Facebook Status Updates That Are Better Left Unsaid

Too Much Information!

In today's day and age, many social networking enthusiasts are happy to share information about themselves online. For that matter, one might argue they are too eager to share information online. On a daily basis, people tweet and post status updates on everything from being bored at work to the crazy night of drunken antics they had last night at the bar. It seems like nothing is private anymore.

Does your Grandma really need to know you threw up in the bushes last night after drinking a dozen beers? Do your co-workers need to know about the hot chick you met at the bar last night? Furthermore, do you need to share your frustrations you are having with a friend by posting a Facebook status update about it so everyone on your friend list can join the fight?

The answer to the questions are probably, "NO!" yet it doesn't seem to stop anyone. Reality TV and social networking sites have made "over sharing" the new trend. So while we are on the subject of over sharing on Facebook and other sites, such as Twitter or MySpace, why not have a little fun with a list of status updates that are simply better left unsaid?

Status Updates You Should Probably Keep To Yourself:

  • I am going on vacation from June 1st - 7th. I will be out of town and no one is staying at my place. My friend will be checking on things, so I will leave a key under the doormat. Woo-hoo! Vegas, here I come! The only thing I will miss is my huge, flat screen TV in the livingroom.
  • I really wish this rash would clear up. I keep scratching, but it is in a really difficult spot to reach. Oh... my hand seems to be getting a rash, too.
  • Buffy was so cute this morning. She was wrestling with Mittens over a ball of yarn. Buffy finally got tired of Mittens not allowing her to play, so she jumped over Mittens and clawed at the yarn until she got it. Then, Snowy came over and tried to trade her catnip for the yarn, but Buffy wouldn't let her. I will post a series of photos about this in a few minutes.
  • My 2 year old just vomited all over me and the computer. Guess she is coming down with something. I am going to clean it up as soon as I'm through typing this.
  • Got a lot of hot items on sale over at my place. The prices are low as long as you don't ask too many questions.
  • So I am one week late. Now, my challenge is going to be determining the father if I am pregnant. I've managed to narrow it down to three guys: Brad, Ken, or Frank.
  • Last night was the best night ever! I don't remember everything, but I do remember doing a bunch of shots, drinking one shot off some chick's stomach, and then slipping in someone's puke... maybe mine. I woke up on the floor sometime around 9 this morning.
  • My boss is standing behind me right now. I would punch him in the face if I thought I wouldn't go to jail.
  • Does anyone remember the name of that guy I slept with last night? I think he has my bra.
  • Star Trek convention today at noon! Who's joining me? Then we can get together in my parents' basement for some Warhammer action.
  • So, Becky has been totally getting on my nerves this week. Yes, YOU BECKY! You'd better watch your back if you know what's good for you. I know you have been talking behind my back. Say it to my face!
  • Hey, had an awesome time talking to you know who about you know what at that place. Yeah.
  • For all of my 621 closest friends, don't forget I am changing my phone number. My new number is 410-111-1111. Text me! Oh, and I live at 123 Carpenter Lane... you should visit me if you don't hear from me on the cell.
  • Benny and I really cashed in the other night. Miller's Liquor Store down the street is easy to get into if you use the window around the back. It was on the news! We are famous!
  • Sometimes I just don't feel pretty anymore! Not as many guys hit on me anymore! Am I pretty? Is my butt too big? Oh, I must be so ugly. :-(
  • I just spent about $40,000 on a new car. I should have upgraded and spent a little more on a better stereo system, but I don't want to show off. That car is going to look great when I drive to Key West next week. Staying at a 5 star resort while there...
  • Does anyone have a good zit popping technique? This one isn't on my face though.
  • My neighbor is pretty hot. Anyone have any good binocular recommendations?
  • My job is so boring! I haven't done any actual work in about 5 hours. I have been searching for new jobs online the last hour. Anyone know of any openings? I am a really hard worker.

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Comments 49 comments

samanthamayer profile image

samanthamayer 5 years ago from New Zealand

Hahaha this hub is hilarious. Especially loved the first one, the cats one and the "I just don't feel pretty anymore" one. Very clever! I do the mother (or grandma, as you pointed out) check - if it's something I'd be embarrassed for my mother to see, I don't post it. Voted up!

