks for your comments, here and on other hubs. I appreciate your readership and the time you take to comment.

You sound like you're in a great place. Excellent point about how it turns a man off when you "tell" him what to do.

I really do try to help the people asking me for my advice. I read their tone, their situation, their emotions and I try to answer them in a language I think they can hear. A strong woman like Elaine who is successful in business isn't going to hear me if I coddle and stroke. She'll hear me if I speak directly with no holds barred and I'm just honest with her. So that's what I did. I hope we hear from her, I emailed her this link. I really hope she finds and connects with the man of her dreams.


Elaine 6 years ago

I am not at all happy about this response to my email. But after a few hours of conversation with my father of all people I think this is information I needed to hear. I don’t agree with everything you said but I am going to try to be open minded. When I got your email that you had posted a hub for me I was very excited and went right to it. I was outraged when I read it. I was mad and then I started to cry. My father is visiting from Miami and heard me so upset. I shared it with him thinking he is my biggest fan and would really let you have it. To my surprise he said that maybe I should consider some of these concepts. He wants to see me happy and he knows that I am not. If nothing else came from this article my father and I had a heart to heart talk over the last 4 hours. For that I am grateful. Sometimes it is hard to see ourselves through our parent’s eyes. This is a lot to digest. I do ask my dates what they think about marriage and having kids. I dismiss them quickly if they say anything I don’t like. Maybe I should listen more and give them a chance to explain. My father asked me why I chose to write to you. I told him you strike me as a strong successful woman yourself and you are in a good marriage. I usually respect your advice plus you’re living proof that you know what you’re talking about. Admitting this about you to my father made me calm down. I will sleep on this. I also read your comment that you wrote this in a way you thought I could take. I guess I appreciate that. BTW Veronica you often write “a lot” when the correct words are “a lot.”


Veronica profile image

Veronica 6 years ago from NY Author

Elaine,

I'm glad to hear from you, sorry to have infuriated you, happy to know you and your father had such a good talk, and relieved that you will sleep on my advice.

You're right about "a lot" of course. I use a lot, alright, wanna, gonna, and a few other words in a phonetic poetic license sort of way.

Namaste.


Gerg profile image

Gerg 6 years ago from California

Veronica - again, you are so spot on. I especially identified with: "No one wants to be told what to do, or what's acceptable, especially someone you're considering as a potential partner. There is a way to bring up your feelings on things without barking them as if they were the law."

Though I hate to say it, Elaine's response above reinforces your intuition - a lot! ;-)

The best advice when it comes to relationships and dating is just to relax, enjoy yourself as yourself, and don't try to create false or unrealistic expectations. Today is good, the way things now - alone - should be good and happy and satisfying. Otherwise, no one wants to be saddled with carrying the weight of someone else's expectations.

Best,

G


Veronica profile image

Veronica 6 years ago from NY Author

Thanks so much Gerg. Your comments always make my day.

Yeah, I can see by her response too, but she's trying to be open, and that's hard, and it's awesome. I so wish her the best. I think she is good at being alone. But it's time to learn how to play well with others. No one wants to be lonely.


Gerg profile image

Gerg 6 years ago from California

You're right - it is hard, and it is awesome! Just want to reinforce, in the event Elaine reads this, that her insight and willingness to be open-minded and consider another's viewpoint is the truest sign of intelligence and wisdom. I wish for the best of happiness to her!


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 6 years ago

Blessings and Namaste' to you Veronica and Elaine (and all other magnificent Hubbers)!!

I only have a moment but feel like writing a really long essay on the subject above!!

Usually I think your advice is more than sound Veronica!! This time mostly so, but a little off!

Elaine, too!! When we are successful in our business life, we often want to use the same tools to find love and happiness!! Different set of life skill tools!!

I have been in Elaine's shoes for years!! There is some truth about what she says!! Not all men are intimidated, but enough to make it a valid point!!

In your advice, I see no reference to a man conducting himself the same way Elain is conducting herself in looking for a relationship!!??

