Marriage and Divorce, God's View

Marriage and divorce, God's View...Truth Is...

It's good to be back! For those who have faithfully followed Truth Is... I apologize for the long wait.

I was talking to a special friend the other day and they asked a question about a very sensitive and sadly quite common subject: Adultry. This prompted the emergence from my hiatus, and after prayerful consideration the following is what has been given to me to share with you...

To put things into perspective, I 'll tell you that I not only am speaking from the written Word, but my own experience; Truth Is...

When contemplating marriage, it is essential to understand that this is not something that should be taken lightly or done out of rash compulsion. Of course, anyone who has been married or considered it has heard this before. But due to our "human-ness" or imperfection, we often push aside the depth of the wisdom in this counsel and go forward into something we later regret and often end up abusing the sanctity of something that is highly regarded by our creater.

Understand this: it was God who actually invented the institution of marriage. Throughout his Word he emphasises his point of view about it and the way that we treat this arrangement can substantially effect our relationship with God! In early Jewish culture under God, He established just how serious the marriage bond should be taken. Read Leviticus 20:10...here it says that BOTH participants in an adulterous relationship should be "put to death without fail...". Pretty deep huh? 1Corinthians 6:9 goes on to say that adulterers are among those who :"will not inherit God's kingdom...". That being said, isn't it a wonderful thing that we have the loving kindness and understanding of our Lord who knows just how messed up we really are at this point in mankind's existence where He will work with us to return us to his favor; and Thank God for Jesus and his unselfishness in providing the basis for such help from his Father!

Now this opportunity for forgiveness is not a "free pass" as it were to commit sin(s) with the expectation of having it/them absolved. To think so and act in such a light would be taking God's benevolence for granted, and in truth rolling the dice as they say with your salvation. As God knows the heart, if there be treachery within accompanied with disrespect for God's arrangement(s) both for marriage and forgiveness, your forgiveness nor salvation are assured. Now there are those who believe that "Once saved always saved" and that one cannot lose their salvation. But of course God has something to say about that when He had Paul write that "I browbeat my body and lead it as a slave that somehow I do not become disapproved...". Now who of us has God ordained to write several books of his Word and to perform acts and deeds such as Paul did? Yet here is paul saying that he was not assured of salvation until as he said he ran the race until the end where he would receive the prize. If Paul could lose his election, be assured that you can too!

As I said, I speak from experience; so let me share a bit of that: I at one time had been involved deeply in the ministry. I needed (or felt so anyway) a wife. Given the Truth about my nature, I probably did need one. My highschool sweetheart had absolutly NO interest in marriage to someone involved in the ministry. It conflicted greatly with her chosen lifestyle. Subsequently, to quench my own primal needs and other base interests I quckly married a most beautiful woman that I had conviced myself I was deeply in love with. She was gorgeous! and a very sweet person too; but I didn't allow time to learn her or allow the relationship to grow before jumping into marriage. True, in time my love for her became quite real, but by that time I had stepped away from the marriage and committed adultry. Wracked with guilt and shame as well as Godly fear, I told on myself and stepped down from my ministerial position. I do not believe in playing with God and would never take the position of headship/leadership over his sheep when I was totally unworthy. What does God have to do with that which is unclean?

Anyway, the person I cheated on my lovely wife with was none other than my highschool sweetheart! The very one who disdained marriage to me because of my ministry, I allowed to lure me away from it!. Shamed and dejected; full of self loathing, I tried to "fix it", by actually marrying the woman I cheated with. I truly did love her and was sure God would understand and hopefully forgive.Well, as the years passed, our relationship went from bad to worse and great hardships befell us, particularly me. My spirituality suffered the most, and in effect I denied God an instrument He had chosen for his work. I'm sure you know this had no good ending. My descent continued and the negative results from that adulterous relationship affect me and my loved ones to this very day. This is 29 years ago ok?

Let me put this into perspective for you: God DOES forgive. But the CONSEQUENCES of our actions can and will be there. These consquences effect not only us, but our families, friends, and in many cases such as mine, our fellow believers. Just as many within the congregation were hurt by my fall from grace, you never know how many people around you look your way for inspiration and uplifting. That is why the bible counsels us to "watch how we walk". As Christians, that should be the biggest motivation to stay within God's arrangement(s) next to not wanting to displease God himself; that we don't cause a stumbling to our fellow christians. Read Matthew 18:6 for more inspiriation on that note.

What I am saying here, and there will be follow-up articles on this subject; is that we have to remember the part of the ritual that says" What God has put together, let no man put assunder...". That includes women too! Marriage is a pact between you, your mate and GOD! It's a contract that can only be broken by an act of adultry, and we know how God feels about the adulterer!(see above). Sadly it's not always your fault that you're unhappy in a relationship. Several types of abuse can come into play including one rarely spoken of: when your mate ceases to be the person they presented to you and / or ceases to work at the relationship. That is abusive and surely someone out there understands what I am saying.

I particularly feel for the lady who wrote a comment to one of my previous articles that had suffered through a terrible marriage. But she did not forsake the marriage bond out of Godly fear, how commendable! Hebrews 6:10 says that God is not unrighteous so as to forget the suffering(s) you experience for his sake. Truly this woman's faith shall be remembered and deeply rewarded by our heavenly father! Yet it is saddening to think of all that she went through. But is not our entire life a series of tests, trials, tribulations, and true rewards for faithfulness?!

If you are in an adulterous relationship, I encourage to to write to me here at hubpages. I invite you to an open forum where you can remain anonymous, yet receive counsel and exchange information. As I said, there shall be follow-up articles to this one and your questions are not only welcome, but encouraged. in the meantime the one thing that I suggest to each of you is to pray...Pray without ceasing. Prayer brings God into even closer proximity to you, and often prevents you from straying or continuing to stray into dangerous areas of life, it also is the only true way to get to RIGHT answers...TRUTH IS...

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Comments 74 comments

iireal 8 years ago

Welcome back! I've been waiting to see your next article, and as usual you chise a good topic for discussion. I look forward to this particular series as it definitely touches a part of my life.


king B. 8 years ago

It's been a while since your last piece, I hope there wont be as long a gap between this and the next one. Very many people place articles on the net, but Truith Is is one of the very few rare ones that truly has something to say that's uplifting and informative for everyday life. I commend you and look forward to seeing more from you. Don't stay away so long this time.


cristina327 profile image

cristina327 8 years ago from Manila

Great hub. I admire such honesty.


marla 8 years ago

Very good writing. You are blessed with great insight.


Takisha Briggs 8 years ago

I hope you remember me. I am the young lady you met this morning on the trolley (12/31/07). I read your article about marriage & divorce and am truly inspired by your words. You told me that I looked too young to have kids and I noticed you looked down at my hands. No, I no longer wear my wedding ring becuase I am separated from my husband pending a divorce. Although I am only 27, I have experienced more pain and hurt being married than ever before. After 5 years, I realized that I am happier alone with my two babies. This is a wonderful article for people in relationships or are looking to get married. Thank you for sharing your own life experiences. Please keep up the good work.


bobbito 8 years ago

very good stuff


angie 8 years ago

i just got a divorce after fourty yrs of marriage..he left me for a women twenty three yrs younger...i stood for my marriage four six yrs..he just got married to ow.over the holidays..now his partner wants to put him out of the business he has been part of for twenty two yrs..please pray for my finances i am still a partner..yes adultry has many bad effects on everyone..i do not know if i will ever get over the pain..the bad part is i still care about him..i would have taken him back...pray that i can move on..it also destroyed my grown children..my dear daughter just reconcilled with her dad after five yrs..please men and women think twice about lust it all leads to deat of a soul family and of course a marriage....


