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Joe The Internet Millionaire Needs Your Help

Updated on July 2, 2010

Please Stand By for an Important Message

Thank you for standing by: Joe The Internet Millionaire Needs Your Help. As you know, Joe discovered a way to Make Millions of Dollars on the Internet, lost his fortune in an unfortunate chinchilla accident, and recovered to earn yet another fortune working online in as little as one hour a day.  Joe The Internet Millionaire sorely needs your assistance. Please read on to learn how you can help him and help yourself at the same time.

Joe Introduces Himself

Hello. It's Joe. We haven't talked for a long time. I've been extremely busy with my Internet Fortune and my reality TV series. The series hasn't actually been picked up by a network yet, but we expect "The Internet Millionaire" channel to be launched on Cable TV any day now. Stay tuned to the Channel Channel for more information.

Why am I writing to you?

I am writing to you today because I need your help. Strange and powerful forces are arrayed against me.

What are these strange and powerful forces?

These powerful and strange forces seek to commandeer my business and absorb all my money. For many years they have studied me; I've been painfully unaware of their existence until recently.


I don't know how they found me. I keep a low profile because Making Money On The Internet In Only Hours A Day is hard work and I don't have time to get out very much. I spend most of my time out by the pool studying SEO algorithms and TV Guide.


What they want is everything. They want to know the names of everyone who I ever did business with. They want to know how much money I made even before I started my Internet Riches business. They want all the money out of my bank accounts, even the ones in the Caymans. I think they can do it, too.


I need your help. I've never asked you for anything. I've always been there for you when you needed to Make Money Online. I've provided you with books, tapes, manuals, books on tape, index cards, flyers, forums, wikis, blogs, and everything else you could ever need to Generate Incredible Wealth Using The Internet While Sleeping.

Now you can help me back. These people are demanding to know who I've worked with. They want names, addresses, and other special information that I don't have any more. Please send me copies of the Huge Checks that you have made while using my Internet Wealth System. And also the bank deposit receipts.

What Will Joe The Internet Millionaire Do With Your Checks?

I understand your hesitation. You hesitated when I promised to make you an Online Billionaire. You were unsure when I revealed to you the secret of Astounding Internet Wealth.

Please stop being so wishy washy.

I need you to be strong! Just like the US Congress, I need you to trust me with your fortune, your children's fortune, and your TV Guide subscription.

I only need this information from you so I can get these people to leave me alone. You do want me to be left alone, don't you? Only in complete solitude can I build my next Big Internet Wealth Building System. If these people don't leave me alone, I'll have to stop blogging, tweeting, wiki-ing, and working on my tan. They keep hinting that I may end up in jail.

I'm far too rich to go to jail.

I think going to jail would prevent me from doing a guest appearance on Regis and Kelly, although it might help me get a talk show on CNN.

These people actually want the money in which I bathe.
These people actually want the money in which I bathe.


Please help me. I don't want these people to come after you, too.


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    • profile image

      Tony the writer 7 years ago

      Just drop "The Internet Millionair" from your name. Become plain old Joe, that should do it. There are millions of people called Joe, they will never find you.

      From, Tony the "English internet millionair" (sorry I meant "Tony".

    • LeanMan profile image

      Tony 7 years ago from At the Gemba

      How is the hospital you are being kept in Joe??

    • The Old Firm profile image

      The Old Firm 7 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

      I AM SORRY JOE, you have double the devils number of followers, you have a Hub rating of 100, and you've found how to make money from these two fortunate attributes.


      If I knew how to make a wooden cross with a keyboard I would do so, and drive it through your barbecue grill.

      In the mean time, until I find how to return you to your sulphurous Hell; hey Joe, you got gum?

    • dabeaner profile image

      dabeaner 7 years ago from Nibiru

      Sorry Joe, I had to make a deal with the IRS, DEA, Heimland Security, and Oprah to rat you out to save my own skin.

    • profile image

      sord87 7 years ago

      I am ready to help him out!

    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 7 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @drbj: Joe has someone to do that for him.

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      nicomp - tell Joe to replace the old aluminum hat he's wearing with a new one. The old one lost its power and that's why he thinks strange and powerful forces are after him.

    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 7 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @sheila b. : Even Joe can't afford that!

    • sheila b. profile image

      sheila b. 7 years ago

      Nicomp, the IRS will leave you alone if you buy health insurance.

    • Tom Whitworth profile image

      Tom Whitworth 7 years ago from Moundsville, WV


      Get in touch with President Obama haven't you heard it's stimulus summer?

    • johnsams profile image

      johnsams 7 years ago

      hahah.. really interesting!