Annoying Facebook status updates and Twitter tweets: Crazy messages to annoy friends and followers online

Do you like annoying people on Facebook with funny status updates or crazy messages and posts on your friends' timeline? Are you in the habit of sending out disgusting and nasty tweets every now and then just to annoy your followers? Fasten your seat belts as this post is rife with annoying messages that can be used as Facebook updates or tweets that will send your friends and followers in a tizzy and a dizzy.

1) I feel sexy today and yes, I am way out of your league.

2) If I had a dollar for every disgusting burp and fart that I've let out since morning I would be able to buy myself the new iPad. #stomachproblems

3) What is the big deal with cats? I just can't understand why the world is going crazy with cute cat pictures. In my opinion kitties are ugly.

4) It is so difficult to get his attention when he is watching the game. Guys, you can't live with them, you can't live without them. All men are the same and I wish men would just grow up for a change.

5) Like this if you agree that I am better looking than you.

6) Don't you have anything better to do in life than read through this status update? Get a life you loser.

7) Ouch, period pain.

8) What is worst than a throbbing headache and a nasty hangover? Waking up in a vomit soaked t-shirt. I am never drinking again.

9) Getting bored on the toilet. Anyone got any ideas on how to pass time while I do my business on the pot?

10) People who can't shed the pounds in the gym are just not working hard enough. Stop blaming your metabolism and get off the couch for a change.

11) I know you all hate me because I am just so sexy.

12) There is nothing worse than heading to work on Monday morning wearing dirty underwear. If only I had done the laundry on Saturday night, sigh.

13) Good morning. I hope you have a very pathetic and frustrating day. xoxo

14) What happened last night? I woke up with a hangover and puke all over my fingers. I think I should take a shower.

15) Wondering if I should trim my underarm hair. Any suggestions?

16) Does anyone know if it is normal for urine to be a bit too yellowish in the morning? I hope nothing is wrong with me.

17) Will someone please tell my hubby not to fart in the bedroom?

18) I made over a million bucks last year. How much did you make? Losers.

19) Santa is not real. Grow up!

20) I hate people who are so cheerful in the morning. What is so good about this morning? I hate Mondays.

21) To all those who I was chatting with right now, be right back. I need to take a crap.

22) I hate my job, hate my boss, hate my housemates and hate my life. And most importantly I hate all you people on Facebook who call yourselves my friends. Shame on you.

23) I just let a loud one rip. Oh I feel so satisfied now.

24) I will give a hundred dollars to the person who can make the big red rash in my groin area go away.

25) Are you lonely? Well too bad because I have the most amazing friends and family around me and they are not on Facebook.

26) To all the people on Facebook whom I have not replied to since the last few weeks, well it just means that I am ignoring you and you really don't matter in my life.

27) So I am rich and I have lots of money. Not my fault, is it? You could be me if you got up and found some work.

28) Don't you hate it when it is that time of the month? The cramps are killing me.

29) A colleague at work let one rip and it stinks awfully bad in here. Help.

30) What a bad start to a Monday. I stepped in dog poo as I walked out of my apartment.

31) Don't you hate it when you cover your nose with your hand and sneeze in front of everyone, only to find a big and sticky booger on your finger?

32) Bored out of my mind. And it's all because none of my Facebook friends or Twitter followers have anything interesting to say. I guess you are all a boring bunch.

33) A request to all my friends on Facebook. If you are not as pretty as me, don't post pictures of your ugly faces. You are spoiling the reputation of this website, for god's sake.

34) Don't you hate it when you walk into work in the morning only to be greeted by a smiling colleague wishing you good morning? I hate mornings and I hate people who like mornings.

35) Love is fake. The only reason why I would ever get married is if I had a billionaire partner.

36) I sneezed while peeing so now I have pee all over my pants.

37) I got so many roses, cards and gifts on last Valentine's Day. Can anyone tell me how to look less attractive?

38) Isn't it annoying when your period comes earlier than expected? It gets more annoying when it surprises you on a dull Monday morning.

39) Dogs are dirty and cats are creepy. Why do people keep pets? I still don't get it.

40) The wound on my thigh is now filled with a yellowish liquid. Should I see a doctor?