Wife and mother 8 years ago

Your article was very interested. Currently I am in an adulterous affair and it is killing me on the inside. I have a relationship with God and I feel like such a disappointment to Him. I have a ministry that He has called me to and I fight everyday to place my own imperfections to the side to be an inspiration to others. My affair came about because my husband is a drug addict. He would abuse me mentally and physically. He also would ridicule me about the ministry that God has put me in charge over. He did not understand why I wanted to be a giver and a server. I have spent years being a nurturer and a provider for him. I met a gentleman in passing and we had some much in common. He has been a great help to me but I allowed our meeting to go too far. I have not shared this with my pastor out of being ashamed. I have children by my husband and sometimes I think I am holding on because of that. I wanted to comment just because it has been heavy on my heart. I was looking for information for a friend online and came across this.


daledad8 profile image

daledad8 8 years ago from pittsburgh Author

This is for Wife and Mother...I truly do understand some of what you are experiencing. But the MOST important thing that you stated in you comment(s) was that God has a ministry He is trying to work thru you. It is Your privilage,and duty to fulfill that ministry above ALL ELSE; INCLUDING YOUR OWN PAIN AND SUFFERING. This of course is easy for anyone to SAY. But Truth Is...Prayer is your biggest weapon,tool and ally in this and any situation. The fact that you have'nt sgared this with your pastor indicates either that you have not the true trust in him there should be, or you inwardly are not willing to do what you know that you MUST...end it!.

At this point, your spouse is the one with grounds to dissolve the union. But you didn't state whether you still love him or not...DO YOU? This is but one of a few questions you should ask yourself. Additionally, there is the BIGGEST question: Will God pour that which is clean into that which is unclean? The relationship you are in is definitely wrong; that's why the gift from God, your conscience, bothers you so much. There has to be someone that you can trust who can go into prayer with you and I'm talking about daily intense prayer, especially when you meticulosly avoid the person you are in the affair with...YES, let him GO! Then pray like crazy!

Right now your husband isn't theonly one addicted. You likewise are "self-medicating" with an illicit affair to escape the hash realities that face you at home and otherwise in your life. The most important thought that should be in your mind is concentrating on what it is that GOD has set forth for you to do and THAT YOU AGREED TO DO! Tha is a contract that even if you change your mind, is binding and believe me it is far better for you if God continues to honor it. There probably will be some sort of consequences for your improprities but keep in mind as James says:God does not punish us, we are drawn out by our desires and then reap that which results.

I am NOT condemning you my dear sister. Truth Is has made the very same mistake. Sadly, it took DECADES before I got to this point where I am, and that's not all to wonderful! I both sympathize and empathize with you. But i have learned that we must put God's will before our own, especially those of us He has chosen to minister to his sheep in whatever capacity as we are twicely accountable. Fortunately, He is such a wonderful and magnicent Loving kind Father to us all and when there is true repentence and contrition, there is great and tender mercies from above. I pray that you are able to experince these and soon.

In the meantime, Invite you to contact me again if there is a need to talk, as Truth Is...is here for you and anyone else in need of assistance in the perilous and often trying walk toward salvation. If it were easy, everyone would do it. ....

Matthew 6:33

Much Agape....Truth Is...


oneofheavensgirlz 7 years ago

Im a married christian woman.My husband and I have been married for almost a year.My husband is not saved,although I pray he will be.I suspect my husband has or is still cheating on me.He will not admit it,but I have found text messages in his phone,with him disscussing sex with another woman.He claims he was just texting with her,and he has not had sex with her,and had no intentions.He says I didn't like having phone sex with him,and that was his excuse for having text sex with her.I can't prove that he has had sex with someone else,either.He did apologize,and said it would not happen again.I still do not trust him,and wonder if he is sleeping with someone.I do still love him,and I believe he can change.I don't know if I should leave him or not.I think if I stay with him,God will change him,if I continue to have faith,and keep trusting God.I think the hard work to keep our marriage will pay off.No one said marriage is easy,so I try to have the attitude that this is one of those hard times that alot of marriages face.I have been praying and asking God to guide me in the right direction.My other concern is I want to stay married because of my relationship with God.I don't know if I should give up on my marriage so soon because I am faced with a problem.Other than this issue of suspected infidelity,we have had no other issues.I need some advice.


daledad8 profile image

daledad8 7 years ago from pittsburgh Author

This is to oneofheavenzgirlz: My dear Sister in Christ, I feel for you and what you are experiencing right now. it is not an easy thing to go through when there is adultery in a relationship for either party, but particularly for the one who is innocent of offense(s). I commend you resolve to try to work at the situation and pray that if you maintain that resolve all wil fare well for you. But it is incumbent upon me to state that you are under NO obligation to maintain that relationship IF (and only if) it is found that there reallly does exist an adulterous affair or fling or whatever.  Contrary to what others may believe; adultry is the ONLY scripturally approved reason to end a marriage.

   As many persons do the person above who commented, Tim Burkard, quoted the bible totally out of context.  It is God's desire that you work at the marriage, true, as He does hate a divorce; but He also hates adultry! One who goes outside of his marriage is in total violation of the vows that they took before God firstly, and then again against you...this in addition to the fact that they also have victimized themselves in that they remove themselves from an approved state with God. They have invited and welcomed the influence of the Devil into their lives, your life, and most importantly, your combined relationship with God. 

   An adulterer rejects the protections and direction(s) of God and follows their carnal spirit. They jeopardize the working of God's spirit within the marriage which has been sanctioned by God himself.

   If in fact your love for this person is so strong that you are willing to continue working to save it, you will need to greatly intensify your relationship as well as communication(s) with God. Only He can repair any damage(s) done to the relationship. There are things you must earnestly and HONESTLY consider: Such as whether or not you are capable of truthfully FORGETTING as well as forgiving the offrense. To forgive means that you forfeit the right to recall it when angry or hurt in the future by this person. It would be wriong to throw it in their face over and over. There are too many other problems to making a successful relationship for us to hold on to old or past ones. Think about that thoroughly. PRAY! Prayer is the greatest tool one may use in m,aking decisions(Proverbs 3:5-7). Take your time in making the decision, and make sure that you are ready to handle ALL that comes with the decision that you make. Are there children involved? If so, are you capable of NOT interfering with the mate interracting with and establishing as well as niurturing their relationship with the child or children? Don't make the children suffer because of adult issues. Allow the children to make their on decision(s) when they are of

age.

But be more than certain that this person has or currently IS guilty of adultry before acccusing or deciding they are. Once you know for certain, then go back to God in fervent prayer as to what to do. I say "Go back" because you should be in deep prayer right now. If you've prayed already...Pray anyway! Pray-Pray-Pray...and let God work with and within you.

I am here for you to talk to if you desire, and of course I am and shall continue to be in prayer for you as well.

By the way, other than the anointing that entitles me to speak these things to you. I always endeavor to be totally honest with my readers and thus I'll reveal why I know what I am saying is correct: I at one time committed adultry. I felt so bad that I told on myself. I didn't desire to Play with God or his arraingement(s). Nor did I feel I had the right to deny her the option to choose whethter or not to continue the marriage. Sadly I pressured her too much and lost her. But I and she remain very good friends to this day,her new husband too! God does work things out! No situation is the "End of the World" regardless if it may feel as if it is. Stay strong with God and keep seeking His righteousness FIRST and He WILL be there for all the rest as He promised.

Much Love...Truth Is...


daledad8 profile image

daledad8 7 years ago from pittsburgh Author

To oneofheavenzgirlz, I apologize for fiorgetting to add something: The facvt that your husband is looking elsewhere for phone sex demonstrates there is something else wrong. Again, you did say that He is not Christian and this is something that we both male and female Christian must consider when choosing to bind and bond with others who are not God and spirit-led. He is not sensitive to what is of God and thereby not really bound to follow God's way. He should as it could cost him not only his salvation, but also happiness, joy and peace now that he would get from a Spirit-led wife. Sex is one of the enemy's biggest and most effective weapons and it is tjhose attached to and a part of God's sheep that he uses it against. I again encourage much thoughtful and heartfelt prayer, and commend you for your faith. God bless and please get back in touch!...

Truth Is...


Lgali profile image

Lgali 7 years ago

Great hub.


anon 7 years ago

Great topic. I myself have over and over looked up scripture in regards to this topic. I am in a really big emotional, spritual, whatever you want to call it, battle. My story is long, I will keep it as short as possible.

I am saved, my husband is not, although he is "spitirual" and does believe in God. Except he does not actively seek Him (meaning he shows no interest in church or reading the Bible for himself). I can't honestly say I've been a peach either. I recently re-committed my life to God and have been working on changing MYSELF, and am trying not to point fingers or focus on my husbands flaws. I also have been really interested in deliverance and evil spirits (which I will get to shortly).

We've been together 10 years, married for just over 1. A few months back I found out my husband was having an affair. I confronted him and the other woman but they both continued with it. Now she's pregnant and is finding out the "truth" about him and doesn't want much to do with him. I talked her out of an abortion, as I feel it's wrong, but her keeping the baby is putting a huge emotional strain on our relationship as he feels as though "it's not fair to her to leave her alone, she doesn't deserve that." But I too don't deserve coming second or next to any other woman, and he's also acknowledged that... I wanna cry.