Geeeeeeeze, I could write for hours on this one but must run!!

GREAT Hub again Veronica!! Always thought-provoking!!

Blessings, Earth Angel!!


Veronica profile image

Veronica 6 years ago from NY Author

EArth Angel,

There is no mention of the man conducting himself in the same way because it doesn't apply. And men are not intimidated b y successful women. Earth Angel, you are bullshitting only yourself on that one.


Elaine 6 years ago

Veronica I just wanted to check back in and say I asked for your advice for a reason and I spent all night thinking about this. I really didn't want to hear this but I knew I had to.

Also thank you to Greg for your comments.

Today started with a phone call to one gentlemen that I had 2 dates with and had really liked. I asked him to meet me for coffee before work. I had your article printed out and asked him his opinion. It broke my heart to hear the things he said. I really hurt his feelings several times over the course of our two dates. He said every time he tried to share I went into interview-mode and cut him off. He said I wasn't interested in him, I was interested only in myself. He listed off all the things I told him from where I was born to what type of wedding I want to where I expect to retire. Then he broke my heart and simply asked me the same things back. Where was he born. Where did he want to retire. I had nothing. I never asked and I never listened when he tried to tell me. I feel shocked and foolish. I told everyone he stopped calling because he was intimidated by me. He was not intimidated by me. He just didn't like me. And I can't blame him. Well Veronica, like the song says, you've left me with open eyes. I still feel defensive but I know I need to open my eyes and see what's really gone on in my life. Thank you for this painful awakening.


Quite Impressed 6 years ago

I'm glad you posted this link on Twitter. I read your blog but I do not usually read your hubs, V. I read Ask Men and men's health, and David Z over there always says this. Men love intelligent women and they love a successful woman. I am always amazed at how women lie to themselves about this. I hope Elaine writes back and lets us know how she's doing. The proof as they say is in the pudding. I know successful women that are happily married. I know many successful women that are lonely. The difference is the lonely ones are the ones even I don't like. So I can only imagine what goes on on their dates.


Veronica profile image

Veronica 6 years ago from NY Author

Elaine,

Your breakfast meet sounds very meaningful. What a brilliant idea, to go to the source like that. Sometimes it is mind blowing to see ourselves through other's eyes. I don't mean just mine, I mean for you also your father's and now this gentlemen's. I am with Gerg, I think you're awesome for asking for this Hub and looking within when you knew life was not working. You are very open minded and intelligent to be able to take this step back and look, with "open eyes."

We attract to us what we invite to us. If you are attracting the wrong men, you have to think about what you're putting out there. If you get their attention but can't keep their attention, this lesson is even stronger.

Best to you in this journey.


Veronica profile image

Veronica 6 years ago from NY Author

Quite Impressed! I just figured out who you are by your ip's country! Greetings my friend in India! Thank you for reading one of my Hubs! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Also, scroll up! Elaine did write back, I bet I didn't have it approved before your comment was written, that's all.

Namaste.

And to everyone who's emailed me about this Hub, thank you. It's going to take time reading through them all. :)


dallas93444 profile image

dallas93444 6 years ago from Bakersfield, CA

"... I am extremely intelligent." When I hear this... I run..! Self-centered controller... Her email underlines this point.. She must point out and emphasize her intelligence by telling you how to write. (a lot vs a lot...) Can you imagine being married to a self-perceived "perfect" women, or person! NEXT... Great response! She must be very insecure...


Lala_Lisa profile image

Lala_Lisa 6 years ago

I can so relate to Elaine it's not even funny.

I am now a 62 year old woman living in Florida. I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years. How sad is it when I tell you this is my longest and deepest relationship.

I was a chef in New York City for many years. I was very successful, smart, powerful, and very single. I was always trying to find a good man but very much like Elaine it'd just blow up and I'd say ohhhh he is so intimidated by me. I really believed it too!