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Vladi Dorfman 5 years ago

Memorable things that cracked me -

"621 closest friends" oh yes, VERY ... eh, intimate relationships with each ;)

And -

"Anyone know of any openings? I am a really hard worker."

I'd hire that guy right away!

I censor updates from people who too frequently post too many statuses that reveal too much about things I don't really wish to know.


VendettaVixen profile image

VendettaVixen 5 years ago from Ireland

Great hub. These kinds of posts enfuriate me - do people really think this sort of thing makes them look cool?

No one needs to know what you did last night with that guy who may or may not be named Ken something-or-other, or how much money he stole from your purse and how that's incredibly daring and cool.

Anyway, I just woke up and you made me laugh: something no one else has ever been able to achieve. Congratulations!

Keep it up~

missolive profile image

missolive 5 years ago from Texas

HILARIOUS!!! My daughter is in her 2nd year in college and FREQUENTLY forgets her Grandma is on Facebook. (ooops, should I have said that?) Lol

Great hub and I LOVED the status comments.

Voted up, useful and funny :)

aemillervb profile image

aemillervb 5 years ago from Virginia

Love this Hub! So true.. Some of my Facebook friends seem to update their status every 5 minutes.. really do we need to know that you are "Hopping in the Shower", "Just Shaved My Legs and I Am Hitting the Town tonight"..Loved your status updates.. "Just read a great hub.. now it's time to go change the litterbox."

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Wow! I am surprised I got this many comments already. Thanks, everyone!

samanthamayer - I agree with you. The mother or grandmother check is the safest way to post status updates. Several aunts are on my friend list and I don't want some rumors going back to my mother. Thanks for the vote!

Vladi Dorfman - I am glad you liked the more subtle status updates. I wasn't sure if I was obvious enough on those. I know what you mean about being forced to sensor people with too many updates. I dropped someone once because I couldn't take it anymore.

VendettaVixen - I am happy I could make you laugh this early in the morning. I've never seen a "money stolen out of purse" update, but I can believe they exist. I've seen some really crazy stuff - usually from my own relatives!

missolive - Uh-oh! That sounds like a recipe for disaster right there. I am glad you enjoyed the hub and thanks for the votes!

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

aemillervb - Thanks for dropping by and reading my hub. I know what you mean about the mundane little status updates. Every little thing is posted... "I just bought coffee and saved 50 cents with a coupon" or "I just took a bathroom break." Too much information!

rochelj profile image

rochelj 5 years ago from USA

Very funny hub! You made great points about updates that are better left unsaid!

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Thanks so much! I am glad you liked the hub!

Stigma31 profile image

Stigma31 5 years ago from Kingston, ON

Great hub, except some of the update you list are funny or interesting. I hate the people that post boring ones, or ones seeking sympathy, and of course the chain letter crap! Voting up! And tell that girl her bra is still in my car ;-)

Gypsy Willow profile image

Gypsy Willow 5 years ago from Lake Tahoe Nevada USA , Wales UK and Taupo New Zealand

So funny and so true. Worse is the infuriating friend who takes unflattering pics and tags them. Great laugh, thanks.

Alecia Murphy profile image

Alecia Murphy 5 years ago from Wilmington, North Carolina

Some people don't know what keep it to yourself means and when you add social networking, it's a deadly mix. I hate when people start arguments with each other on their walls and invade my feed. And then there's the overly loving couple who's sickeningly saying I love you every five minutes. You said everything and then some! Awesome job Jeannie!

kschang profile image

kschang 5 years ago from San Francisco, CA, USA

Actually, the guy who posted his HR department's letter warning him to stay off Facebook at work... on Facebook, is the worst offender of all. :) And yes, he lost his job.


I actually wrote a hub on this guy. :D

Seeker7 profile image

Seeker7 5 years ago from Fife, Scotland

LMAO!!! This hub is brilliant. I haven't laughed so much in a long time! I loved 'does anyone know the name of the guy I slept with last night. I think he's got my bra!' LOL!!!

I loved this! Voted up + awesome!!

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Stigma31 - Hahaha... I agree with you... the sympathy status update or the chain mail update is so annoying.