There's also been domestic violence in our past. My husband has broken my ribs before, given me a black eye, and many other things. And in the midst of it we have two beautiful boys!

So, now I'm torn. My husband is the ONLY man I have ever been with in my entire life and the idea of even being with another man disgusts me, but I don't want to be alone. I know I have God, but I want to share my life with someone, much like most of us do. I'm still fairly young (a quarter of a century) and know I can move on, but I really don't want to tear my family apart and I still love my husband more than words can describe. I've been working on forgiveness and to be honest this whole set of circumstances has really drawn me closer to God, which I am ironically grateful for. But I'm not sure what to do. My husband "signed" an 18 year contract by empregnating this woman, and I understand the obligation. As a woman, I am telling him that he does need to be there for her and the child, but at the same time, I feel as though they both knew what they were getting themselves into, why should I and my family/children suffer (he spends half the week here and half the week chasing her)? I know life is not supposed to be easy and God allows things to happen for reasons we can't understand (I often read stories of suffering in the Bible and think I have nothing to complain about). But I don't know what to do.

I firmly believe in generational curses. In fact, my husband is following the same exact footsteps his father did. Except his father is now saved. I also firmly believe in demons and the ability to be "posessed." Not like the way they depict it in movies though. But it's very real, much more real than most care to believe. Even Christians can be with evil spirits. Otherwise, there would be no such thing as deliverance ministries.

Anyway, I've read Pigs in the Parlor recently and have identified many demons that dwell within me and my husband - one of them being the spirit of adultery. And to my understanding, often when one spirit enters, it brings more with it. My husbands father used to watch porn with him and a very young age, and I believe that's when that spirit entered and has now grown into a full blown monster. I've caught and confronted my husband several times regarding online and pornographic DVD's. He's always ashamed and embarrassed. But he hasn't stopped (at least not to my knowledge as we are now separated).

I've dealt with forgiveness within myself (well, dealing with) towards my husband, as that's a major factor. And also the fact that I am not perfect nor was perfect and am now realizing I too have made many mistakes in our relationship.

Is it possible or even worth it to move on and past all this? I don't want to stay with my husband "because of the kids" as that will only cause more emotional turmoil and damage to all parties involved. But I truly do really love him and would like to make it work, but only if he's willing, which right now, he's lost. I forgot to mention he has a really bad drug addiction, which basically controls his life (and burns a huge hole in my pocket). In fact, I too partake with him at times, but it's not a priority in my life. It's more social, a way to engage with him, and I can quit at the drop of a dime (I did both times I was pregnant and while breastfeeding). In fact, I've been led by the spirit recently to quit, but right now I feel it's one of the only ways to connect with my husband and I want to hang on to that so much.

Where I was going with the whole deliverance and evil spirits thing was... I've come to understand my husband (and myself) has a few idols in his life that need to be removed. Where the devil plays games with my mind is this - am I just making excuses for him (and myself) or do I continue to hang on and wage all out spiritual warfare? And in regards to our relationship, do I keep going or turn in the key? Apparently there's others in similare situations (in regards to pornography and adultery - and many have been restored. See PureLife Minisstries for more... http://www.purelifeministries.org/restoring-marria... )

I've tried giving it over to God, but this one is really hard for me.


daledad8 profile image

daledad8 7 years ago from pittsburgh Author

TYo ANON: Your issues are something I'd prefer to discuss privately with you as opposed to in a public forum. Feel free to email me at this adress: vera-dale@hotmail.com

Truth Is...


Nowaiver 7 years ago

My husband and I are seperated and have been for a little over a year now. We have four small children together and he wants to get a divorce and has moved on to be with another young lady who has two children. I have wrestled with the fact of divorce and find myself waivering back and forth. At this point we don't talk and he has left me to get the divorce knowing I cannot financially afford it with solely caring for four children. Honestly I love my husband but I have to admit that we have never had the chance to experience marriage. He left for Iraq when we first we married and wanted a divorce by the time he returned home a year later. I have not explored other male companionship during this seperation because I feel that I still have to uphold my covenant to God. I feel like if he was willing to work on things that I would try to work on them also. Unfortunaltely he has expressed that he feels like I owe him an apology for everything that he feels that I have done wrong and I need to explain in detail why I am apologizing. At this point I feel like I need to let go and look to raising my children in the Lord.

Our youngest daughter doesn't know my husband because my pregnancy with her was the final thing that ignited the ugly seperation. He wanted to get an abortion and I refused and after a physical altercation and an order of protection we are here. I don't want to make another move with out being in Gods will.


Nowaiver 7 years ago

Just to clarify we were very unstable prior to the pregnancy. With every pregnancy we were seperated.


struggling to understand 7 years ago

Let me start this by saying that I am not in any way perfect. I essentially manipulated my husband into getting married by lying to him. I know he had feelings for me once, he told me he did, but that they went away. However he continued to woo me so to speak because "he didn't want to hurt me by cutting things off". I ran away from my parents with his help and we moved in with his. We got married shortly thereafter. Let me stop here and say that i truly love this man with everything I have in me. I cannot imagine myself with anyone else, and I don't want to be physically alone. Anyways, we got married a little under 2 years ago. I hid my lies from him for the first year, but then I finally felt God break through my denial and told my husband the truth. Needless to say he was devastated and wanted a divorce. I got back on track with God and moved back to my parents (we lived about 1000 miles away) and stayed with them for a month to give things time to cool down. They did indeed cool down and when I came back, my husband was willing to go to counseling. After counseling he seemed to be a changed man. He treated me like he loved me, and I am ashamed to say that I fell back in my walk with the Lord.

One of the biggest issues in this marriage, that has been here from the beginning is that he has a "best friend" who is female. He refused to cut contact with her because "she needed him".

For the past 3 months he has been trying to make things work. I have recently made a full turn around back to God and am working for this marriage as hard as I can. However due to "Sally" (not her real name) he focuses all of his attention on her. He told me that he has no emotional connection or love for me, which I can understand given the start of this relationship. He feels like my changes are "too little too late".

I won't post the full sordid story on here, but the bottom line is, he told me he loves this other girl and that he has no desire to make this realtionship work anymore. He said unless God can convince him otherwise he is going to file for divorce tomorrow. He leaves for Air Force Basic training in 2 months, so I don't think he has time to go through with the divorce quite yet, but I am praying that God will change his mind.

I am struggling so hard right now because for some reason I feel like he won't divorce me and tha someday he can come to love me. HOwever, I am confused because I don't know if this feeling is from God, or if it's just because I want to stay with him so badly. Please, anyone who sees this, lift my husband up in prayer. He is falling away from the right path and is refusing to listen to God's voice.

if you feel led by the Lord or if you want to know more details, please feel free to email me at nekomimi_2479@yahoo.com


daledad8 profile image

daledad8 7 years ago from pittsburgh Author

For the young lady:"Struggling to understand. I would like very much to offer to talk with both you and youur husband. You did mention that at some point he was willing to go to counseling. Let's do that then if at all possible. Also I would like to ask that you contact me through the means provided above for contacting the author(Truth Is...) as it is my policy not to discuss personal matters on this forum but rather offer private discussion of the more intricate and private matters in your relationship. If you cannot find the place above simply email me at: vera-dale@hotmail.com

Pray and Pray more

B-blessed!

Truth Is...


regretlovelost12 6 years ago

Hi. I am a 28 year old mother of 2, and have been divorced now a little over a year. This is due to my infidelity. I have searched and searched for an answer to figuring out what I done what I did. Everyone insists that it is because my ex and I were not meant to be. I do not believe this, while I am a believer that everything happens for a reason, its hard to ingest seeing how we have free will. And if god meant for us to be together and have to beautiful childern together, then he would not have intended for me to have an affair. God is against adulty. So if he didn't bring us together to last a lifetime and make an affair the reason we divorced. I don't see how in any case that two people are united as one, only to be separated later, no matter what the reason.

I live with so much guilt and have truly learned a lesson from this experience. I know I would never to do it again. When asked why I done it, I really have no answer. I don't know why I done it. And that is very confusing. I have been head over heels about this man for years. Even before I knew him. I can't understand how I hurt the one person who means the world to me, next to my kids ofcourse. I always said I'd never do something like this, and I did. When your with someone you tend to forget how much you really love. This made me realize that I love him as much as I did 10 years ago, plus more.