Then something happened. Menopause!!!! I went through the change when I was 49 - 50 years old. After it I really calmed down. I also thought well if I didn't find a husband by now I will never. So I stopped looking. I retired young because I was so successful I could and I moved to Florida. I started just hanging out with people down here that I met in the condo complex or on the beach. I started just being nice and happy and enjoying myself. I also started getting asked out by all these great men. I was very lucky to meet my guy. We have been together 8 years now and I am truly happy. We talk about getting married all the time but it would affect our benefits, so it's just a matter of estate planning at this point. Anyway, I know if i had met him 25 or 30 years ago in New York City I would've blown it. I see it now. I was so intolerant. I really am a changed woman now. Veronica you hit the nail on the head with a sledgehammer when you said about listening. I thought I was listening but I sure wasn't. I was biding my time hearing him until he said something I could cut him off with or something that I would just say NO! You're done. NEXT!!! I really thought I was something special and it scared off guys because I was so rich and successful and could walk into any 5 star restaurant in Manhattan with no reservation and be treated like royalty. But really the hardcore stonecold truth is that did not intimidate any one. I wasn't getting the dates and the guys because of ME. I can see it so clearly now that I've let my guard down and changed. Elaine it is not too late. You knew what was up or you wouldn't ask for help. Gerg is right it takes a special and bright person to be open to the truth. I am sure you're going to be fine!!!


Jennifer Lynch profile image

Jennifer Lynch 6 years ago from Stowmarket, Suffolk.

This is really interesting. I think it is always best to give people two dates at least. On the first date we tend to be too visual and therefore do not really properly digest (listen) to what the person is telling us. However I do not think after a couple of dates if you do not get a good connection with someone why bother. I cannot tell you of the times in the past I have been accused of having an Agenda. Sometimes I think it is man's way out of commitment to say this though! Words can be bandied about but connection and what is right for you is felt through the heart.


septembergurl 6 years ago

Veronica, Cheers to you... I love your advice!

When I opened my business in the mid 80's I was 26( I also worked TV) I was so busy I couldn't focus on any relationship. I didn't want to. My only focus was my career. I did date, had fun, broke some hearts. In that time I never knew when I might get married, actually I never thought about it, and never thought about having children.

It wasn't until I met what I thought was "the one"

It was by accident. Completely by surprise. And then I had kids. Again never thought I would.

I was 40 when I had my twins. I sold my business to be a stay at home mom. The thought of daycare made my stomach turn. Thats just me. I am 50 now. I am re writing this in more detail because 'you never know what the future holds, success or not'! My ex was extremely jealous and still is of my success. We were only married for 8 years. I am single now and loving it. I dont regret anything I have done and not being married is not a curse at all! I think that doing both

( relationship/career ) is really hard especially if you dont have a supportive husband/boyfriend like I had.

I love that I am done being the career woman now and can take care of my kids and my man.

The only place I am aggressive still is the bedroom.

Lala_Lisa, enjoy your man!!!! love your past!

Veronica, yes, I am in a very good place.


Veronica profile image

Veronica 6 years ago from NY Author

I always enjoy your comments septembergurl! Thanks so much. Excellent point about focus. It's another case of it really wasn't him, it was you. You weren't in the best romantic-partner place at the time. I am so happy for you that you are happy. That's all that matters.


Lindsey 6 years ago

I love this hub, Veronica. I couldn't agree with you more on your assessment of Elaine's situation---that she wasn't getting calls back or additional dates because men were intimidated by her. If they're already on a date with her, they probably aren't the ones that are going to be intimidated and actually really enjoy successful women. However, I'm going to have to differ with you and agree with EarthAngel on the fact that some, and perhaps many, men are intimidated by successful, "strong" women (they wouldn't agree to or be interested in the first date with a woman like Elaine).

Successful women flip or at least threaten the traditional gender role. It's not quite as clear who is the breadwinner in the relationship. More modern men are slowing changing this and secure in other aspects, but there are plenty of traditionally-minded men who would be turned off by the money-factor alone. It takes a strong, secure man to be with a woman that makes significantly more than he does. Sure, it's becoming less unusual along with stay-at-home Dads, and probably especially in progressive urban areas like NYC and San Francisco, but I don't think it's the norm let alone a non-issue.

