Texting and Driving: Back to work
Anxiety is ....
I need to go back to work on Monday. I am not sure if I can. I actually went to work last Monday, only to come back home. I thought I was alright right after the accident and then I felt the tension in my neck and back. I was diagnosed with a concussion and whiplash.
I thought I was doing fine until I actually tried to walk. As I stood up, my field of vision narrowed to a tiny sliver. The other parts of my vision were filled with lights and colors, kind of what I would imagine an LSD trip to look like. With all of this going on, I decided I would try to work.
I teach language arts in high school. It's extremely rewarding but it taxes the mind and the body. I walk around my classroom for seven periods. I don't have a prep period. I also coach basketball (academic coach), am the advisor for my school paper and tutor students after school.
I am not an anxious person, but the first emotion I experienced upon walking on campus, I teach, was fear. That was followed by nausea and fatigue. I went to a meeting and could barely collect my thoughts. I found my way to a Vice Principal's office and sat in the corner and cried until I could settle myself enough to drive home. My head was muddled and the burning sensation in my leg started to worry me.
Someone asked me to describe the burning sensation I feel. Imagine someone took and placed a piece of hot metal in the center of your back and ran it down your leg an up into your upper back and left arm. Now imagine that HOT metal is connected to electric currents that shoot through the left side of your body at varying levels of pain.
In my leg, it feels like a pulled hamstring, but none of the usual remedies work. In fact, it is my sciatic nerve telling my brain that my leg has pain when there is none. It cannot even be described as pain, it's more like that annoying heart burn sensation you get after a huge meal. It is constant and does not really end. It hurts when I'm still and when I move too much.
All of my sick leave is used up. Any time I take off now, is disability leave, and I have to pay $125 a day for my substitute. I went to work on Friday to try and get my students to work on the projects I had assigned, but I realized it was not their fault. The anxiety came back, but not as strong. We try it again on Monday.
This is difficult. My body seems to want to betray me at times. My thoughts are jumbled and I am really sensitive to light. I cannot afford to be off work longer, though.