Gypsy Willow - Oh yes! Some people find great joy in tagging their friends in the most unflattering photos that can find. I am with you on that one!

Alecia Murphy - I honestly don't know what is worse - the overly sweet posts couples put on each other's profiles that make me want to vomit or the stupid arguments that pop up on Facebook. I am glad you agree with me on this one!

kschang - That is pretty hilarious! Actually, I've been warned to stay off the internet at work, too. I just never posted my warnings online.

Seeker7 - I am glad you enjoyed it! I've known the missing underwear thing to happen to someone I know, so I thought I would include it. Thanks for the votes!

Thanks everyone for the awesome comments!

Greensleeves Hubs profile image

Greensleeves Hubs 5 years ago from Essex, UK

Yeah, it all is pretty irritating isn't it, particularly all the boring messages about mundane activities - just WHY do people have to post a message that they are about to eat a sandwich (not even an interesting sandwich - a boring sandwich). Why do people have to post that they are now eating a sandwich. Why do people have to post that they have just finished eating a sandwich? Bizarre, but people do!

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Yes, I agree! Apparently everything is an interesting event now that must be shared with the world. It is completely ridiculous. I still think reality TV is the cause of all of this. Everyone watches people doing boring stuff on TV and then they think, "Oh, OK, it must be interesting when someone does that." Ummm... no.

Thanks for dropping by my hub!

Dee42 profile image

Dee42 5 years ago from Beautiful Arkansas

So funny! I hate the ones that wake me up, then can't go back to sleep!

ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada


Oh my god...this is awesome. Rashes do spread to hands...that's the problem with rashes...

I also like when you see...

"Argh F**k Sploob!"

Then you get everyone asking..What? Why? You OK? ...and the first posting person never responds.

Now...obviously...if "Argh F**k Sploob" ...means they were just killed by a bus? That's fine...but then why are they posting stupid sh*t the very next day if they are dead from a bus the day before? I rant...because I care.


PS...oh yeah...good stuff above and I am voting to prove it.

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Dee42 - That doesn't sound good. I only use Facebook on my computer and keep it turned off at night. It is really for the best.

ThoughtSandwiches - Yes, rashes can be a terrible thing. However, getting hit by a bus can be worse. Interesting how one can type a status update when that happens, huh? Thanks for the vote!

Thank you both for the comments!

Angie Jardine profile image

Angie Jardine 5 years ago from Cornwall, land of the eternally youthful mind ...

Good chuckle at this, Jeannie ... though it is a bit sad that people seem to prefer virtual friends to real ones ... at least with real friends one's indiscretions are private ... or possibly not.

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

I am glad you liked it, Angie. It is true, one's indiscretions are usually private with real friends, or at least they are not in writing. :-) It is easier to "forget" the experience ever happened when it is not posted for the world to see. Thanks for reading and for the comment!

ukbusiness profile image

ukbusiness 5 years ago from Bristol, UK

Its never a surprise when I see some of the most stupid and idiotic facebook status updates, really does make me wonder. Have a look at failbook.com for more though, there is loads!

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Wow, that website is sooooo funny! Thanks for the recommendation. Thanks for dropping by my hub!

cclitgirl profile image

cclitgirl 5 years ago from Western NC

Hehehe. You hit the head on the nail with this. I think every FB user should read this before joining FB. :D Voted up and funny.

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Thanks! Maybe this should be required reading on Facebook. Hehe... or maybe not... if the makers of Facebook can't cash in on it, I am sure they are not interested.

Apryl Schwarz profile image

Apryl Schwarz 5 years ago from Nebraska

Very funny! Voted up!

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

I am glad you liked it. Thanks for the vote up!

ismart profile image

ismart 5 years ago from Sydney, Australia

this is so funny, i like it! a must vote up hub, i wish those people who update their status like those read it too.

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Thanks for the vote up! Yes, I wish some people would read this and take my advice.

kittythedreamer profile image

kittythedreamer 5 years ago from the Ether

Hilarious! The one I find the funniest is the one about the cats. To me...it's really annoying and pointless to hear about your cat's activities. I don't subject others to my cat's activities so why subject me to the boring-ness? Voted up and funny!