I'd give anything to have him back and try to work things out. For him though, it is not possible. He came back for a week and then left only to start seeing someone else 2 days later. Not to mention the fact that before that one there was another. That he was seeing up until the time he came home for that week.

I seem to question everything now. Like if I really truly loved him, then I would have never had an affair. But then I have to question if he really truly loved me he would not have been able to move on so easily.

I feel that this might have been a life lesson to show me that having to lose him was to remind me of how much I really loved him. And I feel that it showed him how much he didnt' love me. Cause I really feel that if you he'd really loved me then he wouldn't have been able to move on so easily, no matter what the reason.

Cause I have to tell you, I am having a really hard time with this. I just can't get it out of my head how I hurt someone i careso deeply about. I thought I'd forgiven myself but I guess I really haven't

I feel that there is that one person you are meant to be with, and nothing can tear you apart. I don't feel that you are meant to love just anyone that way. I so badly wanna say, if we are truly meant to be together, then we will find our way back to one another eventually. But I just don't think that's the case here.

I knew how he felt about trust and broke that trust. I just wish he knew how much I really love him.

Please help me understand!! So maybe I can start to move on with my life. Did this happen to us for a reason? Do you think it was just an act of free will? I worry that my road was laid out, and there was a fork in the road. And if I'd had kept going straight, then we would still be together. And then there was the road to the right, and if I go down that one, we will no longer be. I feel that both the roads had my affair laying on it. The one that I turn the affair down, then I'd still be with him. And then the one that if I do it, will end my marriage. Or were we just meant to be together for a little while. I firmly belive that my marriage was not meant to end due to me having an affair. So was it in our cards to end either way??

I am so sorry, just really lost and confused about all this. Just wish I could take it all back and still be happy. I'm afraid that I'm gonna live the rest of my life alone and thinking he was the one that got away.

Please help shed some light into my path!!


daledad8 profile image

daledad8 6 years ago from pittsburgh Author

To regretlovelost12 I ask that you contact me at my email address inb order to further discuss your situation privately as is my normal practice. I also offer to you and all others who read this to also read Trying to Get back: The Truth About Forgiveness in Relationships also at truth Is...

My email is vera-dale@hotmail.com


confused180 6 years ago

I am in a very difficult point in my marriage. Me and my wife have been together for 3 years married only a year and a few months. For the past few months i had been neglecting her and just not being there for her. After she said she was leaving my eyes were opened and I realized i had to change for her to be there for her no matter what because i don't believe in divorce. The night she left she ended up meeting someone new. a guy alot older then her with 3 kids and he is going through a divorce. Ive tried to get her to come back and its been over a week but she just is so closed off towards me that i cant even come talk to her and is completely shutting me out. Last night she came out and told me they slept together and she had deep feelings for this guy. I don't know what to do and any advice or suggestions would be great. Everytime i bring up something about marriage being sacred and shouldn't be broken she just disposes of the information. Please help...


vangel2 6 years ago

I've been married to my husband for 7 years. I have lived through hardships for a long time dealing with emotional & physical abuse with my husband. Several months ago, I engaged into an emotional affair with my ex boyfriend which I ended after a month. I have prayed to God for forgiveness & I felt obligated to tell my husband about the affair. After I told him, we had a separation for about a month. He comes back and tells me that he ewants to work it out with me. I love my husband very much and for 7 months I have been trying very hard to love & cherish him like never before. But my husband still has never forgiven me, because he still chooses to be verbally & emotionally abusive towards me & tells me that he doesn't love me anymore. He is deployed and a few days ago, he's been telling me he wants a divorce. This breaks my heart, because I really want us to work out, yet he is hurting me out of hate. What am I suppose to do? I know there are consequences to our actions, do I deserve for him to walk out on our marriage?


daledad8 profile image

daledad8 6 years ago from pittsburgh Author

This comment is for Vangel2 and really every reader. If you would like to further discuss your situation under more private conditions, I would encourage you to contact me via email at vera-dale@hotmail.com. All discussions and emails will remain confidential.

Additionally, I encourage those with similar situations as vangel2 to also read "Trying to get Back: the truth about forgiveness in Relationships", also one of my hubs.

In the meantime, as always I encourage iligent prayer and supplication and that you remain steadfast in you resolve to maintain your relationship with God. trials are a means to draw us closer and rely all the more on God...Truth Is...

B-blessed!


greginnc 6 years ago

I agree there are consequences of adultery. My wife left me pregnant with the OM's baby. She took our 2 yr old and left our 10 yr old at home. She has a 1.5 yr old now and my now 4 yr old every other week for 7 days. Our ten yr old doesn't talk to his mother and is leading a fulfilled life without having to deal with her. I have no more nagging, complaining, no more worry about money as I can now live on a budget, I have a car paid off, a swimming pool, a weekend vactation fund, nice clothes, I am pursuing my college education, I am finally able to live a fulfilling life without that ball and chain of a wife. I honestly thank the Lord that He shut the door to my marriage as we are now unable to ever consider reconcilliation. I am not bitter in any way, if it wasn't for the OM I'd be in that old grind working two jobs just trying to make ends meet. He did me the biggest favor I could ever imagine. My son is at peace with himself now and as he enters the teenage yrs I look greatly to the future of his adult life. God is good and God is omniscient in that He truly knows what is best for us. :D


greginnc 6 years ago

In all fairness to my wife her consequences are tough. She lives below the poverty level, her boyfriend is a probationee, alcoholic, bad temperament, cannot hold a job, they have moved 5 times in two yrs, she now works full time and does not enjoy the stay at home life anymore, she is the bread winner with a 300 a week paycheck so her life is hard and difficult and I do not relish in it. I am thankful God has blessed me even in this time of crisis. I hope our divorce will be soon as the legal expenses are great and I am praying for the Lord to provide the means for that.


confused 6 years ago

My husband had an affair 2 years into our marriage. He never apologized to me, he just wanted to ignore it, not go to counseling and pretend it never happened. Well, 3 years later there is no affection along with other things, no communication, just a roomate. Everytime I try to get close, I am shut down. I know he will not seek spiritual or religious counsel. He does not like to work at the marriage and I am now feeling I do all the work in the marriage to keep it going. I also find myself going above and beyond so that he will not complain about anything or so I don't give him any reason to complain. What should I do? Is this what happens after years of marriage anyway? No one ever sat down and told me what my expectations should be in marriage, how much affection, what to do if there is adultery...please give me advice


rachelle.rowe2223 profile image

rachelle.rowe2223 6 years ago from Gresham, OR

I found your blog and believe that God is trying to speak to me through it, I just do not always understand which way he would like me to go. My husband has been unfaithful too many different times to count. He consistently has abused me mentally and emotionally. He has deserted me pregnant with his children twice and deserted the three of us multiple times. He has stolen from me, betrayed me, cheated on me, lied to me, hurt me...Our relationship is addictive because he will be perfect for a while and then all of a sudden, out of no where, he is hurting me again.

We have been fighting a lot lately. It hurts me because he does it in front of our children and will not allow me to walk away even when I try. I know that it will be very bad for them to grow up around and I do not want them to think that is the way relationships should be. They are already acting out and they are only 1 and 2 years of age.

Tonight, he left to go to the store and has again not returned. His phone is turned off and he has seemed to disappear into the abyss. He'll probably call or show up again tomorrow, after his drinking and cheating and beg to come back. Again with another excuse.

My husband has not worked in almost 2 years. He always has an excuse as to why. I was attending college and he stole my financial aid credit card and disappeared. He relapsed on meth which was something he did long before I ever met him. He cheated with a hooker and then he begged for forgiveness. I again took him back. My family has basically disowned me, I've lost all friends, he's sold, broken, or stolen most of my possessions I had before the marriage. I have always taken care of the children and provided for them. He's stolen my car which he does not have his name on in any way and I had before I met him but the law does nothing. When you are married, apparently your spouse can break your things, belittle and berate you, scream and cuss at you until you are backed into a corner and they are in your face calling you every name in the book, take all of your finances, steal your car which has nothing to do with them, and do about anything they want as long as they do not "hit" you. You can do nothing unless you take them to court or file for divorce.

