Leo 3

Don’t act all surprised. Of course, I have an iPad; doesn't just about every house cat in America by now? (We're not like dogs, y'know, who've never moved beyond peeing on a keyboard now and then, or gnawing on a USB cable!)

And, by the way, don't act all surprised at the fully formed thought balloon above my head, either! You always knew — or at least had a very strong suspicion — that we house cats are fully rational creatures, capable of varied and nuanced thought processes. (Unlike Fido, whose sole thought balloon most likely reads 'Eat! Poop! Bark! Sniff! Eat! Poop! Bark!, etc.')

After all, I’m cool and calculating and very with it, dontcha know. I had you figured out long ago. Isn't that evident? I mean, like — think about it — which one of us lies around with gorged stomach in sunbeams all day without a care in the world, and which one of us is always sweating the vet bills, and changing the litter, and flicking half-eaten dead rodents off the back deck into the flower bed, and mending the drapes, and trying to figure out what heals feline facial scratches by the Monday morning staff meeting?

I’ve had that slick gizmo for weeks! (Can't wait to get hold of the newest iOS upgrade!) It was no big deal figuring out your password — my name, in fact, LOL! — and I had no problems ordering online. There’s no mouse anywhere I can’t handle, and the same goes for any touch screen, too. You probably still haven’t noticed that your credit card has been missing from your wallet, have you? Honestly: some times I wonder why I even hang out with someone as lame as you!

(Oh yeah. Now I remember . . . free room and board and catnip and those shiny tassels on the ends of sticks, no work, and someone to psyche out on a regular basis . . . I guess it doesn’t get much better than this.)

Remember: whatever man can do, this cat can do . . . and I think I'm going to Kathmandu!