I know I've seen it in my own life---as one guy friend put it, "Take the combination of your height (I'm 5'9"), your looks and your income/education, that puts in you a very small segment of the population. That's a lot for any guy to take on." He meant it completely as a compliment, but it is what it is. Income/education, like height for a woman, is not a case where more is better (unlike the situation for men most of the time---you don't hear complaints that he's too tall, too smart or makes too much money). When you're on the end of any bell curve, there just naturally are going to be less people interested because you're less "normal" by definition.

Now, if you're already on a non-blind date, he's probably okay with all of that stuff as much of it probably is self-evident, at least to some extent. So the lack of 2nd/3rd dates isn't due to intimidation, but the lack of first dates may be. I know plenty of guys who refused to go speak to a beautiful woman at a bar because he perceived that she was "out of his league" because she was so beautiful (I'm not one of those girls, but I've had to give plenty a pep talk to encourage him taking that first step, so I think the intimidation is definitely a factor).


Veronica profile image

Veronica 6 years ago from NY Author

Is anyone watching Dr Phil right now? Dr Phil and Steve Harvey are talking about this with women having trouble getting second dates. They are dealing with a woman claiming her success intimidates men. They are both explaining to her she's wrong. Very interesting....


Gladys 6 years ago

This is certainly a very powerful article Ms Veronica. I do think there are men that aren't really men, that are abusers and intimidators that don't want to be with a successful woman. But that's not at all what you are talking about here. You aren't referring to criminals and wife beaters and idiots and boys. And those aren't intimidated anyway. You are speaking about men, meaning the ones we successful women actually want to and should be dating. Bravo to you for this article calling out the women who make themselves feel better with this lie they tell themselves. You remind me of that Sex In the City episode where the one asks what went wrong and the other one's husband says he just wasn't that into you. She spread the news like it's gold and it's funny to see how other women just don't want to hear the truth.

Keep up the good work!

bye!


Veronica profile image

Veronica 6 years ago from NY Author

Gladys -

Exactly! Thanks for your comment, I agree completely. And I'm glad you understood me.

Bye! ;)


gg.zaino profile image

gg.zaino 6 years ago from L'America

I think this a great hub, it's hard to believe that there is such a vast population of blind folks out there driving automobiles! It's truly sad to find so many, can be so dammed absurd at times. The writing on the wall is there for everyone to read except our intellectual, miss successful,(wanna someone else to raise my kids until their in school) and intimidating career gal...

Thanks for the comeback and advice for E.. she's a danger to us all! peace- greg z


multimastery 6 years ago

If a woman is too pushy, it will usually drive most men away. I have encountered several pushy women and it's a great turn off to me. It's best to just take things gradually and read each other. Then let the chips fall where they may.


Veronica profile image

Veronica 6 years ago from NY Author

Thanks gg.zaino, thanks multimastery. I appreciate the comments!


JakeMcMurphy profile image

JakeMcMurphy 6 years ago from Chicago

Hey, excellent hub Veronica! I completely agree with you. Most men are not intimidated by a woman who is successful, however, most men will not "put up" with being told what to do or being made to feel like time spent with them needs to be "scheduled." In this situation men and women are basically the same. There needs to be a special connection that comes before work (or at least feels like it).


Veronica profile image

Veronica 6 years ago from NY Author

Thanks JakeMcMurphy!


kevinex profile image

kevinex 5 years ago

Wow, excellent advice Veronica. I for one, find intelligence and success sexy in a women, and I know there are millions of other guys like me.

P.S: the link to "just not ready" isn't proper, you are missing out the the j in just.


Mark 5 years ago

I call BS.

She isn't having dating problems because men are intimidated. She is having problems because she only dates men who earn more than she earns.

You are the cause of your dating woes.


