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10 Reasons Your Dog Thinks You Are Crazy

Updated on June 5, 2015
Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannie has been writing for HubPages for over 7 years. She covers a wide variety of topics—anything from hamsters to office work.


You Are Nuts

Your dog might just think you are insane. Who knows? Maybe he has a point. Have you ever caught your dog watching you from a distance and he is confused about your actions? Yep, he thinks you are nuts.

You see, dogs just don't understand things the way we do. He thinks the magic food fairy brings his food on a regular basis and that dog treats fall from the sky. It must be nice to be a dog! Most of all, some of the stuff we humans do just don't make sense to a puppy. Your dog (even though he loves you unconditionally) thinks you are a total nut.

1. You Vacuum the Floors

All day long, your dog is working hard to roll around on the floor and share as much fur as possible. He is just so generous. How do you repay him for all his gifts? You just take out this loud, obnoxious machine and run it across the floor for a while. Much to your puppy's dismay, all that fur is now gone. Looks like he is going to have to start all over again! Don't worry, you can thank him later.

2. Drink from One Dish, Play in the Other

Your poor dog is so confused. It is summer time, so he is happy to frolic around outdoors. Naturally it is thoughtful of you to give him a nice dish of cold water so he can stay hydrated. But what about that giant, blue dish in the middle of the yard?

Why is it that dish has a different name? A pool... what's a pool? Why on earth are you trying to make Fido get into the pool? Good grief, the humans are even putting their feet in it! What is a poor dog to do? It is just not cool when people and animals get into what is obviously a giant drinking dish in the middle of the yard.

A kiddie pool or giant dog drinking bowl?


3. The Bathroom Situation

For your dog's entire life, he has been trained to use the potty outside. That seems like a great idea, but what a double standard.

Do you think Spot doesn't know what you are doing in the bathroom? He is completely disgusted by your lack of good manners. Using the bathroom in the house? Humans are so despicable and crazy! He can't understand why you don't just find a nice tree.


4. Dog Outfits

Silly human, clothing is for people! After all, you are walking around looking all hairless and gross according to your dog. He loves you anyway, but he knows he looks best with a nice coat of fur. So why are you making him wear an outfit? He doesn't need a scarf, or a sweater, or a shark Halloween costume. He already looks good... no need to be jealous.

5. Phone Conversations

Time and time again, Sparky sees you talking into some small object at your ear. He is certain you are completely nuts. He never sees another person, yet he suspects you are not talking to him.

If you must be so crazy around your dog, he would prefer you keep the conversation at a minimum. After all, he does not want to hear about your problems at work. He would, however, be perfectly happy to accept a treat or two. If you give him enough, he won't even hold the whole talking to yourself thing against you.


6. Treats

While we are on the topic of treats, what is up with this whole "no chocolate" rule? Your dog sees you eating chocolate all the time, but yet he can't have any. Fido is pretty much feed up with the double standard, too.

Haven't you ever heard it is rude to eat in front of someone else unless you have enough to share? The same goes for puppies, If chocolate is so bad for dogs, then maybe human companions should not be allowed to have it either. Fair is fair.

7. You Leave Too Much

Rover has tried to figure this out for as long as he has been living with you, but he still can't imagine why you are crazy enough to leave the house. After all, there is what seems to be an endless supply of food and treats in the kitchen. Who would ever leave such luxury?

Your dog also has no idea why you would go to places you seem to hate so much. Why bother going to this place called "work" or a place called "school" when it makes humans seem so sad? Why not just hang out at home with your dog?

Why are you leaving again, human?


8. The Veterinarian

As far as your dog is concerned, the Veterinarian is the most insane human he knows. What makes it worse is you think it is a good idea to take him there. Bad human! Did you know the vet sticks needles into your dog? Yes, that really happens! Sometimes your dog is even forced to have surgery, take medicine, or wear one of those ridiculous cones around his neck. What a terrible and insane idea! You must be crazy to make your pup suffer like that!

9. Trash

In every home, there is at least one of the wonderful things called a trash can. The trash can is full of trash, which as far as your dog can tell, is an amazing variety of exciting items. There can be old food in a trash can. There could be some old clothes that smells just like humans. Perhaps there are napkins with food scraps. The possibilities are endless!

Fluffy just don't understand why rummaging through the trash is discouraged. He likes going on adventures. Humans must be crazy to have so much fun sitting in their houses and they don't bother discovering it.

10. Fireworks

Humans must be mad! They go outside, set fire to things, listen to loud booms, and cheer when the sparks fly. Don't they understand how scary fireworks are to a puppy? Your dog thinks you are totally insane when you participate in such activities. Your dog knows when something is too scary. How come pet owners don't realize they are in danger?

Dogs love humans, but they also accept that people are crazy. It is a good thing dogs are so forgiving and tolerate a lot of insanity. Where would humans be without the unconditional love of dogs?

Copyright ©2014 Jeannieinabottle


Submit a Comment

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image

    Jeannie InABottle 2 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thanks so much. I am happy I could make you laugh today.

