Joined 8 years ago from North Richland Hills
I am a novice writer of about 3 years that used to despise literature and English (a very good chance you will see that in my writing errors). For 18 years I was heavily involved in a deconstructionist movement.
Eventually the movement I co-started became structured around Anti-Christian and anti-Judaic literature, meetings and education. Leading a double life as a corporate executive and a co-founder of a growing "order" my ability to persuade people was becoming evident. As my pride grew so did my influence and I never really saw any "error of my ways." I expect that is human nature is to look at our talents, goal achievements, and persuasiveness and become blind to our own subjections, especially when you’re leading a subjective philosophy.
Thankfully I have always been blessed with a great need to take personal inventory and open to approach. I married an autonomist Christian and spirituality was discussed only during debates and often derogatory on my part. I think I always thought of her as a closet agnostic because of her behavior, as it reinforced my beliefs initially but after 8 years the relationship brought out something in me.
With all the followers, admirers, movement growth I continually felt like I was part of sabotage - being cared for and caring for people in a way that destructive. I was discussing "God" in any form, with a close friend. I asked him what % chance do you think there is a "God". His response was 60%. I replied 3%. My follow-up question was very interesting as it changed something in me. I asked what % chance do you believe there is a "supernatural force, that is becoming predictable, whose very nature is out to destroy you?" He replied 90%+. I replied 90-95%.
Wow, by my very own admission I believed in the very essence of what I studied; that there was almost no likelihood of a "good creator" but through observation believed there was almost certainly a "Devil"!
I studied myself for weeks and saw my empire was "dirt", I loathed being told how smart I was, how great I was, how much people were infatuated with me. Something inside of me was just discussed that I could "create" philosophical heresy and just because I was selling it, people bought it.
After about a month I told my wife to lead me in a "beta testing" of Christ. I went through the "saving" and was instructed to pray when I asked my wife’s advice. Sometimes my prayers would be so short and almost sarcastic but somehow I meant every word spoken, even in my extreme doubt.
Divinity is a word I used so sparingly for 20 years as a pseudo cult leader, I began to see the faithfulness and promises of this "Christ" character, and it was SPOT ON. Time after time when I followed these "instructions" in relationship with this "Christ", learning and humbling me the very things that were promised in the word was given. Many times I choose my own path instead of listening to that still, quite whisper that lead me and every time it ended where I had always been, deception and ruin.
Christians are so passionate about sharing because it is an absolute, proven and scary to have a spirit guide you in a fallen world. We Christians are the worst ministers and I will not minister with the inverted techniques I have seen all my life.
That "enemy" is perfectly OK right where almost every Christian is, deceived.
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