Veronica profile image

Veronica 5 years ago from NY Author

Thanks Mark. Obviously I agree; the whole article is about how men are not intimidated by successful women. You bring up an interesting point about if she's dating men who earn more, who turn out to be uninterested in her, how she is translating that.


Neil Ashworth profile image

Neil Ashworth 5 years ago from Ireland

Well, I was researching successful women when I landed on this article and in the middle of cokking pasta, reading this Hub and wrestling my kids away from the TV I thought I'd drop you a quick response to say "great article!" you have told it like it is and the whole thing about men being intimidated by success is just nonsense.

Happy to see Elaine seems to have learned a little from this also - it's never too late to change.

Great stuff...

Neil


Veronica profile image

Veronica 5 years ago from NY Author

Neil Ashworth,

Thanks for taking the time to comment, I appreciate it.

I'm happy to report that Elaine, though she hasn't commented in a while, has emailed me a few times, and is definitely doing better than she was. She's been dating a guy for about a month now - that's a long time for her. Fingers crossed.


Pam 5 years ago

Yay, Elaine! Good luck, hope she's got a great, intelligent, happy guy.

I thought about this pub a lot (and the one about first dates) since I was out on a blind date this week. Trying to figure out how much to divulge or not in the first few hours is tricky! :)


Veronica profile image

Veronica 5 years ago from NY Author

Pam,

You're right! it is tricky. I say, it's best to er on the side of caution. You can always give more info later. But you can never go back in time and erase something you said. Fight the urge to spill. Really concentrate on putting your best foot forward. By best, I mean happy. Light. Comfortable. You can always get heavier later, if there is a second date. You don't get two chances to make a first impression. But if that first impression goes well, you will have plenty of opportunities to share more and more.


joyce.blue 5 years ago

There's no reason why men should be intimidated by successful women. They should be happy for them.


Rebecca Saunders profile image

Rebecca Saunders 5 years ago from Australia

Great hub!

So many of us focus on what we want we forget about being ourselves and letting things unfold organically! I would be so scared off by a guy if he let me know in 3 dates what his 5 year plan regarding relationships were!

If women would spend as much time getting to know themselves and being comfortable in who they are as listing their requirements dating would be a more pleasant experience for everyone!


Veronica profile image

Veronica 5 years ago from NY Author

Thank you, Rebecca Saunders!


Ashantina profile image

Ashantina 5 years ago

Hey Veronica. You hit all the nails on the head. I like how you articulated your advice!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago

Great Hub!!!

Men could care less about whether a woman is a waitress or a doctor. Elaine is coming off with too much "I & ME" in her conversations. Relationships are more about "US & WE".

She'd better off paying attention to the "questions" he asks or (does not ask) her! You can really gage a person's interest in you by what they ask you. If a man is not asking you questions about marriage, children, or career then it's because that's not on his mind! The same thing works in reverse if you are "interested" in knowing if you are on the same page as someone (ask them) about their wants, desires, and needs...etc This will show them you are interested in them and it will also know if there is a potential match based upon their answers. However I would caution folks to not sound like they're doing an "interview". Dating should be fun and casual. You have to pick your spots for asking serious questions. I loved this hub!


Veronica profile image

Veronica 5 years ago from NY Author

Thanks dashingscorpio!


SanXuary 4 years ago

All relationships have problems these days, the social skills and expectations between the sexes is undefined like never before. People have a tendency not to grow but instead carry every piece of luggage forward and judge the next person. I simply live and look for someone who lives with me. I even believe dating only prevents people from learning about the other person until you simply live. I would much rather just include someone in the things we both normally do each day and see how things work out. A mutual relationship where two people desire to simply live in terms of their growth is far more realistic. When making the day to day moments special regardless of good or bad things brings peace, simply because both people still find a moment to realize what life is really about is far more important. A true relationship exist when both people realize that it is the only thing they have control over and the dumb things in life good or bad are not that important. Being successful is not the problem because I know far more unsuccessful women and the attitude to building relationships is the same. The problem is that most people simply expect others to conform to meet the other persons expectations and build nothing in terms of a relationship.

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