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Thanks for the votes! I am glad you liked the hub so much. I agree with you - cats are cute but constant status updates and photos are not that interesting and just a little sad.

prairieprincess profile image

prairieprincess 5 years ago from Canada

Jeannie, this is hilarious! I love the one about my boss is standing right behind me ... and the next line might be, "and I'm fired!" Great job: voted up, funny, and awesome.

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Yes, the next day the status update would be, "Anyone hiring at your company?" Hehehe. Modern technology can certainly cause some issues at work. Thanks for the votes and the comment!

shuck72 profile image

shuck72 5 years ago from Seattle

Great topic. I recently saw someone post, Dishes done, laundry folded, time to relax. Thrilling update.

Shaddie profile image

Shaddie 5 years ago from Washington state

I don't know. If I saw any of these Facebook statuses for real I'd be more amused than anything, and honestly, why else would I be trolling Facebook at 3 am? What else is Facebook good for anyway?

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

shuck72 - Hahaha... that is a very exciting update. The world needed to know that one. ;-)

Shaddie - Yes, some of them are pretty amusing, but if anyone really has that much drama going on, they might want to keep it to themselves. Maybe I should start making up random updates that are untrue and post them. Good times.

Thank you both for the comments!

stricktlydating profile image

stricktlydating 5 years ago from Australia

Great advice! Awesome examples too! Voted up!

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

I am glad you liked it. Thanks for the vote up!

htodd profile image

htodd 5 years ago from United States

Thanks for the awesome post..nice

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Thanks for dropping by and posting a comment!

T B DeForge profile image

T B DeForge 4 years ago

I can't believe I missed this. I love articles about Facebook. There's so many funny quirks with social networking sites. I can't believe that I've seen at least a third of these or similar from my own friends. Great hub! Thanks for sharing it with us.

tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina

This is really funny and I have actually seen some people post some similar things. It is amazing, and funny. Well done!

PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

PDXKaraokeGuy 4 years ago from Juneau, Alaska

jeanine... very funny as usual! When people talk about kids or cats on facebook, I roll my eyes

BizVT34 profile image

BizVT34 4 years ago from USA

Too funny...Oh yeah...I'm not going on vacation..ever.

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

T B DeForge - I've seen a lot of these status updates, too. It is a shame I even had to create this hub to tell people something that should be common sense. Oh well. I guess this is how things are now.

Tammy - It is really amazing the things you see on Facebook. Even if you are trying to keep something secret, your friend might post something on your page and let the cat out the bag. I am experiencing that now! Grrr!

PDXKaraokeGuy - Thanks so much! Yes, too many kids and cats updates. I don't bore people with my constant hamster updates!

BuyaBiz - Hahaha... yeah, it is probably best never to go on vacation. It is especially wrong to put it on Facebook.

Thanks everyone for the comments!

lambservant profile image

lambservant 4 years ago from Pacific Northwest

Whenever I need a good laugh, I go to you Jeannie. Last week my 14 year old granddaughter posted a nice photo of her and a girlfriend running and jumping into a pool. Somehow during the course of comments rolling in, some girl makes a derogatory remark about my granddaughter being to thin. A nice young man came to her defense and said she looks great, bet your jealous. It instantaneously exploded into the girl insulting my granddaughter with more and more comments, and the boy getting madder and madder and it got quite ugly. I finally butted in and quoted thumper "If you can't say anything nice, don't say it at all, with a follow up comment that I am the grandmother of the victim that posted the picture. It stopped. It happened again with another teen grandchild. It's so vile. The drinking and drug ones get to me too

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

That is exactly the type of conversation that annoys me on Facebook. Why do people feel the need to insult a person's photo like that? You are so right... if you can't say something nice, it shouldn't be said at all. I also don't understand why people suddenly have the nerve to say rude things on Facebook they would not say to someone's face. Thanks for the comment and good for you for putting an end to that conversation on Facebook.

logoquiz profile image

logoquiz 4 years ago from London

Enjoyable hub, and so true! Sometimes people just post too much information that the world does't need to know!

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    Jeannie InABottle (Jeannieinabottle)1,161 Followers
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    Jeannie has been writing for HubPages for over 5 years. She covers a wide variety of topics - anything from hamsters to office work.

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