  • drbj profile image

    drbj and sherry 2 years ago from south Florida

    You did a great job, Jeannie, getting into the mindset of a pet dog. Thanks for the insights and the laughs, m'dear.

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image

    Jeannie InABottle 3 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    I can't help but think my dog eagerly waits for me to vacuum just so he can roll around on a clean rug. I can only sigh at this point.

  • annanee profile image

    annanee 3 years ago from USA

    My dog would love you for this article! Especially the part with the fur and vacuum cleaner, haha.

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image

    Jeannie InABottle 3 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Glimmer Twin Fan, I am happy to help. Thanks for checking out my hub!

  • Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

    Claudia Mitchell 3 years ago

    I often wonder what my dogs are thinking. Now I know ;-). Fun hub.

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image

    Jeannie InABottle 3 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    I am glad you liked it, thanks!

  • misty103 profile image

    misty103 3 years ago

    Made me laugh, Thanks!

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image

    Jeannie InABottle 3 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thanks, everyone! I am glad so many people agree with me... I mean, dogs. I guess these thoughts can apply to just about any animal though. I know I thought my hamsters always felt I was insane, too. Thanks for the comments!

  • bravewarrior profile image

    Shauna L Bowling 3 years ago from Central Florida

    Jeannie, this is probably exactly what dogs think of humans. Love the phone thing. I wonder what they think when we really do talk to ourselves? Well, at least then we can pretend we're talking to them so we don't seem totally insane!

  • randomcreative profile image

    Rose Clearfield 3 years ago from Milwaukee, Wisconsin

    So true! Many of these points apply to cats as well.

  • profile image

    sheilamyers 3 years ago

    ROFL! People who don't have pets will think I'm nuts, but I have seen dogs roll their eyes at the silly things we humans do. I can almost hear them saying the things they're thinking.

  • Eiddwen profile image

    Eiddwen 3 years ago from Wales

    I loved this great read; original,heartwarming and fun. Here's wishing you a great day .


  • Thelma Alberts profile image

    Thelma Alberts 3 years ago from Germany

    Very funny! We are really crazy for the dogs. If we would love them, why are they not allowed those things while humans are? Thanks for your dogs point of view. I enjoyed reading this.

  • fpherj48 profile image

    Paula 3 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Jeannie.......aHA! Proof positive that you were a dog in your former life....How else could you have such an accurate inside scoop! Funny, funny, always!..Up+++

  • billybuc profile image

    Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

    You kill me, Jeannie! I just love your sense of humor. We have three dogs, and we give them ample reason to believe we are nuts. LOL

  • FlourishAnyway profile image

    FlourishAnyway 3 years ago from USA

    This is cute. You seem to have the inside scoop on what they really think.

  • Nell Rose profile image

    Nell Rose 3 years ago from England

    Well when you put it like that....LOL! I never thought of it, but yep dogs must think we are totally nuts! funny stuff!

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image

    Jeannie InABottle 3 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thanks, Jodah. Our dog has been giving me and my fiancé confused stares all day since we are trying to clean the house. I am sure he is thinking some of this stuff!

    JayeWisdom, thanks for the advice and thanks for the votes & sharing. I will look into getting that CD for him. Lately, we've been leaving the TV on HGTV for our dog. He likes the endless chatter about buying new homes and home improvement. ;-) They tend to get too feisty on news channels. He doesn't need all that drama.

    Thank you, DrMark1961 for the votes and comment. I am glad you liked the photos. Data (the dog in the pictures) does not even realize he is a celebrity. :-)

  • DrMark1961 profile image

    Dr Mark 3 years ago from The Atlantic Rain Forest, Brazil

    Love your pictures. I imagine him with a Homer Simpson voice "Hmm, big blue water dish."

    My dogs think I am crazy too--and they are probably right. How dare I leave them alone in the mornings and come home smelling like strange dogs?

    Thanks, I really enjoyed this. Voted up and funny.

  • JayeWisdom profile image

    Jaye Denman 3 years ago from Deep South, USA

    This was such fun to read! Yes, our dogs do tolerate a lot of (to them) senseless behavior from humans. That they continue to love us unconditionally is miraculous and appreciated.

    I can't recall the statistic, but I read the results of a survey about people and their dogs. A very large percentage of people called their homes when away from the house so the dog(s) could hear them talking on the answering machine. Of course, that doesn't work with built-in voice mail. I must confess, however, that I've put the phone on speaker at loud volume so my dog could hear family members and friends she adores tell her 'Hi" and "I love you." (So...we're all a bit crazy?)

    When I have to leave my dog alone (which I do as little as possible now that she's blind), I play a soothing CD, "Through a Dog's Ear" while I'm gone. I recommend it highly, not only for dogs who are home alone, but on days like July 4th when the entire neighborhood goes berserk with noisy fireworks. It even soothes me during firecracker sessions.

    Voted Up+++ and shared so others can smile.


  • Jodah profile image

    John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

    Very funny, but probably true account of what a dog thinks. Voted up.


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