My parents, family, and friends think I am crazy for continuing to take him back. I have always told them that I am married and that with my Christian view I don't believe in a divorce and that some day he will change. But I don't think that God would want me to go through so much suffering. Or my children. I am at a loss for words and for actions. I do not know where to go from here.

I have started at a new church again. Our last one married us so I feel strange going without him. The one before knows too much about my marriage and our issues and I just feel uncomfortable going there. They always tell me to not consider divorce and that God will open his eyes some day. But every time I think He finally has, he does the same things again. He is an alcoholic and was attending AA and really getting involved in his sobriety and then he just stopped. I am on the verge of a mental break. I do not know what else to do to fix the issues I have in my marriage. I can't MAKE him change. I can't MAKE him stick to his vows. I can't MAKE him be a husband or a father or a provider or anything.

Your blog has offered me some help...he has cheated many times and I know that is grounds for divorce. I am just so afraid of breaking the cycle and most importantly, of breaking my vows with God...


daledad8 profile image

daledad8 6 years ago from pittsburgh Author

Dear Rachelle as always I ask that you and any reader seeking to discuss your situation to please contact me via email at vera-dale@hotmail.com as it allows your issues to be addressed directly and privately. GOD BLESS...Truth Is...


confused 6 years ago

I was married for 20 years. 5 beautiful children. One in prison, with a calling and another going into the ministry this fall. My husband, their father, beat me for 17 years, had a least that many girlfriends. The mental and emotional abuse was the worst part of it all. I finally had enough and tried to leave him. He kept me through guilt. I had stopped loving him as a husband. Even while he held on to me I feel sure he was with one of our daycare providers. Then I went to another man. I left my husband almost right away. I fell in love with this other man. He was so kind and gentle. I did not divorce out of fear for years. The threats were awful. My ex was into drugs and crime after I left. I lived with this man. He had, and still has my heart. We have split up, he is in another state. We could not continue as we were. My question is can I marry this man? Can it ever be a union blessed.


SalleyD 6 years ago

I began dating a man while he was still married and on the rocks with his wife. He had cheated on her three years prior to me meeting him and they separated for one year, and got back together after she suffered a car wreck with their two girls and were back together for 6 months when I began talking with him. He eventually left her and they divorced this past year. I've been with him every step of the way and know that I'm an adulteress for this. I told my family about our relationship and being catholic they have not talked to me because they believe I broke up his family. Maybe I did, he claims that he was getting ready to divorce her before we got together because they weren't working out and they had tons of emotional problems within the relationship. I love this man, but I love God more. Am I wrong for still being with him and thinking of possibly marrying him in the future? I know God forgives and forgets, but I feel like this is something that wont' be forgiven and I'm afraid I'm going to miss out on the Kingdom of Heaven which is more important. I know if I break it off with him that we'll both be crushed. Plus I grew up Catholic and have a few different beliefs than he does which causes me to continually think I'm doing something wrong, and he doesn't. Please help, this is heavy on my heart and I just need someone to talk to that's outside of my family, him, and friends. I guess my question is could this be a blessed relationship or am I in the wrong in God's view for being with him?


BethShay777 profile image

BethShay777 6 years ago

If you have a personal relationship with God, then what you didn't wasn't really wrong, you guys fell in love! So no your not going to miss out on the Kingdom of Heaven :)


Ruth 5 years ago

I do believe that the commitment of Adultery does make

grounds for divorce and I also understand that Jesus

Christ came to stop religiosity and therefore if a woman is under an abusive circumstance when the husband is beating her and /or the children she needs to get her

and her children out of that abusive situation into a

shelter to protect her from the violent man. It is the

responsibility of the man to love his wife as Christ loves the church and protect her and the children not

to keep them living under oppression and fear. That is

only a man that God will deal with when the time comes for all that he causes.But Blessings to you daledad you

are still a blessed man of God!


eli 5 years ago

Hi there first of all I Am so glad i stumbled on this great site and was able to read and see that I am not alone. And that a lot of people have marital issues um well lets see where do I start? I am 23 years of age and have been married for about 3 yrs now but i have been with my wife since middle school and let me just say that in spite of every thing I still love her so much. We have gone through a lot in our marriage and relationship together and are parents of two wonderful kids our oldest is a boy and is about to turn seven and our daughter just turned four. They are awesome kids and yes we started way young we have almost made it to ten years. That surpasses all statistics out there and unfortunately it looks like we had a good run and now are in the midst of a divorce. It has everything to do with infidelity on top of many other issues we have. We have had a lot of break up and make ups in the past 3years. But god seems to draw us near again some how. I have cheated in our relationship but always have been one niter's in my younger and dumber days. But when we got married for me it changed my view and always thought marriage was sacred and even when i was in the world i felt the same way. Now the reason why we got married was because we wanted to be right in the sight of God and we felt we loved each other and we did i must say at one point in time i think now that she did possibly loved at one point in time. It seemed everything was going great with our fear of the lord in the center of our house hold but it all went down hill when my wife's mother separated from her step father and needed our help and i made my mistake in letting her stay with us. My marriage was pretty much broken from that point. Her mom isn't the best person to get marital advice being that she doesn't value her own marriage or God's word. Well any way my started to stray away from the lord in no time and took up smoking again cigarettes and marijuana on top of xenex well lets just say at that point i didn't recognize her she changed and grew to be more like her mom. Now granted i shouldn't of never stepped away from the lord at this difficult time but i did and that only made it worse for me.I started to smoke marijuana and cigarettes again as well i even went as low as cocaine i got so consumed into drugs i cared less and less about what happens at the point in life but really i was masking the pain of my wife losing her love she ounce had for me. Which i still find myself wondering if she ever did. We have been at our lows before but we have always managed to get back up but to fast forward a little bit because i can go on,,what is really bothering is theses recent events that has happened with her and my brother in law that i cant get over and before this one she was with one of my cousins which was my best friend before all of this i have been a changing man to who i am today which I'm a christian and love God and want to please him. We have tried a lot of times to try an work it tout but it seems hopeless so we are on our way to our divorce because she needs the world to be happy i don't im no longer that guy i hate smoking i hate drink i hate to sin i hate to disappoint God and i want some direction we have both made our mistakes but it seems she keeps making them on purpose. and we are separated she has had i don't know how many boy friends while still married i don't think she has ever valued our marriage what should i do should i continue with the divorce proceedings or should i try to work things out??plz help


daledad8 profile image

daledad8 5 years ago from pittsburgh Author

Eli, contact me via email: vera-dale@hotmail.com


luciene  5 years ago

hey there, my husband says he doesn't love me anymore because i have pushed him away, this could be true i thought i had reason to, now he wants a divorse, i have learned the error of my ways and repented for it, do i just let him go or do i beieve God for a miracle


Lisa 5 years ago

I am so lost. My significant other has been involved in online cheating for a long time. I have told him about it but he has denied or said I was crazy. Im tired. I ask God for help but feel lost, hurt and lonely. I feel like im haning onto the side of a building trying not to fall.


precious 5 years ago

I am going through the hardest point in my life.I blame myself for it and am afraid that i might have to live the rest of my life feeling unhappy,miserable and unloved.I met a young man a couple of years ago.we are from the same country but he worked aboard.so most of our time spent was over the phone,talking all the time.After a few trips to the country where he lived,within a couple of years or so,I got pregnant by him.I knew better cause i am a christian.I knew exactly what i should and shouldn t do.After the birth of my son,i quickly got married to him and honestly i did that to please church people and some relatives.I did what people wanted me to do.What i didn't do was get to know this man properly.He did things before we got married that really turned me off.but yet still i pushed these things away and married him cause i wanted to make people happy.I convienced myself that i should marry him and that i was doing the right thing.I did have second thoughts as well but pushed all these things away.Even before we got married i felt lonely,when he was with me.I didn t feel loved,like i think i should.now that we ve been married for a year,i have been unhappy throughout.He shows no attention,affection and the list goes on.I am always open to him and tell him exactly how i feel.i would get brief responses such as,'ok i ll work on it'.Well its the same way. i ve cried, and express these feeling to him over and over.Still feel the same way,there s no change.He got baptised before we got married,he had to,cause i wouldn t be able to marry and unbeliever in my church,which i agree with all my heart,cause i want a God fearing husband.I asked him a couple of days after he got baptized how he felt,he told me he didn't want to get baptized,he did it so we can marry,he just wasn t ready for that.So now am married to man with whom i am not in love and the love i thought i had for him is fading away quickly.There is a lack of communication.I m always the one asking questions and stuff,if i don't,nothing will be said.I honestly want out of this marriage,i feel that i didn't marry someone that really loves me,i would have preferred to marry my best friend,someone i could talk too all the time,be open with and so on.i ve tried alot and the reason am still married to him is because i ve got the fear of God.i don't think i can live another year like this.I ve thought of suicide before,just want to be alone,don t want to be in a relationship like this.I am tired of pretending.I am frustrated and stresses,I ve prayed about it,pouredmy heart to God,i feel like my whole life is messed up.I am only 25 years old.i need help


daledad8 profile image

daledad8 4 years ago from pittsburgh Author

Precious: contact me at vera-dale@hotmail.com


brandy 4 years ago

hi, i just recently developed a relationship with christ, and not long after my husband began treating me worse, i have caught him in lies about other women, and sometimes he can get physically and emotionally abuseive. I am not happy about this at all, i don't know how much i can stand he refuses to walk with christ, he says he is saved but i see no fruit, ive been thinking of divorce but iam afraid that no matter how bad it gets God will look down on me if i break this bond?


