Just look up and breath

 It has been more than four months since i was on here. It has been more than four months since i wrote that letter to the one i once loved. I had to come back and read it again just to confirm that i really did write it. I wonder why God brings people in our lives who impact us in such a special way and then they walk out and we are left with a hole. Maybe it is because he wants to get our attention. Maybe it is because we are with the wrong person. Oh yes wrong timing. I hate to think of wrong timing. When i think about it, i always want to believe that if you fall inlove it can and would only happen because the timing is right. But maybe my thoughts are not helping me to get better. Probably i should stop thinking that it was the right time because i know according to Gods plans, it was not meant to be at that time. What do you do if you love someone, you do not deny that at one point you hurt them and even left more than once....but when they leave you feel lost?

Its a new year and i know it is going to be a great year. I do not mean in terms of a relationship but i mean in my healing and in growing as a person. I need time to let go and let God. Tears actually do not make it better, they make me feel like i am miserable. I know God has good plans for me and as i tend to believe, everything happens for a reason.

Do i believe in love...absolutely!.It is the greatest gift but it has been abused and misused. My prayer this day is that i will always purpose to love whether its family or friends. If you feel hurt dont let the hurt turn into fear like i did. Dont let the pain stay too long and dont cry yourself to sleep if you are not getting any better. Lean not on your own understanding. Wow!!...God says LEAN NOT ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING....that should make one feel better. It is not easy but it can be done. Instead of crying, i can choose to be thankful for what was and the great things that God has in store for me. I cannot tie myself down and feel as if life is over when in reality i have so much to live for. I am just in college. I have books to study, internships to think about, family to be around, projects to work on...I should not be worried at all.

I know God has good plans,i just have to believe that and say it to myself everyday. Because this is a journey i would like you to believe that too...Whatever situations you are facing, God has a master plan that may not be what you want but may be exactly what you need. The picture only gets clear once Gods plan has fully been implemented and you look back and all you can do is feel humbled and blessed.

I think it is also funny that i began the year with a heavy heart, I was still looking back at what was and it happend that i began reading the novel "JUST BREATH" by Susan Wiggs. The main character Sarah was in a marriage that finally ended up in divorce and that crushed her since she wanted her marriage to work. She walked into a cheating husband and was undergoing fertility treatments after her husbands cancer affected him. She them moved back home without turning back but she was deeply hurt. She was apparently pregnant and did not even know and whoa it was twins...a double blessing at such a low point in her life!!...she also met a good man who loved her for who she was and loved her babies.

To cut a long story short, her blessings were not in her broken marriage even though she worked so hard to believe so at first. She felt cheated and did not feel like it was worth it anymore.On the other hand, God had a different plan and what she went through helped her to be humble and to mature in a certain way that she had not know before.So this day i choose to stay positive and believe that God can do more that i even ask of him.Am going to keep dreaming and believing in the impossible. Am going to keep praying for a good man and in the meantime am going to work on loving me and growing closer to God.

I will look up into the sky and i will breathe and count my blessings with a cup full overflowing hope!

Stay blessed my friends!

Happy new year!! Will sure try to write more this year, its my goal!