daledad8 profile image

daledad8 4 years ago from pittsburgh Author

@Brandy, to begin with it is not you who must determine a person's walk with God. You cannot force your husband to meet your spiritual expectationbs; but rather as found in 1 Peter you must continue to be circumspect abput your pwn walk and allow as well as trust God to deal with all else.As this scripture points out, your christian obedience may well save your husband and draw him to Christ. Prayer is the quintessential element in this and any situation, circumstance and rel;ationship; use it. I also encourage you to contact me vis email to further discuss your situation with confidentiality. vera-dale@hotmail.com. B-blessed!

Truth Is...


brandy 4 years ago

makes since, thanks for your advice, since i have last posted that comment things are looking better, i will not give up praying and he seems to be coming round, and you are right i do not know his true heart only God knows, i was just assuming it do to his fruit thats all.. thanks for you time


daledad8 profile image

daledad8 4 years ago from pittsburgh Author

Brandy, I will keep you and your husband in prayer and encourage you to do the same and TRUST God. Remember too that there are ups and downs in any marriage as well as our walk with God. Even I have had periods in the past where I gave up. At one time they called me Jonah saying I was running from my calling. I had to remember that GOD still has a lot of work to do on me and I need to give the people I minister to the same respect.

Continue to move forward in your efforts to grow in Christ and allow his spirit to flow FREELY around you; it's bound to rub off. Too many of us look for God to make a "quick fix" in our lives and it simply doesn't work like that. Paul said to run the race until the end... B-Blessed

Truth is...


brandy 4 years ago

thanks so much.. God bless you


Doria 4 years ago

Hi, everything that I have read is helpful, but ever case is different. My husband of 17 yrs. Has gone crazy and I find it very offendsive because we are both saved, and we're raised in the church. His father is Bishop. And he is the Minster Of Music. He has negiected, and manipulated. But he continues to mess around.I want more and need more from My God and my King. But he has to go. He is distracting me in my ministry.


Donna 4 years ago

Hi, i also have recently developed a relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ. i commited adultrey and left my husband and was divorced 13 years ago, i have lived with my with my partner unmarried since that time and brought up 2 beautiful children. We have a strong, secure loving family relationship. Since i have been following Christ i have been aware of my unwed state and been convicted to change it asap. However my heart is heavy as if i am correct Scripture indictaes getting married would not be an act of repentance for my sin as remarraige is also adulterous. Is my only option to disolve my present relationship, ask my former spouse for forgivness and a reconcilitation? I am really torn and praying for guidance and the Lords direction in rectifying this situation.


Lorna Tomas 4 years ago

My husband of two years quit having sex with me without explanation. He was never transparent choosing to keep his data, money, relationships, activities separate, which initially seemed fine because we only dated long distance and got married that way too. He eventually was transferred back to our home city and that's when things began to unravel as I mentioned. After six months of vagueness, lies, and no intimacy he moved out across town.he says it's him, not me... That he's broken... But he doesn't want me to tell his parents or anyone what's going on. He is not intersted in getting any help even though he is being physically affected by his sin now. He even had me go to their house at Christmas and pretend that everything was normal. He has now chosen to take a job in another I have gotten so close to God during all this but am confused as to what I should do. I don't know if god is asking me to divorce him... I do believe adultery has been committed and he is a non believer and we are told in scripture that if a non believing spouse leaves we should let them. But I'm not sure if that's god or me talking. Other times, I feel convicted about setting boundaries regarding contact but then I change my mind. I don't want to divorce him and miss gods providence or invoke his anger but I don't want to hang on to something God is telling me to let go of. My husband is too passive aggressive to ever do anything about this. He will just allow everything to be swallowed up in silence and inaction. I don't know what to do.


Lorna Tomas 4 years ago

Clarification:

Job in another state. He has indicated that I am not going with him. He did have the choice to stay here and didn't.

We dated long distance for two years (we met at work before he moved). We lived long distance for the first six months of marriage until his job brought him back to town. We lived together for 9 months before sexual problems began he moved out after our two year anniversary. To date, we have been married 3 years and 1 month.


daledad8 profile image

daledad8 4 years ago from pittsburgh Author

To Louren: This page is expressly for the use of those seking GOD's aid and direction and the encouragement for them to continue doing so in faith and trust. Your comment encouiraging the use of demon inspred mediums is very much so out of place and I request that you do it elsewhere as it is quite unwelcome.


daledad8 profile image

daledad8 4 years ago from pittsburgh Author

Lorna contact me via email please to discuss this matter further. Meantime I encourage you to pray without ceasing. As to adultry in your "marriage", if your husband has made it clear that he in fact has commited adultery, that is grounds for divorce and you would not be held spiritually accountable.


tERRI 4 years ago

wOULD IT MAKE gOD MAD IF A WOMAN LEFT HER HUSBAND BECAUSE HE WAS BACK DRINKING AND WATCHING PORN, I THINK SHE SHOULD BUT SHE WANTS TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT IN THE EYES OF GOD, UP FOR ANY COMMENTS, E-MAIL ME AT CATA@BLOMAND.NET


daledad8 profile image

daledad8 4 years ago from pittsburgh Author

For all of you who choose to turn to spell castors etc. I again ask that you refrain from advertizing, promoting or otherwise encouraging the use of them on this page. While you are oerfectly welcome to read the hubs posted here, be mindful that this page is designed for those that seek GOD's counsel and direction and not that of spiritism and other demon inspired mediums. Please respect the diginity and purpose of this page.


daledad8 profile image

daledad8 4 years ago from pittsburgh Author

You are talking about drinking and watching porn, but not committing adultry which is the only grounds for divorce scripturally. However, I see that you simply said "leave"; if in fact his proclivities are beyond what you find bearable, leaving may be an option, just keep in mind that you would still be married to him and must remain so if it is GOD that you look to please. In 1Peter it speaks that a waoman should remain and allow her christian conduct be an example to and for herhusband. At the same time it is your response to such diversities that GOD looks at; HE would have you maintain yur christian resolve and not turn from his principles even in this situation as this is an acrt of faith and TRUST in him.


latreasea 4 years ago

i have been married for almost 14 yrs and have 3 kids. i have been separated for 2. during these yrs i have suffered major depression and health problems not to mention i have lost all interest in leaving my home. i understand the word of God. what i don't understand is why i am being crapped on and he is the one living in adultry , he is allowed by God to put it in my face, live pridefully with no repercussions for what he has done to me emotionally and the children and i am made the laughing stock. i am shunned by his family , i am ridiculed and it doesn't even phase him the pain he has caused. i cant sleep , i wish i never met him. he went from a God fearing man or so he pretended to a thug overnight , he has hardened his heart against me. he doesn t respect me, i don't want to see him, hear his voice or receive text messages. when i go to my son's football games i have to see him and the woman he is committing adulty with. he knows the word of God because he used to be a deacon. his family turned on me like vicious vipers because i didn't want him in our home abusing drugs and alcohol and cheating on me. its seems like i suffer all the consequences and i am the one trying to walk with jesus. i cry out to God on a daily basis. before he walked out on me he ordered porn , my son was watching him and he ordered 7 movies . he did that at age 11. i feel like i made the biggest mistake of my life. he knows i need his medical insurance due to my health and its control , i know God is allowing him to do this to me what i don't know is why. why is God mad at me


Inspired 4 U profile image

Inspired 4 U 4 years ago from Queens, NY

Thank you for being transparent about your relationships, for your availability to others going through and the wise counsel you offer. This issue effects many lives and has touched mine as well. Great hub. God bless you.


daledad8 profile image

daledad8 4 years ago from pittsburgh Author

@laszrot, I have repeatedly asked you to refrain from promoting and posting about demonic practices and practicers n my page. You leave me no choice but to report you...


Marie 4 years ago

I sent you an email subject divorce decision.... Please read. I need your spiritual opinion


daledad8 profile image

daledad8 4 years ago from pittsburgh Author

will do that today Marie


Darlene 4 years ago

My husband and I were both christians when we married. When he was very young, he used to be a pot addict and drunk badly. we got married later in life and he was so changed I could not even imagine him doing such things. He addored me. He started back smoking pot and drinking and lying about it. I felt like an earthquake hit and I am still having the aftershocks. Really, I am devastated. He continues to go to church and even gets behind the pulpit and deceives many people. What is the best way for me to do spiritual warfare and combat the forces of evil in his life I feel very weak and my whole life has been turned upside down. He has changed 180 degrees.


Darlene 4 years ago

I would also like to add that I can so relate to Latreasea's post. My mother in law does not want anything to do with me cause I've have told her what he is doing and I guess the pain is so unbearable for her that she would rather believe his lies than deal with the truth. Because I tell her the truth and only wanting her to believe it and maybe have an ounce of compassion for me she hates me. My faith has really grown weak and I am hard pressed to find anyone who cares. I previously told 2 different preachers so they would pray for him but both of them turned around and put him in their pulpit again. I WAS BEYOND SHOCK!!! Please anybody that has a willing heart, pray for this man. If one can get in the pulpit knowing they are partaking in these things, just imagine what they would be capable of doing to somebody.


daledad8 profile image

daledad8 4 years ago from pittsburgh Author

Darlene, First let me say that it is not YOU that battle spiritual warfare against what's going-on with your husband. Your duty is to remain(if in fact you are), your chaste and correct spiritual mien. You must continue to do as GOD commands as the scripture says: "...that even if some do not obey,they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives..."(1Peter 3:1)

Your one and only concern should be to continue to work at pleasing GOD, doing his will and trusting him to order things in your life. Truly trusting GOD is being determined to do his will and wait on him to act and then being faithful to him even if HE does

nt act the way you'd like or at all.

If your husband is getting in the pulpit knowing that he is afoul of what is required of a minster of GOD then he is jeopardizing the salvation of his entire family. That leaves you and your conduct at the forefront before GOD and your children if any and your own salvation can still be won accordingly.If Jesus returned this afternoon, you would want him to say:"Come with me Darlene, and bring your children..."; it would be an added blessing if he were to say:"because of your chaste conduct, I will allow your husband to follow...", but again, he is wading in dangerous waters by placing himself in a position where he does not belong: standing before the congregation, a place many ministers stand today, each of them marked for destruction; there's nothing that you can do about that except stay out of GOD's way and allow his spirit to flow FREELY in your entire life, including where your husband comes into the picture. A broken and contrite-humble spirit is what GOD reacts most favorably to...remember that and trust.

You may contact me for further private discussion via email if you'd like to...B-Blessed!


max 4 years ago

So did u leave that adulterous remarriGe?


Seeking 4 years ago

I am not married. I have been married twice and both husbands left me and married the women they were having an affair with. It was very hurtful and I prayed during those times that God would restore my marriage. I have always felt like I didn't prayer hard enough or the right way or something because it happened to me twice. Well after the second one, I decided that I would just not get involved with anyone and just concentrate on raising my children. They were very small when we divorced. Well after about 16 years of no relationships whatsoever, I started praying that the Lord would bring a man into my life that would be His choice for me. During that time (about a year ago)I came back into contact with a man from my school days. We were very good friends and had an attraction but were both shy and didn't pursue a romantic relationship. He moved away and we didn't have any contact for over 30 years. During all these years, I never forgot about him. It was always in a friendship way and I missed him. But life goes on and he was always in the back of my mind. Anyway when I found him and we started communicating, it was mainly just how have things been and talking about our lives and kids and things like that. We didn't live near each other so this was all just in emails. The first few times we talked, he made reference that his wife and him didn't have too much of a relationship but they had been married for 26 years and that he often wondered why they were still married cause they just didn't do anything as a married couple. He told me he had had a brief affair years ago and that she had never forgiven him and that she threatened to tell his daughters if he ever left. Well needless to say our conversations started getting more personal. And I realized that all the feelings I had had for him made it very easy for me to fall in love with him. Seems we still had that strong connection like we did back when we were young. We talked, laughed and just seemed to know what the other was thinking. I told him about my feelings and said that we should stop. And we tried, but never could go very many days without finally email each other and our feelings were getting stronger. And I guess I told myself that I had prayed for a man and this was the one that God had brought to me. The only problem was that he was married. Well long story shorter...I told him that I wish that he would divorce his wife if he didn't love her. He said it wasn't her but he was afraid his girls would think bad about him and that the people at his job (that he loves) would think less of him if he divorced. He lives in a small town and he is pretty well known. Mind you no one knows about me and we have only seen each other about 4 times since we started. But we talk every day at least once but usually a pretty good bit. The last week or two we have tried to cut down because he feels bad that he can't offer me what I want in a relationship and me cause I know that I can never be an affair. I love this man so much and want him to be happy. I told him to please work on making his marriage work so that he could really be happy. He is not a very emotional man and he has problems showing his feelings. So I told him to text his wife when she was out of town for work and tell her that he was looking forward to her coming home and that he wanted to spend some time with her like they did in the old days. He was afraid to cause he said he was sure she would reject him as she usually did. But wrote me and told me that he had done it and he would see what she did when she got home. I will be honest, it killed me to thiink of him being happy with her, but I knew that was the right thing. He wrote me later that night and said that when she got home he went out to help her get her stuff from the car (with people from her job) and she rubbed his stomach and said looks like you put on a few pounds and walked right past him without a hug or anything. Then he went in their room and sat on the bed and all she said was I think I'll get a book and read. And I would think he was telling me this stuff so that I would be with him but he has told me that even though she treats him like this that he can't leave. And that I should go on and find someone else. How can God want someone to be in a situation like this. They both go to church so I guess I think that she should be trying to make their lives better if he is willing to do it. And I suppose I am asking why don't they divorce, does the Lord really want people to live miserable with their life partner. Shouldn't she be just as much to blame as him? He beats his self up with guilt for enjoying our conversations. He said he feels quilty for feeling alive after years of having no feelings at all. But he's commited to staying in this. And I feel angry that I prayed for someone and the only one that come into my life was this man that I can't have and I love him. So I lost my two husbands to other women and then this man won't leave his wife for me. Which I don't want him to leave for me, but I wish he would leave so that they both could have happier lives if they aren't going to try to save the marriage they are in. It's like there are three of us and none of us are happy and content. Like I told him it would at least make sense if they were working on their marriage, but they aren't. And I have been praying but I feel like I am praying about the wrong things. I have tried to pray for Him to save their marriage but He knows in my heart I'm not completely truthful. I have asked for a sign and I would think that I got it, like one night it was late and I was praying for the Lord to give me the strength to leave him alone or if I was suppose to hang on to him, to please give me a sign. About that time I got notification that I had an email from him....which never happens. And it was actually an email he had written earlier but for some reason got lost and didn't come to my inbox until right at that moment. Things like this has happened lots of times. Then I thought well maybe it's the devil putting him there. Would that happen over and over? I am so torn. I know what the correct and moral thing to do was to never be back in touch with him again, but everything feels so right with us and it feels spirital more than physical. There hasn't been very much physical contact at all. Probably a total of maybe 10 hours in a year. We were drawn to each other in the parking lot at a grocery store and it felt like we had not been away from each other for all those years. I mean, it was nothing physical. We were standing outside the car in the daylight so there was nothing like that. I don't really know why I wrote this, I know that I wish someone would tell me to hang in and be there for him, but the few people that is aware of us tells me to run not walk away. That he has told me how he feels cause he isn't going to leave, he says.


daledad8 profile image

daledad8 4 years ago from pittsburgh Author

@Max, I've been out of that marriage nearly 30years


daledad8 profile image

daledad8 4 years ago from pittsburgh Author

Seeking: Foremost it must be said that even though you repeatedly speak of praying, there's no mention of you seeking GOD's direction; rather, you speak of asking GOD to give you what YOU wanted, then expressed disappointment that HE didn't and blamed him for your suffering. GOD is not a "service" vehicle, but a a guide to what would best serve you in your effort to serve him and thus garner his help to maintain in this imperfect world made that way by self-serving and disobedient humans(Adam and Eve).

Further, after experiencing such pain due to the actions of your two ex husbands, you placed yourself into the position of being the one doing the same thing to this new man's wife that your ex husband's women did to you1 What is troubling is that you admit to knowing it is wrong but "can't help it"; well yes you can. THAT is something to approach GOD in prayer about: 1)Why can you put him first in your heart and in truth, 2) How can you overcome the pain of the first two failed marriages and still be useful to him, 3)ask him for the sincerity that is lacking in your prayers. Doing this will show that you are trying to "Seek first GOD's Kingdom AND HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS"...Truth Is...

This man's insistence that he will not leave his wife should send up flares for you. Men will tell women all sorts of stories in order to gain their afections...or body.; yet he makes it clear he will not leave his wife. if he felt as strongly for you as you would like him to, his children and co-workers would be the very least of his concerns, believe me.Having you pursing him is his goal and obviously it's working.

What concerns me is that you have confessed to offering prayers to GOD that were not sincere; that is something to really be concerned about! It's outright attempting to manipulate GOD who it is impossible to manipulate, thus you are insulting him and his Grace! Again, this is something I would encourage you to repent of and seek him out in earnest asking forgiveness and then instruction on how to change that thinking.

You are so caught-up in your pain and desire that you've totally ignored your obligation to GOD.You are ignoring what HE says in his word telling us this is an imperfect world and explaining how we came to this point, that there would be suffering for everyone in some way or another; and that HE will deal with it, but we have to do what is right in his eyes in order to reap the benefit of that. In essence, you have missed the point of serving GOD because it is the wise course and not followed Proverbs 3:1-5 which includes the words:"do not lean on your own understanding..."

Fortunately, you are in prime position to be come one of the very few that GOD is now gathering, the last of his "sheep"; these are people who are broken and contrite as to their own sin(s) (Psalms 51); and are anxious to gain GOD's forgiveness, guidance, and help. These are the very last days that Jesus spoke of at Matthew 24, and again at Matthew 28,and his return is on the horizon and the "FINAL gathering" is taking place as you read this! Just as the king of Nineveh and his subjects in the book of Jonah upon hearing of GOD's disapproval and warning to repent immediately, you have the same opportunity...Truth Is...

This world lies in the power of the devil right now and according to GOD's word even the "elect" would suffer to such a degree during these last days, that GOD will have to act to shorten it. Thus being said it is obvious that suffering occurs whether just or not even among believers and this is what the bible means by "endure to the end"(1Peter 5:5-11), while maintaining a resolve to TRUST GOD in every situation and remaining faithful to his morals, principles and instructions regardless of what we are going thru. That is faith working. If GOD tells a woman suffering through a rough marriage to remain obedient and trust(1Peter 3:1,2) how much more so for one that already knows the pain of having lost two men much less one, to another woman...do not be the 'other woman"...

I hope that some clarification as to why GOD had you write here has been provided. if there are any further questions you can also contact me via email for more private discussion of your situation' Until then, I encourage fervent and constant prayer accompanied with complying with the instruction GOD gives. Otherwise, why ask GOD if you only plan to listen to yourself?

B-blessed,

Truth Is...


AHale48 profile image

AHale48 4 years ago from Somewhere in California!

What can you do or say when your husband has cheated on you and has been involved with pornographic sites and dating sites for more than 18years. I stayed with him all this time in hopes of change. We are both Christians and I believed and fought for the relationship for years. After the final lie and broken promises I gave up. I had given him an ultimatum and he failed. I no longer have any wifely feelings for him. I love his as a brother in Christ, but thats it. He has since gone to counseling (we both have) and now he says hes changed. I just don't trust him anymore and have a hard time being with him. He doesn't think I've forgiven him, but I have. I just can't forget everything I've been through. There is no trust. I guess I'm looking for reassurance that I'm doing the right thing by leaving. (Thanks for listening.)


daledad8 profile image

daledad8 4 years ago from pittsburgh Author

No, it is Man's way and refusal to follow GOD's guidelines that causes all the things you cited. For example: GOD didn't create denominations of religion, Man did. Men want to do things their way and use GOD as the scapegoat or excuse. Don't blame GOD for whaT mAN DOES, BLAME mMAN FOR NOT ADHERING TO god...ALSO YOU MAYBE SHOULD learn god'S WAY AND THEN YOU WOULD KNOW THIS YOUR SELF...TRUTH iS...


daledad8 profile image

daledad8 4 years ago from pittsburgh Author

No, it is Man's way and refusal to follow GOD's guidelines that causes all the things you cited. For example: GOD didn't create denominations of religion, Man did. Men want to do things their way and use GOD as the scapegoat or excuse. Don't blame GOD for whaT mAN DOES, BLAME mMAN FOR NOT ADHERING TO god...ALSO YOU MAYBE SHOULD learn god'S WAY AND THEN YOU WOULD KNOW THIS YOUR SELF...TRUTH iS...


AHale48 profile image

AHale48 4 years ago from Somewhere in California!

I hope the hub posted by gods way is not in response to my hub, because it was not helpful at all. If someone has a problem with God, then work it out with God. You'll be amazed that He still listens to you even if you don't believe in Him. There is a big difference between what some people say "God" does and what is actually the result of what "Man" percieves is God. Thank you daledad for setting the record straight. I still could use some words of wisdom regarding my issue though.


daledad8 profile image

daledad8 4 years ago from pittsburgh Author

AHale48: I would like to speak to you further concerning your situation and ask that you contact me via email at vera-dale@hotmail.com to discuss things with more confidentiality.As for "Godsword" and their response, you are right, some people have issues with GOD when the problem usually lies within themselves and that is how they must address it with GOD in order to obtain any real relief instead of inflicting and venting their anger upon others.


daledad8 profile image

daledad8 4 years ago from pittsburgh Author

I ask that you contact me via email: vera-dale@hotmail so that we may discuss your situation with more confidentiality


chandra gomes 4 years ago

I love this hub and article. My husband and I are not together for a year now. I'm trying to save my marriage with god. He is living with another woman and we are not divorce. I keep trying to tell him god and I forgive him for his sin. I tell him come to church with me and ask for forgiveness. But he refuse. I even change my religion for him at first but now I'm doing it for my peace of mind. I pray every night for God to forgive both of us for our sins and please not to break our bond. I pray he sees God's light and come home. I do admit our marriage wasn't great but I want to make it better for my kids and us too. I don't know what to do anymore. Everyday my husband is away from us I feel like he is losing his faith in God.


Chrissy 2 years ago

I have been seing this guy for lmst a yr now. Hes 17yrs my senior, divorced 13yrs ago n a father of 5. He divorced coz of his wife's infidelity and he dedicated the last 13years to raise his kids. I have neverbeen married n no kids. I knw his family n thy love me, his first son n second daughter knw me n thy support him. His other three daughters knw we r just friends. His kids r btw 22-14. His friends knw me n thy love men actually supports us. Thy say tht since his divorce has never hd a woman n its true because his own mother told me so. On the other hand, my Dad, Mum n elder sister, should i say HATE HIM?! No, its more of thy don't APPROVE of him. Our First born, who is a guy n our last born who is a lady LOVE HIM! N am so happy abt it. My parents r so bitter with me to an extent of saying thy wl never accept any thing frm him especially MONEY. Thy ve no idea wht a great guy he is. Thy want me to get a NEVER DIVORCED guy with NO KIDS! I don't want tht coz i knw hw gd this guy is n he knws hw to balance between me n his kids. Hes nt the guy to hide anythn. By the time he takes me to his parents, i knw he is crias coz no other guy has ever dne tht.

My question is, is our relationship bad in the eyes of God?


daledad8 profile image

daledad8 2 years ago from pittsburgh Author

Email me at vera-dale@hotmail.com to keep your business confidential please

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